Do I Dare

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Even Now

Markus quickly turned his back to the front of the bar not wanting to be seen. He hadn't seen Adam since he was eighteen but he could never forget his face. His father forced them apart which as an adult makes sense to Markus now, but as a kid it broke his heart. Unlike most teenage boys, Adam was his first love, the man who he sold himself to, the man who he pleasured so many times, and the man who gave him his first orgasm.

Markus begins to hyper-ventilate. He doesn't know what to do or how to act after the amount of time that has passed. He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths trying to remain calm, but to no avail. This man made Markus love him, and those feelings were now rushing back. Markus sets the bottle of rum and glass with ice down then quickly walks from behind the bar hoping to go unnoticed. He doesn't want Adam to see him, he doesn't want Adam to talk to him or know he is still alive. Markus couldn't handle it, it would make him want to leave everything behind except for Olivia and his son. Even after years he still had Markus' heart.

"Excuse me," Adam said as Markus was walking away, "I ordered a drink. You can't just walk out without serving me."

Markus stopped at the irony of his words. Maybe he wouldn't recognize him, he has more tattoos now and has different hair. Maybe he could just get by with pretending like everything is okay without letting him know who he is. Markus let out a heavy and shaky sigh as he turned back towards the bar and began to make the drink. He made sure to keep his head down to avoid Adam's gaze like he always had done. It was engrained into him not to look his fathers clients- his clients- in the eyes; even now, maintaining eye contact was a difficult thing for him.

Markus could feel Adam staring at him as he continued to make the drink. He didn't know if he recognized him but Markus hoped that his fathers way of splitting them was good enough to make everything believable. To Adam, Markus was dead.

Markus finished the drink and set it down in front of Adam, but before he could pull away Adam grabbed Markus' arm turning it upwards, his eyes focused on Markus' wrist. Markus swallows letting his hand linger for just a moment before pulling it away, his eyes still looking down.

"Markus?" Adam asks, "Markus is that really you?"

Markus stands in silence not denying it or confirming it. His hand wraps around the wrist Adam had a hold of and holds it to his chest. He knows he can't afford to deal with this type of emotional strain after things with Olivia and his sons mother have been so out of control, not to mention all the shit with Alexsander and their business with Santiago .

"It has to be you," Adam says in disbelief, "I know that scar on your wrist, I know it's from slitting them when you found out your father knew about your feelings."

"Shut up," Markus sneers, "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know you." Markus turns to walk away only to have Adam reach over the bar and grab hold of him.

"Markus please, please tell me it's really you." Desperation in Adams voice makes Markus waver.

"I'm supposed to be dead to you Adam. Just leave it be." Markus says coldly pulling from his grasp.

Markus quickly makes his way through the club and heads out back into the alley way. Once out back the tears begin to fall silently as he tries but fails to hold them in. He faces a wall and leans his head against it unsure of what to do. Life was easier without Adam, but harder at the same time. He didn't have to worry about what others thought, what Alexsander might say or do, it was just Markus being the play boy that he was and everyone accepting that, everyone except Markus himself.

"Mark," Adam says from the end of the alley, " Please talk to me, please. I've thought you were dead this entire time and to see you, to touch you and know that you're alive...Mark please."

"Adam I can't do this. I can't go back to how things were with you." Markus says through his tears as he turns from Adam.

Adam walks down through the alley to Markus and turns him to face him, "Things don't have to be that way anymore, you're father isn't around, we can be together just like you wanted back then."

Markus shakes his head, "We can't. I was sixteen when I fell for you Adam; what I didn't know then, I know now. It can't happen. It can't work."

"Why not?" Adam asks bringing Markus' face to look at him, "Look at you, you are an adult now who can do whatever he wants. Why can't it work. I've found you after everything on sheer chance. When I saw you behind the bar I had this feeling and I had to get closer to see." Adam wipes Markus' tears away.

Markus sniffles and leans his head on Adams shoulder, "I have a son Adam." he says softly, the sound of the music from the club plays in the background.

Adam smiles and wraps his arms around Markus, "I am happy for you, it means you finally got a girl." He holds Markus tightly in his arms.

"No," says Markus, "I don't. We aren't together her and I..." Markus closes his eyes as he takes in Adams scent, "Her and I weren't a thing. It was some stupid mistake I made, partially my fathers doing."

"What do you mean?"

"The girl... She was my age. It was right after we- It was after my father tried to kill me, the night you thought I died. He brought in this beautiful girl and told me I had new responsibilities and that she would be my first."

"You're first? You were eighteen when that happened. You had never-"

"No, never. Not until that night. Before then, it was only ever secretly with you. Look, I was supposed to break in new girls for my father to pimp out. One for every time I refused to let Lex or father touch Olivia."

"Fuck Mark, that's horrible." Adam says putting his hand to Markus' cheek.

"I am horrible. Olivia looks at me like I'm one of the good ones, like I am a good guy and I'm not. I'm dirt, I'm worse than Lex because even though I hate breaking girls in, I still do it. Even though I know it's wrong, I still do it. Liv doesn't know who I really am. She only knows who I show her." Markus pulls from Adam some. "I'm a worthless junkie that rapes girls because if I don't Lex will put his hands on Liv and I made a deal to ensure that never happens."

"Markus," Adam says, "Come home with me tonight. I will wait for you after your shift. Come and spend the night with me. I want to talk more, to catch up on everything in your life that I have missed."

"You don't need to do that." Markus replies.

"I want to do that. I want to know you again. Back then, what your father made you do for me, at first it was business, but after a while I really did begin to share your feelings. Why else would I give you gifts and service you on your birthdays."

Markus nods, "Alright, but I won't get out until three."

"I've waited all this time, another few hours won't hurt." Adam leans forward and kisses Markus' forehead.


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