It is been a few days since our visit to the police station, and I can't say it has been a fun few days. I have just been cooped up in the house, scared to go out, I had to call in sick to work, because of my fear, and two I didn't want people's eyes on me, they wonder how I got my bruises.
I was all home alone because mum had to go back to work, yeah she took some days off to stay with me to make sure I was doing alright but today she had to go back because they were threatening to sack her.
So now am left all alone in the silence of my thoughts and they were stuffing. I was tired of the silence, tired of my thoughts always going back to the incidence, tired of it wishing that I had done things differently, so in other to silence my thoughts I decided to watch some TV.
I was lying down on the couch, since I got bored staying up in my room, I just stretched my hand toward the remote lying on the center table and flicked on the TV.
The news showing airing on the TV had me sitting up straight in shock and rage, rage at the unfairness of this world. Here I am wallowing in agony and pain and the bastard that put me in this condition is busy making up with his so-called wife, a wife he assured me that he was through with.
As I watched him smiling at the camera, with his wife smiling beside, looking like the perfect happy couple, the rage inside me grew to a raging monster, I wanted to hurt something, the hot angry tears pouring down my face aggravated me the more, I didn't feel that this bastard deserved my tears but I couldn't help crying, because I was absolutely played for a fool.
Unable to stand watching the couple, " I hope when your ass is arrested you will rot in jail!" I screamed in rage at the TV, hurling the remote at it, luckily it didn't hit the screen but the shattering sound of the remote was pretty satisfying, but it didn't help the boiling rage filling my heart and watching his face full of smiles as he posed and smiled to the camera while my life is left in the darkness because of him made me want to really hurl something to his face.
I shut down the TV and stumped my way to the room, my body still vibrating from my anger, and flung myself on my bed not caring how messy it was.
I can't believe I allowed myself to be deceived I bemoaned myself, wishing I had listened to my mum when she said to be careful, but how could I have known the bastard was capable of this, I thought as more bitter tears ran down my face drenching my pillows.
I cried until I fell asleep.
The shaking on my shoulders woke me up from my restless dreams. My dreams were filled with the smug face of that bastard as he smiled at me telling me I can't touch him. What a nightmare.
I looked to see the worried face of my mum as she peered down at me.
"Mum you are back, " I croaked out, my voice hoarse from all the cry I did today and my eyes feel swollen, dry, and achy.
"Baby how are you feeling?" she asked softly sitting beside me.
"Not good MA, " I cried, placing my head on her lap as another round of tears welled up in my eyes, I held it back not willing to let them fall. Am all tired out from these tears and beginning to hate how easily the tears duct opens.
Never been the crying type, the emotional vulnerability was getting on my nerves and pissing me off.
"What happened my darling?" she asked stroking my hair lightly with her fingers.
You mean besides the obvious I wanted to snap, but there was no point taking out my anger on my mum.
I allowed the sooting stroke of her fingers to calm me down, drawing comfort from the love and care she showers on me.
"I saw Daryl on TV today" I whispered in answer to her question. My tone filled with pain and the rage that I was barely concealing as the images of what I saw this afternoon played through my mind.
The sharp intake of breath and tightening of her grip on my hair as I mentioned Daryl's name, let me know I wasn't the only one affected by the mention of his name.
I winced from the mild pain, gently tapping her hand to get to loosen her grip.
"Am sorry baby" she apologized softly, releasing the painful grip. "What was the news all about?" she asked calmly looking down tenderly at me as I turned to face up.
"He is getting back to his wife, "I spat out unable to help the pain that pierced my heart as I said those words.
The knowledge that Daryl was getting back with his wife was like a nail to all his deceits, making me believe that everything about our encounter was all a lie, a lie perpetuated to get me in bed, and when I resisted he took what he wanted by force.
" You can say it, Mum, " I murmured, looking away in shame.
"Say what? sweetheart" she asked a little confused.
"That you told me so" I whispered lowly, but she heard me.
"I won't be that cruel........."
"But you will be a right mum" I shouted sitting up, "you warned me!, you told me to be careful, but I didn't listen" I finished in a whisper before bursting into tears again.
She pulled into her arms, placing my head on her shoulder, running her hand all over my back she began, "Darling is not a matter of if I am right or if you had listened, her tone was soft and tender as her hand continued is calming movement over my back, "the fact is that no one should go through what you did and is a good thing we have reported the matter to the authorities, we just have to wait for the law to catch up with him, he will get what's due him" she finished, patting my back in comfort.
I just nodded unable to say anything, but my heart was filled with bitterness at the unfairness of the situation.
"Why don't I prepare something for us to eat" mum stated, while looking down on me, her eyes radiating love and compassion.
"Am not hungry" I mumbled, my tone flat, I lifted my head from her lap to lie on the bed with my back to her, wishing to be left alone now.
"But darling you have barely eaten anything since these few days, you have to keep your strength" she spoke, her tone filled with worry.
"I said am not hungry!" I snapped out her, the sharp intake of breath behind me made me feel bad, I know she is trying to help but I didn't need her nagging me about food.
I felt her stare for a few seconds in silence willing me to change my mind but my back remained turned. She patted my shoulder before her weight left the bed, "I will make something and keep in the oven, in case you change your mind, " she said softly making her way out.
I didn't mean to take out my frustration on mum but I wasn't feeling hungry and she bugging me about food was irritating me, and this past few days my emotions have not been my own If am not crying am having a burst of rage.
When will it all end, when will all these pain and rage leave because am tired of feeling this way I thought punching my pillow hard in frustration?
A few minutes later I decided to go down and apologize to mum, I felt really bad for snapping at her, something I have never done, no matter how angry I am.
"Am sorry mum" I apologized, leaning against the kitchen door, with my gaze downcast.
The spoon she was using to stair the pot faltered at the sudden sound of my voice.
She looked up at me her eyes filled with love and worry for me, no trace of annoyance or aggravation at me for the way I acted earlier on, "my darling you have nothing to be sorry about, am the one who should be sorry, I shouldn't have been badgering you about your meals but Evie you still have to eat something but I promise no more bugging you about it. The food will always be here whenever you want, you can eat it, " she finished with a small smile in my direction.
I nodded my head, feeling a little better knowing she wasn't mad at me. I made my way further into the kitchen, taking one of the seats surrounding our small kitchen table.
I sat and watched her cook in silence, which felt weird because whenever we make meals together or am keeping her company in the kitchen, it's always filled with our voices as we chatted and laughed with each other. It's always my favorite time because I get to tell her anything.
When she was done with the food I forced myself to eat a little and when I dropped my spoon after taking few bites she looked to say something but decided against it as she went back to her food.
"I will be in my room" I mumbled in a listless voice, excusing myself.
A few days later after my bruises have healed, leaving faint scars on my skin, though not visible, I decided to go back to work.
Being cooped up in the house alone with my thoughts was driving me crazy and I was getting more depressed as the days went by.
I needed something to distract me and work will definitely do that for me.
The next Monday I decided to go in. Standing at the spot where I first met Daryl, I started to hyperventilate, I bent down to my waist trying to take in deep breaths but there was no air, and I started to panic, I am going to die I thought, my eyes opened wide in alarm as my breath came in the fast shallow pattern.
"Take deep breaths" I instructed a cool calm voice, I tried to follow the instructions but it was difficult, as I continued to paint, my panic growing.
"Look at me!" the voice commanded.
I looked up to meet the ich hazel gaze of my boss. Meeting her cold gaze jolted me a little but I focused on her and tried to take in deep slow breath while she encouraged me.
When I got myself I looked at her gratefully, thank you ma I whispered softly.
Just helping was her curt reply as she strengthened to her full height.
"Do you usually have panic attacks?" she enquired with mild curiosity.
"No ma, " I mumbled softly while staring at my feet, feeling helpless at my weakness.
This was a new development like every other thing that has been cropping up since my attack, I couldn't help thinking in my mind.
She looked as if she was going to ask more questions but rather she turned to the gathered crowd who were watching as if I was performing a freak show, "don't you have work to do!" she barked at them dispersing them, as they all hurried towards the door.
I stood up, my legs feeling shaky as I staggered almost losing my balance, if not for Elena's strong grip on my hand steadying me.
I took in deep breaths to compose myself before looking at my boss, you can let go now MA I said softly.
She gave me an assessing look before releasing me, "are you up for work today, because I think you should go home until you feel better, " she spoke in a clear tone with a little bit of worry in her eyes.
Her words sent shots of fear through me, I didn't want to be home anymore, I needed distraction from the despairing thought stifling the life out of me, and being here will give me that.
"No ma I will be fine" I assured her with a determined look.
"Suit yourself," she said walking towards the complex, she paused just at the door, "just know that if I noticed anything off, I will send you home whether you want it or not, " she said, her tone brokering no argument.
"Yes, ma" I answered meekly following her into work.
The day crept on slowly but work has been a good distraction as I followed Elena around in all her errands.
It was noon when we made it back to the office we were just entering the complex when the TV up in the wall at the lobby flashed the news that had me freezing up.