mo leannan bhoidheach - my beautiful sweetheart
Lewis stayed with me all Sunday, the day CeCe came over and checked on me. We had mostly cuddled on the couch and watched movies, he ordered us dinner and picked what I got to eat. He had noticed my hesitation at ordering at the restaurant we went to for our date, my favorite so far, that I wasn’t comfortable with ordering myself. Instead of asking and making it a thing, he simply picked an item and got it for me. Lewis did that Sunday night, ordered me something I wasn’t sure I would like, and when it came, I discovered that it was good and I enjoyed it. It was a thing that I’ve been attempting to do, try new things. Lewis just pushes me gently to do them, rather than failing to convince myself and avoid doing it, he encourages me when he orders me anything and when I look at it like I’m looking at someone’s dead body; in absolute horror.
I love it, the feeling of being spoiled without having to whine or beg for this treatment, Lewis does it because he knows I like it and am uncomfortable doing certain things; such as ordering food myself. He is also aware of my issues of indecisiveness, I had told him of it over text during my break at work a few weeks ago and he understood, promising me he’d make any simple decisions for me if I seem unsure of them. I always had trouble with making choices, considering them in my head hundreds of times and thinking about them forever when I finally made one, going over what I could’ve done differently or if the outcome would’ve been different. It’s gotten harder to make choices seeing as I’m an adult now and that comes with dealing with money and paying rent, working and making wise choices with said money, buying food, and other things I don’t do. If anything, I’ve gotten worse at decision making.
So, Lewis doing that for me is greatly needed and appreciated, he makes doing it feel caring and loving rather than something he finds annoying; which I know he doesn’t. I’ve seen the reactions of others who do find it annoying, the roll of eyes, the deep sigh, or even both. Ryan found it cute at first but quickly got tired of it, he had asked me to order food myself and when I had issues speaking with the host of the place we were at, he seemed slightly guilty. He apologized afterward, I still assume it was because of the awkward silence that had settled around us. I was embarrassed and he didn’t seem to know what to say. Ryan is better with that sort of stuff now, understands that many like me can’t control why or how we feel like this, how to fix it quickly. But Lewis loves it, told me so when I shyly asked if he minded.
One of the reasons I enjoy having decisions made for me is because it adds to the relationship of a Dominant and Submissive. Gives the sub little choice to do anything other than what their Dominant said to do, the dominant has more power over the sub, and overall; I adore an extreme power play. Having the power to make decisions or perform actions, taken from me is the best thing to do for me. It turns me on beyond belief, having someone who is stronger than me, who could easily break me if they so wished to, someone who knows their own strength and how to use it to control me; standing over me. Pure heaven. I get off on being someone’s toy, or slave depending on the mood. Being controlled and ordered and collared takes the frustration of normal life off and takes me to a place in my head where I don’t have to care for anything other than what my dominant wants or demands.
I can only hope that I get so far with Lewis, just thinking about what he would be like in a full scene is almost too much. Day to day, he’s subtly dominant with me; guiding me with a hand on my back or neck, fixing my hair or top if a small detail is off, opening doors for me, gives me small and reasonable instructions on what to do; on occasions, he’ll order for me to ‘Come here.’ in a tone that is both firm and caring, sometimes Lewis will just point to the ground at his feet in a silent demand. My favorite of what he does is taking my hair in his fist and forcing me to look up at him, his huge hand curled in my already tangled hair, and feeling the short tung is a good way for me to lose focus. It’s always gentle and never rough, though I can see how easily he could turn that soft gesture into a rough and possessive one.
I imagine Lewis being stern and unrestrained when it comes to filtering himself as he gives me commands, as normally he pauses and rethinks a sentence when he considers it too much for the situation. He’s stern with me when I wake up and he demands me to grab pieces of clothing for him to pick through, he has grown to know that I’m not a person that enjoys waking up, no matter what time it is and the fact that he has been waking me up around ten-thirty is ridiculous. That is mainly the only time he’s firm with me, other than when I complain about what he orders me to make for breakfast; eggs if I have them with mashed potatoes. I hate eggs, but CeCe brings them over for when she stays the night and wants an easy snack. I know Lewis only has me eat what I hate because I don’t have much else in my kitchen, I just can’t help but act slightly bratty when I make them when I’m on the phone with him. It’s mainly playful complaining, yet I know he knows that I’m being serious about my hate eggs and dislike eating them. He always laughs and acts along with me, sternness gone from his voice once he knows I’m dressed and ready for the day.
Lewis also strikes me as a chain and collar dominant, I know this because I’m into the same thing and the way he walks with me when we’re out together. He takes my hand and holds it the entire time we’re standing, walking in front of me just enough to be the one dictating where we go or which way we turn, using my arm as a leash to gently tung me when I’m distracted. I have zero complaints about that, I love that he does it, craving for him to place a collar on me and leash me. I want to be his in every way there is and being collared is a very good way to own a sub, in terms of a consenting relationship and respecting each other.
It’s one of my kinks, being leashed and led around. It can be degrading and humiliating depending on where or who’s around, but it can also be extremely calming and a big trigger to going into that special part of my brain. I enjoy both of the said outcomes. Having a collar on is claiming and I’m reminded that I have someone there to help and care for me. Leashes are just another way to gain dominance by controlling how fast a sub walks or when they stop, forcing them to do an action such as yanking them to their knees or forcing their head up to look at the dominant. I adore every part of it, from the actions to the feeling of the material of the collar and the swing of the leash. All of it is good to me as long I’m cared for and any needs are met, mine and the dominants.
Lewis is both caring and attentive to me, he is in tune with any needs I tell him of and any he observes whenever we’re out together, he makes sure I have whatever I need or want while we’re out hanging out. He insists on buying snacks and drinks when out walking, to make sure I eat and stay hydrated. I can’t help but picture him being the same when in a scene or officially my dominant. I sorta wish I could speak to anyone that had him as a dom, just to see if I’m right, yet at the same time, I don’t. I want to see it for myself, without anyone interfering with my experience. Lewis appears to be the dominant I’ve been searching for, and if we work out, I want to be surprised to see how he is. Because if I know what I'm going to be getting, it ruins the experience. My first scene with Lewis as my official dominant is going to be special- no matter what we do. I want to keep it like that.
Monday when Lewis called me to wake up, he left last night after he tucked me into bed- he laid with me and hummed until I went to sleep then called me and stayed on the phone. He tells me to give Miss Parry space, give her time to realize she made a mistake and that I wouldn’t forgive her for what she did. I planned to do that anyway, I’m not going to let her think she can force me to do what I don't want to, but it makes me feel better to know that Lewis won’t let me be pushed around and is trying to get me to stand up for myself. Even if he’s telling me to avoid her, that would do more than yelling and fighting with her, he knows that. Arguing with Miss Parry would be the same as talking with a wall, a waste of time. Giving her the silent treatment and avoiding her will allow her to realize quickly that she messed up and needs to fix it, she’ll see I’m not speaking to her or offering to help her with baking and leaving quicker than usual then ignoring her calls because I know she’ll try to convince me to see where she's coming from with this belief of hers. Miss Parry should connect the dots rather fast.
Lewis stayed on the phone with me all the way to work, seeing as he couldn’t give me a ride since he had to get ready for the morning turn at the site he’s working at. He had wanted to and even asked if I wanted one, it would be nice not to have to walk or take the bus and I told him so. He promised that when he doesn’t have to be at the site so soon, he’ll pick me up, drop me off, and take me back home when I get off. I would like that, since spending time with him is one of my favorite ways to spend a day. He makes every second fun and worth the time I could be painting with. Although he told me that we were going shopping for groceries sometime this week and that I couldn’t argue against him on it, I don’t think even Lewis can make going to the store fun. He can’t be that perfect, it isn’t fair.
CeCe is inside when I walk in, speaking to Miss Parry just as she said she would. My boss doesn’t look very happy, shaking her head and frowning. Denial, I think as I walk past them into the staff room to grab my apron. It takes merely a few seconds and I’m heading back out to start my shift, CeCe is already at the counter and glaring at the coffee machine. Miss Parry is walking to me, her frown now in a small smile and I can see the concern that had appeared when she spoke to Lewis. Take a breath and walk away, is what I tell myself to do, and slowly, I listen. Taking a slow deep breath and turning away from her to the counter, I walk towards CeCe and give a small smile when she gives me a thumbs up and a smirk. Suddenly, I realize that avoiding my boss may be harder than I thought at first. But, I’ll do it. I need to, she needs to learn that what she did and what she thinks of Lewis is wrong. His dislike for his parents isn’t going to harm me or the way he acts with me. She needs to learn to accept what she believes, isn’t how the world works.
“Tom, come here. I need to speak to you.” Miss Parry calls out to me, and I turn to see if I should. But I know she won’t say anything different then what she said Saturday, I can’t listen to that again.
So, I give her a strained smile that feels like a wince and shake my head. “Sorry, but I need to help CeCe with any orders.”
It’s a lame excuse, especially since the lunch rush hasn’t come yet. She knows that too and goes to say something, her lips part and her eyebrow furrowed, then I turn away and make myself busy with wiping down the counter until I hear her sigh and walk away. As soon as I think she’s gone, I sigh and lean on the counter, hearing CeCe chuckle. “Don’t worry, she’ll come to her senses soon enough. I predict next week.”
A pained laugh leaves me at that, I won’t make it to next week with not speaking to Miss Parry. She’s like a mother to me and it feels wrong to act like she isn’t there and turn away from her. I know it needs to happen to make her learn her lesson on judging others like she did and grabbing me, but it isn’t something I can do for very long. Luckily, CeCe is a master at ghosting people and could most likely give me tips. I don’t think she’s ever ghosted someone she sees every day, though. Still, any tips or tricks I could use.
“Relax, Tomboy. Beefcake and I are here to help, you’re not alone in this. She can handle a little silent treatment, she’s an adult. That is kinda ironic because an adult should know better to believe what she does.” My friend attempts to reassure me, it almost works and it gets a tiny giggle from me. Her general tone is dry and partly sarcastic, she sounds like that every day unless she actively tries to change her tone. She didn’t when she said this.
“I know, C. I just like this whole situation, I feel dirty doing this to her.” As soon as I say it, I know I shouldn’t have. CeCe won’t see it from my perspective.
She scoffs, rolling her gray eyes, “Tommy, you got this all wrong. She should feel dirty for doing that to you. She is using your relationship with her to her advantage, using the role you see her as, as a way to try to force you to do something. I honestly lost some respect for her, I thought she was better than this. She doesn’t even see what went wrong, besides grabbing you at least. Don’t feel bad for doing this, you’re doing great and what is needed to be done.”
CeCe takes my upper arms in her hand, staring at me seriously and giving me another soft smile. “You need Lewis, to be happy and somewhat functional. She shouldn’t be pushing between you guys for a bullshit reason like she has. It’ll work out, just hold on. I’ll do my best to get her to understand.”
My eyes threaten to water and I can’t believe I’m ready to cry from her genuine care for me in this, it’s rare for her to be open in her feelings and for her to show me she actually has me in her heart as a friend is great and makes me feel special. Crying makes her uncomfortable so I hold back and smile instead, “Thanks, C. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Why, of course, you are. I’m awesome.”
We laugh but are quickly reminded we have work when a group of people walks in, gaining our attention and making us get to taking orders. I find myself thinking that this won’t be as hard with my friend here to help me through this, and with Lewis around to distract me from Miss Parry’s dislike for him, it will hopefully be a breeze that will blow over. Like a drizzle of rain that ends just as fast as it came.
Miss Parry is still in the shop when my shift ends watching me and CeCe clean up any coffee that happened to be spilled into the rush to get orders ready and out for people, arms crossed and the frown that has been on her face whenever I saw her. I try not to feel as bad as I do deep down because I have ignored any attempt of a conversation, tell myself she should’ve realized something was wrong and she could have at least tried to see what went wrong to make me ignore her. I believe she is a smart lady and it should not be hard to figure out my avoiding her is a consequence for Saturday, I hope she reflects on it and feels stupid.
It was busy, as it is on Mondays and we barely had enough hands to get through all the orders. CeCe was glaring at every person that was getting impatient and complaining that they would be late to get back to work, I could see he was holding her temper, and the regulars that were watching could tell the same. I was too focused on the coffee and orders to check my phone for if Lewis texted, and I can’t hold back the urge to do it. As soon as I’m done with the section of the counter I’m cleaning, I pull my phone out and check it. Lewis did send a message about an hour ago and I feel bad that I couldn’t respond until now, but what he said makes me laugh.
‘Howlin Bampot treating you good?’
I don’t know what the words mean and probably are rude to Miss Parry but I can’t help myself and find it humorous. Lewis wouldn’t call her anything he deemed too offensive to others, especially someone he knows is important to me. It’s most likely common insults and since she is being this way about us dating, I’ll let it slide. Besides, the words sound funny in my head and I can only imagine how they sound coming from Lewis. I giggle at myself as I try to do just that to compare my version to how he speaks the words when we talk later. ‘Yes, I haven’t talked to her. What do those words mean? Is it bad?’
I’m texting him back while I walk to the staff room behind CeCe to put our aprons up, and as I look up to watch where I’m going, I notice that CeCe is staying between me and Miss Parry-as if our boss would reach out to grab me again. I appreciate it, but I don’t think Miss Parry will do that now. She’s calmer than she was Saturday and isn’t desperate to get me to listen like she seemed to be that day, she might just try to speak to me. I’m proven right when she blocks our way to the staff room, staring at me while she talks.
“Thomas, I need to speak with your about that man-”
CeCe interrupts, voice clipped and snappy. “Unless it’s to apologize to him, and Lewis, he won’t talk to you. Excuse us.”
Miss Parry is shocked, eyes wide and mouth open. “But I-”
I fight back the guilt as we pass my mother figure when she looks dejected, this is to get her to understand but I’m not sure if we’re doing it right. Maybe I should talk to her, maybe she’ll listen now. But what if she doesn’t listen and she’s able to convince me I shouldn’t be with Lewis. I doubt she’d be able to do that seeing as I’m smitten with him very much, yet I fear she’ll keep trying to separate us if she doesn’t see she’d be pushing me away from her in doing that. Will she ever be convinced that Lewis is a nice guy without wanting to know his history with his parents? If she would spend some time with him, I’m sure she would see what I do and what CeCe does. If I ask, will she even consider the idea of hanging out with us? Would Lewis?
I should run it by Lewis first, ask him what he thinks and if he would even agree to it. He’ll be blunt and tell me straight if we should or not, but I think he will. I’ll do that, ask him when we speak later on the phone. He’d do what he thinks is best for me and I trust him making this decision for me. He knows that Miss Parry is important to me from how I’ve spoken about her to him and I believe he’ll want me to continue to have a good relationship with her, even if they don’t like each other.
CeCe and I spend a few minutes in the staff room messing around and sitting down at the table to rest, CeCe complaining about the people and orders and getting hot coffee sprayed on her. I laugh at her and check my phone time and time again, disappointed when Lewis doesn’t text me back. I understand he has work and he can’t always be messaging me, but still. It’s when we finally leave the room that I’m greeted with a surprise and any disappointment disappears completely. Lewis is standing a bit off to the side of the counter with Seán, who is staring at Miss Parry with a raised eyebrow. Lewis is speaking to him and the Irishman shakes his head, says something and Lewis reels back as if slapped. Whatever was said, earned Seán a punch in the arm.
CeCe nudges me, smirking when I turn to glance at her then yells, “Hey, Beefcake! Come get Tomboy he needs a nap! Or a fuck! Whichever comes first.”
The men turn to us, Lewis grinning and Seán laughing. My face is red and burning as I slap CeCe’s arm and back when she leans away from me, threatening to kill her if she continues to do that to me in front of them. She just laughs at me and pushes me into a chest, arms trap me instantly and I'm victim to a beard rubbing on my cheek and neck.
“That right, mo leannan bhoidheach?” Lewis’s deep voice is at my throat and I shiver at the pleasant feel of his breath on me.
Laughing from the tickling scratching beard against my skin, I lean away to speak, bits of giggles mixing in. “I am tired. Lewis, stop! It tickles!”
He laughs, I hear Seán doing the same and CeCe. He does stop at my demand, letting me breath and calm down, relaxing against his chest and enjoying the warmth of him being wrapped around me. “Had a rough day then, did ya?”
Nodding, I watch as CeCe and Seán hold a conversation while walking to the door. Obviously ready to leave and go home to rest after work, even if it means leaving us. In the corner of my eye I notice Miss Parry staring at Lewis and I, no glare, just observing us. I find it creepy and feel hopeful she’ll see just how much more content I am with Lewis around. Maybe she’ll see how different I've become after meeting him, and become a better, happier version of myself.
Lewis hums and gives me squeeze, I raise my head to look up at him, seeing him glance over at Miss Parry. “How ‘bout we grab food, watch ya paint and take a good ‘ol nap?”
I’ll mention my idea later, that sounds too nice to ignore for now. Later, i’ll deal with Miss Parry.