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Self control

“I am so sorry… but he made me do it.”

“Hazel, what did you do?” something inside me warned that whatever it is that I am not going to like it.

She hesitated, but I forced her to tell the truth. I was horrified and infuriated when I heard everything she said and I was on my way to Ava before I let the matter sink in, not bothering to listen to Hazel’s apologies.

Hazel told me that Jackson was planning to drug Ava and film her as he did to hazel. He blackmailed Hazel to keep me occupied or away from Ava when he came to know that I was attending the party. She also saw Ryan leaving the party with Nina which was suspicious. That explains why Ava is alone.

To imagine something happening to her was unnerving and I drove as fast as I can to reach her before something happens. I searched for her everywhere at the party but I couldn’t find her. It alleviates the fear in me when I found her lying on the bed in one of the rooms upstairs. Whoever locked her inside kept the key on the hole outside making it easy for me to go in.

Thankfully I got to her on time, but she wasn’t herself when I found her. She was scared and way out of her mind. But then she lost consciousness before she could say anything.

“It’s okay, babe. I am here now.” I carried her in my arms to my truck. I wanted to rip Jackson’s head off. I would’ve if he showed his face but all I could think then was how to protect her. As far as I could see, she looked unharmed. I tried to wake her up by calling her name, but all I did get was some incoherent words.

I was just going to let her sleep when we got home but I noticed that she was burning hot and sweating and kept mumbling when I carried her to her room.

So I decided to let her take a shower and sober her up a little but no matter what she wasn’t waking up. ‘I guess then there is no other way.’

I carried her to the bathroom myself and made her stand under the shower keeping the water’s temperature on the cold side. It helped a little I guess. She opened her eyes and gasped as soon as the water hit her body. She managed to drench me as well by flapping her hands and pushing me away trying to escape from the water.

I let her stand on her own once she stood under the shower like she was enjoying it. “I am feeling so hot.” She removed her clothes one by one under the shower saying it repeatedly.

I turned around the other side but stayed just in case she needed my help. The thought of calling her Grandmother crossed my mind, but I didn’t want to wake her up at late night.

“You good?” I asked her without turning back once she got silent and stopped mumbling. I could only hear the shower running and I pictured water drops running down her silky skin in my mind. I closed my eyes and shook my head trying to get that picture out of my mind. ‘This is not right, Vian’ I warned myself.

“Better.” She almost whispered, but it was better than before. ‘Okay time to leave.’

“Okay, get dressed. I will wait outside.” I showed her where I kept her pajama set and walked out.

I changed my clothes as well and went down to the kitchen to get some hot water with lemon and honey thinking that it will make her feel better. When I came back to her room she was all dressed and standing on the chair showing her face in front of the air conditioner.

“Drink this. You will feel better.” I gave her the drink.

I grabbed her hip when she stumbled trying to climb down from the chair. She licked her lips giving me a look when my hand touched her, making me forget to breathe.

“It’s still hot in here.” She unbuttoned her top a little and went to grab the drink when I released her. She wasn’t making it easy for me anymore. ‘Drunken Ava is too dangerous.’

She finished her drink and made herself comfortable on the bed hugging her pillow so I decided to leave.

“V, please don’t go.” I heard her calling my name like a siren, in the most alluring way. I groaned and turned back to sit on the edge of the bed. ‘I will just sit here until she falls asleep.’ I convinced myself.

“You can lay down.” she patted on the space beside her. I wanted to get away from her, but something tightly bound me to her stopping me from leaving.

“Please.” She begged when she saw me hesitating.

I sighed giving in and lied down beside her. As soon as I did, she moved closer to me rolling onto her side. I could feel her gaze from the side of my eyes, but I decided to keep my eyes on the ceiling. ‘I think it’s safe that way.’

A few moments later, she inched closer making our bodies collide. “This feels better. Your body is cold.” She moved further close hugging me.

Well, I was freezing since she kept the room temperature as low as she can, complaining that the room was so hot.

Hugging Ava isn’t new to me but it feels like torture today. “You should get some sleep,” I said hugging her back thinking that it might help her sleep. But usually, she doesn’t like someone hugging or touching her while she sleeps.

I don’t know if hugging me helped her but I definitely got warm by hugging her. By the looks of it, I wasn’t sure how the night unfolds.

She started running her hands down on my body. It started as a small circling and then her hand started to venture in all dangerous places making me catch on my breathe.

“What are you doing?” I blocked her hand before she could go further.

She suddenly climbed above me throwing away the pillow that was failing to separate us. My body was in between her knees, and she leaned down and started kissing me unexpectedly.

I wanted to stop her but her soft lips tasted like honey and it shut down my logical thoughts. My lips started moving without my permission according to her like she was controlling me. We kissed each other like we were hungry, fighting for dominance over each other but neither of us backed down.

I came to my senses when she tried to remove my t-shirt grinding her lower body on mine waking my feral instincts.

I rolled us to the other side putting myself on top of her pinning down her lower body with my knees and her hands above her head seizing all of her movement. I realized that it was starting to get out of control and I don’t want to go further.

“You need to stop,” I warned her.

“I want you.” She said enticing me looking at my eyes. She arched her back closing the distance between us bringing our chests together luring me in and tempting me to lose my control.

A low guttural sound escaped my throat in desire. She can be the most frustrating person in the world at any moment rendering me helpless.

If only she was in her right mind, I wouldn’t think twice about it. Hell, I doubt that she would even act like this if she was in her right mind. She has no idea how hard it was for me not to touch her when we are this close. But there she was lying down looking like a little vixen teasing my self-control.

“You don’t want me?” her eyes started to tear up when she saw me pausing.

She slowly grabbed my wrist and guided it to her chest. “Do you feel my heartbeat?” she asked me placing my palm against her chest. But all I could feel was her luscious breast and I couldn’t stop thinking about them on my mouth… kneading then… sucking them. ‘God, you should stop thinking about her like that.’ I yelled at my mind.

“It only wants you… no matter what I tell myself otherwise.” She spoke sadly. I could feel the honesty in her words almost making me lose myself. I just wanted to show my love for her then and there and make her mine.

But I couldn’t. Not when she is like this. When I let her know how much I like her, I want that moment to plaster in her mind forever enjoying every second. I don’t want to do anything now that both of us might regret tomorrow. So I felt guilty about what I did next.

“You should get some sleep,” I told her kissing her forehead, and walked out of the room, leaving her alone without turning back.

I almost ran out of the room, and I was only able to breathe then. God, I should get some award or something for my self-control.


When the world drowns in darkness
That’s when we both burn bright.
Lying beside you,
Letting your hands, map every inch of my body,
I am in pursuit of paradise.
Do you feel my love in you?
Setting your body on fire,
I will melt in it like a candle.
You are my night novel.
When I am done with reading you,
You are gonna come like a meteor shower.
I wanna run my tongue where you can’t
Making you beg,
Composing music all night.


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