"Even a happylife cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness…." -Carl Jung
My heart had sunk a lot this week since I hadn’t heard back from Peter, who hadn't return my texts, emails, or even calls. I thought maybe something terrible had happened to him, but Dana reassured me she saw him this Monday and he was just grumpy being swamped with work.
My stomach churned more knowing something internally must be upsetting him. Peter wouldn’t just drop me like that, especially after everything that had occurred.
Packing up the finished drawing for his latest project, I scurry out of the house and took a nice stroll down to Peter’s complex.
About a half an hour later, I started to approach the familiar street and a moving u-haul truck was park on the side street. Two burly men staggered out of the complex door and my mouth dropped noticing the couch they were carry was a familiar one.
I watch them load it up into the truck and continue back up for more stuff.
Peter was moving? I thought in horror.
Again the guys came out with the dining room table and Peter was not far behind with two chairs. As he set the chairs down, I call his name out breathlessly, “Peter?”
His brown eyes shot up surprised for a second and then slowly they harden at me. Moving closer feeling numb, I asked, “What are you doing?”
His lovable carefree face was gone. Only an impassive expression remained with his brown eyes guarded.
Was he mad at me?
He responded, “I’m moving back with my dad.”
“Is he okay?” I questioned with alarm and he said short, “He’s fine.”
My heart began to sink into my gut. “What about your job?” I asked unsure as my mind was trying to keep up at what I discovered.
He shrugged his shoulders, “I can always find another.”
In Sweet Valley? I thought astounded.
My eyes glanced up nervous as I added, “I tried calling you.”
His lips pressed together as he said, “Sorry. I was busy.” Peter’s words seemed to cut me like a hot knife.
What was wrong with him?
With nothing more to say, I handed over the blue prints I worked on like a deer caught in headlights. “These are for you if you still want to use them. I guess I’ll let you get back to packing.”
Peter’s eyes slightly soften when my voice wavered a gloomy tone. Jumping up in surprise, I glanced down to see my intruder purring against my legs. I genuinely smile even though the situation was very serious.
Bending down I said, “Hello, Spooks.”
Peter’s voice said quietly, “You can have him if you like still.”
My head shot up to his kind offer and I nodded my head firmly. Over the past months, we had bonded and deep down I had a feeling this would be the last time Peter would wanted to see me. With Spooks by my side, I knew I would at least have some piece of Peter to remember.
Peter broke me away from my troubling thoughts when he added, “I guess I’ll see you at the wedding.” Pulling Spooks up to my chest, I somehow nodded my head dazed.
As I turned around the familiar emotion that haunted my childhood resurfaced. I was hopelessly being abandoned again.
I heard Peter say off in the distance, “I hope you have a happy life in Nevada, Lex.”
Whipping around quickly white as a ghost, I stared at Peter. He knew about Oliver’s proposal. And with that Peter returned back to emptying his apartment.
Trying not to let the agonizing pain rip through my vocal cords, I tried to figure out how Peter learned that news. I hadn’t told a soul about what happened on Sunday. I was still trying to process what even happened that day.
It was gorgeous outside weather when Oliver had called me to go out for another jog. But I didn't mind. My mind had been swirling around about Peter.
Deep down I knew I had to breakup with Oliver. My heart had now belong to another person. I smiled at the thought of Peter.
“What are you so smiley about this morning, Alexia?”
I glanced over guilty at Oliver, who just tied his shoe. “Oh, it’s just a beautiful day,” I said in response.
He deserved better than me, I thought bitterly.
I just wasn’t the person for him. I had change my whole being to fit into his lifestyle and honestly I was tired of trying to the person he wanted me to be.
Athletic, super healthy, being use to loneliness and not in love. Honestly, no one could put it better in words of my situation more than Jim Rohn. “You cannot make progress without making decisions.”
And I believe I was coming to one, even if I didn't want to hurt Oliver.
Starting off in a slowly jog, Oliver had a smile on his face as well. Like he was the cat that ate the canary and got away with it. His blue eyes danced over to me and he finally said, “Hold up. I want to tell you something.”
“Okay,” I said relieved to take a break so early in the game.
“I recently got relocated to Nevada. It’s one of the greatest opportunities I have been offered. Head surgeon.”
Maybe he’s going to break up with me? I thought slightly relieved.
But his face held a smile making me doubt my theory. “I wanted you to go with me.”
My mouth hung open as I joked, “Are you kidding me?”
His bouncing playful eyes became consumed with seriousness. “No. Listen it has plenty of benefits for you too Alexia. You’ll be closer to your mother, you won’t have to worry about where to live after Dana’s married; we can live with each other.” Oliver smiled more with excitement, “And I pulled some strings and I have a job lined up for you in one of the best art conservatory companies.”
I was trying to breath by the sudden news. “Look Alexia I knew this is a lot to take in. But I love you….”
My eyes probably couldn’t get any wider when Oliver blurted out for the first time he loved me.
How could he when he didn’t know the real me?
“… and I want you by my side. Plus, really there isn’t anything holding you back now. Dana’s living her own life. No one is in the apartment. And you stopped your cooking hobby.” He kissed my stun lips and replied, “Just think about it. I leave this June.”
Oliver's words echoed in my mind,
...really there isn't anything holding you back now.
But my mind subconsciously whispered, Well there was one thing and it was Peter.
Walking up to my front porch stairs, I still felt numb, shaky and my thoughts seemed to be clouded; as if my brain couldn’t wrap the reality of the news.
Placing Spooks down on the living room floor, I slowly drifted to my room with my cat trailing behind my legs. Closing the door shut, it was dark like how I felt my world was suddenly turned into.
Sliding into my bed, Spooks rested onto off my legs and a sudden threat of a sob reached my throat. I was alone, my mind yelled. Peter didn’t want me. Nobody wanted me.
And instead of burying all of this deep inside me, I released all my hearts pain by crying hard. And when I mean really hard, I mean to the point that it hurts to breath and you form a bad headache.
Yes, so much that I spooked Spooks to hide under the covers.