My father hates me, Why else would he send me to a convent? He foolishly believed himself to be tithing. Take his oldest daughter marry her off. Make a wonderful match, increase his holdings, and line his coffers. His youngest and unwanted daughter, her he sent away to a nunnery. I hated it there.. but what else would I do, could I do? but go. I am a Christian, but had always dreamed of a home, and children. Not happening now, married to Christ I would be. Some were truly embracing this and that was fine, for them. But her father didn't care. It never crossed his mind to ask her what she'd want, what she desired in her life. She was voiceless, faceless in a sea of beautiful, and desirable faces. She arrived at the abbey cold, weary, heartbroken and desolate. The nuns were gentle and caring calling her child, she was close to eighteen already. Virtually an old maid, perhaps that is why her father didn't try to marry her off. But no Matter she would press on.
Sister Mary Martha escorted me to my chamber. I have never seen such a stark room. Functional was the nicest thing I could say about it. I was from a wealthy family, and was used to luxury. My sister demanded a certain level of care, I however was happy with a warm room and clothing to suit My needs. But it seemed both would be sadly lacking here. Sister Mary Martha handed me my new clothing, smiled and left the room. Not a single word to me. "Well Lord, here I am. Now what?" I listened, and waited but didn't receive an answer. "I will wait Lord, I will serve but I will not become a nun. I've dreamed of a family, and a home that is mine. Please God if it is your will, deliver me from this place." I sat in my room listening to the nuns singing their praises.
Life passes quickly when one is working from sunrise to sunset. Or rather before sunrise. I started my day in the kitchens helping to prepare the meals for the convent. After the morning meal I was sent to work in the garden, and then off to feed the animals. It was all I could do to make it through prayers, mass, vespers, and evening prayers. By the time I fell into my very cold cot, I could only ask for God to help me through this and was then asleep.
I heard them talking. The abbess, and a few of the other older nuns. They were speaking of raiders. There was an attack on an abbey and the monks from our brother monastery. They sound terrifying. Men with no conscience. The rumor was that there were women too, raiding and fighting. Even now I shake as I think of it. Could you imagine the freedom? The adventure? I know I shouldn't spend my time day dreaming of leaving this place but I find my mind wandering. I wouldn't fight, but I dearly wish to have control over my own life. I have not taken my vows, I see their looks of derision. I will be true to my self. Is that such a sin? To want to love and be loved? To have a home full of laughter, love, and children? Surely convent life is not meant for all?
"I know you struggle child. So much of life is spent in quiet reflection here."Sister Mary Martha said. "Is the convent truly meant for everyone sister? I feel such longing, such disquiet. I feel as if I'm missing out, if I were truly meant to be here would I feel this way?" I replied feeling tears well up. " Dear Child, if you still feel as if you're misplaced it is good you haven't taken vows yet. I hope you find answers but I can only say seek God and he will answer. Sometimes not in the fashion we desire." Sister spoke softly. I truly believed that she was meant for the convent. But that loving answer gave me hope.
Until the next morning while I was in the field allowing the nanny goat to graze. I was in the meadow above the abbey when I saw them. Coming from the river, in boats that looked like dragons. Next I heard screams, men's voices carrying on the wind. I turned to run, and smacked into a solid wall of a man. Taller than I have ever seen, with eyes the color of a stormy day. He wrenched my arm behind me and pushed me along down to the abbey.