You drive me crazy
Agape: noun. 1. The highest form of love. Selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional love; persists no matter the circumstance.
Everything seems so surreal. If fairytales are real, I think I could say pretty confidently that I’m living mine. Meeting Declan has been the ultimate change in my life, meeting him was and is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
From being alone to now, it seems weird to look back. Now that I have Declan, I can’t even imagine how I felt or how I went on without him. He’s so special to me I can’t even comprehend it.
You know that saying, life doesn’t revolve around you. It’s completely accurate because my life doesn’t revolve around me, it revolves around him. He’s the sun and I’m the planet, he’s the light that makes life possible.
From gravity that keeps me grounded to air that keeps me breathing, Declan is my stability. When my anxiety gets the best of me, he touches me sucking the fear and anguish right out of me. He kisses me and I float with euphoria.
Declan, Declan, Declan, my Declan. His green eyes, the color of forest, his faint peachy lips, his straight nose, the way he holds me, the way his fingers touch me, I am his, my mind and body.
My feet carry me down the long straight back road, my Nike sneakers hitting the ground each step I take. My heart thudding loud in my ears, my arms pumping forcing me to move faster. This is what it feels like to fly, running with the sun gone and the moon out.
The shrill of the night is so much better than running in daylight. No onlookers watching you, no passing by cars, just you and your endurance. Music loud drowning out your negative thoughts, it’s therapeutic. Pushing yourself to see how far you can go, how fast your legs will take you.
As much as I love soccer, I love to run too. Fitness is an escape from the real world and the stress that comes with it. When I run, I feel empowered, almost in the same way as Declan makes me feel.
As I run I race myself, the darkness feels around me, the world seems still and I’m the only one moving. The road’s cracks and dips are felt under my feet, I step on each imperfection without so much as a thought.
The dim street lights shine little light. As I reach each new street light, my line of sight moves slightly upwards, under the dimness little bugs swarm with a distant buzz.
I’ll be home in two street lamps time, about two hundred meters. My breathing becomes more ragged as I force my legs to quicken in pace. My heart thumps louder due to the higher intensity. Blood rushes through my veins supplying as much oxygen possible to my lungs.
Then I stop nearly feeling sick as I reach my destination. My hand falls onto my chest then I double over holding my knees as I try to inhale.
Once the nausea disappears I lift my head, taking in my house. In the driveway Declan’s black GMC is parked. My heart leaps with excitement then drops in my stomach. He’s standing in the doorway of my front door, in the dark I make out his rigid stance.
He shuts the door behind him and begins to walk towards me, his strides quick and forceful. I stand frozen at his unannounced presence, exhaustion suddenly hitting me.
He’s mad, I can tell. I wasn’t expecting him to be here, I thought he was working late tonight.
“Ellie.” He says, his voice rough yet still lovely. He closes the gap between us standing in front of me.
I glance up at his beautiful face, even when he’s mad he still is the most attractive person I’ve ever seen. “Declan.” I breathe out.
His eyes soften slightly, but his gaze is still quite intense. I go to say something but he shakes his head pressing his pointer finger to my lips, “Don’t.” He mutters.
I close my mouth letting the unsaid words fall away.
“I’ve been waiting for you.” He starts, “We’ve talked about you running alone in the dark, damnit Ella you told me you wouldn’t.”
A sigh leaves my trembling lips. I glance away from his stare, looking at my feet. “I know.” I mumble, feeling horrible.
His fingers touch under my chin tilting it up gently. The simple touch ignites so many emotions. Every time he touches me it feels like the first time. “Hey.” He whispers.
“I-I’m sorry.” I murmur, my lips still trembling.
The intense look in his eyes fades, “I know.” He mutters, pulling me into his arms. I wrap my arms around him letting my head fall into his chest, his scent filling my senses. “You scared me.” He mumbles, “I don’t like you being alone in the dark.”
I nod my head into his chest, not wanting to speak. I know I shouldn’t have run alone, he hates when I’m by myself when I run. I don’t say anything because I know he’s right and I have no excuse. I made the decision knowing how stupid it was.
“I’m sorry.” I say again feeling ashamed.
“Stop apologizing.” He says looking down at me, “Just promise me you won’t go by yourself again.”
“Okay” I whisper, “I promise.”
He smiles and my heart skips a beat, “I can’t stay mad at you, you make it impossible.”
My cheeks fill with color. His head leans down and my mouth parts open automatically. His lips brush mine gently before he applies more pressure. My head spins as his taste fills my tastebuds, my knees buckle as he kisses me with the fear that he had and the relief that I’m here now.
He grabs me tighter knowing my body has become jelly to his touch. Without his hold I would have collapsed.
He chuckles, “Let’s get you inside before you faint on me.”
I pout, he just shakes his head picking me up as if I’m as light as a feather. He carries me inside and up to my room, gently setting me on my bed. He kneels down sliding my shoes off before walking away and into my bathroom.
A minute later, the shower is heard. He reappears taking my hand and leading me into the bathroom. “Shower my little Ellie, I’ll be waiting.” He murmurs, “Be quick for my sake.” He winks before leaving.
I stare at the door for a second before peeling off my clothes. How did I come across someone so perfect? He’s everything that I’m not, and still I’m not sure what he sees in me. My heart aches at the thought of him ever leaving.
As I turn to the shower, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My blotchy cheeks glistened with sweat. My hair a tangled mess, my skin pale as ever. How is it that he thinks I’m pretty when all that I see is an overly average girl who can’t even accept herself.
Stepping into the shower, I let the water wash over me. How is it that I’m always messing up? I love Declan and I know that he loves me, but I still have this fear that one day he will realize that I’m not all that he thinks that I am. That he will leave me, that he will get sick of my endless crying, and my embarrassing anxiety.
I scrub my skin, ridding it of sticky sweat. When I’m done scrubbing my skin and washing my hair I switch the knobs of the shower off.
Declan left one of his t-shirts and a pair of his boxers on the toilet seat. After I’m dry I throw them on and quickly run a brush through my soaking wet hair. His smell fills my nose and I smile. In the reflection I see the slight flush of my skin that never seems to leave, and it’s all because of him.
A knock on the door has me pulling away from the mirror, “Can I come in?”
“Yes.” I say softly, putting my brush away.
The door swings open and in comes Declan. He comes up behind me and rests his hands on my waist. I unconsciously lean into him. “I was growing impatient.” He tells me, placing a kiss on my cheek, then rests his chin on top of my head.
“I was only in here for five minutes.”
He frowns, “I don’t care, it was too long.”
My lips turn upwards slightly. In the mirror I can see him looking at me and I do the same. “I love you.” He murmurs.
I squirm a little against him, I love hearing him say those words. His voice is so gentle but so honest. “I love you.” I murmur back.
His smile appears almost immediately. I watch in the mirror as he lifts his hand to caress my cheeks, his thumb then brushes along my lips and down my jaw. He traces my features with his calloused fingers so delicately.
“I love how you bite your lip when you try to stop your smile.” He whispers, “I love how your nose crinkles when you’re embarrassed.” He says tracing my nose, “I love how you peak at me through your eyelashes when you think I’m not looking.” He murmurs close to my ear, “And I love when you tell me that you love me too.”
My face is burning in hues of red. I love how he only acts this way around me. “Stop.” I whisper, “You’re making my heart hurt.”
He turns me around so we’re facing each other, “I can’t, I want you to know, I need you to know.”
I throw my arms around him tightly. He responds by lifting me up onto the sink and once again kissing me. But as soon as his lips touch mine they’re gone, he kisses the line of my jaw trailing slowly down my neck. I tilt my head liking the feeling. For a long minute he stops and sucks on my skin. My hands lift into his hair, I pull at the soft silky curls.
His hands tingle into my own hair gently sifting his fingers through. He brings his lips to my nose, then my cheeks, and back to my lips. My eyes flutter as my hands grip his hair tightly.
He pulls away and I fall back hitting the mirror. I jerk back up in surprise, why do I always lose the feeling of my body when he touches me?
Declan quickly touches my head, his eyes watching me. “Are you okay?” He asks, his voice laced with concern.
I nod my head sheepishly, “You drive me crazy.” I whisper so quietly hoping he doesn’t hear.
But the grin on his face shows me he did in fact hear what I said. “I know, and you drive me insane.”
Chapter 1 of Agape!! Oh my gosh this is so exciting, I hope you guys enjoy it!! Did you miss Ella and Declan as much as I did?