After seeing Declan all defeated, I held him in my arms until the anger, hurt, and sadness faded into dawn. He was silent as I brought him into my bathroom and cleaned his bloodied knuckles, bruises, and cuts underneath the washed away red. My fingers traced the injuries before bringing them to my lips and kissing them better.
He refused to let me bandage them up, to let me do anything more other than to simply clean them with antiseptic. He hasn’t yet told me how he got them, or what in the heck happened, but I know once he’s ready he will, he always does.
He was my rock and right now I had to be his. No questions asked.
Just as I finished cleaning his split lip, throwing the red cotton ball in the wastebasket, his hands swathed around my waist pulling me down onto his lap where he sat on the toilet seat. His hands rested securely on the navel of my stomach just under my pajama shirt that was indeed his, warming my skin.
His chin fell to the crook of my shoulder, his nose inhaling my scent. I placed my hands on top of his, not caring how we were both up in this early hour instead of sleeping, and probably won’t bother trying to get any either.
I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, it would be practically impossible with Declan in this state of mind. My mind would twist and turn and wriggle and wrench as it went over every possible detail of Declan’s injuries and how he received them. He wasn’t okay, that I could see, so the words of question didn’t even leave my tongue.
He had his own problems just like me, whether it be his feelings or struggles or whatnot, he had his times where he just needed comfort. Nobody was perfect, not even Declan, but he sure did come pretty dang close to it. Well, in my opinion, he was at least, but I’m sure others didn’t think so.
The way Declan is holding onto me, tells me so a lot without his voice to communicate. He’s using me to hold himself together as he tries desperately not to split into two, I’m his strength as he bleeds salty tears into my shoulder and shirt.
I know right now in this very moment how deep my love runs for this boy, deeper than the hollows of the earth, deeper than any black hole in the sky, deep as deep can get. Shifting in his lap, I drape my arms around his waist, so I can hold him once again as all the pain and suffering he can’t seem to get away from finally breaks out of its cage.
I’ll hold him forever until the very day he’s set free, until the day where no one can hurt him so gravely.
He shakes and shatters, breaks and fractures under my arms, against my chest, into my neck. All I can do is embrace him, whisper my love for him, and let him let it all out. He will always be beautiful to me, even when crying because this vulnerability is seen by no one but me. He gives me himself wholly, not in parts, and that is what makes him incredibly beautiful.
“He messes with my head, fucking it up still even now...just a project to be toyed with,” Declan says through harsh breathes slicing through the silence, fingers circling my stomach. “All I ever was to him was some stupid experiment to test, to torture, to poke at.” The crack in his voice tears at my insides.
“You’re not an experiment D, you’re my hero.” I murmur achingly. “He has hurt you, but he can’t defeat you. An experiment is something so small and you are anything but small in this world.” My eyes stare into Declan’s shining ones as I take his hand in mine. “Heroes aren’t perfect, they have flaws too but that doesn’t mean they aren’t remarkable.”
Declan squeezes my hand then places his lips on the side of my neck leaving a soft kiss that has my blood kindling warmth to my skin. The feeling of his damp cheek sends an unpleasant pang to my chest, I don’t like when Declan’s hurt. “I’m your hero?” He asks in a quiet croak.
A gentle smile tugs at my lips as I lean up to kiss his cheek. “And so much more.”
The bathroom light flickers but our eyes do not leave each other, I’m staring at the boy who needs me as much as I need him and it’s a feeling like nothing else. “I thought your dad was your hero, I can’t take that spot not when he meant so much to you.”
“Who says I can only have one?” I say softly squeezing his hand. “And you mean so much to me too, you’re not just a label of something great, you are great, absolutely fudging great.”
For the first time since he’s got here his lips twitch releasing that boyish smile and let me tell you my heart literally stopped. “Fudging?” He muses, amusement behind those glistening eyes. “How are so goddamn adorable even when you don’t try to be?” He shifts my body so my legs go on either side of his waist, so we’re now facing each other.
Heat creeps to my warming cheeks, that blush never leaving me alone when Declan’s around. “I don’t like swearing.” I defend weakly.
His smile grew and even with his split lip and swollen eyes that were about to bruise, he still looked heavenly. “I know you don’t silly girl. You know what else I know?”
I shake my head telling him no, though my face is searing with both color and warmth.
“That I’m a fucking mess and you still think I’m great.” He says softly.
“Because you are even then.”
No more words are exchanged as his lips come colliding into mine, hot and smooth, sad, and angry. He pulls me closer as my arms squeeze around his back where his muscles ripple under my touch. My eyes close, letting all my feelings take over.
The hand that isn’t on my hip is in my hair, where Declan twirls and tugs. Little flickers douse my skin up and down, like electricity in my blood shooting through my veins and sparking the surface. The kiss isn’t long but it isn’t short, it’s his pain and his love that he leaks into my every pore, which doesn’t have a length of time, just him and I and that’s it.
A kiss and that’s all. When we pull away his lips brush down my skin in a warm trail to my red-tipped ear. “I love you madly Ella Mae, with every messed up part of me, what I feel for you is everlasting.”
“Hey, what’s got you bouncing off your feet?” Olivia asks laughing at me.
We walk side by side on the track because we have gym together. It was either walk the track or play some stupid frisbee game, so walking it was. I shrug my shoulder, feeling the edge to an oncoming smile. “I don’t know,” I say even though I know full well why, still having the words Declan said ringing in my head.
I love you madly.
She nudges me, I stumble to the side a bit. “Yeah right, you look like you just won a million dollars so spill.”
Being with Declan is like having a million dollars, except he means more than anything money could ever buy. I shrug nonchalantly like it’s no big deal. “I’m just in a good mood I guess.”
She snorts. “A freaking really good mood, just yesterday you were upset. Did you and your mom make up or something or does Declan have something to do with it?”
The mention of my mom has a knot twisting in my stomach. I don’t want to talk about that nor do I want to talk about my happy mood, it seems personal somehow. So I ignore both her assumptions and change the subject. “You and Wes seem to be getting along pretty well, anything you’d like to share?”
Olivia’s olive cheeks redden at that, though a smile simpers onto her glossy pink lips. She so likes him. “Well he’s kind of hilarious and umm yeah, I think he’s a really good friend.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Just a friend huh? Have you two like hung out?”
The outside breeze blows my hair into my face making me wish I had a hair tie to put it up. Usually, I always have one on my wrist but I took it off because the tight elastic was kind of cutting off my circulation. So now I have to suffer from tangly hair that will later take forever to brush out.
Olivia cheeks if even possible darken a shade. “Can we stop talking about me? I am pretty sure this conversation started about you.” She’s not having the same hair problem, hers is done into a Dutch braid which looks really good on her.
Going onto our fourth lap which is almost a mile, the bell should be ringing soon. When I tore my ACL all I was able to do is walk and stretch, so I know after four laps time the bell always rings. Those days were all about trying to get through the hours, just to survive a little longer until school ended and I could go home.
“Why cause you’re getting nervous?” I tease wiping a bead of sweat off of my forehead, the air is super humid today. “I don’t want to talk about me,” I add after in a quieter tone.
She nods understanding. “Fine, we won’t talk about you or me or how freaking hot Wes is.”
I laugh and poke her side. “Oh so you do think he’s hot, or is it you got the hots for him hmm?”
She rolls her eyes. “There’s no point denying it, I’m sure you feel the same way about your Declan so don’t go pointing fingers at me.” Just as I begin to shake my head the bell rings as I thought it would which actually makes me feel like a nerd who has nothing better to do with her time.
After gym and brushing through my knotty hair, let’s just say it was time-consuming and I didn’t realize it when the second bell rang. I still needed to change back into normal clothes and after that was done, my nerves swelled to the surface knowing I would be late for class.
Scurrying down the halls, my stomach clenched with worry about getting in trouble. I didn’t even want to go to class because I had no friends in it anyway and that made my anxiety increase. Declan and I didn’t have time to meet up after gym because his class is on the whole other side of the school.
Well, he would have come to me but I didn’t want him to be late and told him I would be okay, which I’m now regretting immensely. But if he were late he would probably get in trouble and that’s the last thing I wanted, better me than him. The halls were empty but the quiet was loud if that makes sense, too loud.
Just as I turn the corner in a rush, my water bottle comes flying out of my book bag’s side spraying all over then falls with a loud bash onto the floor. My eyes widen at the new slippery mess, great.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” The sound makes my head snap up to a brunette girl who’s shirt is now drenched in water. I should have made sure my cap was on tight, I’m so stupid.
My hands begin to tremble at my sides. “I’m so s-sorry.” I stutter out.
Her lips are curled into an unfriendly smile, her brown eyes lit with anger. “You should be.” She spits walking right up to me. “You just got me all wet with your stupid water bottle.”
My cheeks burn in embarrassment. This is my fault. “I’m sorry I d-didn’t mean to.” I stumble pulling at the bottom shirt trying to stop my trembling. How did I not screw on my top all the way? What is wrong with me? It’s just water, is it really necessary to yell, it’s not like her shirt is stained.
“No?” She gets real close then pushes me back with little force. I stumble, the water slippery under my feet, but I catch myself before I fall. “Well, I meant that.” She spits, her lips curving upwards.
Did she really just push me? It was a fudging accident.
The worry I’m feeling quickly fades into anger, she just pushed me because I accidentally spilled water. I even said sorry, it’s not like I did it on purpose. Usually, this wouldn’t bother me so much but with Declan hurting and the fight with my mom, I can’t help but feel the simmering boil at how helpless I’m feeling at everything.
She had no right to push me.
Without thinking I step forward and my hands move before my head has time to realize what’s happening, I push her back hard. She falls to the ground with a thump before bringing her gaze back to me with a glare full of hatred. “You bitch.” She yells, standing quickly and lunging herself at me.
Cliff hanger?? Haha sorry for taking so long to update, I’ve been really busy! I hope you guys enjoy it anyway!! Also, I’ve made an Instagram called write_the_tea if you guys want to follow, I’ll be posting updates and such on there!!