25 - Nowhere And Nothing
There you are again, sitting in your favorite spot on our front porch.
You said it was the best spot in the house specially in the afternoons while you wait for the setting sun to cross the horizon of the ocean up front because the light won't be on your face. You won't have to squint your eyes and the rays won't bother you while you watch the play of pink, purple and orange colors on the sky.
You said you enjoyed how the soft breeze brushed against your cheek like gentle angel kisses while you read "Sleeping Beauty" to our 12-week old baby in your belly.
You would have loved to sink your toes on the white sand... I knew you would have loved that but it would have been difficult with you on that chair.
I said, "My love, would you like to go to the sand? I'll carry you."
You just smiled and answered, "Save your energy, my darling, we have a long way to go. You have years more to take care of me."
Then you would give a little laugh and it would break my heart because I knew you were trying to reassure me that you were okay. But seeing you trapped in that chair with two wheels, not being able to run on the sand and delighting in the sensation of the grains seeping between your toes, just kills me inside.
It's been two weeks since you lost all the feeling on your legs and the ability to walk. Just as the doctor had predicted, the pregnancy accelerated the process of the disease especially in your lower body.
I went against your wishes, I still bent down and lifted you from that chair then carried you to the beach anyway because I knew that was what your heart really wanted, my Sunshine. Love, I would do anything to make you completely happy every second of every day even if it takes every ounce of my strength and energy because I love you with all my heart, soul and being.
I love you very much, my dearest, and I am never Nowhere or Nothing when I'm with you. Because with you, Mrs. Sunshine Faulkner, I am loved and I am home.
To many more years to Forever,
Shine folded the letter and wiped the tears in her eyes. "That's so unfair. Why is your letter so touching? You made me cry. I'll be ugly for our wedding later." She sobbed as she gently rubbed her 14-week old baby bump.
He smiled, blinking back the tears in his own eyes. "It's impossible for you to be ugly. You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I am the luckiest man to be with you."
He sighed as he stared at her, mesmerized by how beautiful she looked in her white lace wedding dress.
"I love you and Thank you for coming into my life." She said as she held out her hand to him while he sat on a chair across from her against the window with a beach view in their living room with the camera she set up earlier recording in front of them.
He took her hand and held it firmly. "No, my love. Thank you for giving meaning to my life. I love you more. We have many more years, okay?" James sniffed and caught a stray tear that fell from his eye then kissed her hand.
"Yes. Many many more years. I promise. I will fight for you and our baby." She smiled. "Oh, stop crying. We have a wedding to be in." She giggled.
He nodded his head and laughed as he wiped their tears away and kept her letter in the pocket of his suit vest.
Thank you for coming into my life and giving me reason to hope.
I know I started this letter exchange and that this letter should have at least a thousand words to let you know how wonderfully amazing you are but I decided not to tell you in this letter and show you instead... everyday for many years to come.
Yes, many years, my darling, because you taught me how to hope like that.
Right now, there is really nothing more for me to say but I LOVE YOU with all that I am and all that I will ever be, for better or worse.