hello loves! to avoid future confusion because it's Alex and Alex, Alex Ferris would be known as Alex while Alex Vernados would be known as Lexi. her nickname would come up on future chapters.
also, if you haven't read my update on my wall, I had withdrawn the chapters that I've written because I was dissatisfied. rather than continuing while me feeling like it's a shitty book, i changed it all up. this one, i feel, is better!
She danced, twirled around in her beautiful white mermaid dress with the sweetheart neckline. Looking so beautiful like she always had. No one saw the protruding stomach on her until she announced at the church that she and her husband they were expecting. Except me. It was always me who knew things before people did, who knew things she didn’t want anyone to know.
It wasn’t only because we were partners at work or were exes turned best friends, it was because I was madly in love with her. She had played in my dreams, my imaginations of having a life with her. Instead, there he was, twirling with the man she was destined to be with. Travis Mason.
My heart constricted when I saw him lean in and her doing the same thing, kissing in front of the people they had invited to their wedding. It consisted of agents from our work, their friends from high school, her brother and best friend, her son, and his business partners. I tried not to show any emotions on my face as much as I could, mingling with the people that talked to me but there were only so much I was willing to take.
So much that I could take.
Everybody was happy. Why wouldn’t they be? The couple that have been through hell and back were finally married and pregnant.
I knew that I was being selfish but I couldn’t handle it. I was already selfless in attending their bachelor/bachelorette party, watch them kiss for multiple times, be at her wedding dress picking as one of her bridesmaids, and watch them make vows and marry one another in the eyes of everyone. Never would I have thought that Sam would get married in a church and yet, there we were, standing by her side.
My eyes shut for a second before I opened them once more to stand from my table and walk out. I knew in my heart that I would always love her and I promised her a long time ago that I would always be with her no matter what.
But right now… right now, I just needed to be by myself. To wallow in self-pity of the stupid things I did to make her break up with me when we used to be together.
Of all the scars that I had obtained throughout my life, never would I have seen that I would carry around the scar that turned into an open wound once more.
Sitting by the steps of the stairs to the reception, I pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up immediately, and taking a drag. I required about three more puffs before I could finally feel the nicotine relaxing my body. It had been a long time since I smoked and just starting up days before the wedding, I knew that I was going back to this habit and would have a hard time quitting it this time.
I was stressed and rather than drown myself at work, I just needed a smoke. Besides, I couldn’t go back to the building anyways. The only people there were those who weren’t invited to the wedding, my mother’s second-in-command, and I knew that if she saw me sneaking around to work, she would call up my mother and have me dragged back here.
This whole thing may be a wedding for them but for me, it was only a prison I couldn’t wait to get out from.
“Didn’t I tell you to quit smoking?”
Speak of the devil and she shall come. Unbothered by her threatening tone and her presence right beside where I sat, I took a huge puff and blew out the smoke, watching it mingle around in the clear air and disappear. “It was either this or down a wine bottle. I don’t think they would appreciate me spewing out crap that I’ve kept buried.”
“No, mom,” I shook my head. This wasn’t the day for her to be my boss, to order me around because I knew that if she said something remotely close to ordering me, I would flip my shit and drive away angry. We both knew what anger does to people and I knew that hearing the finality of my tone would make her stop.
She sighed, pressing her head on my shoulder. “What am I going to do with you, kid?”
“And I’ll always see you as the seven-year-old little boy that I had no clue how to raise alone,” she answered and I didn’t have to turn around to know that there was a soft smile on her face. Any memories of my childhood always seemed to calm her down or please her and I was glad that she still felt that way. “Do you want to leave?”
Staying silent, I just took a breath of the cigarette once more.
We both knew the answer to that.
She placed her hand on my free one, squeezing tight. It was our own comforting gesture as the mother-son duo. I remember clearly when I was a kid, nervous about being a freshman at school, and that’s where that gesture started. We would even play on hours on how many squeezes we gave each other.
“There is nothing that I want in the world than to take away your pain, Alex.” She said, her voice trembling. It was unlikely for my mother to be like this. Being a single mother and my boss, she was a hard-ass, never showing emotions like this. The last time I heard her have a tone like that, I was moving away for college and we had gotten into a fight because it was far away. “I know I can’t because it’s only you who would be able to do that. I think what you can do is just to keep your distance form her.”
She was right. Always was.
I needed to sort everything out. I was holding onto a dream of a life where I would be the one who she would be twirling with but I knew better than that. For God’s sakes, I was one of the top agents of a secret organization built to put away dangerous people.
Being smart was what I do.
So why do I feel like a dumbass, clinging onto her, hoping that she would love me back?
Turning to my mother, I nodded. “Will you approve of my transfer on the day I give you my papers?”
Her eyes widened, clearly surprised that I was taking her advice. The advice she gave me over and over again as she kept seeing how I pined for her. “You don’t want to talk to her about it?”
I shook my head. “You can tell her on the day I leave. It’s for the best anyway.”
With one last puff, I drop the stick on the floor and stomp it with my foot.