[Chapter Forty One]
Scottish Translation -
Ghràdh - love
M’eudail - My Dear/My Darling
mo chridhe - my heart
The store isn’t very busy, the crowds leaving as we came in near sunset. It’s darker outside, just passing eight. It’s my favorite time to come to the store before there are fewer people and when I bag our groceries I don’t feel overwhelmed, and the need to hurry because there are others in the line. There’s still décor for New Year’s, as it’s January first tonight. We celebrated with not only Lewis’s family through Facetime for Christmas and New Year this year, but with CeCe and Kat in my friend’s apartment for a small party. Seán was with us for that but had come in late with the excuse he had to make sure someone was taken care of, fed, and warm. Lewis explained that his brother had come across a homeless man sometime before we met and had been giving him food from his second job, that Seáns had been working hard to help the man because the Irishman had grown attached to him and wanted to give him whatever he needed. I found that extremely sweet, although risky considering the man could have issues but Seán knows what he’s doing and I trust his ability to read people. Lewis and I went to my Aunts to have dinner with her, Miss Parry and Oliver tagged along as well. Lewis had even taken Hannah more books and encouraged me to paint a canvas for her, which she adored and hung in the living room.
It’s officially been over a year since Lewis and I met, since our first date. Lewis had taken me to a new movie in the theater, a comedy-action one that I asked if we could watch, then to a fancy little restaurant that absolutely didn’t expect to be serving a giant Viking man and his tiny twink. Based on the wide-eyed stare the hosts gave us. I had a blast, especially when we got home and Lewis made sure I wouldn’t be walking for most of the next day. He had tied me up wonderfully and teased me relentlessly for hours until he finally fucked me hard enough to be pleasantly sore and tender whenever I moved. I was also surprised by more art supplies and a big dog cage sitting at the end of the lounge cushion on the couch. Lewis had put thick blankets and pillows in it for it to be comfortable, allowed me to sit in it for a few minutes when I asked, and hummed his agreement of seeing me in it.
The cage is large and spacious, I can turn in a circle and lay down on my side comfortably. I really liked it, especially with the blankets and pillows to cushion the metal bottom of it. The sensation of owned and safety came with being in it, knowing Lewis had put thought into buying one big enough and what I would in it to spend however long he decides is safe for me. I’m aware it’s for punishments primarily, that’s what we agreed on, if I break a more serious rule I earn some time in my cage. Yet being in it is also pleasant, depending on the situation. When Lewis granted me permission to crawl inside and check it out, it was a good feeling to see him watching me from outside; standing over the cage with his arms crossed as he looked for anything wrong with me or the cage. It felt like I was his Pet and I really liked that.
We had a discussion about my sleep sex kink, figured out a good system for it. Lewis asked about what I liked or what limits that specific kink had for me personally, what could and couldn’t be done and how I would give or take away consent when I’m asleep. We made up a sign that said simply, ‘I serve’ on one side and ‘Not Tonight’ on the other. I flip the sign when I want to serve Lewis even in sleep or when I don’t feel up to it, I flip it around and take consent away. We’ve had it since the beginning of December, a month give or take a few days. I haven’t flipped it to the no consent side yet, and some days I wake up clean, and others, multiple times a week, I’ll wake up plugged and filled with one or more loads from Lewis. It’s absolutely amazing, waking up in his arms and feeling his warmth then processing the pleasant ache in my ass and the gentle throb of any new bruises I was given. I love looking at myself in the mirror to see any marks, feeling loved and wanted whenever I see a new hickey or bite, even handprints on my thighs or ass.
Our trip to the store was later than usual, Lewis’s boss had him stay back to assist on last-second change to flooring in one of the houses. Cece drove me home, Lewis had wanted me to stay safely at work rather than walk home without him or someone we both trust. My friend had suggested she drive me home to Lewis, asked politely even if she isn’t in the BDSM community or needs to, considering she’s my friend. However she did it because she understands how BDSM works in power exchanges and respect for each other, and our relationship works; Lewis is my dominant, he cares for my safety and makes decisions on what I will or won’t do. If she had asked me, I would only go to Lewis to ask if I could get a ride home with her, so her going to him directly saves time and shows she respects our exchange enough to understand that Lewis decides on things rather than me.
I did my chores and waited impatiently for the call that he was on his way, it came at six. My routine was on hold until he came in, all my chores were done and I had our food ready but I couldn’t do the evening parts without him or wanted to. Lewis had merely laughed when I pounced on him as soon as he opened the door, catching me in his arms and holding me until he dropped on the couch where I started licking him clean. We ate after our shower, Lewis making sure I knew it was a one-time thing and I eat without him if he’s ever late again, saying my meals are more important than whether or not he’s home on time. Afterward, he dressed me in my warm leggings and one of his hoodies and threw on a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt for a trip to the store. We need more food, as most of it was eaten by Lewis and Seán during both family facetime for Christmas and New Year.
This leads us to where we are, the car isles. Lewis remembered he needed something for the truck, I forgot what exactly but he said it would help keep the engine cool. When we turned into the aisle, Lewis keeping a loose hold on my leash that is hanging in view over my hoodie, he instructed me to, “Look for a blue can, bonnie. Can ya do that for me?”
I gained a peck to my lips for my nod and smile, being allowed to roam the aisle freely to help look. We’ve been looking for less than five minutes when a woman appears in the same aisle, she gives Lewis a passing glance as he moves his bulk to let her pass him without making her feel threatened or intimidated by his size. She stopped a few feet away from me, her back turned and I gave her no thought, continuing to try and find a blue can. By the time my eyes studied the bottom shelves and went up to search the higher ones I had already forgotten she was there, perhaps thought she had left. My mouth opens and says the most natural thing in the world to me, calling for Lewis’s attention.
“Master, is it this one?” I point above me to a line of blue cans, the product a bit too high for me to understand what it is, I wouldn’t know even if I saw what it was. Anything vehicle related and it goes over my head.
On the other side of the aisle, Lewis looks over to me then glances behind me, but seems to ignore whatever he sees and walks closer. His hand automatically slides into place on the back of my neck, resting just above my collar as he pulls me into his side. I lean into him as he takes the blue can down and looks it over, after a second he kisses my head. “Not what I need, but good guess, Ghràdh. I appreciate the help, ’specially from such a good boy.”
A smile breaks on my face, happy he’s pleased with me even if I didn’t find what he’s searching for. Lewis replaces the product back where it’s supposed to be, taking my leash in his hand and leading me back to where he was. We don’t move more than six feet before we’re suddenly stopped, the woman, who now that I pay her some attention looks to be a soccer mother from the clothing- pink sweater and tan khakis, speaks up. Her voice makes me startle, not expecting it, “Excuse me.”
Lewis pauses, turning to her while softly moving me to his other side, placing himself in the middle of me and the woman out of instinct. The lady eyes my collar and leash with thinly veiled disgust, lips in a scowl. The expression has me clinging to my boyfriend, Lewis merely wraps his arm around me, raising his eyebrow at her. “Can we help ya with somethin?”
“Do you have that boy on a leash? And did I see a collar? He called you Master.” She threw questions and the statement sounded incredulous and angry.
Lewis sighs, I can feel his chest shift with it as he squeezes me. “Aye, he has a collar and leash. He did call me Master. Is it yer business? No.”
The woman gasps at him, eyes wide. “Yes, it is! This is abuse! Get that off him, before I do it.”
“That would be assault if ya touched him. He likes his collar, he likes his leash. He consented. It’s not abusive. Leave us be.” Lewis states these facts with a kind of calmness that impresses me, his tone is on the verge of being rude and firm, a clear enough demand for her to leave.
Lewis shifts to turn around, back to her but she speaks again before he can even finish the action. She’s staring at me, seeing the way I hide behind Lewis to try and keep anything else she may see as another topic she wants to discuss, to none. “He’s obviously uncomfortable, take it off.”
My boyfriend grunts. “Ever think that’s cause of ya? He’s more anxious of you than anythin he has on.”
She shakes her head, lifting her arm to begin to point aggressively at the Scotsman. Raising her volume to shout at us, the sound made me cling to Lewis harder and hide in his arm. “This isn’t about me! This is about you and you trapping this poor boy into a dehumanizing relationship! He is not an animal, you imbecile!”
The large man shifts his hand to my shoulder, gripping it firmly to help ground me if she triggers me. Growling out, “Shut it. Don’t shout. He has issues with it.”
She barely stops to listen to him, going on and on about how I’m probably miserable and beaten every day, or asking insensitive questions about how much he spent for me or his treatment of me. She seems so passionate like she has the right to come up to us and verbally harass us and our relationship. I can’t tell if she had merely misinterpreted our relationship or if she knows it’s BDSM and doesn’t like it. Lewis doesn’t react to anything she says, he tenses and I feel his chest make a faint vibrating but he doesn’t outwardly react to her.
I watch his hands for any signals, but he doesn’t give any. He only rubs my upper arm in a comforting gesture. Speaking over the lady’s voice, to which she pauses, probably because once Lewis increases the volume he’s much more intimidating and scary. “Don’t gotta explain shite ta ya, and I won’t. It’s not yer business and disrespectful to us. I don’t care what yer excuse is, I don’t hurt him.”
Then, he completely ignores her to turn to me. Kissing my hair, “Come on, M’eudail. We’ve had enough, got more important tings ta do.”
Without any mind to the lady stumbling for words and walking after us, Lewis leads me to our kart and has me push it from between his chest and the kart handle. Steering us away from the nosy woman and her words, whispering how proud he is of me for being able to handle it and not get very overwhelmed, about what a good boy I am. Lewis guides us to an empty aisle after looking if she stopped following us, wrapping around my body; one arm around my shoulders and the other on my waist, needing to lean down. He nuzzles against my throat and jaw, pressing soft kisses to my skin and squeezing me. I forget about the lady nearly instantly as I lean back into his chest, eyes closing and calming my heart.
When we got home, we put the groceries away, Lewis handing me any bathroom supplies to take to the bathroom cabinet or having me put away cans, my ice cream. He handles any meat we get, which is only chicken. Considering the idea of buying and seeing any bloody meat makes me sick. The herbs we get to prepare the food his mother sends are also handled by him, as well as any sweets or things that I would consider treats. I’m not allowed in that cabinet, the candy, and snacks one unless Lewis is home and has given me permission. As soon as we’re done, Lewis picks me up in his arms and carries me into the bedroom. Hanging my leash on the hook before he drops us on the bed, chuckling at my yelp from the short free fall.
I lay back as he kicks his sweats off, his top landing on the dresser when he takes it off. Lewis places his sweats with his shirt before falling back down on the bed, purposely groaning obnoxiously as he rolls onto me, smirking my laughs and giggles from his weight crushing me into the mattress. He’s half-naked, only in his boxers now and I don’t struggle under him very hard, after a minute I slide my arms around his chest and back to hug him closer. I can feel him hum and his beard against my skin as he nuzzles under my ear. He’s covering half of my body, torso, and abdomen blanketed by his larger torso, my legs are free but Lewis is laying in a way that lets his much longer legs hang off the side of the bed. We’re quiet, the only sound in the room is our breathing and I find it relaxing, comforting.
It’s minutes later that I ask a question, my voice coming out in a whisper. “Can we have warming time now, Master? It might help us relax more.”
Lewis doesn’t move or make a sound for a second, then once I close my eyes, he grunts. “Aye. We can. ’Bout an hour, sounds nice?”
I nod as he lifts off me to roll onto his back, shifting up to rest on the pillows and move one down to his hip. I scoot down, curling up against his leg with my knees either under his calf or resting on top of his leg, my head is in place at his hip. While I get situated, Lewis frees his limp cock from the slit in his boxers, waiting for me to get comfortable. He places the pillow at my shoulder, the placement to support my side and my neck, I have the end of it to lay my head on at his hip. Once ready, he guides his cock into my mouth slowly, reminding me to breathe through my nose and to relax my throat. It takes a few long seconds for him to be in my throat, a thick bulge on the outside and heavyweight on my tongue. I sigh, the small shift of my dominants body tells me he did too, feeling content and calm. Lewis pets my hair, fingers absentmindedly stroking through it or lightly scratching my scalp. My mismatched eyes close and my body goes slack, letting my head float in a soft and safe, relaxed zone.
There are other acts that bring this same sensation, yet this is my favorite. This intimate, non-sexual atmosphere where there’s absolutely nothing that could interrupt the little bubble we’re in. It’s just us and the silence, or movie. Letting the long day go together and basking in each other’s presence. It’s a powerful time, I can float in my head and when our time is up, I know Lewis will catch me, won’t let me drop into the deep end. This is one of the few we’ve discovered that puts me into my subspace fairly quickly, merely a few minutes and I’m gone; I love that. The others were rope play, heavy petting/dirty talk, and blindfolded sensation play.
Rope play was the first we tried, Lewis tying me up. The first rope we did, went around my chest like a harness and I fall in love with that, continuing to ask my boyfriend to try more. My arms went next, tied in front of me to my elbows; then again behind me in different safe positions. My legs were last, wrapped up in different poses that Lewis put me in. This was over the course of a few days, Lewis insisting that we only try three poses in one day. By the end, Lewis felt comfortable enough in my love for ropes and my ability to move comfortably, to fuck me while I was tied. My arms wrapped up behind my back, hands to my elbows, and the green firm yet soft rope tied lovingly into a harness that connected my arms to my body by a small loop. It never hurt me, the rope was always loose to where it wouldn’t bruise or harm me but tight enough I couldn’t break free. It’s the process of Lewis wrapping me up that I enter my space, just on the verge of it because Lewis does it so carefully and lovingly, singing me praises for sitting still and being honest on if a rope is too tight, giving me kisses. I sink into it much faster once he starts touching me, whether he’s going soft or rough.
Heavy petting and any words Lewis speaks while in whatever scene we do, is a good way to let myself go. It doesn’t matter if it’s a full scene or I started something I couldn’t finish, but Lewis will touch and pet me heavily while speaking extreme filth into my ear, allowing his weight to crush me and forcing me to feel him deeply. It nearly never fails to get my head into that safe place, while it’s dirty talk and plain fucking, the way he handles me and what he says, makes me feel safe, owned, and loved.
Blindfolded sensation play was one of the fun ones, Lewis put limits to our first time and had us try a few ice cubes. The blindfold was a pretty purple soft silk one and it covered my eyes very well, I couldn’t see anything, even trying to peek through the bottom. Lewis had towels and blankets on the bed with us, warm water on the nightstand. It was pleasurable, especially being blindfolded and having to rely on Lewis, being at his mercy. Every time ice slid over my skin, I would jerk and make an embarrassing noise but Lewis always reassured me, praised me, asked for my color multiple times to check in, and constantly rubbed a part of my body- ankle, thighs.
I’ve never been so happy, being with Lewis is amazing. I feel like I’m in a dream. He’s helped me be better in so many ways already and we’ve barely been together for two years, I can’t wait to see how far we go together as a couple and how we better guide each other. I’m insanely happy that he came into my life, how he came into my life and that he stuck by me during the ups and down Miss Parry caused. The thought of continuing with him and learning, growing as a person with him, makes me joyful. Not only did I gain him, but I also got more friends and a family to care for and love me. I couldn’t ask for more, he’s completely changed my life and I love him for it.
Lewis is a great man and it makes me sad people don’t always see the human side of him. They see a giant, bear man because of his height and hairy appearance. People are scared by him when they don’t even know he’s a gentle giant, soft teddy bear. He’s the sweetest man alive and everyone should befriend him; I’m the luckiest man alive to have caught his attention. Lucky to be someone he loves and protects, to be his. I’ll be with him for however long he wants me, which I hope is forever. I want to be around when Seán meets his partner, for when he decides he’s ready, and I want to meet that special person. I want to be here at Lewis’s side to watch his brother be happy, Seán might as well be my family because I love him dearly. I don’t want this relationship to end, not ever. I want to be at Lewis’s side for everything, sad and happy moments, family memories, or any traumatic experiences.
It feels like my purpose in life is Lewis, that my life has led to him. All the bad, the trauma, the past, all to Lewis who is good and safe, a protector. I like that thought, that Lewis is my reward for dealing with that because it sounds lovely and feels greater. It may be odd to think about someone, but I’m in love and happy, I’m allowed to think good thoughts about my boyfriend and wanting to stay with him. During my time with him, I have become the healthiest I’ve been, both mentally and physically. He helps and does so much for me without asking for anything except my love and I’ll always give him that- he deserves everything and much more.
“Mo chridhe, can ya hear me?” Lewis whispers, lips on my forehead, a large warm hand going through my hair, and his arm hugging me to his chest. “Come on back ta me, My good boy. Needta hear-”
I want this forever.
“Hello, I’m Tommy! You’re Axel, right?”