"We're okay. Matteo just woke up a few minutes ago. I can tell he misses you. He's been uneasy since you left," Pia giggled through the phone.
"Do you need anything? Any money?"
"No Costano it's fine, really. I've been saving the money from our divorce and using it mainly on Matteo," she said in a guilty tone.
"Pia if you need anything or if Matteo needs anything don't worry about asking. It's the least I can do for not being there for the both of you."
Pia sighed, "Costano you can't blame yourself for what happened. I made the decision. I'm really sorry that things ended the way they did. If there was any way I could go back and change things I would."
"What's done is done. All that matters now is that both you and Matteo are okay. He needs you."
"And he needs you as well. I want you to be a part of his life as his father," she said.
Even if Pia couldn't see him, Costano smiled. "Thank you," he said with sincerity.
Suddenly, Costano could hear Matteo cry. His body tensed. He heard her coo, telling Matteo that everything was okay. "Let me know when you want to see Matteo again that way I can prepare a bag for him and let you spend the day with him."
"I'll make time for him. Tell Matteo that I love him."
He heard her tell Matteo that his father loved him very much. "Aw I wish you could see him right now, he got so happy after I told him you loved him. I'll send you a picture later. Well I'll call you later. It's time to feed this little guy," she giggled. "Have a good day Costano."
"You too Pia," he hung the call and placed his phone on his desk. He turned his chair around and stared out the large glass windows that created the back wall of his office. The sunshine coming through the glass illuminated his office.
Costano stared at the city that spread before him. The city was lively and full of color. Buildings in all shapes, sizes, and colors laid in no specific pattern as they reached up to the sky or widely around them. He could see bundles of cars making their way up and down the streets surrounding most of the buildings. The people, all completely different, walked along the sidewalks, through the streets, and in and out of the different buildings like bees in a hive.
Whenever Costano needed time away, for whatever reason, he would turn around in his chair and just stare out the tall glass windows. He would sometimes use this time to think, but to relax as well when things would get out of hand during his work hours.
He thought about when he first heard about his son. Costano always wanted to marry the woman he loved and start a family of their own. At some point he wanted to do both those things after he met Pia. He wanted to be the best husband for Pia and the best father for his children.
It felt as if just yesterday he was sitting at home on his couch with Pia's head laying on his lap as they watched a movie together. It was a routine that every Sunday evening they would watch a movie together in the comfort of their home. Costano did not care much about what movie they would watch. He would spend most of that time admiring his wife as she laugh or smiled at whatever the actors in the movie said.
On most occasions she would find him staring at her with a smile plastered on his face. She would always joke around with him and tell him to stop staring at her or else she would watch the movie alone.
She placed her hands against his chest, "Costano, I'm trying to watch the movie!" She looked away.
He chuckled and gently grabbed her chin. He turned her face so that she could face him and said, "you're so beautiful." He kissed her cheek which was tainted in a light shade of red.
"You do know how to make a woman feel special," she laughed.
"That's because you are special," he said. Their lips were merely inches apart.
Pia placed her arms around his neck and said, "show me how special I am to you."
"What about your movie?" He smirked.
"Forget the damn movie," she pulled him close and planted her lips on his.
"Costano," she said before sitting up.
"What's wrong?" He asked. She was avoiding his gaze.
"Uhm I was wondering what you thought about having kids one day."
She nodded her head and returned the smile. She leaned her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his lower torso. "I don't know why I was so nervous in asking you," she laughed.
"I'm glad you asked me. I was going to ask you just not now, I thought you weren't ready or just didn't want to talk about it at the moment," he rubbed his hand up and down her back. He placed a kiss on her forehead and smiled, "I bet they would have your beautiful eyes."
"My eyes are just plain brown. There's nothing special about them."
"Funny that you think that because every time I look into them I just fall all over again with you."
She gently slapped his chest, "stop it." Her face began to taint with a light shade of red. She hid her face against his chest.
He chuckled, "every time I look at them they remind me of the day I first met you. Those damn beautiful eyes of yours I thought."
She lifted her face and said, "I love you."
"And I love you," he pulled their faces together and kissed her soft lips.
It was as if life was repeating history, but this time it was through his life. The same thing happened to him. His parents had divorced while he was just a child, not as young as Matteo, but old enough where he could remember. It was hard for a young boy his age to adjust to this. He remembered when he asked his mother why his father was not coming home from work everyday.
"Daddy doesn't live here anymore. He has his own house," his mother answered.
"But you love him and he loves you. He loves me. Family stays together," his younger self said.
"I know it's hard to understand, but you can see him in the weekends and call him whenever you want to," she smiled sadly.
His father sighed, "your mother and I went through a lot since we met in high school. There were always people who wanted to break us apart. Then your mother got pregnant her senior year of high school. You were the best blessing in my life and hers, and still are. But when you're a teenager with no money, no support from your family, and college just around the corner things were tuff."
His father smiled at himself as he stared at the frame which held a picture of Costano and both his parents, smiling. It was almost as if he was revisiting the past through his memories, "I'd never do anything to change the love I felt for your mother or when we had you. After so many years of fighting through our struggles, life came and delivered the final blow."
Since that moment Costano promised himself that he would never allow his children to go through what he did. It wasn't that his parents didn't take care of him. It wasn't that they didn't love him. It wasn't that they didn't do their best.
It was the fact that he saw how unhappy his parents were after the divorce when they didn't know he was in the room. It was the fact that his heart tore and he was unhappy because they weren't happy. Costano loved his parents and would until his last breath. He promised himself he wouldn't allow his children to go through the same thing he went through.
And here he was breaking his promise.
He thought about his son and what would be the best thing for him. All he could think was getting back with Pia and hoping things would work out, but would they?
He asked himself whether he wanted to marry Pia again. Would she want him back? If she did, would things be how they used to? His son wouldn't have to worry about deciding later on in the future who he'd rather live with. His son wouldn't ask why his parents weren't married. His son wouldn't doubt if his parents loved him all because his parents lived in separate homes.
But would marrying Pia again be the right thing to do?
If he did marry Pia again, would they be happy together? His son would, without a doubt, receive all his time and love. But what if things couldn't go back to how they were? What if he didn't actually love Pia? His son would grow up seeing how unhappy his parents are being married to each other because they didn't love each other. His son would grow up blaming himself for the cause of their parents unhappiness. His son would grow up to be unhappy.
Did Costano still love Pia? Would he be happy with her? His heart ached and suddenly his thoughts went to her.
But just like before, he loved her. Only this time, she knew his feelings. But just like it had always been since the beginning, their love could never be.
What was he going to do?