I'll be seeing yuh
A sudden weight on my stomach has my eyes splitting open, innocent giggles filling my ears. As my eyes come to focus, the frame of a little girl hovers over me, sitting right in the middle of my abdomen.
Her charcoal curls bounce as she giggles, her blue eyes lit almost to the color of sapphire. Even her little cheeks were flushed in reds and pinks.
“Wake up Ellie, wake up,” Riley exclaims.
An immediate smile curls onto my lips. “Who’s this beautiful girl in my bedroom, I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”
She giggles, “It’s me, Ellie, it’s Riley.” Declan’s sister is the cutest little girl I’ve ever met, I swear it.
I scrunch my eyebrows to make it look as if I’m thinking and debating if that statement is true. After a moment of pretending, I let my face light with recognition. “Riley girl, it is you,” I say.
She smiles with a childlike radiance, spilling a feeling of warmth over me. Riley is no doubt beautiful just like her big brother. Her flushed cheeks shown with dimples due to the upwards curve of her lips. She had one of her bottom baby teeth missing making her look all the more adorable.
“I told you, Ellie, I told you it was me.” She states cheekily.
A sigh leaves my lips, “You did.” I confess.
What time is it? How long have I been sleeping? After getting home from the mall and crashing onto my bed, I must have fallen asleep but not on purpose.
“Lil’ one.” His cool voice fills my ears, the low sound was both soft and masculine. His voice had the power to send satisfying chills down my spine all the while raising the blonde hairs on my arms up straight as a stick.
My eyes lifted, searching the room for his presence. Declan stood in my doorway, leaning against the frame with both his arms and feet crossed. He wore a black Nike sweatshirt and dark grey Nike athletic shorts. He looked so good, I had to bite my lip to hold in my giddy smile.
How long has he been standing there? Has he been there this whole time?
For a moment I forget the heaviness I’m holding, “D, you’re here.” I murmur.
His lips quirk, a coy smirk playing on his lovely features. “That I am, you were supposed to call me when you got back,” He pauses, his hand running over his lips. “But you fell asleep. Tell me, were you tired?”
Riley crawled off of me and onto the bed as I sat up, “Umm yeah.”
“Hmm, Olivia called me, she was worried about you.” He tells me, pushing away from the doorframe, taking long strides towards me. “She said you felt sick, so now I’m wondering why didn’t you call me.”
Maybe because if I called you, I would have confessed everything. Maybe because if I called you, you would know I’m not sick. Maybe because if I called you, you would do something about it. And maybe because you wouldn’t care about getting hurt in the process.
“Well umm, I fell asleep before I could,” I mumble.
He stops right in front of me, his hand reaches up to my forehead feeling my skin, his skin is warm against my own. His eyes don’t leave me in the process and because of this, my cheeks flush. “No temperature.” He says slowly, then glimpses over at Riley. “Rye Rye, why don’t you go see mama Emerson downstairs.”
Riley jumps at the idea, “Okay Deck.” She chimes, hurrying off the bed. Within seconds she’s out of the room, skipping down the stairs leaving Declan and me alone in my bedroom.
He studies me, “Why did you tell Olivia you didn’t feel good? Did you want to leave the mall, did you get overwhelmed?”
Hayes sits right at the surface of my mind, like an uncomfortable itch that won’t go away. Just the thought of him was chilling. Maybe he was shopping? Maybe I got worked up for nothing. Surely he wasn’t after Declan and me anymore, it’s been a whole year of silence. So I shouldn’t worry him for nothing.
Nibbling my lip, I nod my head hoping that’s enough.
“I still don’t understand why you didn’t call, you were supposed to come over after. You told me you would call me if you needed me.” He says.
I glance down, not wanting to look into his pretty eyes if I can’t even tell him the truth. The truth would only cause him to worry. “I guess I was tired.”
He gently pushes my shoulders down so I’m lying on the bed, his body climbs on top of mine, his legs on either side of my stomach all in one quick motion. The position has my cheeks enhancing in heat.
His thumb brushes down my dry lips, “When you nibble these lips baby.” He rasps, “I know the words that come out are lies.” His calloused fingers run along the bone of my jaw, “Why are you lying to me? You know there’s really no point because I know every damn time.”
My eyes widen, he always knows. “It’s nothing,” I say breathlessly.
His jaw clenches, his hands halting in place. “It’s not nothing Ella if it’s bothering you this bad it’s more then nothing.”
Ella. He said, Ella.
My eyes begin to sting. I just don’t want him to worry over nothing, I don’t even think Hayes saw me. It’s probably just a coincidence he was there at the same time I was. But a part of me doesn’t believe that.
“Why can’t we just forget about it?” I suggest in just barely a whisper.
His eyes narrow at my suggestion, I’m guessing he doesn’t agree. “I’m not just going to forget about it, something made you want to leave. Did somebody approach you? Did somebody threaten you.”
I shake my head, eyes now watering. “N-no, really it’s n-nothing.”
The way he’s looking at me causes a pain in my chest. He’s mad at me, Declan’s mad at me because I don’t want him to worry. Why can’t he just understand that telling him would only add weight to his shoulders when he’s already stressed enough? God, I hate when he’s mad at me.
His hands move to his hair, tugging the curly strands. “I thought we could tell each other things, I thought we didn’t keep secrets.”
That’s it, that’s when the tears flow right out of my eyes. “It’s n-not like that—.”
He’s off of me in seconds, “It’s not? Well, it sure as hell seems like it.” He says, his voice rising a bit.
I go to grab his arm but he shrugs me off. A feeling of rejection washes over me, my lips begin to quiver. “D, I love you. I j-just don’t w-want you to worry.”
He turns around, fist balled tight, his knuckles white. “That’s not fair Ella, I worry when you don’t tell me. I worry all the fucking time, this isn’t an exception.” He practically growls, “I love you, Ella, with every goddamn bone in my body but this.” He gestures between us, “lying and keeping things from each other doesn’t work for me.”
“T-that’s not what I’m d-doing,” I whisper, wiping furiously at my eyes. Trying to stop these stupid waterworks. It doesn’t work though, they keep coming along with the ugliest sounding hiccups.
I shake my head, “N-no.”
I swear that only makes him angrier. “You know what? Whatever don’t tell me, don’t fucking trust me.” He mutters, walking towards my door.
“Where are y-you going?” I hiccup.
He doesn’t look back at me, he doesn’t even stop in his tracks. “I need to think.” He says roughly, and in a quieter tone that breaks my heart, “I’ll be seeing yuh.”
He’s walking away. Declan has never walked away from me, he’s never even been this mad at me before. We don’t fight, not really anyway. But this, this was different, this wasn’t us.
Endless tears streamed my cheeks, like rainwater sliding down a window. My heart was a drum, pounding into my chest like heavy metal. His words struck hard like lightning striking unknown ground.
He’s mad at me, he’s so mad at me.
I need to make it better, I need to tell him.
After about a minute of me pitying myself, my feet rush into action, carrying me down the hall and down my stairs in a haste. He’s down here right? Is Riley still with my mom? My eyes scan the rooms of the downstairs floor, the living room, the dining room, the bathroom, and the laundry room.
When I reach the kitchen I see my mom making something but no Riley insight.
“Where’s Declan.” I rush out.
My mom jumps a bit, then relaxes glancing back at me. “He just took Riley saying they had to go.” I must have scared her, but I don’t have time to apologize and dwell on it.
I run to the front door and swing it open wasting no time searching for Declan’s chocolate curls, his tall figure, and his beautiful face. Nowhere, they’re nowhere I can see. His black GMC is gone, just gone, leaving only dust and air in its wake.
He left, he left without saying goodbye.
Saltwater soaks my beat red blotchy face as I stare at the empty place in the driveway where Declan always parks. My truck is here though, he must have dropped it off sometime earlier.
This is my fault, all my fault.
Why didn’t I just tell him? Stupid, stupid, stupid, I’m so stupid.
Words, his words seize my mind on a recording line. ‘I need to think’ and ‘lying and keeping secrets doesn’t work for me’. Over and over again, the words replay, the way he looked at me engraved right behind my eyes. His jaw clenched, his knuckles in fists, and his eyes angry.
I go back inside slamming the door shut and run up the stairs to my room.
“Ella.” My mom calls, but it goes through one ear and out the other.
My throat hurts so bad, it feels like someone is strangling me, it’s that feeling you get when you try not to cry. But I do cry, it’s hard, it’s ugly, and it’s pathetic.
When I get to my room, I slam the door shut and lock it, then slide down hugging my knees to my chest and burying my head into my arms. He wouldn’t even let me touch him, he brushed me right off.
I just wanted him to understand. He’s always the one conquering my fears and detaining my stress, I just wanted to do that for him. But instead, I made him mad, I’ve never been good at explaining things and this is what I get as a result.
Is it normal to feel this way? To feel this pain that hurts so bad you can’t even describe it. It’s everywhere, my stomach, my chest, and my head. It just hurts so so bad, like a horrible throbbing ache that won’t go away.
He’s my rock but right now I’m alone.
I’m preparing myself for your guy’s comments. Also, I was hoping you guys could give some feedback, like what are some of my flaws when I write. What do you like and what don’t you like? Don’t be afraid to hurt my feelings, I genuinely want to know what I can do better.