To Be Loved

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"Get up you slut!!"

"Nooo!! I'm sorry!!"

I wake up with a gasp from my nightmare, my heart beating like crazy and my lungs feeling like they are about to burst. I'm gasping for air clutching my chest as I try to make sense of where I am. I was lying on an extremely uncomfortable couch, covered by a thin blanket. I turned my head around trying to figure out where I was and was met with the sight of moldy walls and ratty , mismatched furniture. It seemed like the whole apartment was one big room and I could see the kitchen from where I was lying. A single kettle was on the stove and the kitchen was empty other than the small fridge and a few random plates and cups. Next to my couch was a little table which was covered in weird white powder and random burn marks. An ashtray next to it contained a a mountain of cigarette ends. A few bottles of beer lay here and there on the floor and the whole apartment smelled like a shitty bar.

I had no idea where I was. The last thing I remember is blacking out in the alley after being chased by the security from the hospital. I had no clue what happened after that but I only hope I wasn't kidnapped by a serial killer.

I groaned as I was hit with a sudden wave of pain and nausea and lied back on the couch. Suddenly, a door I hadn't noticed before opened and a woman appeared from the other side. She seemed to be in her late twenties but looked like she was past forty. Her clothes could barely pass off as clothes as all they did not provide even a hint of modesty. She had brown hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in some time and her black eyes were like a pit of secrets. They seemed to be hiding a lot at the same time looked warm and inviting. She would have been beautiful if she had decided to take care of herself but she didn't seem to care.

"I see you're awake.." She says as she approaches me.

I don't reply, not trusting her in the least. She seemed like a nice person but there was something off about her.She gave me a bright smile and went to the kitchen and coming back with a glass of water and a sandwich. She placed them on the table nearby and plopped down on the other end of the couch. I slowly sat up, trying to keep the nausea at bay.

Once I had sat up she took the glass of water and handed it over to me. I was hesitant at first but my thirst overtook my doubts and I gave in and took the glass. The water was like the first rain after a drought for me and I felt a whole lot better after drinking it. I did just wake up from a coma...who knows how long its been since I had a proper glass of water...

The woman had been staring at me the whole time and when she noticed me staring back she gave me a bright smile and said,

"Hello!! My name is Stella! What about you?"

I gave her a curious look and thought for a second. Giving her one last doubtful look I replied without hesitation,


She seemed happy with my one worded response and continued,

"Well Mallory, I found you passed out in an alley yesterday and brought you back here with me. How do you feel now? Are you okay?"


I was still sceptic and was cautious of her motives but she kept smiling and giving me reassuring looks and I slowly started to relax. Once I had finished my water and sandwich she took the plates back to the kitchen and came back to me. She sat down next to me and kept staring at me which I found a bit weird. A few awkward moments passed and I was feeling a bit better so I finally said,

"Well...Thank you for taking me in ...I'll get going now..." I started to get up an go out when she grabbed my hand in a bruising grip. I winced as she dragged back on the couch.

"NO! " she exclaimed. She looked really angry for a second but quickly covered it and gave me a smile.

"You can't go yet! I mean... do you have somewhere to go?" She seemed really anxious not to let me go but I was more focused on her question.

I was alone.

I had no one.

The one person I believed was there for me turned out to be a figment of my imagination. I truly was alone...

I could maybe look for a homeless shelter..but I had heard stories of what happened to women who went there so I guess that was not an option. I could maybe stay in a street or something...but what if he found me.. I thought for a moment about finding Henry but I knew that I wouldn't be able to walk past the street with my health..

"No...I don't " I replied.

She gave me an overly cheery smile and said,

"Don't worry!! You can stay here!!"

I wasn't sure because...who just lets random strangers live with them? especially when they couldn't even take care of themselves ...

I know nothing ever comes without a catch...The world wasn't that kind...

But it wasn't like I had any other option...

"But...I don't want to bother you...and I don't know you all that much...we just met..."

She could be a serial killer for all I knew..

"Oh that's completely fine!! You wont e bothering at all! It will be great to finally have someone to talk to other than the walls!" she says with a laugh.

"We'll get to know each other gradually...please stay..I'll feel horrible if I knew you were alone on the streets with nowhere to go..."


"Oh shush!" she said and got up. She went to the door and locked it.

"You're staying here and that's the end of this conversation. Now come on...lets get you out of that horrible hospital gown..."

I gave in with a sigh. One day wont do me much harm I guess.

"Okay...just for tonight..."

She gave me a blinding smile and proceeded to drag me to her bedroom. There she opened her closet and tossed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt my way and continued talking,

"So as I said, my name is Stella and I'm twenty six. I work at a club nearby but it isn't really all that great. My boss is a total bitch and.."

She continued rambling about how her boss is a 'total bitch' and I just kept nodding my head to whatever she said. A few minutes later she told me to go change so I went into the bathroom and did so. Once I had come out , She dragged me to the kitchen and made me sit by the counter. She went to the stove and started fiddling around for a few minutes and then asked,

" So Mallory...wanna tell me what happened for you to pass out in the street in a hospital gown?"

The question brought back everything I had been trying to forget and it was like the memories crashed into me all at once. They made my heart ache like it was being torn into pieces and tears filled my eyes.

I had lost everything...I was alone without anyone on my team. Everyone I made the mistake of trusting turned against me...using me for their pleasure and leaving me to rot. They broke me..over and over again until there was nothing left...just the broken pieces of what used to be my soul.

What was the point of me living now? I could stop the pain once and for all by simply ending my miserable existence. It wasn't like anyone would care...they would probably be happy to get rid of the waste of space that is me.

The pain, the memories, the horrifying screams...I could end it ...once and for all...

The only reason I woke up was Mason...but even he was a lie. I may have escaped...but if I continue my life I would be living in the constant fear of them finding me, always looking back to to what had happened and never escaping the pain that has been my constant companion. I wont be living... I would be hiding,trying to survive.And that's not how I want to spend the rest of my life.

The thoughts just fueled my decision. Just this night...and I would end it all.

The tears finally left my eyes and when Stella turned around and saw them she came and gave me a big hug. She kept whispering soothing words and I started sobbing uncontrollably. My body shook as sobs racked through me and I buried my face in her neck. She continued trying to soothe me but nothing was working. I found it difficult to breathe and she made me sit on the couch. She kept her arms around me until my breathing came back to normal but the tears wouldn't stop. She patted my back and asked,

"Wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head. I still didn't trust her. I just whispered,

" I just want to forget...."

She gave me a sad smile and went back to the kitchen. I heard her tinkering around and she soon came back with a glass of some weird smelling stuff. She passed it to me and I grimaced at the terrible smell.

"What is this?"

Her eyes went wide for a second but she quickly said,

"T-That is um.. um.. a secret recipie my mom taught me...don't worry it just a drink...It always makes me feel better so I thought it might help you too.."

I gave the drink a vary look but decided to give it a wasn't like I had anything to lose..

I shrugged and took a large gulp and it almost came back up due to the terrible taste. I somehow managed to keep it down and wondered how such a terrible drink could make her feel better. But that doubt didn't last for long.

A few seconds later it was like my mind had become covered by something and I could no longer feel anything. The pain and memories that haunted me disappeared in a matter of seconds and I was engulfed in a blanket of calmness. My thoughts became fuzzy and I felt like all my worries had disappeared. I was no longer suffering on earth...It was like I was floating through clouds completely carefree..

"Stella...what did you say that drink was again?" My voice came out slurred but I was too gone in my relief of finally getting rid of the pain to notice.

She gave me smirk and said,

"Oh nothing special dear..just a few extra herbs mixed with tea..." Her voice started to fade as I was taken into the world with no pain. The last thing I heard was Stella's voice saying,

"Nighty night sweetie..."
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