“Why didn’t you kill him?” the voice in her head repeatedly said. Like a broken CD player, she covered her ears with her hands just to stop the voices.
But her, curling like a cat pose wasn't enough ceasing the voices for long because when she raised her head she saw a French man approaching and she immediately get off her feet.
"Noir, Noir, how did it go?” She asked with a worried look, not minding the voices in her head and focusing only on Noir's news.
Because she knew that whatever he would say will either break the puzzle she was trying to complete or have it mess from the table. After all, her mission failed, that's why she was riding on the organization private plane not having a thing on where it would land because she didn't pull the trigger.
Noir look at her with eyes that almost appear like he was about to burst in tears and led her back in her seat, "Do you want to have tea?" He asked. Motioning for the scones and tea on the table between them.
Instead of complying to that, she shut her eyes tight. Her failed missioned had taken over, she's been with the organization eversince she opened her eyes and here she thought Noir who's been with her from the start be straightforward with her once.
This is her first failed mission for all time's sake. Noir seem to get the frustration of the girl in front of her. He looked down with a blank face, “Blanche, calm down.” he said, her hopes were slowly fading in her eyes. Hearing her own name coming out of Noir's gave her calmness she never hope of getting, clearly, she doesn't have the luxury to feel that, who knows maybe, the team may be planning to caught her off guard and dropped her of the plane.
“How did it go?” She retorted instead. Finding the taste of those words bitter. Sighting the silhouette of a man sitting far on the tail end of the plane. The man was in black parka and a cowboy hat, all the way to look mysterious but classy, he pulled his phone with a tassel so red it made Blanche divert her gaze back to Noir.
He chewed the inside of his cheeks, “They want you out.”
There. She can hear her body breaking, the nerves on the verge of popping. She clasped her hands together. Now feeling the numbness of them. The moment she didn’t pulled the trigger, she knew she fucked up.
Teaching her the rightful things all these years, watching those crowns proper acts that she adopted the perfected manners and she knew at times like this she should keep her chin held high. She knew she can't let this swallow her whole but how can she do that if she knew she'll be damn the moment the organization see her. She'd seen numerous of junior spies failing their mission and all of them end up in a flail condition, treated like a treshing tool.
And Blanche doesn't want to be like that, she treated the organization as part of her life, the mission, trainings, and judgements, she's been branded as the sharpest tool, proving nothing but her belief. To love is to kill.
"Tell me, Blanche." Noir started, closing the space between them so that they were on eye level. "Why didn't you pulled the trigger? Why didn't you kill him like you used to?"
Blanche knew the answer for his question yet she didn't dare to voice it out. Her family taught her to love that's why she killed her love ones and spare those she hate. Maybe she needed more time to love him that's why she can't kill him that's why maybe when she's in love with him she can kill him.
Swallowing the lump on her throat, she rested from her seat and close her eyes before opening them again after 3.
She heard Noir muttered his little 'OK' and pulled out a folder ."don’t worry Blanche, I made them reconsider.” He said beaming at me but with sad eyes.
She can only answer him with silence, peeling her gaze on him and instead staring on the plane window. “How can you say that with such eyes? They want me out, it’s clear as a fragile glass, I failed them." She said covering my face with my hands.
“They’re not, you know that’s not your fault.” He replied, now trying to alter his words.
Her eyes narrowed, "let’s hear what you have for me.”
Sighing with her reply, he opened the folder and read something in there before giving her eye-contact. “You were assigned with the same person you didn’t kill.”
His words rang into her ears, ah, of course the organization won’t easily get rid of that and because she was at fault for this, she's the one responsible, in fact, she's been tailing the boy in Spain for two months before the organization told her to kill him.
And now because she failed to do that, he was still on loose, and that's a big mistake, he can't be seen alive, his life is on catastrophe now so when the organization do what is most sensible to do and with that, they point her as the one responsible for him. Simply put, they gave her another assignment yet still the same and by the looks of it, as soon as the plane lands, she's going to tail him like what she did months ago and then build up the right time to kill him.
“By the looks of it, you know how this is going to happen.” He smirked and gave her the folder he’s holding. “But this is not ordinary Blanche, the organization received your theory about him not being the Alas, so in order for this to run perfectly, you’ll act more closely to him and find the truth."
She nodded and looked at the folder in her hands. Yes, the other reason why she didn't shot him, she think he's a fake, a pseudo, and her real target is not him. The very reason she can't love him just how much she can't love the person in front of him.
Closing the folder filled with facts that she already know like the back of her hand she darted her eyes again on the Caucasian man that knows how to alter his words just to have people follow him, "I really hate you." She mouthed.
And Noir only replied with a grin.
Landing from the airport and tying the knitted sweater around her shoulders, she waited for the door to slide open as she run het fingers through her tied down hair. The organization did their job to make het look more… human.
Noir made her wear a button-down shirt and skinny pants, made her wear lipstick and gave her things that as she quoted “normal people should have’' end quote.
At the young age of ten, her views and opinions about the world changed, she's liviing in a sheltered home almost like a prison that served them for when they'll have their mission but she's glad than the one she's been through.
Dragging numerous souls since she turned ten. She killed, because she loved them, she's killing, because she can't bear to witness pain on the eyes of their love ones anymore.
She was told to love so much, to be kind because that’s what the world need but that same person contradict his words, and that scene was imprinted in her soul eversince thus, she's killing for love.
Killing feels good when you set your mind on one goal, you don’t have to regret anything. That’s why, the organization recruited her, and trained her like a robot. Living like a porcelain doll and working like a puppet with strings.
So to speak, this mission doesn’t seem to connect the threads to them but she accepted it nevertheless because of the mere fact that that boy is her responsibility and she's going to do everything just to love him.
“Welcome home, ma’am.” A woman, dressed in a uniform like the others said and look at the passport Noir handed her. It's the first time she travelled with no company. Last time she travelled with the others and took separate ways after they went out the airport.
She smiled and nod at her when she returned her so-called passport and let her through.
She hailed a cab and put her sunglasses on her bag as a yellow cab stopped in front of her.
"Where to ma'am?" She told him the address Noir gave me, the address look like an apartment building maybe the organization makes a little empathy and rent a home after they half-heartedly told her they want her out.
For the whole car ride, her thoughts were flying around, not minding the beautiful view that the country is giving her through the car’s window. When the car halted and the driver’s announced their arrival she gave him her fare and murmured her thank you before getting out of the car.
Setting her luggage aside she scanned the building in front and waited for the car to accelerate behind before slowly entering the building.
She asked the person in the lobby the thoughts her brain formulated. First, this is not an apartment, second, it looks a bit simple than what she expect to see, it's not like she was judging, but the Alas Crowne she knew won't hesitate to waste money especially on his living, third, bewilderment washed over her as the lady lead her to the only door in the 17th floor.
“This is the room, miss.” She said before bowing to leave.
Looking around she pushed the only button on the side of the door and count to ten before it opened and welcomed her with the same guy in Spain.
Tall facade, dark eyes, pale skin, roman nose.
“Hey! Are you the one that mom sent to help me? Great, I was waiting for it.” and he mumbled under his breath “but not really, mom can stop treating me like a baby.”
The shocked on her face is enough to make him frowned and questioned the words he said.
“You’re not?” he let the words fall in his mouth and tilt his shoulders slightly.
His jet black eyes boring a hole in her soul and his dishevelled hair like he just wakened up or something add gloriously on his appearance.
Is this another punishment for her? I know that the organization has their fiery eyes set on her because the only person they successfully imprinted make a mistake and show signs of being human. Does Noir know this? Did he check this for her? And if he did why does he intentionally skipped this vital part while she was on the plane ride with him?
The guy cleared his throat and said, “so… I was mistaken.” he trailed and that’s when her eyes squinted on him.
She know the smell of alcohol; she have memorized it because Noir loves to drink whenever he needs to think. Is he.. – she returned her gaze at him- is he one like Noir too?
“No.. I mean Yes, I am.” she said beaming at him to covered her surprised facade. She didn’t know she can say those words.
He made a small nod and grin before slurily walked back. The sluggishness on the way he walks is visible.
And he leave the door opened she let herself in, and wore a house slippers before noticing that he slumped his face on the grey couch.
With the TV on. She let out a sigh. Did he just, sleep on her? Roaming her eyes around, there is a spiral staircase that leads to another two adjacent doors. And then looking back at him she saw the bottles of beer on his side of feet and his hand hanging limply on the carpeted floor clutching a now empty beer bottle, then the clothes that were scattered on the floor, her head automatically look at the kitchen on her back and saw the same mess.
“Sir, I’m not your maid.. I’m your killer.” She internally rolled her eyes, if only she could say that even in his sleeping façade. She first chose the kitchen where the ugly smell strongly coming, then the scattered clothes and the empty bottles of beer before settling them all in one place. Not missing a single chance to memorized his house and focusing on the black jacket laying on the chair.
She gave out a loud sigh before she picked up a big basket full of dirty clothes sitting in a corner and walked to the cramped laundry area.
This box she just opened is so surprising.
It's so much for loving him first before killing him.