Heart Wants What It Wants

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Chapter 14

Sia's p.o.v.

"what the fuck do you mean he's not interested?"

"he is not interested. How many times do I have to repeat myself?"

"you are impossible. You guys simply eyefuck each other twenty four hours. "

"now, that's not even a proper word!" yes, this is what we have been doing for the past ten hours. Liz explaining to me how Luke and me belong together. Yes, I agree that he is one of my best friends, and I've known him for like.... forever, and we share the same bed, and basically live together, and paint together and I love him for the past 6 years... But have you seen him? He could get any girl he wants! Why me? A girl who was not enough for her ex causing him to go lip locking with someone else. A girl who was so blind and failed to see the most obvious fact that her so called boyfriend. I did not love Peter, but I trusted him. I trust people too easily. My bad.

"he will choose you over a million girls because you are you. You choose to be who you are and show the world who you are. You act the way you want, dress the way you want and most of all, don't tolerate other's bullshit. And it isn't wrong or your fault to trust people. It's their fault that they are physically, mentally and emotionally incapable of keeping your trust. And did you just admit that you fucking love him?" guess I said the last part out loud.

"umm, kinda?"

"ugh, this is so annoying. You both like eachother then what's wrong in acting on it? "

"he doesn't like me, Liz."

"I'm tired of repeatedly telling you that he does, normally i wouldn't come between this but it's just been way too long."

"maybe, I think I love him but actually it's just another crush?"

"google says that if you have crushed over a person for more than four months, then you love the person."

"did google have a boyfriend or girlfriend? No!"

"seriously? Just go, okay. Tell him."

When I am alone with Liz, it's mostly me advising her about Richie. But now, when the table's turn, it sucks.

"you know, you really need to stop being a hypocrite." she said as she slumped back on the bed, staring on the ceiling.

"isn't it the boy who makes moves?"

"isn't it you the one who speaks bullshit? "

"stop being rude."

"I'm not being rude I'm just annoyed with the both of you. Anyway look at this. " she says getting up from the bed and sitting on the floor against my legs so that I had a clear view to whatever she was opening on her phone.

She opened Instagram and switched her account to..... Luke's account?

"how the fuck do you have his password? "

"because I'm intelligent? And guess what's his password?"

"I am an idiot? With all the letters written in caps?"

"exactly."

Not at all surprised. She started scrolling through his profile.

"look, the three of us, the both of you, him and Richie, the both of you, me and him, both of you, both of you, you, you, you, him, you, both o-"

"sorry to interrupt, but, your point? "

"dude seriously? Half of the pictures contain you."

"your point?"

"ugh, god, okay, look at my dms with him." and then she proceeded to scroll all the way up. It took about trn minutes as she went with full speed. "now look at this." she started scrolling through Richie's dms with Luke. Soon she went to the older ones and I could see her brows scrunch up. Fuck!

"will you stop, you are just stalking Luke. Hurry up I need to go it's getting late."

"fine." and then she proceeded scrolling through my dms with him. What is she trying to explain?

"see, you guys fucking stay in the same room and yet it's been almost twenty minutes and still your dms haven't ended. Wait, but what do you all even-"

"Liz, I just broke up with Peter, and before that got cheated on by him. "

"look, I understand but firstly you broke up with Peter for about six damn months ago, and about the cheating thing, I understand, I really do, but do you not trust Luke? He'd never do anything that hurts you."

"will you stop! I know it's taking us long and you know what leave it to us. And why the fuck do you even care. and shut up." I snatched the phone from her and immediately logged out from his account. That boy needs to change his damn password.

Shit! I shouldn't have said that. But..... not the dms. She crawled away from me. And went to the opposite side of the room. Was I that ru- never mind I was.

Just when I thought that she had given up as well as me fucking things up, my phone lit up with a notification from....Liz? Okay so now she is sending me dms cause she does not want to talk to me? Some people never give up

Liz: Always know that you can never be sure which moment with a particular person may be your last

Sia: Liz, what do you mean?

Liz: What if your last moment with luke turns out to be the last moment with him. Would you not regret not telling him whatever you wanted?

Sia: what?

Liz: My sister died. There were so many things that I thought to tell her, but everytime I thought that I'd tell her the last time.

Liz: Well, see, I couldn't and now I regret it.

I sighed and made my way out of the door as she threw away the phone on the bed signing that our conversation was over.

****

Just for this, okay, you can do this.

Take a chill pill and tell him.

Wait, but what if he rej- no, think optimistically, he won't.

Calm the fuck down, and tell him.

Okay.

I opened the door bracing myself for whatever came next. It has gotta be fine, hasn't it?

The moment I opened the door, my jaw felt too heavy to hold up. Damn.

Luke was painting on the canvas that rested against the wall while he was shirtless. His confident strokes of paintbrush ran across the canvas.

I could've literally stood the whole day staring at him and wouldn't get bored.

He was so engrossed in painting that he did not even notice me coming in.

As I said before, I could stand and stare, but what can I say? I have more pressing maters to attend? Maybe.

"hey."

"hey, you're back? I thought you'd be late." he said, giving me one of his dimpled smiles. Excuse me 911, I guess I just internally died twice.

"yeah, um, Liz was kinda tired and I just.... wanted to.... talk to you.... I guess."

"okay, so, what's up? " he said pushing aside his brushes and looking for his shirt. No. Please. Don't. I just found a great view to look at.

"we'll talk later, what we're you working on?"

"oh, it's just Liz's gift ya know, it's like next week."

"I know. She's turning twenty two." I said with a smile. Liz and I have been best friends for like three years and I'm always afraid that I'll screw it up for something small. I hate feeling so insecure during relationships.

I know that she's been through a lot in her life. And she really does not deserve any of it. She is seriously a great person. I just afraid that when everything comes infront, which obviously has to happen at one time, she won't be able to deal with it.

"earth to Sia? Sia! "

"yeah, oh yeah, you were telling something?"

"I was asking if you wanted to give me some feedback.... Before you zoned out."

"yeah sure." I say as I proceed to sit beside him.

I stare at the masterpiece in front of me. Wow. Luke is honestly, one of the best painters that I've ever met. The best thing about him is that he knows what he is doing. His work was never too less or too much. It was perfect.

"so? "

"this is beautiful." the way he drew.... so consumed and dedicated was unbelievable.

"thanks" he said smiling to himself "you think Liz will like it? " he says looking at me

"she'll love it." love. When I finally look at him after ages of gawking at the painting, he's already looking at me. My eyes involuntarily darted to his lips. I immediately force my eyes back to his, only to find him still staring at my mouth.

Everything about this moment is just so fragile that a single wrong move can fuck up the whole situation. I don't know what to do.

Come on dummy! The fact that you want nothing more than to kiss him at the moment isn't really a secret. You've already somehow embarrassed yourself. Might as well do it a bit more.

And that's what I did. I leaned in. He did not jerk back.

The moment our lips touched. I was consumed as both our eyes shut. My mind was a blank. I couldn't think properly. At that moment nothing mattered except of the way his lips felt against mine. Soft but equally rough.

I was so consumed that it took me a moment to realise that he wasn't kissing me back. I messed up.

The moment I realised it, I jerked my lips from his. Shit!

"I'm so so sorry. " I said standing on my feet and scrambling away from him as he stood up too.

"Sia-"

"I'm so sorry, this is so messed up. " I backed away, I wish the floor would open and swallow me right now.

"Sia lis-"

"I'm such a mess, why the fuck did I do that"

"will yo-"

"oh my go-"

"Sia stop." he said. And I guarantee you that I did not see what came next.

He pulled my hands causing me to stumble into him. I was still mentally accusing myself in million ways due to what happened. I was still not aware of anything until he cupped my face with one of his hands while the other came to my waist. My hands found their place on his bare chest as his lips found mine.

This time... It was real kissing. It was slower and addicting. Everything was perfect, his hands on my waist while the other brushed my neck and the way he delicately tugged my bottom lip with his teeth. Everything was so Disney like. And boy did I not love it. My dress was filled with paint. I like myself like this though, painted version of myself.

"Alicia." it came out as a gentle whisper from his mouth after we pulled apart breathing heavily. I love the way he said my actual name.

"I love you." I blurted out. Wait, did I just blurt my goddamn confession? Way to go, Alicia.

"I love you too." he said after laughing gently at me.

For a moment we just stood in between the room staring at eachother. I repeated everything in my mind, all our memories. From the day we met to all those days when we had fun with Liz upto this very moment. By looking at his eyes, I knew that he was thinking the same thing. We were both quiet until he broke the silence.

"it's too difficult for me to resist myself from kissing you now."

"don't."

"don't kiss you?"

"don't resist."

And he doesn't.

*****

A/N: I'm so sorry if this is shitty. However this is seriously the best I could do. Let me know how you feel about it and if anything could be better. Next chapter will be up, hopefully soon.

xxxbleedingtears21

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