1-Ich liebe dich. Tschüss! Auf Wiedersehen. (German) “I Love you. Goodbye! See you again.”
Weeks had passed, everything still rough and hard for me.
Everything was quite normal, and my life is still together. Doing things in school, studying, and doing well in the art club. I however once I get home, everything failed all over. Most of the people at home do not talk to me anymore except my dad. However, I am still not in terms of my mom and my little brother whom I have fought with. Until now, no one wants to talk with each other.
Each day, I am pretending that everything is relatively fine. However, I am dying inside due to all the feelings that I cannot show nor tell everyone. We are already used to the fact will be less likely to go back to us. Even the people closest to her, Frida, and Isabella is starting to get used that their friend is not around. However, every second period of the day, I am always looking at the door, hoping that Agatha will probably enter the room. The same thing that she did a year ago.
But it did not.
Instead, it becomes a joke by everyone in the class.
“Is Franz waiting for someone?”
“Waiting for the teacher?”
“Probably, just looking at the window. Looking for a bird.”
“No, waiting for a plane!”
“Ugh! Just shut up!”
And I am not seating to my usual seat anymore. I am now seating in the middle of the classroom, slightly away from the window. This is the first time that I am out to the usual seat arrangement, but I am glad that I am now finally away from my isolation.
After the whole day, I am attending the art club activity to have a meeting or continue the things that we must do. And after that, go home and stay in my bedroom and do my assignments and review my notes.
One afternoon after our classes, we are doing some art pieces that we are going to display in the school’s museum for the next exhibit. While most of us are painting on the canvas, others are either in front of the laptop editing pictures or making a diorama about the capitals around the world.
However, our adviser, my art teacher last year went inside and make an announcement. “We are going to participate in an art contest.” She happily announced while holding the poster of it.
We read the poster that she is holding. It is said that the contest will have a prize, which is for me is a bit necessary because we are receiving the right funding from the school.
“What will happen if we join there?” I asked.
“It is your chance to show talents in arts and give recognition to the school.” She shortly explained.
I saw the interest of mostly all the members, especially the seniors just because of the prize. And I do not see that the seniors should not join this contest and instead, just give it to the juniors as they needed this experience than us.
“Seniors! Don’t join you there.” I uttered.
They look at me with sourness as I ruin their willpower to join there.
“I give the juniors chance to join the competition so they will have experience in more important competitions like in the Division Cultural and Academics Meet next year. This competition will give them much training to improve their skills and explore the genres they can draw.” I justified my answer earlier.
It seems that most of them agreed and Evan started to choose who will participate in that said contest. Meanwhile, I sat down and continue the painting.
After the club activity,
“I cannot believe that you can do that!” Evan exclaimed while walking on our way home.
“We should give them more opportunities as well and help them to improve themselves so they will do it as well to their juniors. We have achieved a lot, and I do not think that we need more. They need it more than us.” I explained the reason why I told it to them earlier.
“Yeah! I got it once you said no earlier.”
We continue to walk until we reach my house.
“Well, I noticed that you are looking at the door during the morning period. Why are you doing that Franz?”
“I don’t know. Probably waiting for something. I guess, the teacher.”
“Or your waiting for Agatha. Hoping still that she will go to the class.”
I suddenly stopped walking and stunned after she said that.
“I know it! You like Agatha ever since. I bet it is more than that.”
He walked back and pulled me to my house as I am still surprised at how he noticed it. He pressed the doorbell. A few seconds later, my sister opened the gate and he pushed me inside the house.
“Yes. And what’s wrong to him?”
“Rejoice! As your brother is in love with one of our classmates. Just ask him was her name. Bye!”
He left and walk going to his house. My sister pulled my inside of the house, walking in the living room until to my room. When we arrived in my room, he slapped me in the face.
“Wake up! You are already at home.”
I hold my cheers after being slapped by my sister. Meanwhile, she went to my room and closed it. I am still in shock after knowing that Evan knew about this. I opened my phone and saw a message from Evan. And read, “I know it because it was too obvious. Plus, you drew her face at the back of your sketch pad several times. I conclude that you like Agatha.”
After reading his message and went in front of my table and do my project in Physics that will be pass tomorrow.
Another ordinary morning, I arrived in the school forty minutes earlier before eight. While my classmates were busy doing their assignments, I am doing my illustration and pub mat for the Art Club’s event for the Foundation Month. November is always a filler month where we have a lot of things to do and mostly prepare for the competitions and events. I do not have any idea about the events in foundation week.
Luckily, I brought my tablet and laptop with me so making those projects will not be troublesome. However, my bag is heavy right now. Evan arrived by 7:30, so he helps me immediately doing the pub mat for the event.
It is nearly eight in the morning. We are busy minding our businesses and doing important things every day. Far cry from four months ago, everybody was worried about Agatha and everybody was asking where she is. The normality is taking the toll over me because I am still thinking of her. I am still waiting and hoping that we will see each other again and I will still have the chance to say everything to her. I am hoping that she will still be going to enter this room and walk in the walkway the way she is doing it before.
The bell rings, we immediately keep the things that we are doing not related to the subject. The teacher who is from the faculty on the ground floor went into their rooms. Our adviser went inside the room, she appears gloomy and very stern. She gently put her thing on the table and took the class record.
What was surprising is the other things that she will do next.
She took the correction tape in front of her and pulled it in the class record. Everybody was not talking but our eyes are looking at her movement with confusion.
Despite the heavy mantle of spiting these, she announced something. “After a few months of not attending the school, her parents decided to pull out Agatha to this class. She must leave school because of uncertain reasons.”
The announcement was not that surprising as we are aware that it will happen. However, that “uncertain reasons” was still baffling as she was not telling everything that is happening to her.
“What was that uncertain reasons?”
“Does it mean that Agatha will not return to this school anymore?”
The room was still filled with questions. After these questions, everybody was murmuring questions about her sudden departure in the school. The cryptic announcement did not give us peace of mind, instead, it gave us more anxiety, worry, and confusion.
The first two subjects took a toll on me, as I wanted to find answers to my questions. It is hard to listen or do the important things that I have to do for the day. Frustration is going over the roof, I am afraid that I might breakdown out of the blue.
I bother to eat my snack. Instead, I opted to do the things that I need to do for the event.
“Are you sure that you’re not going to eat?” Evan worryingly asked.
“I am good.” I shortly answered.
The three went out of the room and eat while I stayed here and keeping myself to be busy.
After a few minutes, my classmates went back. The bell rings again, the break time is over. We are waiting for our teacher to come. However, she did not instead the maintenance go inside and take Agatha’s chair. Pain and sadness started to unravel as I slowly look at how they carry out her chair, an indication that she will not come back anymore.
The principal enters the room and stands up in the middle of the classroom. Nobody is speaking right now as everybody is shocked about what is happening.
“We are deeply sad to announce this to your class, everything that is happening right now is still tragic and depressing to hear.”
This introduction is giving us a sign, it is another sad announcement.
“Last Saturday, Mrs. Chauco announced to us that her situation is getting worse and later in the afternoon was in a coma due to another cardiac arrest. Sunday morning, her vital signs are getting well but, she is still unconscious until, in the evening she suffered to another attack until yesterday Monday, she died.”
It shocks our world. No one was talking nor making any noise. Frida’s tears start to drop to the paper in front of her. When her seatmate, Evan saw her, he immediately hugged Frida. However, I heard a heavy “thing” slummed on the floor.
I stand up and I saw… It was Isabella having a breakdown. She was laying on the floor, crying. We immediately helped her to stand up. Fredrick holds her and assists her to go to the clinic.
I am trying to put my composure as I do not want to cry in front of them. I already see the tears of all my classmates.
“Mr. Garcia, please follow me in the office. Someone wants to talk to you.”
I walked fast and follow the principal immediately. The walk going there is a nerve wreaking and made me confuse the reason why she asked me to go here. After a few minutes of walking, we already arrived in the office. She told me to go to another room inside the office as I have a visitor.
I went inside, I saw Agatha’s mother seating on the couch and looking at me with fascination and fond despite she was crying for days.
“She is always talking about in our home, so we know a bit about you. I thought you’re just friends but there is something more that.”
She grabs a small notebook on the couch and gives it to me.
“I saw this to her room, and I saw you’re facing on the first page. When I look at other pages, I saw the other drawings of you in here. Most likely her memories with you.” She explained.
I opened the notebook to fast motion. It was the drawing of her plan approaching me and be close to me until the memories that we had. While looking at all of this, the tears finally fall in my eyes and break my composure. I cannot help but cry.
On the last page of this notebook…
“Thank you, Franz, for allowing me to enter your solitude life. I am happy that finally, I have the chance to be with until to my last breath. I admire you for a long time and your artworks inspire you to draw more. Little that I know that this admiration will be more than that. For the very last time, I like you and I love you! Farewell.”
I cried and kneeled on the floor. Her mom hugged me tightly. Too bad that I do not have any chance to say those words… “I like you, Agatha. I love you!”
The principal decided to dismiss me early and by noon, I can go home. Mrs. Chauco went home to prepare for Agatha’s funeral. Mom arrived at the school to pick me up. It took a long for the principal to explain everything that is happening right now.
Her drive me home. Both of us were quiet and nobody of us was talking. She does not bother to ask why I appear like this. When we arrive home, I walked upstairs while she went to the kitchen.
“Franz, come here and eat.” She commanded.
“I don’t want to eat.” I coldly said.
She walked in the stairs and shouted angrily. “Franz! Go and join me to eat!”
Because of that, I have no choice but to eat. I drag myself to go down and walk going to the kitchen. She gave me a saucy and cheesy meal that I craved for a long time. I take a spoonful of it and cried. After she washes the small number of dishes, she went nearly to me and hugged me.
“Losing someone important is painful. Do not bottle those emotions and release them. Expressing these emotions will help to build yourself again and stand up. It is not a foolish way to do.”
She also used to opportunity to say, “Franz, I learned a lot after I left you. I would admit that I am still not ready to be a parent to you before. I am still nineteen when you are born and immature yet to think of heavy decisions. I am so having a hard time being a parent as I have not taken care of a baby before. That is why your father’s family is angry at me until now. Maybe because of the insecurities that I felt made me do that. I am selfish because I have affected your upbringing.”
She continued after crying heavily, “I am sorry Franz for the pain that I have caused you. You are not going to be like that because I have left you to those times that you need me the most. I am sorry.”
“Mom, I am sorry too. I am selfish and only cared for my pain. I did not expect that I am going to affect everyone because of my vain and vent my anger to someone.”
I continued to cry as this sudden loss of the angel still shocked me.
I went back
And know and fix myself
I saw the flower that bloomed in the spring
In the ground,
Wilted and dried out.
The flower was already gone.
The results of CATs were already released bit by bit. Evan and I able to get into UP, while the cousins were able to pass in Ateneo. Few days after we learned the death of Agatha, the four of us, Evan, Frida, Fredrick, and I, become closer. We help each other to stand up after that terrible event of our lives. We also lend our hand to Isabella who suffered the most as she experienced a breakdown.
I cannot believe that I can graduate from high school and passed to one of the best universities in the country. Now we are staring in the soccer field of the school as this is the very last time that we are going to see this after we go to university.
“I am going to miss this.” Fredrick casually said while we are walking on in the soccer field.
“Enjoy the ambiance of this school as in the next two months, we are not going to see this anymore.” Evan simply uttered.
I am looking back to all the happy and sad memories that happened in this school. Especially the first time that I saw her. I admit that it is hard to get over to her and I still miss Agatha.
I am still devasted about the sudden death, but I have nothing to do move on to life and continue still I am alive, kicking and breathing.
Freshmen were a bit chilly. Others think that it was hard, but for me, it is still fine not until I reach the second, third, and fourth years. The subjects were getting difficult and the task from academic to organization activities are very demanding. The research was very excruciating, and, on the job, training is killing my body and sleep. Plus, I also started my art business and creating arts and crafts. I also designed the logo of Agatha’s favorite band, “A Letters for Frances”.
After four years and one extra semester, I able to graduate.
After graduation, I work in a publishing company and work as an editor. I also focus on the business that I created when I am in college. This was very hectic. However, I still manage to go to Agatha’s grave and give her some flowers. Likely, I am going every May 26, her birthday, dead anniversary (or the day after), and the first time we met.
However, today’s visit is different. I was accepted to work at a publishing house in Germany as a writer and allowed me to continue my business there. Therefore, this is the last time that I am going to visit her for now.
As I arrived, I put the flowers on her grave and put on some candles and prayed a bit.
“Agatha, I did a lot of things. You know what, I am now going to Germany and work there. And I still found you unfair.”
Looked up to the skies, clear and no evidence of raining, I wondered to the shape of the clouds. I saw the shape of an angel.
I am thinking that she may be listening to me right now. After a few years, it is now time to tell everything to her after seven-year.
“You know, I am learning some German words recently. I would admit that it is a bit hard than French. I am going to say something to you.”
I breath deep and looked to the angel clouds and utter those words, “(1) Ich liebe dich. Tschüss! Auf Wiedersehen.”
It seems that I butchered those words, “I am sorry if I pronounced it sucks.”
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