To Be Loved

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Rage

Ryan's pov

I drag Dani into my bedroom by her hair and throw her onto the floor. She tries to crawl away from me but I continue to move towards her. Her faint voice continues to whisper apologies but my mind is wrapped in rage and I ignore them , letting the overwhelming feeling of anger take over me.

I continue to ignore the tug of my consciousness and push the small feeling of guilt to the back of my mind. Looming over her crouched body I smirk at how her body is afraid of my presence even before I do anything. Seeing her body balled up into a defensive position with her hands in front of her, trying to prevent the blows she knows are coming towards her gives me a sick sense of satisfaction and I let that feeling wash over me. I try to forget the powerless feeling I had when I saw James kill my parents and enjoy the all powerful feeling I have right now when I'm taking my revenge.

I can see her body shivering in fear , her lips whispering apologies she doesn't even realize she's saying, her eyes closed tightly..like not seeing me might make me go away...her fists are clenched tightly, nails digging into her palms making them bleed. My every breath makes her shudder in fear and I enjoy it. I enjoy seeing her shake at the sight of me, at my mere presence. I enjoy her every broken whisper and every crushed dream.

I remember how she used to tell me her dreams and hopes when we were dating and how excited she was to get married and finally be able to achieve them. How her eyes lit up as she talked about how wonderful everything was going to be. And now? Her eyes are a mere reflection of those broken dreams and hope. They are like a window into her broken soul, filled with sadness and sorrow. Like she just wants everything to end for once and for all....

And I did that.

I'm not ashamed to say that either. Her father didn't care about my family or humanity or any such stupid concept before killing off my family. Then why should I? She deserves every bit of torture I'm inflicting...at least that's what I keep telling myself. She deserves it and she's going to get what she deserves.

"Get up." I say

" P-Please s-sir I'm sorry...plea-"

"SHUT UP AND GO STAND NEAR THE FUCKING BED!!" I yell and she hurries to get up and stand near the bed. I grab one of my ties and tie her hands to the bed post. She keeps trying to get the binds off her hands but harsh slap to her face fixes that . The tears are now falling from her eyes like a waterfall and she keeps wiping them with the sleeves of her shirt. For some reason that annoyed me and grabbed the hem of her shirt and tore it off her body. By now she looked like she was about to pass out from fear but I didn't care.

I grabbed the gift I had bought for her and held it behind my back before moving to stand in front of her. I smirk at the sight of her half naked body shivering in front of me and say,

"Hey honey....look at the gift I bought you!! don't you like it?!" with that I show her the new whip I had bought and she pales at the sight of it.

"Answer me!"

"Y-Yes sir...." she whispers.

" Good then you'll like this even more" I say and raise it to deliver the first hit. The sound of the whip cracking echoes through the room which is followed by her scream of anguish. I give a nod at that and continue letting out my frustration and soon see her body getting covered in blood. The whip had cut through her skin and was leaving large gashes wherever it met skin.

But I don't stop.

Her cries of pain do nothing but make me hit her harder. Suddenly she stumbles on her feet and falls to the ground. She starts screaming louder and her seem to be crying blood,

"PLEASE!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!PLEAASE PLEASE PLEASE I'M SORRYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

"AHHHHHH"

I wake up with a scream. My chest heaves with desperation and I stumble as I try to get off the bed. I clutch my ears in attempt to block out her screams which are still echoing in my ears and fall to my knees.My head touches the floor as I crouch on the floor clutching my ears .

Pain...I need pain....

I need to feel the same pain I inflicted on her. I need it...

I try to get up and open the door to my closet. The same whip I used on Dani lies there and I pick it up. I close my eyes and all I see is her body lying on the floor covered in blood. I raise my hand bring the whip down my back and feel the pain of the whip cutting into my flesh. I grit my teeth in pain but continue lashing at myself trying to atone my sins.

The blood from the cuts oozes down my back it doesn't seem enough to me. I continue until the whip breaks and it falls from my hand but it still isn't enough.

I need more pain...I deserve it....

I stumble to the kitchen and try to find the packet of salt. Tears flow down my face as I take a handful of it and rub it on my cuts. It hurts like hell but I'm still not satisfied...Nothing will ever be enough...

I hurt her...

I raped her...

I killed our baby...

Whatever I do it will never be enough to make up for what I did...

I fall to my knees on the kitchen floor and start to sob clutching my face. The wounds on my body continue as a constant reminder of my sins and my heart aches with pain that has become my constant companion.

I lay there on the floor, crying my heart out for hours and that's how my parent and Wyatt find me. I don't realize they have come in until I feel Wyatt's hand on my shoulder. I open my eyes and see my parents standing by the door with expressionless faces. The people standing in front of me are nothing like the warm and caring parents I had grown to know. For the first time since they adopted me I was seeing them with an expression other than love on their faces. Wyatt had told them of everything that had happened and this is the first time since then that they have visited me. A small smile blooms on my face as the hope that they might have forgiven me grows in my chest. But that soon fades as my dad starts talking.

"Get up and get dressed. This can't go on anymore. I gave you my company so that you manage it properly, not for you to sit at home and mope while my hard work goes to waste."

I frown at that and turn to my mom who is looking everywhere but at me. She isn't even willing to make eye contact with me and I am once again filled with pain. I turn back to dad and he seems to be waiting for a reply from me but I just shake my head. I can't do that. I can't take the company after what I did.I'm no better then James and I don't deserve have anything good in my life.

Dad gives a sigh and says,

"Very well, I'm going to come out of my retirement and take over the company in your stead. Get your head out of your ass and find my daughter in that time before I disown you. This moping around can't go on any longer." He turns around and walks away. Mom finally takes a look at me and I see her eyes fill with pain at the sight of my condition. But before I could say anything she turns around and walks away following dad and I am left alone with Wyatt.

His eyes are filled with sadness as he tries to get me to sit up. He helps me on to the sofa in the living room and goes back to the kitchen. He comes back with a wet washcloth and starts to wipe the blood off my body. He continues to do that for around ten minutes and then says ,

" Ryan...please..you have to stop this...you can't continue like this....I can't see you destroying yourself like this..."

I give him a sad smile and say,

"You know I deserve it....After everything I did..."

He gives a small sigh and say silent for a while before saying,

"You know ...James has been trying to take over our company...That's why your dad came to meet you..."

"WHAT??!!"

That bastard! Suddenly I remember everything that Tatiana had told me that day...how that rotten bastard abused my Dani ....even before she met me she was broken because of him..and now he has the audacity to try and screw with me??!!

The pain is soon forgotten as I think of how I', going to destroy him for messing with my life. I am going to finally get my revenge...for real this time...

I wont let that man ruin any more lives...I will do this for my Dani...

This might finally help me atone for my sins....It will be my apology to Dani...I will find her, and maybe this might make her forgive me...

James...you are on borrowed time....

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