Exhaustion had him at the throat.
Bitterness had his life.
Suicide muddled his thoughts but he wasn’t a coward. Suicide was the easy way out and he wanted to suffer. He wanted to die in the same way as his lover did, with exhaustion, with his heart in the depths of hell and a sorrow-filled cry.
He regretted answering the incoming call from the unknown number. He hated that the last words he said to him were “I love you.” He hated the man that held the gun to his lovers’ head and spoke words he couldn’t understand.
He heard the chocked breathing that escaped his lover’s lips through the receiver then the gunshot.
The look on his lover’s siblings faces when they came to visit him several hours later delivering the news he dreaded to hear. The four of them were supposed to be strong but just seeing him cry broke them down.
A knock on the door brought his dazed thoughts to a halt. Jinha wiped the tears away from his eyes and turned to look at the door as he sat on the floor of his bed at the base of his bed. His mother’s head peaked through the door.
Her eyes darted around the room for her son and found him on the floor. The smile she had on her face froze when her eyes landed on him. Her darling son, the prestigious son of the Kang family who was a top bachelor ready to be wedded off looked like he aged ten years within one week.
She hesitated to enter his room. Seeing his mother’s expression Jinha felt exasperated. His family and siblings came ever so often to check up on him as though he was an animal in a zoo.
“Did…” he started but averted his eyes as they stung. The tears that involuntarily loved to fall started again. He had no energy to raise his hand to his face and wipe it away.
Yueguang looked at her son and sighed. It’s been a week since Dae Ryeon’s death and it was taking a toll on him. She and her husband didn’t want to believe that Jinha loved another man and tried to keep him away from him and now that he was gone, it was time to celebrate and rearrange his wedding but it looked more like her son was dying from heartache.
She forced a smile and walked further into the room, “Jinha, there is a visitor for you, she says she has something to give you that Dae Ryeon left behind.”
‘A gift that he left behind?’ Jinha thought. What did she have that Dae Ryeon left for him? Was it a lie?
He nodded his head unable to say anything due to his parched throat. His mother stepped out and in walked a little girl. Ten-year-old Cha Ga Yoon, the little girl Dae Ryeon saved two years before they met.
She walked in and scrutinized Jinha’s physique. Jinha’s mother closed the door behind her leaving her son in the care of the ten-year-old. She stared down at him while Jinha stared up at her. She had on a black dress, with her hair in pigtails, white stockings on her legs and black pumps.
She pursed her lips looking at the dead look in Jinha’s eyes. The eye bags under his eyes were purple and his once healthy skin was pale making him look like death, “I heard you want to kill yourself and no one’s helping you.”
Jinha looked at her with a vacant expression, “You and your family better stay the fuck out of my life,” he answered her.
Ga Yoon sighed irked, “You’re just as selfish as Dae Ryeon, Jinha. Don’t you know what you’re doing to yourself is what he did to you? Do you want to suffer?”
“Yes!” he cut her off infuriated. The chafed look in his eyes and stepped back.
She looked around the room for her words but the speech she prepared for him was of no help in this situation. She looked back at Jinha whose eyes blanked out as he rested his head against the bed.
She released a pent up sigh and sat down on the floor crossing her legs, she stared up at the roof saying, “You’re not the only one that lost Dae Ryeon. Dae Ryeon kept the syndicate in check. He disciplined us all. With him gone, everything is just a mess. The dysfunctional family broke apart, they are trying to get their hands on Costa and we found out who was the mole in the syndicate and it was all bull shit. Costa made him give up information on the syndicate for a lie. They told Him Noh that he had a child and used her as leverage when the child was never his, to begin with so Dae Ryeon died for nothing.”
“So I lost the love of my life for nothing?” Jinha asked looking down at her.
Ga Yoon wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks and looked up at him, nodding her head she continued, “I can see that you’re not taking this well but please don’t leave me too. I have no one else, I only had Dae Ryeon and then I met you. My parents left me and now Dae Ryeon was taken from me too. Please don’t wish for your own death.”
Jinha pulled her in for an unsympathetic hug and kissed her forehead with no affection in it, “I can’t be without him any longer.”
Ga Yoon forced herself out of Dae Ryeon’s arms and stood up. She looked at him as she wiped away her tears and opened the bunny backpack she had hanging from her shoulders. She unzipped it and pulled out a vial with a cork stuck in it.
Jinha stared up at her baffled as she spoke, “I brought you this. Dae Min was testing out new drugs and he came across this one particular drug that he asked Dae Ryeon to test on his victims and we found that it kills you silently. Your heart stops beating slowly and there are no other effects.”
“Why are you telling me this?” he asked her bleakly.
She looked down at the vile in her hand and walked over to the nightstand where a pot of steaming tea was. She pours a cup of tea for him and poured the red liquid into the tea. Jinha watched her actions and gripped the bedsheets to pull his exhausted body up on the bed.
He crawled on to it and sat down leaning against the headboard. He turned to look at her as she held out the tea. Inside was mint tea to calm him down but everything he put in his body came out seconds later.
“This was Dae Ryeon’s contingency plan for whenever he was in a bad place. He sat that if he ever lost you to death he’d take it to be with you. After spending three years with you he told me that he could see what he did to you. He said he made you love him unconditionally and you were very much addicted to him. He loved that he could make you love him like that and he loved you dearly for loving a monster like him . . . so Dae Ryeon instructed me that if you were on the verge of killing yourself because he left you behind he said he didn’t want to see you in the afterlife with an injured body. This way, if you drink the tea instead of blowing your brains out in the way you planned, you’ll be beautiful, just the way he left you,” she explained to him.
Dae Ryeon smiled at the teacup in his hands and wiped away a stray tear, “Thank you,” he genuinely thanked her.
Bringing the mint tea to his lips he took a sip of the tea and his body shuddered due to the awful taste. He pulled it from his lips and felt a dizzy spell engulf his mind. He looked at Ga Yoon who was packing away the vial back into her backpack and smiled when she looked at him.
“Drink all of it and I hope you are happy with your decision, your family will be devastated when they find your body later,” she said.
He looked at her with a bitter smile and took another sip from the cup, “They may have given birth to me and raised me but my family never accepted the man I loved. Dae Ryeon once said that if he could, he would marry me and we would be family, him and I together forever. He’s my family and without him I’m nothing.”
Ga Yoon nodded her head and looked at Jinha for one last time. She felt guilty for doing this and didn’t want to be here when he took in his last breath. She beamed at him with her pearly whites and walked off. She closed the door behind her and said goodbye to the Kang’s as she walked off, out of the front door.
She walked down the street passing a beautiful woman who looked at her with a frown. Ga Yoon was too distracted in her thoughts to see the woman stare at her. She climbed into the car waiting for her at the end of the street and looked at Dae So, sitting in the driver’s seat, “How is he?” he asked her.
She buckled her seat belt and rested back in the seat, “He’s not doing well, you all should visit him some time since he is in a bad state but then again, he hates us for letting Dae Ryeon die.”
Dae So sighed completely defeated, “If we knew this would happen, our Hyung-nim wouldn’t be dead.”
He started the engine and the car roar. He let the hand brake down and they drove off back to the syndicate’s headquarters. Meanwhile, the lady who Ga Yoon passed on her way down the street looked at the house. She blinked her eyes and saw past the walls that blocked her vision.
The window in Jinha’s room near his bed opened and a gust of wind blew in. He looked at it confused since it was closed but couldn’t do anything to close it. His body was numb and the tea was only halfway finished.
When he looked up from the cup of tea he saw a woman standing in front of his bed looking straight at him with a displeased look on her face. The two of them stared at each other until the woman’s voice broke the silence, “You are young and yet you choose to demise early, why is that?” she asked.
Her voice sounded like an orchestra playing a piece reflecting her beauty. He looked down at the cup and smiled at the illusion before him. Bring the tea to his lips, he swallowed a mouth full and looked down. There was still some tea left so he decided to let it settle before taking the last bit.
“I love him,” is all he said. Tears once again fell from his tired eyes. He looked at the woman and asked, “Why did he have to leave me?”
“It was his time to go,” she answered as she walked around the bed with a chair following behind her. She stopped beside his bed and sat down. She took the wooden box seated on the nightstand beside the teapot and opened it.
In it was all Jinha’s memories that he share with Dae Ryeon, including the cell phone that recorded all their conversations, especially the last conversation that they had. She switched on the cell phone that he switched off a few days before.
When it switched on, she smiled at the wallpaper of the two of Dae Ryeon and Jinha, the two of them were laying on the grass with Jinha’s body halfway propped up on Dae Ryeon’s chest as he kissed Jinha’s cheek with a smile on his face.
She unlocked it and went to the call recording app. She filtered through the recordings and clicked on one dated 28-03-2029 27:51 PM. The recording started playing:
Jinha’s voice: Hey handsome.
Dae Ryeon’s voice: Hey sexy, I’m phoning to check up on you, how are you feeling?
Jinha’s voice: Not so well, but I’m okay, I guess.
Dae Ryeon’s voice: You guess? Did I go overboard?
Jinha’s voice: How can you ask me that?
Dae Ryeon’s voice: Don’t be shy love and just answer me.
Jinha’s voice: Dae Ryeon, last night was my first time with you and you overdid it. My lower back hurts, my legs don’t want to work and my asshole is burning. I shouldn’t have let you have sex with me.
Dae Ryeon chuckled and released a sigh: I’m sorry I burnt your ass with my dick, I’ll be more careful next time okay love?
Jinha’s voice: There’s no next time you ass!
Dae Ryeon gasped: You know you liked it.
Jinha’s voice: You’re lucky I love you.
Dae Ryeon: Yes I am and I love you equally as much as you love me.
Jinha’s voice: Why aren’t you here?
Dae Ryeon’s voice: Work love, I’ll see you in a few hours okay? Be prepared to be bribed with chocolates, flowers, wine, a full body massage and a bubble bath with me.
Jinha’s voice: Fine!
Dae Ryeon’s voice: I love you Jinha.
Jinha’s voice: I love you too Dae Ryeon.
The recording stopped and the woman looked up at Jinha. He had a pained expression on his face as he felt his heartstrings be pulled from hearing the conversation. It was the day after they shared their bodies with each other, combining their souls into one.
She switched the phone off and placed it back in the box. She got up and sat on the bed, taking the cup of tea away from Jinha that was now empty. She placed the wooden box with his treasures in his empty hands and wiped away the tears falling from his eyes.
She stroked his head and closed her eyes. She whispered a blessing to him to alleviate the pain his heart was enduring. He sighed as his thoughts cleared and looked at the woman questioningly. She smiled at him with the eyes of a mother and said, “I was there the night to collect your lover’s soul and I saw the red thread of fate connected to it and it leads me to you. I’ve watched you suffer alone without him and it pains my heart that the two of you won’t be together as lovers should. I watched his memories and cried when I saw them. He really loved you Kang Jinha, I hope you know that.”
Jinha looked at the woman like she was crazy but knew deep down that all of this was real and not an illusion. He believed anyone who spoke well of his lover and she was doing exactly that. She stood up and looked down at him as he painfully raised his head to look up at her.
“I’ve never gone against the wishes of the way of life and by doing what I am doing today will be just that. I hope that you will do good by the wishes I grant you but I must warn you Kang Jinha, once you return no one will believe you and will deem you to be crazy. To make sure that you don’t suffer too much, I will send you away with your treasure to convince him, you’ll have the chance to save more than one life so do good by my deed for I will suffer in your place,” she added.
Jinha felt the last of his breath leave his body and the darkness suck him in. A particular memory of their past resurfaced.
∘ ━ ✧ ━ ∘
Opening my eyes, mine meet those of my handsome boyfriend. His golden-brown hue always send me into a daze when my green eyes meet those of his. He always has this look as though he is looking into my soul.
I can stare into his eyes for hours on end but he never allows me because, according to him, I make him feel shy. I can’t help but smile at the tender care he has for me especially now as he rubs his right hand up and down my side.
Dae Ryeon has this odd love for fondling my body especially my ass like he is doing right now with his left hand. I lay my left hand on his right shoulder and pull myself to kiss his soft lips. He sighs into the kiss and opens his mouth as I run my tongue across his bottom lip asking for access.
My tongue swoops in and suck his tongue as he gropes my ass. I continue my assault on his lips and flip him over and climb on top of him. I slide down slightly on him positioning myself on his dick and rub both of ours together.
Moving my hips against his, grinding out cocks together. I let out a whimper reluctantly let go of his lips leaving a string of silver joining our tongues together. I grind my hips slowly as he wraps his hand around both of our cocks pumping us.
We stare into each other’s eyes and I flick my tongue up feeling my balls quiver and pull into my body as they get ready to release. Dae Ryeon’s head sinks deeper into the pillows as his body shudders under me.
I run my hands down his muscled torso and stop at his defined v-line. I forcefully remove his hand from stroking us and I climb over him placing his massive length between my cheeks. I squeeze tight as I look down at my man who is looking at me with lust and desire in his eyes.
His hand snakes around my shaft and he continues to pump me as I reach my climax faster. My hips start bucking faster as I grab the sheets on his sides and rubbed up against him furiously. I quickly lift up on my knees and plant my clenched hole over his blunt head as I tease out all of his warm orgasmic seeds that fill me.
He moans deliciously from the depths of his throat as he looks into my eyes. I lean down panting and bite down on his top lip sucking it into my mouth. Pushing down my hips along his shaft I, pump out the last of it as he complains with a slight chuckle at my brave movements.
I release a deep satiated sigh into his mouth as the last of my seeds are pumped into his expert hand. He runs his thumb over my slit making me shudder. I raise myself off his cock and straddle his hips. I pull back and look down at the pool of my seeds on his stomach and the seeds dripping from his fingers.
He leans up and kisses my lips then plops back down and looks up at me with a satiated smile, “What’s with the sudden friskiness this morning my love?” he asks making me furiously blush.
“Didn’t you like it?” I ask as I take off my shirt and wipe my semen off his stomach and between his fingers.
He taps his finger against my nose making gaining my undivided attention, “I loved it,” he answers, “Although, I am curious as to why you just got to cum up your ass without screwing you to oblivion.”
“Can’t I?” I asked staring into his unfocused eyes.
He smiles at me and tilts his head, nodding, “Sure, do what you want with my body, you own it after all,” he cheekily smirks at me.
I don’t know why he does this but he always does. I climb off him as I feel embarrassed and walk over to the bathroom on the side of our bedroom. I grin as I hear him groan and ask, “Why must you leave?”
I chuck my shirt in the laundry basket with all the other laundry that I’ll be doing later on when he’s gone. I position myself over the toilet after raising the lid and seat and empty my bladder. Shaking myself off, I flush the toilet and climb into the bath. Spreading my legs open I insert to fingers and let my head hang back as I dig through my channel and twist my fingers inside me as I scoop out his still warm seeds from inside me.
Scooping the last out, I squeeze my legs shut and shudder. I love him but getting semen out of my ass is something I don’t enjoy since it just turns me on all over again. I sigh and climb out of the bath and let water into the bath and wash those addictive seeds away.
Closing the tap, I head to the sink and brush my teeth. Fuck, the taste of morning breath is brutal but he is my man and I am willing. I chuckle as I look at my reflection in the mirror as my thoughts seem too willing for a man to go over barriers for another man but then again – I fucking love him.
“JINHA!!” he yells my name in frustration.
“MMM!?” I groan out since I can’t speak right now.
“What are you doing?” he asks with a sigh.
I spit out the paste and rinse my mouth, “Brushing my teeth, I’ll be there just now!”
“Hurry up!” He selfishly demands. I roll my eyes and brush my tongue, gurgle mouth wash then spit. I clean the sink and run warm water into the sink after I put the stopper in. Grabbing my washing cloth from the rack, I soak it in the water and rub it with soap.
Wringing it out, I rub my stomach down and wipe the head of my penis. Raising my left leg, I part my cheeks and stick the soapy cloth in my hole trying my best to clean myself. “JINHAAA!” he yells from the room.
I quickly rinse out the cloth and walk into the bedroom with it in hand. He turns around and looks at me with glare, “Get in bed!” he orders.
I raise a brow at him and force him onto his back. I rub the cloth over his limp member and his stomach.
“Give me your hand,” I demand and he holds it out for me. I clean it and chuck the cloth onto the nightstand. Letting go of his hand, I walk over to the cupboard and fish out a shirt and pants to wear. Putting them on, I look through his drawers and get out sweatpants to wear.
I chuck it at him and close the wardrobe and walk over to his side of the bed where he is lying. I wait for him to put it on then climb on top of him and laying on his chest. His hand rubs up and down my back while his other hand kneads my ass.
I feel him kiss my head and smile. I close my ass and he asks, “Why are you shy of me yet you’re bold enough to initiate kisses, oral sex and like before, a morning ass job?”
“Who lied to you and told you I’m shy?” I ask while smiling.
He sighs and turns onto his stomach while I lay with my top half on his body. I run my hand between his shoulder blades and kiss his right shoulder.
He sighs deeply, “I know you are.”
“Nonsense,” I say with a kiss on his shoulder.
I get up and he complains, “No what are your doing, the bed gets cold when you leave!”
I look at him and smile. Shaking my head I decided to lay back down. His body shudders when I kiss him again. He turns his head and smiles at me, “Don’t leave me even when I’m asleep,” he says with a yawn.
I smile embarrassed into his shoulder and nod my head. He scoffs making me look up. With a raise of his eyebrow, he says, “You see there, I’m the one eating your ass out before we fuck but you’re the one spewing shit!”
I quickly grab a pillow and hit him with it then bury my head in it. He wraps his arms around my neck and whispers into my ear, “I’ll always love you Jinha.”
*End of Flashback*