Lonely is a word I could use to describe myself. Sure I have friends, well if you could even call them that, more like acquaintances. But that's all they are. I don't like to hang out or go to after school games or events. I would rather be alone at home in my room reading or watching Netflix. When my friends ask to hang out, which is very rare, I make up some lame excuse so I don't have to.
I get up, go to school, go home, repeat. In the morning when I'm walking around the somewhat crowded school halls with my friends, I listen to their drama and nod my head. Of course, I put in a word or two to make it look like I'm paying attention. But the truth is I'm not.
I'm in eleventh grade and I practically begged my mom to homeschool me. She, of course, disagreed with the idea.
But I know if I didn't go to a public school, I would not socialize with anyone, which would result in me being socially awkward, well more so then I already am. Walking through the school halls between periods, I feel like everybody is staring at me. I get this feeling that people judge me by the way I walk, and because of it, I want to hide.
I have really bad anxiety and to put the cherry on top I'm extremely shy.
The only people I truly feel comfortable around are my mom and older brother. I'm nice to everyone. But that's because I'm not very confident and am afraid to say the wrong thing. I don't swear either, I hate vulgar language.
My friends tease me and say I'm so innocent, probably because I don't interact with any boys and am not boy crazy like them. When my friends talk about boys, they know I don't actually understand their boy troubles.
I know this because they always say, "Can't relate, right Ella?"
When they say this, I kinda do an awkward laugh and smile because it's true.
Honestly, I can't see myself being with anyone. I'm so nervous and uncomfortable around people and just doubt that I could ever get close to anyone.
Especially a boy.
When I'm near them I kind of freeze up and can't make eye contact. But nobody knows my secret about those feelings. I don't want people to think that I'm pathetic or am afraid of my own shadow.
I used to play soccer and was very competitive, I loved it. Only because I was good at it. I was a fast runner, very good at getting back on defense. I stopped playing though because I hated the pressure you get put under. Also, I was injured tearing my ACL while playing on a summer league team, and it wasn't the same after.
Finally, it's the weekend. I hate how the weekdays feel so long but the weekends last like two seconds. Like why have five weekdays and only two days for the weekend, that's not fair? When Monday rolls around, I become so miserable it's not even funny.
I used to ride the bus home every day, but just last month I got my license, and now drive a dark blue ford ranger. I picked this vehicle out because it reminded me of my dad in a way, fords were his favorite type of truck.
It's Friday, and I'm currently driving to the grocery store after school because my mom wants me to pick up a couple of things for dinner. She knows I don't like to go places alone because I'm super awkward. If I get worked up or become overwhelmed when I'm alone, my body begins to shake and everything becomes a catastrophe. She insisted it was only a couple things though, and I would be out in no time.
So, unfortunately, I had no choice and had to go.
Pulling into the store parking lot I park my truck and slowly trudge into the store. I grab a shopping cart and keep my eyes averted downward. I don't like making eye contact with anyone and want to save myself from seeing anyone I know. Also, I hate small talk.
Heading down to the freezer section I grab a couple of gallons of two-percent milk and place them in my cart. Now all I need to get is the sharp cheddar cheese for the Mac and cheese, then I can cash out and leave.
While pushing my cart my eyes watch the floor. My body feels stiff with nervousness. I hate the grocery store and I hate being here alone. While making my way over to the cheese, the cart suddenly stops abruptly, colliding with something hard.
My head snaps up as anxiety swells within my stomach. What did I just run into?
A tall boy stands behind my cart, he lifts his head so we're looking right at each other. I gulp and grip my shopping cart handle tighter. This wasn't just some ordinary boy, he was a very attractive boy, with forest green eyes and short curly chocolate hair. He had a jawline to die for. He was beautiful. Well, beautiful was an understatement.
I've never seen him before. And to make this day better, I just ran into him. This is why I hate being places alone. Suddenly I realize that I'm staring and heat rushes to my cheeks. He's going to think I'm so awkward.
I glance down at the floor. "I'm s-s-sorry." I stutter out, feeling myself become swallowed in embarrassment.
Why can't I just be bloody normal? I'm so freaking awkward. I should have watched where I was going. Why does stuff like this have to happen to me?
When I look up again, he's staring at me with a smirk which makes my blush deepen all the more.
"Well maybe if you were paying attention instead of admiring the floor you would have seen me." The beautiful boy says teasing evident in his tone.
My hands start to shake and my anxiety begins to rise. He's right and that's the worst part. Curse my mom for making me come here, next time I'm telling her no.
"I k-know, I'm s-sorry." My breath comes out shaky. God, I need to pull myself together before he thinks I'm a freak.
His smirk grows even wider, he definitely thinks I'm a freak, he's probably enjoying my embarrassment.
"What's your name Lil' one?"
"E-E-Ella," I mutter. Breathe Ella, you sound like a complete idiot.
"Ella, hmm " he hums. "Cute, just like you."
Did he really just call me cute? I'm standing here shaking and stuttering like an idiot, that's not my definition of cute. I need to leave before I embarrass myself even more. This is absolutely horrible. I have such bad luck.
He's standing there obviously amused, but me not so much. You could tell by looking at him he was confident. I wish I could hold myself like that...but I can't.
"I-I should probably go, I-I have to err get home." I managed to get out.
A small frown starts to pull at his lips but then leaves as quickly as it came. "I'll be seeing yuh, Ellie." My name rolls off his lips.
I quickly push my cart to the front of the store where the cash registers are, trying to escape my embarrassment as quickly as possible. Reaching the checkout line I put my couple items up and after pay the cashier. Receiving the receipt, I grab my two bags and rush out to the parking lot.
The drive home takes about ten minutes. But I don't mind, I like to drive it gives me a sense of control.
When I get home I put the groceries on the counter and head up to my room. I can't stop thinking about how stupid I was to bump into somebody. I've never seen the boy before either, the image of his green eyes and soft curls were now stuck in my head. I didn't even get his name, I was too scared to ask. Shaking those thoughts out of my head I scroll through Netflix finding Riverdale. Clicking on it, let the binge-watching begin.
About two hours later my mom calls me down for dinner. Homemade Mac and cheese is my favorite food besides mashed potatoes. It's only my mom and me at the table because my brother isn't home yet.
This story is currently being edited, so there will be lots of mistakes in later chapters! You are warned!