A Little More and a Little Less
Kyle laid in his room that night un able to sleep, his brain running through the days events. He had killed it at lacrosse practice and despite being bored of the game, rather enjoyed himself. His eyes focusing on the ceiling fan as his mind started drifting towards his little encounters with Olivia. He tells himself he isn't interested in her and turns to his side picking his phone up to check the time- midnight on the dot.
He wanted to sleep, his body was tired from practice and his mind was tired from making sure his homework was done before he went to bed, not that it mattered since he hadn't been able to sleep a wink since he laid down. Kyle sat up ruffling his hair then got out of bed pulling on a pair of basket ball shorts and a black t-shirt. Kyle grabbed socks and sneakers before he headed downstairs. He would go on runs whenever he had trouble sleeping. It helped clear his mind and relax.
After he put his socks and shoes on he grabbed his keyes and cigarettes sliding one in each pocket before heading out. His parents were almost never home since they both worked high level positions which allowed Kyle to do as he pleased most of the time. He was affored the luxury of a nice house and his own bike and car, but money doesn't make happiness, if it did, Kyle would be.
He headed towards the park that was a good hour run from his house. He loved running so he figured tonight he'd take a long one in hopes of it making him tired if nothing else. Kyle tried to keep his head empty as he ran, his mind focusing on the crickets and frogs that sounded the night. It was peaceful, he always loved that about where he lived.
Kyle began to think about what Mrs. Haddy had tried to tell him earlier. Kyle wanted more than anything to.go to medical school, but he had doubts since he could hardly keep up with high school level science. Kyle closed his eyes for a second before opening them again. He hated doubting his abilities, but he tried to be a realist. Kyle's academic strength wasn't Biology, chemistry, or math; it was literature and writing. His father wasn't fond of it since he thought there was no success to be had with a degree in that "nonsense" as his father put it. He didn't mind changing his goal to fit what his parents had in mind since he actually enjoyed it.
The run to the park consisted of him attempting to go over whatever information he got out of his bio class. There are T-cells and B-cells. B- cells like T-cells were born in the bone marrow, but unlike T-cells they also grew up and matured there. T-cells matured in the thimus, as their name suggested. Kyle was proud he remembered even one thing, let alone something that was more than just a simple definition.
Kyle began to speak aloud as he neared the park, still going over anything he remembered from class. "Leukocytes are white blood cells. What were they again? Neutrophils, basophils..." Kyles voice trailed off forgetting the rest.
Annoying he sat down on a bench near the water fountain close to the middle of the park area. He took deep breaths pulling his shirt off to cool down and wipe the sweat from his face.
"Fucking Immunology. This shit is going to kill me." Kyle says through his heavy breaths. "Fuck man. Neutrophils, basophils...fucking hell." He shook his head sweat flying from the soaked tips of his hair.
"Eosinaphils, macrophages, natural killer cells, mast cells, need I go on or?" Kyle jumped from the bench turning quickly towards where the voice was coming from only to recognize them.
Kyle stood leaning his head back as he held his shirt in his hand. "I'm beginning to think you're a stalker." His breaths slowly, the rise and fall of his chest slowing as the sweat dripped down over his chest and abs, clearly well built and in shape.
"I could say the same for you. I'm not the one half naked in public across from someone else's house." Olivia sat, her arms crossing over her chest.
"No, but I'm not across from my house in the fucking dark ass park wearing fucking silk pj's with shorts that barely cover my ass and the fabric leaving little to the imagination when it comes to the hardness of my nipples." Kyle relaxed stretching his neck leaning it left to right then back and forth before looking over at her.
"Maybe it's not meant to leave to be imagined." Olivia shrugged, most of her tattoos visible as most of her body was exposed.
Kyle shook his head trying his hardest not to let his eyes wander anywhere below her shoulders. Olivia's hair was up in a ponytail, her makeup gone, her face washed clean, her entire disposition saying she was ready for bed, not to mention her lack of bra and apparent lack of panties just topping everything off.
"You can look if you want. Everyone else usually does." Olivia crossed her legs indian style underneath her on the bench.
Kyle scoffed sitting next to her but not looking over keeping his eyes to the ground. "Nah I'm good." He shook his head.
Olivia turned her head towards him, her eyes squinting. "So you don't find me attractive is what you're saying." Olivias eyes investigated Kyle's body. He was muscular but not to the point of body builder grossness which she appreciated. He was toned and clearly took care of his physical appearance.
"Never said that." Kyle said as he pulled his cigarettes from his pocket lighting one.
"So you do then." Olivia smiled looking at his cigarette then following then veins from his hands to his arms and chest, not realizing what she was looking at before it was obvious she was looking at it.
Kyle chuckled as he took a drag shaking his head, his hair falling just at his eyes. "Maybe you're the one who finds me attractive Miss Knite." He blew out the smoke leaning back placing his arm on the back of the bench holding it with his elbow.
"Hm?" Olivia quickly moved her eyes from his crotch to his face, her cheeks blushing heavily as she realized she was caught staring at the bulge in his shorts.
Kyle took another drag let it out before turning his head to look at her. "You can always just ask." He said shrugging. "Not like other girls don't."
Olivia's mouth fell open. She thought about what to say to prove she wasn't thinking about what he thought she was, but that would only be a lie. "How- I mean, how do girls just ask you that?" The disbelief in her voice causing Kyle to smile.
"I honestly don't know where they get the courage from, but it has happened." He continues his cigarette keeping his eyes in her direction.
"So what- you just answer them?" She scoffeed.
"Sometimes." Kyle's lips forming a slightly bigger smile. "Sometimes I show them."
"No thank you!" Olivia exclaimed moving away from him towards the very end of the other side of the bench turing her back to face him. "Not interested."
"You were earlier when you couldn't stop staring." Kyle's laugh filling the air around them.
"So, having trouble remembering immune cell types?" Olivia blurted out wanting to change the subject.
"No big deal." Kyle said flicking the cigarette away simply finding her sudden shyness amusing.
"I could help. Only if you wanted I mean."
Kyle stood from the bench and walked around to her front. His hands in his pockets, his eyebrows arched. "You sure you're talking about Biology class or..."
"Yes! I have no interest in you or your tiny friend." She pushed him back standing up and stepping back.
"Thought you only had interest in my name and favorite color since, ya know, you don't really need to know anything else. Miss I'm not into making friends because I'm too different and no one will understand my thousand and one tattoos." Kyles eyes shooting up at her.
"That isn’t true." Olivias voice turning harsh. "You have no idea about my tattoos or my life or how I think or feel."
"So give me an idea so I dont have to make assumptions." Kyle said scoffing.
"You don't need to know. That's not on the list of things you or I need to know about one another."
"You have a list? Are you even normal? That's not how high school is supposed to work ya know." Kyle srugged sighing heavily. "Shit, I'm just trying to get to know you so you aren't totally alone at school all the time. Being new can be rough, but fuck me for trying to be nice." Kyle turned from her walking back the direction he came.
"Wait! I didn't- K-Kyle, I didn't mean it like that." Olivias eyes hitting the dirt as she scuffed it with her shoe, her lips forming a small pout.
Kyle stopped and turned back looking at her. He just laughed to himself seeing her demeanor. "Why are you out here this late anyway?" Kyles eyes lookinf her up and down still unsure why she dressed like that.
Olivia plopped back onto the bench. "I just didn’t want to be at home."
Kyle found her answer odd. She seemed to have pretty lax parents if they were letting her tattoo herself like crazy and run about in the middle of the night tempting pretty much any male who would see her down to a fucking spider. He didn't want to pry just happy to take any normal answers he could get. He looked at her face seeing sadness, or maybe it was exhaustion. He could tell there was more to it and even though he told himself he didn't care, that he didn't want to know, he knew it was a lie.
"What about you? You don't exactly live nearby." Olivia kept her eyes down swinging her legs since her feet didn't reach all the way to the ground.
"Couldn't sleep, came out for a run to clear my mind."
"Did it work?"
"No, not at all. It actually made things ten times worse." Kyle sighed. "Ima head home. I'll see you around Olivia." He nodded his head smiling at her as he turned beginning to run back.
"Yeah." Olivia said waving slightly watching him until he was out of her sight.
Olivia knew all about not being able to sleep. Her oldest brother was always out till who knows when, and her other brother was usually fucking some chick, blasting his music, and doing drugs of some fashion. Olivia hated that they were reckless and inconsiderate. She couldn't exactly judge them since they were the ones raising her, but she hated they wouldn't hear her out if she said anything about it. Olivia pulled her knees to her chest resting her head on them wrapping her arms around her legs. She hated her life and hated being at home. She was happy her house was across from the park, it allowed her to get out without being too far. It's not hat she hated her family, she hates the things they do, the things they make her do.
Olivia sat outside for a long while not bothering to go in or care about the time, until her oldest brother Alexsander came strutting across the grass towards her. He scared her more than he should. Alexsander had tattoos from head to toe, even one on his face above his eyebrow. His short cut dark brown hair made him look menacing, not to mention the cigarette he always carried only making him appear scarier. Olivia knew it wasn't about to be a calm night with the way his face was looking at her.
"The fuck you doing out here?" Alexsander says stopping a few feet from her taking a long drag of the cigarette. "I fucking told you to wait in the house for Armes to come by with my shipment." His hand waving and pointing at her as he spoke.
"Markus is in there..." Olivia said softly. "You know it makes me uncomfortable when he brings girls home. My room is right next to his in this house and I'm not really interested in listening to him fuck all night." Olivia's eyes glancing up at Alexsander.
Alexsander spit onto the ground in front of him then brought his eyes up to hers. "I don't give a fuck. My package being dropped off safely in my fucking house is more important than how your 17 year old virgin pussy feels when it hears Markus getting some. Now get your ass up and back in the fucking house."
Olivia swallowed hard standing up walking back across the park to her house, her brother in tow. She hated when he made her wait for his shipments, and hated even more when he talked down to her because she wasn't a slut like they wanted her be in order to help their business. Olivia might look like she was part of their atrocities, but inside she wasn't. In her heart she was disgusted by them and everything they did; but what choice did she have? she was still a minor and had no other options. Once Olivia walked into the house she felt a sudden wave of dizziness accompanied by a pounding of her head. Her body fell to the floor using her hands to catch herself best she could.
"Don't ever fucking leave when I tell you to wait for my shit again." Alexsander pointing a gun at her after he finished hitting her with the butt of it. "My shit is my money, and I don't take lightly to people fucking up my money; sister or not." Alexsander released the guns focus from her then walked into the kitchen leaving her on the floor in the entryway.
Kyle got back home rather quickly as he ran hard trying to get his mind off Olivia even though he knew it wouldn't work. She had this rough exterior that intrigued him, but he could tell she was a little girl on the inside; just a normal girl who was shy around guys and liked to wear girly pajamas. Kyle hopped in the shower to wash all the sweat off, but even then his mind didn't wander from Olivia. Kyle couldn't understand why she had so many tattoos and piercings when that didn't seem like her at all, but then again he still couldn't say he knew much about her so he scoffed shaking the thoughts from his mind.
Kyle's focus this year had to be on Biology. He wasn't sure how he was going to make it through Mrs. Haddys' Immunology class. Kyle knew studying would have to be his main focus which was honestly asking the impossible since lacrosse took up most of his after school time. He was zoning out when the water started turning cold causing him to quickly finish and get out grabbing the towel next to the sink wrapping it around his waist. He wiped the fog from the mirror and just stood staring at himself wondering what the hell he was even doing. Why was he even playing lacrosse when he had grown to hate it. He had honestly grown to hate himself little by little since freshman year. It wasn't because of lacrosse, it was because he was a jock, and being a jock meant having a certian persona; one that wasn't in tune with him in reality.
Kyle laid in bed staring back up at the ceiling. He never thought much about his fake persona but now he was angry with himself for it. He never wanted to be the most sought after guy in school. He never wanted to be captain 9f the lacrosse team. He never even wanted to be on the team having only tried out to give him something to do so he wasn't alone all the time; now it only making him feel lonlier. Kyle knew he had turned into an empty shell a while back, he just tried to play things off like he was still great, but he wasn't.
Tyler knew Kyle was struggling with some things, he knew he was unhappy on the lacrosse team so Tyler always made a point to tell Kyle he'd support any decision he made. Kyle was thankful he had Tyler. Even though he was a total fuck boy and a classic jock, Kyle knew he could still rely on him. Kyle could be the Kyle he really was around Tyler and didn't have to pretend. They were best friends and Tyler could always tell when Kyle was lying or hiding something. He always knew when something was wrong.
Kyle took his phone from the nightstands and unlocked it. It was almost three-thirty, but he pulled up Tylers name and sent a text anyway.
Kyle didn't even expect a response knowing Tyler was probably knocked out from having gone to some party, its just who he was.
I am now. What's up K?
Kyle began texting back sighing as he put his thoughts into the message unsure how Tyler would take things, especially at this hour.
I want to quit lacrosse.
Kyle shook his head pressing send. He could only imagine the shit storm that was coming.
Have you lost your fucking mind bro? You're the best player on the team, you're our captain. Why you tryna bail on us K? I could understand if you sucked, but you could get a scholarship to college for playing, you feel me?
Kyle knew Tyler wouldn't get it, but he also knew Tylers words weren't meant to be hurtful, he was just blunt and said what he thought.
I'm not trying to bail. I just don't wanna play anymore Ty. I got that fucking bio class and I need an A.
What you mean you don't wanna play no more? You love lacrosse. Bro are you ill? Seriously what's up.
Tylers message rang in Kyles head louder than he would have liked. He did love lacrosse, maybe at one point yeah, but not anymore. No ryme or reason he just didn't care for the sport. Didn’t care for the spotlight. He wanted something different for himself, a life that wasn't about sports. Kyle had different dreams for himself than what others had for him. He didn't know how to tell Ty that.
Nah not ill. Just been thinking and realized some shit ya know. Lacrosse isn't my future Ty. Even if it could be I don't want it to be. I want more.
Kyle knew getting serious with Ty was always something Ty always said was cool, but he never really had before. Kyle told Ty everything but never got into the feelings behind what he'd tell him. For some reason, Kyle wanted to tell Ty everything. How he felt about himself, how he wanted to go to medical school. That was one of the only things he hadn't told him since he knew Ty would be upset they wouldn't be playing college lacrosse if he did, but now he didn't care. He just wanted to be himself for his senior year. He wanted his last year to be comfortable, to not have to wear a mask every time he walked out the door.
Why do I feel like this is a shootin some hoops convo? I mean, you know you can talk to me about anything K, I just haven't seen you this deep.
Kyle ran his hand through his hair wondering if this was the right move after all. Maybe Ty wouldn't understand. He didn't want to lose his friends, he just didn't want lacrosse anymore.
I just wanna be me Ty. I don't wanna be Kyle 2.0 anymore. I want to go back to the original version. If people don't like me, fuck em. I'm tired of putting on a show all the time. I want just want to chill. No lacrosse, no stupid get smashed fuck some random chick parties, none of that. It's not me Ty, it never was.
Kyle hoped Tyler would understand. It wasn't as if Tyler didn't know the real Kyle, the one no one else got to see; he just wasn't sure if Ty was okay with him showing everyone else. Kyle plugged his phone in then put it on silent allowing only the alarm to go off. He was regretting his choice to say anything at all. It was only one more year, maybe he could just stick it out until graduation, no matter how unhappy he was at least everyone else around him would be.