To Be Loved

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Back to hell

At some point in life, everyone realizes that in reality, you are alone. Sure you may live in a world filled with people and even at one point feel suffocated, but in reality, how many people will be there for you in desperate times? And it was at that moment , when the monsters of my life stood in front of me with matching grins that I realized that I was in fact , alone.

" There you are honey! We have been so worried looking for you! How could you just take off on a trip like that with Henry without letting anyone know?!" my uncle said with a gleeful face.

I stood there like a statue. The little ray of hope that had managed to shine through the abyss of darkness that is my life had been destroyed , paving way for more agony.

Ryan turned to my uncle and said with a smile,

"Its okay now Mr Roberts. At least I found my little bug before she ran into more trouble. You know honey, you really should try to stay out of more trouble" He said the last part looking at me, giving me a dark look.

" Yes that is true. I must admit she has always been a bit of of a trouble maker...."

My Uncle and Ryan continued talking about how I was a 'bit of a trouble maker' as i stood there,tears threatening to break out at any moment. I was brought out of my daze of despair when I felt a painfully tight grip on my wrist. Ryan had grabbed my hand as he said,

" Come on now honey, lets get you home."

" B-But Henry..."

" Oh don'r worry about Henry dear , I'll take care of him. How could he think of taking a man's wife with him without asking first? I don't know what to do with that boy..." My uncle said.

Ryan dragged me out of the hotel and into the car , leaving my uncle there to wait for Henry

I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger Henry.....

Once he had thrown me into his car , Ryan started driving without a word. I could feel the anger radiating of him as I sat beside him. It surrounded us like a tangible force , its strong grip suffocating me. I feared for what lay ahead of me making my breath come out in short pants. Sweat coated my palms and my heart felt like it would burst out of my chest any moment.

I decided the best thing I could do at the moment was apologize and started saying,

"S-Sir I-I'm really sorr-"

I was cut off by his harsh whisper,


His voice had turned deep and gruff to the point where I couldn't recognize it and I could see a vein pounding at his temple. His face had turned red and if looks could kill I would be six feet under by now.

I turned my head away and stared out of the window , watching as the sights flew by.

I wished my painful memories too vanished like that, gone like a fleeting vision...

The rest of the journey passed in silence...although the tension remained in the car like an unwanted visitor. Something must have broken within me because the second Ryan parked our car at home I jumped out of the car and started running as one last ditch effort to escape.

I shouldn't have hoped too much because before I even passed the gates, Ryan had caught up to me and pinned me to the ground. He threw me over his shoulder as I hit and pounded on his back to let me go. He was unaffected by my actions and continued making his way back home. Once we reached the house he put me down and dragged me by my hair into his room. He threw me to the ground and locked the door before I had a chance to make a run for it. As a lay there on the floor he went into his closet and soon came out with one of his ties. He turned to me, his emotionless mask firmly in place and grabbed my hands without a word. I continued struggling against him as he tied my hands to his bedpost but it was useless.

He grabbed my chin in a vicious grip and turned my face towards his. His nose was inches away from mine as he said in a mocking voice,

" You didn't really think you could escape did you?"

Sadly...I dared to hope...

Hope really is something that has always confused me. A few hours ago the hope that I might be able to escape had sent me a new rush of courage and exhilaration. That hope had become my beacon of light and made me brave enough to face my fears. At that moment hope becomes a cause for happiness. For example, of someone just gets diagnosed with cancer, the the hope that he would get better is what gives them motivation to try and get better. It gives you the courage to move forward.

But then suddenly reality comes crashing down and the same hope that had made you brave becomes your greatest regret. If only I hadn't hoped to escape, I wouldn't be feeling this despair right now. The same hope that had made me joyful for once had become the cause of my destruction.

I stayed silent as Ryan tightened his grip on my face. When he saw that I was not responding he loosened his grip and said,

" Well then, lets try and make you sing shall we.."

That sentence hung around my neck like a noose , tightening with each second as he went into his closet. I heard him shuffling around and he soon emerged with his belt in his hand. I felt a shiver go down my spine at its sight and i started saying,

"No No No.....Please No...."

Ryan just gave me a quick grin before coming and standing in front of me.

He started stroking my hair with his other hand and started talking to me in a soft voice,

" Why did you do that Dani? How could you try to leave me?..Didn't you say you loved me?"

The way he said the word loved made me go chilled to the bone. It reminded me how he had taken the love I had so freely given him and twisted it in such a despicable way. I knowingly gave him my heart ,for him to love and cherish... only for him to crush it with his hands. I willingly gave myself to him ,body and soul, only for him to tear me apart.. piece by piece. He had shattered me like a glass vase... the broken pieces of my heart piercing through the skin of anyone who tries to help me.

He had destroyed me for everyone....No one could help me anymore... I had become like a thorn on a flower, hurting even the people who tried to admire me.

I chose to remain silent and seeing that he gave a loud sigh before once again beginning to speak,

" You know my dear Dani.. I really don't have anything against you personally...Its your father I'm not happy with..." He continued to stroke my hair as he said this . father's dead...what is he talking about?....

" You see... 15 years ago I had a father... but he was not the man I call Dad now. Did you know that my present parents had adopted me when I was 10? You didn't? That's okay.. you do now."

Ryan was adopted?!!?

" So where was I .... Ah yes.. the Adams had adopted me. Do you know why they had to adopt me in the first place? Because my parents were dead. And you know... I remember exactly how they had died. Every detail of how one Mr James Roberts came to our house and shot every single member of my family in the head."


" And what better form of revenge than breaking his sweet innocent little girl... Daddy wouldn't like that would he? "

He doesn't know... He doesn't know that I am not his daughter! That I have been going through hell for most of my life!! He doesn't know anything!!....

I tried to talk to him and said

"S-Sir you don't-"

Suddenly the hand that had been stroking my head all this time came down on my cheek in the form of a vicious slap. My head flew in the opposite direction and he said

" If you make another sound you are not leaving this room with your tongue in your mouth."

The tears that had been trying to escape all this time had started to flow freely by now making my vision blurred.

" So now you know why I'm doing this. Now lets make you sing shall we?" he said with a smile as I felt the first blow of his belt hitting my body . As he continued his assault on my body I tried to hold in my screams letting the occasional whimpers escape.

By the time he was done with the 10th blow he sighed and said,

"This won't do" he went back into the closet saying this and came out with another belt. This one had long spikes on the buckle part and the sight of it made me tremble in fear.

"Lets try this again shall we..." and with that he started raining me with blows.

The spikes on the end of the belt pierced through my skin like a knife through butter. I felt as the first drops of blood started oozing through my broken skin as the belt cut me open. My screams of agony tore through the silent night like the howling of a wounded wolf. Pain like I had never felt before washed over me as he continued lashing out at me. Tears that had escaped the confines of my eyes scorched as they they made a path down my cheeks displaying my hurt for the world to see.

It's not my fault....

I wanted to scream this in his face but the only sounds escaping my mouth was screams of agony. I lost all sense of time and place as he continued his assault and don't even remember when exactly I passed out. I was brought out of my small relief by the stinging coldness of the water he poured on me. Once he had made sure that I was conscious he let go of the belt and used his feet to kick me to a pulp.








Once again I had reached a point where I could no longer feel what was happening around me. Then all of a sudden I felt everything stop. I started to think I had passed out again but realized that was not the case when I heard the doorbell ring. Ryan quickly dragged my broken body into the closet and locked me in there. HE was gone for a few minutes although it felt like hours as I lay there in agony. A few moments later I heard footsteps approaching the room followed by a very familiar voice saying,

" But Ryan baby...."


I was confused for a second as to what exactly was happening outside but that was clear as soon as I heard the rest of the conversation,

" Baby..why did you go back for her... I thought I was helping you by getting rid of her. We were finally going to be together once she was gone...I only told her where they had stopped because you asked me to tell you. I know you feel this connection we have.."

It doesn't take a genius to realize who the 'she' they were talking about was.

"Of course baby..."

"Oh Ryan..."

Theresa. The one person who I thought genuinely cared about me.Turns out not even she was fake. But how could she do this to me? I told her everything. Everything that had happened to me and I thought she was genuinely sorry for me. She was supposed to be my savior but turned out to be another person to stab my already broken heart.

That night I didn't care about the physical pain. That was nothing compared to the emotional pain I was feeling. I lay there in agony as the the monster of my life made love to the person who was supposed to be my savior in the next room. I died inside as I heard their moans and soft noises as they spent the night on the theros of passion while I lay there in a ball of pain.

He knows...he knows I'm in the next room and he still did it...

He knew there was no greater hell for me.

He knows the pain he is causing me.

And that night was the night a piece of the old Dani died.

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