I'm a genius, right
My eyes watch with precision as Declan’s jaw drops, as his hand that is holding onto me falls slack, and as his chest becomes rapid movements of up and down irregular ticks. I watch as the control he sustains so well falters in the glint of his distinctive green eyes, like a candle whose flame has dulled. Between the two of us, it’s like we’re being pushed farther and farther behind a brick wall and no matter how hard we try to push back, our efforts are defective.
We push and because of it we are thrown to the cold hard ground, and each time this happens it is far more worse than the last. All these problems keep scrounging up, my mom crying and yelling, Declan’s still unknown fight, my fight, and now Hayes too. We’re in a downwards spiral that recently seems to be popping up left and right tearing us apart at the seams which could potentially shred completely at any minute.
“That’s right ‘that fucking cunt’. You know what? That has a nice ring to it,” Wes replies repeating Declan’s foul words. “A little viscous, like a tiger, or maybe a lion, whichever is more feisty. Very fitting if you ask me.”
Declan’s knuckles turn white as he grips the electronic device in a death-like grip. “You can shut the fuck up right now or I can do it for you. Choose.” Declan’s voice comes out smooth as silk but sharp as razor blades. Jokes weren’t Declan’s method of coping when he felt out of control, but that’s how Wes was, always trying to lighten the mood to get rid of the weight of the current situation. In a way, Wes was kind of special like that.
“How can you shut me up if I’m not even near you?” Wes counters which makes my lips twitch. He really likes to push buttons, especially Declan’s even now. “We’re on the phone silly billy, you see the rectangular object thing in your hand, that’s how we’re communicating. Which means no harm done on either end.” His voice comes out both persuading and proud.
Declan’s eyes connect with mine, lips fighting to stay put but failing as they quirk upward ever so slightly. From that look, I know he’s got his comeback ready, he never not has one. “Keep talking Wesley because when I see you, it will be the last time you ever see your fist on your hand instead of shoved so fucking far down your throat you’ll be choking.” The threat falls so easily from lips that kiss mine with such softness.
For just a moment, a quick short moment, the bickering between the two best friends who love each other like brothers brings some normality to the fudged up reality of right now. But in a blink that normality is gone and the heaviness appears once again in our chests and on our shoulders. You can’t ever really block anything out because sooner or later it will come back, you’ll always know it’s still there just a thought away.
“I’ll shut up now as long as you promise to keep my precious hand intact and out of my throat,” Wes responds emphasizing the word promise as if he believed Declan would go through with the threat. “You should save all that glorious strength for someone more suitable like *cough* *Hayes* *cough*. I know I’m a genius, right?”
Declan grinds his teeth undoubtedly irritated with Wes for not being serious while at the same time bringing his phone down in front of him and hitting the big red button ending the call. He’s not angry with Wes, he’s just angry in general due to our oh so good luck. For a brief second, we sit silently, me in his lap, him tracing shapes down my arm surfacing goosebumps here in the school parking lot.
What are we going to do? How am I going to be able to function like a normal human being knowing Hayes is near, knowing my kidnapper is near? What about that stupid fight that I took part in, I hit someone, engaged in hurting someone, and couldn’t even stop myself. Rumors are going to spread like wildfire, variations of stories that aren’t even true. Fights in our school never go unheard, everyone knows about them.
Will I get suspended like Declan? What will my mom do when she finds out? How will people look at me now, what will Olivia say? Thoughts surge in and out, insecurities gnawing at my insides. Am I a horrible person for doing what I did, for hurting a girl over a water bottle? Did I overreact? The car suddenly feels very small, as I pull my knees to my chest even though I’m sitting in Declan’s lap.
“You said you got in a fight, is that right?” Declan’s low articulate voice slashes through the quiet. His hand lifts to my pulsing cheek, caressing the forming bruise that girl gave to me. A frown edges his mouth as he stares at my face. “Who—who do I need to mess up because they sure as hell aren’t getting away with leaving this mark on you?”
I squeeze my knees tighter, not particularly comfortable talking about how I kind of lost it. “She pushed me and—and I p-pushed her back,” I whisper, feeling tears well in my eyes, as guilt clutches my chest. “I d-didn’t mean to I s-swear, I didn’t even know I was d-doing it.” It’s true, it’s like my body just took over without my consent, a reflex that came out of nowhere.
Declan wraps his strong arms around my frame, consoling me with his warmth. “You pushed her back.” He repeats sounding incredulous but proud. “Since when did my baby become so physical? I kind of love it.” My stomach flips with butterflies but the guilty feeling does not leave, the image of her still stuck behind my eyes.
“I h-hurt her D, s-she was bleeding.” I quiver feeling sick. “It was my f-fault, I didn’t screw my water bottle cap on all the way and I got h-her shirt all wet.” What I did was wrong, I could have walked away and I didn’t. He didn’t see how she looked, he didn’t see the damage I caused. “W-What I did to her is h-horrible D *hiccup* so so h-horrible.”
“Ellie, look at me.” Declan murmurs softly. But I can’t bring myself to, I just want to squeeze my watery eyes shut and pretend I’m not here. “Look at me right now Ella.” He demands this time not bothering to be gentle, which in turn makes my eyes shift to his piercing ones. “I know you and I know whatever happened is not your fucking fault. For fucks sake Ella, she must have been a real bitch if she was offended over water. In a fight, someone always comes out on top, better you on top then her, got that?”
My lips tremble. “B-But I could’ve w—”
“She pushed you first, she put her bloody hands on you. You have the right to defend yourself, you have the right to push her back. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you strong.” He explains never once breaking eye contact. “So fucking strong baby. I’m proud of you whether you accept it or not, putting someone in their place is hella fucking sexy.”
Color and warmth blotch my cheeks. He thinks that? How does he do that? How does he rip the guilt out of my chest? How does he replace it with something so sincere so easily? He’s my medicine, curing my upset tummy, healing the momentary anxiety beneath my rib cage better than any pill you can take. When I’m down he builds me up each and every time like nothing.
“I feel horrible though, but I also feel happy. Do y-you think I’m a bad person?” The words tumble right out of my lips. But I need to know what he thinks of me, his opinion for some reason means so much more to me than anyone else’s. Even after everything he’s said I need to be reassured.
A smile fights its way across his red lips as one of his hands around me lifts up to my face in a gentle caress. “I think you are one of a kind Ellie, I think you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, so no I don’t think you’re a bad person for beating some girls ass.” Tingles unfurl across my skin where his skin touches mine on my face, he then leans down connecting his lips with mine sucking up my air and giving me his.
I become mush as I always do, fading into him, words vanished, the world erased as we mold into one. We don’t close our eyes. Feeling him, touching him, breathing him, is the reassurance I need and that’s exactly what I get. He doesn’t think I’m a bad person, he still loves me, he isn’t mad at me. It’s still Declan and Ella, Ella and Declan. Still, my biggest fear is losing him only because without him nothing would ever be right again.
As we pull away, our eyes stay on each other’s, just him and me, me and him, and nothing else. “What are we going to do?” I ask softly, knowing everything is falling apart. What will my soccer coach say when he finds out about my fight, will he bench me at tomorrow’s game? Will he bench me more than once, or will he even bench me at all?
That smile which makes my heart burst every single time I see it takes over his unbelievably handsome face, making his sharp cheekbones pop, and his nose crinkle. God, I love this boy more than he’ll ever understand. “We’re going to do what we do best, were going to ditch this rubbish place before I rip Hayes’s head right of his fucking neck and stomp on it.”
No matter how much I want to smile I can’t.
“I ran out of school D, I’m going to be in so much trouble,” I mumble picking at my nails, still having blood crusted on my hands. “My mom’s g-going to freak out when she sees me and w-were already fighting.”
My mom and I haven’t talked since our fight, we’ve just been ignoring each other but I won’t cave and talk to her first. I’m sure she’ll have another boatload of crap to dump on me, more criticism to share. I doubt she’ll be happy to hear her child lost it in school and then on top of that ran out too. In fact, I can see her saying Declan is now a bad influence on me, another stab to her already false accusations.
Declan shifts, picking me up, then bringing his arms across the center council to place me in the passenger seat. He then leans over me, grabs the seat belt, and buckles me in. “Okay, then we won’t go to your place.” He responds buckling himself in and turning on the engine. “You never mentioned you and your mom fighting.”
Maybe because I didn’t want you to know it was about you.
“You never mentioned what happened last night when you came to my house all beat up either.” I shoot back kind of defensive. I still don’t want him to know what my mom said about him and us. So placing the conversation on him is my only defense mechanism, also I’m still wondering what did happen to him last night and why he was so upset. He’s failed to tell me, or even bring it up.
He gives me a look before bringing his attention to backing us out of the parking spot we’re currently parked in. I’m guessing he didn’t appreciate that by the look I just received, though it wasn’t angry, maybe irritated, and even a little vulnerable. At least that’s what I’m seeing or getting out of it.
After a long minute of lingering silence, he speaks. “I found my mom.” He says so quietly. “I thought she was dead.”
My heart stops and my lungs constrict, that is not what I expected to hear.
Cliff hanger? Haha... sorry guys it’s taken me so long to update. I’ve been in California for the last couple of weeks and just got home. I know this chapter isn’t long but I just wanted to get one out for you guys! Hope you enjoy!! And once again I’m sorry for the wait!