"All I want is to know my father don't you think I need love from a male figure! That's all I ever needed mother but it's what you fail to give me"
The thoughts of 11 year old me rush through my mind and I regret forcing my mother to do it.
With me constantly bothering her and my siblings having there father around she was determined to get things right for me .
And so she took him to the family court to have him in my life.
I was broken at that time because life was fighting with me and the words of people around me kept me down.
Whilst battling with him the court it was required of us to do a DNA test as he said I wasn't his because I was of dark complexion.
Those words tore me apart.
I felt like I was no one like he never considered his sperm as valuable enough to be associated with me.
Sadly I was determined to know him and to experience what it felt like to be with a father.
I was determined to fight for a equal life.
It was always in me that some shouldn't be given opportunities to enjoy life whilst others had to fight without been given mercy.
And so the DNA test took up to 3 months and when it came back 99.9% of my genes were his.
My mother never shed a tear even when everything was going on all the discrimination we received she knew I was his and that she never doubted.
I for one was elated I thought my life would finally be on track no more hungry nights nor fights with my siblings to get fatherly attention and now I'd have one for myself.
To my dismay he still wanted nothing to do with me and the allowance I was to receive weekly was now been deposited into an account.
Knowing he really didn't care that what he was doing would hurt me damaged the little hope I had.
But if it was one thing with me I knew how to fight.
And so after a few months he warmed up to me and I was allowed to spend a few days at his house until I spent an entire summer and weekends there.
I considered his wife my second mother, she was a woman who I admired and respected and sometimes I think my mother was jealous of the relationship we were coming up with.
But one thing about my mother she would show it on her face but never expresses herself.
I spent a lot of time with them got closer to my siblings by his side and soon it was life a family was emerging I felt loved and appreciated.
But as said nothing lasts forever but salvation.
And this is the reason I am the way I am.
Sad, void of emotions, heartless and cold but the word to cover this is broken.
And this brings us to the present.
"Tray-Ann Alexander!!!!!" Yep sadly it's life sometimes I wonder why I even live with this girl.
"Tray-Ann get the hel-" I cut her off before she can even think about it.
"I am up!! Jesus woman we are in the same apartment why do you have to scream all the time" I was annoyed but to say I loved this human being was an understatement.
She is my cousin, we've been living together since let's say the past 5 years.
You may be wondering what happened to my mom and my siblings, my mom is let's say happy now and for my siblings they are with their father's.
But I Tray-Ann Alicia Alexander didn't want her mother to be burdened by her so she decided to take life in her own hands which has me at 17 living with my 18 year old cousin in an apartment which we work our asses off to pay for.
My cousin is Anastasia Collins, she's my best friend the only person who understands the pain I've been through because she herself has been through a lot.
She was abondoned by both parents at 13 and she came in to live with us she did not have it quite well because my mother had to work her ass off to fend for the 5 of us my 3 brothers, Anastasia and I.
You may be wondering why they abondoned her well they wanted to enjoy life a little bit more to be happy to be free and she hindered that for them.
So enough of our life.
"Did you know that we have to leave in the next 20 minutes and you day dreaming makes me want to slap you back into reality!!!!"
What is wrong with this girl and yelling it was like she was doing this on purpose.
"If you yell at me one more time I promise you in the next milliseconds you will be laying in a casket or on a hospital bed battling for life" I spoke slow enough for her to register everything I was saying and realization slowly dawned on her.
"Why are you so ignorant lady, now get up and get ready my throat hurts from yelling and I don't plan on hurting my throat get up already" Anastasia says as she holds onto her throat as if she had really hurt it.
Well it would've been a repayment for her disturbing my thoughts.
I slipped out of bed and made it to the closet taking out a black jeans a back tee-shirt and a checkers vans which is also black and white.
You may be wondering all black and white well that's my daily routine.
Black reminds me of how I am inside and well for the white it tells me what I need to reach but together it's a perfect combination.
Throwing on what I took out I rush into the bathroom tied my hair into a ponytail, brushed my teeth and I was done.
Yup ready for the world of carefree teenagers.
Someone who I never want to be and never will be.
As for the reason life has taught me to always be prepared for the impossible.
And so I believe sometimes what you are going through is preparing you for what you've always been asking for but in fact I am just broken.
To my dear readers, I want to apologize for any mistakes I've made or any grammatical errors I will be editing as soon as possible but all I want is for you to read follow me and ensure to vote vote vote and of course comment and let me know how you feel about this book.
Please be respectful when addressing matters of this book and do not copy any material from this book I repeat do not copy any material from this book.
Everything written is from the authors imagination and or personal experiences but all names have been changed to prevent identification so any other occurrences is total coincidence.