With his arms wrapped around me, pulling me close to his body, the sudden overwhelming guilt I feel pushes me away from him.
“What?” He panics looking at me, searching my face for any sign of an answer.
“Jake,” I mutter.
“What about him?”
“He’s back there, waiting for me,”
“So—, so I have to talk to him, this is a lot, all of it, we’ve been—,”
“You’ve been seeing him haven’t you?”
“No— not like that, not in the way you think,”
“So what way have you been with him then?”
“We’re just friends Oliver,” I assure him, “But he’s been with me, looking after me, even when I didn’t think I’d need it, he was there,”
“And how do you feel about him?”
“Yeah— how do you feel about me?” Jakes's voice interrupts. I spin around, my head spinning, my heart thumping inside my chest, “Sunny?” He frowns, looking between us.
“Jake I— I, we need to talk,”
“What's there to say?”
“A lot,” I tell him.
I turn back to Oliver, just staring at him, “I need to talk to Jake, we need some time,”
Oliver nods, pulling me in for another hug and whispers, “Come and find me when you know what you want—, when you know who you want to be with,”
“Oliver it’s not that easy,”
“It is,” he replies, before taking on more look at Jake and then turning and walking away.
“Sunny look— I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t know if I want to either, but you have to choose, it’s got to be one of us,”
“I don’t want to choose between you both,” I begin to cry, sniffing as he strides forward, wrapping his arms around me, “You have to choose because we both love you,”
I look up, widening eyes as he watches me, “You love me?”
“Jesus Sunday, I’ve always loved you,”
I shake my head and pull myself free from his arms, “You can’t make me choose, this is too hard,”
“Sunny, I know, I know we’ve been getting closer these last few weeks, and I know Oliver means something to you, but you mean so much to me, I can’t think of a day where you haven’t been the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep, and right now, this is killing me,"
Damn you, Jake. Why did you have to say something like that?
“So what you’re saying is, I don’t have a choice,”
“You always have a choice Sunny,”
“Well, you aren’t leaving me much of one just now,”
“Because—,” he begins, stepping forward, cupping my cheeks in his warm hands, “You know that no matter what, no matter how far apart we were, even if we married other people, had different lives, that I’d always love you, that you’d always be the one for me,”
Swallowing hard I watch as his eyes flicker between my own before he leans in, softly pressing his lips against my own. I sink into his arms, but then Oliver flashes behind my eyes and with a hiss, as I inhale I pull away, my fingertips on my pinkened lips.
“I have to— I need to go, I need to think,”
“I’ll come with you,”
“No,” I hesitantly say, “I just— I need time on my own, I need to think about this, about us, the three of us,” I say, my voice high in panic. Jake watches as I walk away, and as I find a cab, my fingers press against my lips again, briefly glancing back at him as a cab appears. I open the door, hesitating as I take one final glance at him and ask the driver to take me home.
“Well— fuck!” Amalia groans down the phone.
“Thanks,” I scoff.
“No Sun, I mean just— fuck, what’ll you do?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never been in this position before. I mean, Jake is— and Oliver he’s—,”
“You know you have to make a decision Sunday, you can’t have them both,”
“I know that,” I snap, “Sorry,”
“Hey it’s ok, I get it, Jake is your past, someone you loved more than anything, despite how it all ended, and he’s been great ever since,”
“He has,” I agree.
“But then there’s Ollie,”
“Yeah yeah— Oliver,” she mocks, “But Ollie—,” I roll my eyes but listen, my phone resting on my shoulder, picking at the cuticles of my nails, nervously biting at them but not breaking them, “But he— he’s been amazing with you, he’s cared about you, treated you as you should be and he’s just— well he’s never cheated on you, and for goodness sakes, he told you he loved you!”
“Jake did what?”
“Told me he loved me,”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” she mutters under her breath, “Sun—,”
“You want my honest opinion?”
“Oliver, he’s the one, he’s the one you should spend the rest of your life with. I know he didn’t tell you about Charlotte the way he should have, but he loves you, and I know you feel the same, even if you haven’t said it,”
“I know—, but Jake,”
“Sunday—, listen to me. Please just think about this, Jake was good for you, for a while at least, but when you think about it, and I mean really think about it, who do you think of when you first wake up hmm? Who’s the last one on your mind when you fall asleep? Who makes you feel safe and who do you imagine stood by you, watching your children grow up, and who do you see yourself growing old with?”
“Seriously?” I sigh.
“Yes, seriously Sunday, I mean it, this isn’t easy I know it isn’t but who is it? Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with, because whoever you choose, you know the other will be heartbroken,”
“No pressure then,”
“I mean it Sunday, who is it?”
“I already know,”
“Then you need to tell him, and soon,”
“I know, and that’s what I’m afraid of, I don’t want to hurt them, either of them,”
“But you have to, otherwise there’s only one other choice,”
“And what’s that?” Although I have a feeling I already know what she’s going to say.
“You say goodbye to them both,”
Breathing in deeply, I raise my hand to the door in front of me, lightly rapping my knuckles against the wood. Sick with nerves, I wait for an answer, wait for the door to open and when I hear footsteps approach, I feel my stomach begin to knot and an overwhelming feeling of warmth washes over my body like a wave. It’s him, it’s always been him.
Knocking again, the door opens quickly and his beautiful eyes look back at me, his hands pushed deep into his pockets.
“Hi,” he smiles softly.
“You ready to talk?”
"You better come in then," he says, pulling a hand from his pocket and standing aside, watching as I walk inside.
"Just so I can prepare myself, have you made your decision,"
"And do you think it's the right one,"
"I do," I reply vaguely.
"And I know I have to hurt one of you, and I don't think I can do it,"
"And why not?"
"Because I'm a coward and I can't face losing either of you,"
"But of you want to be happy, you know you have too,"
"I know, but I need something from you,"
"I need you to promise me, that if I pick you and I mean if I do, you have to be in it 100%, and if he still wants to be in my life, then you have to accept that. I'm not going to lose you both, I can't and I won't,"
"I won't fight you on it if it means you choose me, I'll accept that he'll be apart of your life too,"
"Come here," he beckons and I walk towards him, a soft and gentle smile curling on my lips. His arms wrap around me, my body moulding to his, his lips pressing firmly against my head, resting his chin in my hair.
"I love you," he whispers into my hair.
Looking up to him, his lips press softly against mine, and as his lips linger against my own, I smile, my eyes watching him as my lips graze against his, "I love you too,"