Toady was a good day; I woke up at 6:45 am to get ready for school. I was late like any other day. I think I might get suspended once again. I don’t know what to do, how earlier am I supposed to wake up to be on time?
As any normal day, it started good, but once I stepped foot in school it got immediately bad. I know school is important and I do love going there but there’s the bigger part of me that just hates it so much!
Recently I have been feeling so lonely, I ain’t got friends anymore. Everything and everyone has started feeling live strangers and who knew people could get so distant?
I’ve been focusing on things that I don’t need, like books, it’s been almost two years since I’ve joined this writing platform called ‘Wattpad’ and I love it! But it’s just I’ve been giving it more focus then I should.
I just don’t know what to do with my life, home doesn’t feel like home anymore. Anyway, I must go because a friend of my dad’s is coming over for...I don’t know what for but ugh I don’t really care.
See you soon-
Suddenly my diary was snatched away from my desk as I looked up and glared at the intruder. “Eric, you devil give me that back!” I screamed standing up and started running after my 6-year-old brother who ran with my diary in his hands.
“Ah!” He shouted and giggled and ran down the stairs and into the living room.
“Eric I’m going to fucking kill you-” I immediately halted when I entered the living room and saw an unfamiliar man sitting on the couch across from where my parents.
“Charlotte language!” My mom scolded making me pout and quickly apologize.
“I’m sorry, mom.” I stammered and grabbed the diary from my brother’s hands and glared at him. I looked at the man from under my eyelashes too nervous to look him in the eye, I saw my dad gesture towards him form the corner of my eyes. Right, greet him!
“Hello, I’m Charlotte.” I neared the man and forwarded my hand for a polite handshake, when he stood up, I took a step back and stared up at him. Damn he was huge. I stared up at him not daring to stare in his eyes. I’m that awkward person that instantly gets shy around new people and I hate it.
I hate how my heart is beating so fast right now like I’m about to get a fucking heart attack, I also hate the fact that I’m sure my cheeks are pink. I have a pale skin and I hate it!
I hate that I easily embarrass myself.
I could feel myself frown and stare at the ground. I hate that my parents bring people over it gets me uncomfortable and I just don’t like it at all. I wonder what his name is, or why he’s even here, I’ve never seen him before, where did my dad even find him?
“It’s nice to meet you Charlotte, I’m Elijah.” His voice was rougher than I had thought, I couldn’t help the feeling it caused. And I felt ashamed for it, clearing my throat I quickly looked up at him and smiled before moving away from him.
I sat as far away as I could and listen to their conversation’s. First they talked about what my dad did for a living, and then he asked if my mom worked anywhere else besides for him. That answered my question on how my parents knew him, although I was a bit confused on why I hadn’t heard of this before.
And lastly they started talking about the topic that I hated the most: me. I watched in pure bewilderment as they talked about me as if I wasn’t only a couple of feet away from them.
I don’t know when the feeling of my parent’s not caring about me had appeared in my brain but ever since it had, I couldn’t shake it of my head. It’s been years, but it still was pretty present. Next to them, I felt totally useless and worthless. No matter what I did in their eyes, it was never good. I couldn’t help the frown that appeared in my face.
Sadness laced itself inside me and all I wanted to do was to hide away and cry my eyes out. Why was it so hard, to make them proud? To make them love me, just the slightest bit.
“-Which field of study are you going to study?” I was brought back down to earth when I heard the same word twice in a sentence. Blinking rapidly to try and act as if I was listening to the conversation all along, I looked up only to regret it instantly at the intensity of the blue eyes on me.
I cleared my throat as I answered in a pathetic calm and stutter voice. “I-I’m going to study Marketing, sir.” I cursed myself out the minute the word left my mouth what the fuck was I thinking about? Sir? Who even says that?
Pathetic and stupid, Charlotte.
I saw him nod as he was ready to speak again, but before he could get the words out I quickly shoot up and excused myself. With my diary in my hand, I quickly made my way to the kitchen to get myself some water. My throat feeling dry from the two words I just spoke. I couldn’t help but feel even worse than before.
Why couldn’t I have been raised to be carefree and talkative like all the other girls my age, but here I was anxious every time someone even uttered a word to me. There was definitely something wrong with me.
I sighed and placed the diary that contained my darkest desires and secrets next to me. God forbid someone had the chance to read it. I took the bottle of water from the fridge and placed it on the counter. I opened the cabinet above my head and grabbed a glass and poured water in it and started drinking.
What am I doing with my life?
I have so many homework’s and all I do is write, write books that I know won’t get me anywhere. I just want one day of peaceful sleep and a day of quiet peace, with my two brothers running around and my mom always working from 6 am till 10 am and then leaving again. I can guarantee you that I’m more of a mother to them then my mom is.
I’m not saying I’m not grateful for my mom and my dad and I feel bad that they must work so hard for nothing, but I wish they wouldn’t have to work so much. I’m sick and tired of acting like a parent or grown up. I guess that explains why they don’t show any emotion’s towards me or the fact that they belittle me.
My family and I moved to Belgium eight years ago, the reason for that is that my mom couldn’t have kids for a period of 11 years, during that period I was the only child until we moved here, and my mom got pregnant.
My mom and dad were scared in the beginning which I understand, I mean my mom has lost five children because they didn’t make it during the pregnancy. My parents had asked the doctor to abort the baby, but the doctor had said no and that everything would work fine, and it did! I’m so grateful for it, I’m grateful the doctor didn’t listen to my parents, I’m grateful this country let us stay here.
Everything was going perfect until after my mother gave birth to my brother, Evan Richards. That’s when we got our Belgium identification card for one year, which meant we could stay here for one year and then we would have to see what to do.
Long story short, after a while they took it, too much lawyer work and now we’re here living without any identification card. So yeah that’s what is literally stopping us from living.
So, in a few months I finish high school and then I don’t know what in the world am I supposed to do, also yeah, I forgot to say that we aren’t allowed to work! Like how fucked up is that?! So literally everything we did here was illegal. How fucked up is that?
“I’m so stupid.” I mumbled to myself, until I realized that I was still talking to myself. Great still doing it.
When I heard a throat clear from behind me, I could’ve sworn my heart stopped beating. Quickly turning around I almost choked on the water and quickly placed the water on the counter as I regarded the stranger in confusion.
“H-Hi, can I help you with anything?” I spoke as he stood there unmoving the opposite of the counter, thank god for the distance between us.
“Yes.” He cleared his throat. “Your parents told me you’d show me the way to the bathroom.” He stated, making my cheeks heat up for no reason.
“Yes, umm...right this way.” I spoke in rushed tone and walked past him and out of the kitchen. “Follow me.” I whispered over my shoulder not sure if he even had heard me, but when I heard his footsteps following behind me nervousness creeped in.
As we climbed the stairs I couldn’t help but overthink everything. Was he staring at my ass? I couldn’t help but let disgust and anger cloud me. Until I realized I was just overthinking everything again and calmed down.
God, I’m really crazy aren’t I?
“Right this way.” I blurted once we stood in front of the bathroom and pushed the door open before turning on the light.
“Thank you, amore.” He replied, I couldn’t help but let my pale cheeks turn bright red, I wasn’t any good in Italian but even I knew what the fucking word meant. I bite on my lower lip as I tried to hide my amusement and excitement. No one had ever called me that before.
I wasn’t sure what to think of it, but I figured he was just being polite. Surely people went around calling each other love. Right? “You look cute when, you’re blushing.” And that right there was my most embarrassing moment in my life. I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of this man’s mouth.
Trying to get him in the bathroom and far away from me as I could, I pointed to the bathroom. “The bathroom, please.” My words weren’t even making sense in my own ears, so I wasn’t surprised when he started chuckling.
“Right.” He smirked and walked into the bathroom. I knew I was crazy, but not this crazy. I stood there and watched the ajar open door. He smirked and looked over his shoulder, before he started to undo his zipper and as the movement registered in my head, I gasped and quickly pulled the door closed and leaned against it, as I breathed harshly.
I could hear him laughing from the other side of the door and I just wanted the ground to open and swallow me whole. What the fuck was happening.