FLAME

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Guilty

Dear diary,

It's been a long time since I wrote but now I am here since I feel good about everything that's going on. I guess I finally conquered my emotions. I know it's stupid, but I feel like I am doing ok around Vian. He doesn't affect me much anymore.

It's been a month since that fight with Ryan or should I say a misunderstanding? Vian and I were keeping our distance at school even though we didn't talk about it.

I didn't tell him what happened with Ryan that night. I am pretty sure if I told him he would do the opposite just to rile Ryan up.

I also understood Vian was doing it for Haze. He must have liked her a lot. That thought itself sent a million daggers towards my heart a few weeks ago but I guess I am sensitized to it now. Nowadays I could at least smile when I see them together. All thanks to Ryan.

He is good at distracting me from my reality. We went out on dates a lot, and I always had fun when I was with him... he made sure of that. When I am with him, I forget about certain other things in my life. I don't think a lot around him anymore. He is like an alternate reality to my life.

Although he makes me happy, I can't help but feel sorry towards him at times when I catch him looking at me with his fond eyes. I just can't seem to be able to develop any feelings towards him beyond trust and friendship.

The cruelest thing that I have been doing to him is that I haven't let him kiss me yet. Every time he tried, I turned my head away or moved away, saying some silly things. I know that it hurts him a lot but I just can't do it yet.

But Ryan never once complained about it nor did he push me. To be honest, girls like me should be falling for guys like Ryan. I should consider myself lucky since Ryan's still hanging out with me.

He is the perfect boy that any girl can ever get. I've seen him flirting with almost all the girls at school, but he never once turned his eyes on a girl ever since he's been with me. He is sweet, patient, funny, caring, and rich. I mean any girl would die to have him. I would... if only I didn't have any feelings for my best friend who is oblivious.

But being with Ryan gives me hope. I don't know about Ryan, but I am sure I am going to fall for a guy in the future while maintaining my friendship with Vian.

I closed my Diary taking a look at the clock. It was 4 pm and I will have more than enough time to get ready before Ryan arrives to pick me up.

Ryan's mom invited me to this party that she is holding for the people she works with. Kind of like a socializing party all of those rich people have. She also asked me to stay the night and have breakfast the next day since Ryan's father is going to be there. She also sent me a dress with all the accessories to wear for the party.

I know what all of this means. Ryan told me that it was okay to refuse, but I didn't want to be disrespectful and moreover, I have never been to any party so I thought why not? So I agreed. Even though Ryan didn't express it, I know it made him very happy.

I was working on my hair after the shower when Jay entered my room and threw himself on my bed. I am pretty sure I heard a crack on the wood when he did. I don't know when he is going to stop doing gymnastics on my bed.

"Long time no see, Ava." He is been teasing me like this recently since I am spending too much time with Ryan nowadays.

I retorted rolling my eyes, "I just saw you an hour ago when you stole my chicken breast while we were having lunch, remember?"

He chuckled and sat up on the bed crossing his legs looking at me.

"So you really gonna stay out?" he asked me with curious eyes. I just nodded shrugging looking at him through the mirror.

"I don't like it," he said pouting cutely.

He's been doing this since he heard about the party at Ryan's home. Vian and Jay were keeping trying to stop me but they wouldn't tell me why.

"Where's V?" I asked trying to distract him.

"He is getting ready for his date." He said sighing. He continued mumbling, scolding himself for being single when his two best friends are going on a date leaving him alone which made me chuckle.

"Yeah, right. I almost forgot his date with Haze. He hasn't left yet? He said he was going out at five." I asked him.

"Yeah but she wants him to come a bit late so he is just passing time talking to your grandma."

"Okay. Now get out. I need to change." I said walking to him and pushed him out of the door pulling him from the bed.

"Wow... you are so cruel, Aves." He whined walking out.

I wore the mini one-sleeved wine-colored body con dress that Ryan's mother gifted me along with the accessories and the high heels. The dress hugged my body revealing my curves. To be honest it was a little uncomfortable and a bit revealing for me since I have never worn a dress like that. I pulled my styled hair to one side to the front of my shoulder. The dress was beautiful, but I wasn't confident about my look.

It was my grandma who noticed me first when I climbed down the stairs followed by Jay and Vian since they were talking to Grandma looking in the opposite direction.

"You look beautiful, sweety." My Grandma threw a compliment.

Jay mouthed a 'wow' when he turned back to take a look at me. These reactions didn't do anything to me until Vian turned his head towards me.

He was wearing a dark blue shirt with black jeans. He combed his dark black hair back revealing his forehead which made his grey eyes stand out.

I forgot to breathe when his eyes caught mine. His eyes darkened, and he touched every inch of my body with his gaze sending chills all over my body. His look made my throat go dry, I gulped, unsure of his thoughts. He subtly moved from his place when I licked my lips looking at him.

"Is this too much?" I asked them waving my hand from looking all awkward.

"You kidding me? You look awesome." Jay spoke astonished.

"You are going out wearing that? I think you should change." Vian said to me in disdain curling up his lip. I would have believed him if only his eyes didn't light up a minute ago when they saw me.

"Oh come on, stop. She looks beautiful. Stop being a snob. You look, beautiful honey." My grandma defended slightly hitting Vian on the shoulder.

"Come on give me a hug." She stood up from her place and came to me. She hugged me and kissed me on the forehead.

"Grandma, I think we two should go on a date since we both are single right now. Grandpa won't be angry right?" Jay said playfully to my grandmother.

"Oh, stop." She got a bit shy and tried to move away from Jay.

"Grandma I am serious. Come on, tell me what you like? You wanna watch a movie or you wanna dance for the classical music after a candlelight dinner." He followed her teasing and grabbing her hand and hip making her dance. She pushed him away shyly.

"Oh, you are so cruel, woman." He said dramatically keeping his hands on the heart which made us all laugh.

Hours later I was in the hands of Ryan at the party dancing to a slow song. We both spent hours greeting people who we didn't know. His mom dragged him everywhere introducing him to everyone since it will be useful for him in the future when he starts his acting career and he dragged me all along everywhere grabbing my hand and introduced me as his girlfriend to everyone.

"Did I say that you look beautiful today? He asked me slightly putting pressure on my hip while dancing.

"Yes, a hundred times," I said smiling mockingly.

"Well, I am going to keep reminding you the whole night." He said winking at me.

"Do you wanna get out of here? Somewhere quiet?" he asked me and I nodded.

We went to the backside of the house where the pool was. I removed my heels and sat dipping my leg in the water. My legs were cramped standing wearing heels for so long and it felt soothing, soaking my leg in warm water.

That was a private pool so there was no one except us. Ryan sat beside me also dipping his feet after removing his shoes and rolling his pants up.

"I wanted to ask you this for long. Why are you friends with Jackson at all?" I asked him.

He looked at me knitting his eyebrows like asking where I am going with this.

"I mean you agreed to me that he is an as*hole. So why?" I asked him. I was sincerely curious how could a person like Ryan be friends with Jackson.

"Well why are you friends with Vian and Jay?" he asked me.

"Well, you can't compare them with Jackson. They both are way nicer than him." I defended them.

"Then tell me one person that they were nice to them except you."

"And Haze. Although I am not entirely sure about her." He added.

"What do you mean you are not sure? He really likes her and cares for her." I supported him.

"Does he, though?" he asked me looking at my eyes intently. I didn't fully understand what he meant, but his look made me uncomfortable so I looked down.

"What do you mean?" I asked him looking at the water in front of me.

"You didn't answer my question." He said.

I didn't say anything back. I understood what he meant to say.

"Jackson is not a bad guy... not to me. And before you he was the one who was always there for me when I feel down," he said softly.

"I am sorry. I shouldn't have asked it like that." I apologized.

"It's okay. Are you tired? Do you wanna go watch a movie or something before bed?" he offered.

I agreed. I changed my dress into my pajama which I packed before coming here for the night stay in the guest room that was provided to me and went to Ryan's room to watch the movie.

He was standing on the balcony when I went inside so I joined him. The moon was high lighting the whole balcony.

"It's so beautiful, right? I just wish that I could live at this moment forever." He said looking at the moon dazed.

I turned my head from the moon to look at him. The moonlight fell on his face making it glow. His eyes slowly drifted from the moon to me on his side.

His look made my insides churn and I already knew what was going to happen. He slowly lowered his head without taking his eyes off. Halfway through, his hand came up behind my head holding me. I didn't run away this time... I didn't want to... I closed my eyes and stood there encouraging myself not to run away again. I could feel his breath on my face, and I was expecting his lips on mine any time now.

I was more anxious than excited to have my first kiss. Is this how it feels?

Enjoy reading - T

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