I wanted that night to be special for Amy and for myself. For us.
It was our first night-out. The first and I hope not the last. I was taking another risk to see her. This time was very different from the others because we were meeting at night.
Things weren’t fine between Carla and me after what happened between us the last time we had sex together. She got disappointed at me. She was hurt at how I reacted after we finished making love. She didn’t want to speak to me. That night, she wasn’t home. She was at her office working on a project with her team. I didn’t know when she was coming back home. I didn’t want to know. I needed to keep my distance, for some time, from my wife.
That night I switched off my cellphone giving to myself some privacy. I wanted everyone to leave me alone, except Amy.
I needed that night to be really special for both of us. I know perfectly that I was making a big mistake in going out with Amy, in trying to see her, in hoping to see her more times in the coming days, in missing her often, but I couldn’t do anything about it. This was how I felt towards her. How I was driven to her. It was a temptation I could not get rid of my mind. I’ve never felt that for Carla; with Carla everything was set and organized. I’ve always known that we would be together. There wasn’t passion between us. We had much things in common, such as our educational and social background and that paved the way to make us closer over the years.
Amy was different from the women I have known before. She was young, fresh and bold. And I liked her boldness.
She liked to take risks and had a strong personality despite her young age. I liked that in her. We were alike. All I wished that night to be, simply, marvellous. I needed it to be so. I needed to take her hand into mine, a gesture that I didn’t allow myself to do before, and now I can’t wait to do it.
I needed to feel her natural perfume and see the shining stars through her hazel eyes. I needed to see that light I was desperately searching for those past years in her dazzling eyes.
She was the light. I was the darkness. She was the light through the darkness. I was the darkness through the light.
All the way from her hotel room to my car, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Not at all, not even for a single moment. My eyes desired her. I desired her. Hell, I desired her more than anything in the world.
She was wearing a black mini skirt, a white t-shirt and sandals. She was carrying a mini blackish bag on her shoulder. Her hair was braided. She seemed to be excited as I was. She came into the car and wrapped me into a tight hug. I burried my head into her sandy hair, surrendering my senses to her perfume. I started to kiss her neck gently, before making my way to her chin, to finally reach her lips.
Amy always liked the way I dressed and I know it from the glance of her eyes. She was looking at how my white t-shirt, cropped jeans and pair of sneakers, sculpted my masculine body.
- “So ... where are you taking me?” Her hazel eyes glimmering out of enthusiasm, and I could feel the excitement in her velvet voice.
- “Do you really think I’m going to tell you about it, Amy !” I teased.
- “Please Marvin !” she begged.
- “ You’ll like it ... I am sure ! It’s not far from here. Shall we? ”
She nodded and smiled to me; I took her left hand into mine and we drove to Santa Barbara harbor. The weather was fairly cool and it was a beautiful night. The moon was luminously bright in the dark starry sky. Nothing was going to stop us from spending that night together, our first night.
- “I’ve never been to Santa Barbara’s Harbor before ! So nice and quiet.” She confessed to me as her eyes were scanning the place.
- “I knew you’d like it! We’re going onto Esperanza.” I announced, excitement in my voice.
- “ Esperanza? ”
- “ The name of my boat, a family property. It used to belong to my mother.”
- “I like the name Esperanza! Who named it so? ”
- “Actually, the boat was named after my mother.” I explained.
- “ I didn’t know your mother’s name was Esperanza.”
- “ The boat was a gift from my father to her for their tenth year anniversary. My mother had Latino origins, so my father decided to immortalize her name on the boat ”
- “Lisa mentioned that once, I mean that her grandma was of Latino origins. I know as well that you have two sisters and one brother. You’re the youngest. Your brother lives in Europe. Your two sisters live in another state of the US but come to visit in winter holidays.”
- “Impressive ! You know more things about me than me about you. That’s not fair” I teased and smiled at her, before leaning to gently kiss her, after I pulled over the car in the parking lot.
We headed directly to the boat and I didn’t want to be seen by everyone. I was sure to see one of the employees of the harbor there. Hopefully, when we got on the boat and came inside, one of the man called me. I told Amy to wait just a few seconds for me. I went outside and greeted the man in charge of the harbor. He just wanted to check if I needed anything, before leaving to head to another part of the harbor. After he left a few miles away, I came inside again, and there she was standing and waiting for me.
- “ Do you like the boat? ” I wanted to know what she thinks of Esperanza.
- “Yes, very much. So luxurious and cozy !”
- “Glad to know you like it ! Do you want to drink something?”
- “No thanks, it’s fine by me!”
I came closer to her until I reached her hands, took them into mine, then stopped. I could feel her body, stiffen under my touch, which was understandable. We were for the first time face to face in a place where no one could see us.
Just the two of us.
- “You don’t have to be nervous, Amy. If I told you that I am feeling the same way as you, would you relax a bit? ” I attempted to loosen the moment as she kept looking at me, following my moves, then I added ” I’ve waited for this moment for so long.”
I caressed her cheek gently, making her blush. She didn’t reply and still kept looking at the blue of my eyes. As I lowered my fingers to her mouth, I brushed her lips in a gentle touch and I could see in her eyes, a kind of lust, hunger ... of my kisses.
- “You are very beautiful Amy. Let me prove you how much I want you...tonight to be mine.” I finally declared.
She blushed again, all confused “mine ?...but Marvin, you’re a married man! It is all confusing, you know, when you tell me that, because ... I want you, too.”
- “Tonight I don’t want to think about anything else except you, us ... Amy. Do you understand me? I want you to be mine ... just you, me on Esperanza. No one else, just you and me.”
She was looking at the way I was confessing my feelings for her, until her eyes darkened a little and darted towards my lips. I could feel how much she desired me even though it was forbidden, not to say impossible.
As for me, at the sight of her staring at my mouth, eager to welcome it onto her, desire was rushing through all parts of my body. I really wanted to kiss her ... I couldn’t wait any longer as my mouth crashed onto hers, I, then, grabbed her by the waist to bring her closer to my chest, allowing my tongue into her mouth to meet hers. I held her closer to my chest in order to be able to feel her against me and she put her arms around my neck as to enjoy what we were sharing. As I kissed her, she moaned into my mouth out of pleasure, asking for more. The more we kissed, touched, the more we wanted to go further and further.
- “ Marvin ... I want you ”
- “I want you Amy ... I want to make love to you”
- “ Just don’t stop what you’re doing ... kiss me more ... I want to be yours tonight.” She whispered in my ear.
I wanted this woman more than ever. I wanted to be inside of her. I took her by the arm and headed to one of the cabins. Unconsciously, I went to our cabin, the one we shared Carla and I whenever we used to be on board. I didn’t feel anything about it, though. It didn’t really matter to me. The strangest of all was that I didn’t feel any remorse that I was making a mistake by taking Amy to that cabin.
I opened the door, walked a few steps then put her gently onto the bed. Then closed the door behind me. The cabin was fairly large, where a big bed was placed in the centre and a closet in the corner. A mirror. Two armchairs. TV hung on the wall. And there was a small bathroom on the corner of the room. She looked perfect lying on the bed. She kept looking at me with big eyes studying each gesture I would make. She seemed still nervous. This night is going to be the first time we would be making love. I kneeled in front of her and caressed her sandy hair,
“Oh Amy, you’re driving me crazy ...”
She kept smiling at me and put her hand on my shoulder, then came closer and kissed me. I kissed her back, softly, gently, tenderly, passionately, impetuously till I felt fire inside of me. I stood up, took her hand and make her stand up. We were in front of each other plunging deeply into that hazel-bluish mixture.
I wanted her badly and so did she. She started undressing me and I did the same, but I was kind of faster than her. Desire was rushing within me, to the point that I wanted to be inside her, into her. I wanted to feel myself inside of her and to feel her body below mine. I was really dazzled by her natural beauty. I liked to feel her hair on my hot skin. I liked the way she was placing her hands clumsily on my masculine chest. It proved that she really wanted me and was trying to do her best to get closer to me.
It was the first time she was offering herself to me, to a married man and I guess that was very hard for her. I am not denying the fact that it was fucking hard for me, too.
Yet we didn’t want to think about that too much... for now. What mattered that night was that she was in my arms. I was ready to make love to her the whole night if I could, but we couldn’t. We couldn’t stay there for more than three hours. We had to leave the harbor before dawn. I didn’t stop whispering in her ear that I wanted her, that she was beautiful, and that she had a beautiful body, which was the truth. I needed and had to reassure her that everything will be alright. I liked the way she gently swayed her waist and hips each time I placed my right hand into the lower part of her body. She was discovering the shape of my body and I was travelling through the map of her womanly body.
Even though she was thin, I liked how her body was shaped. I liked how little her breasts were, how fit her stomach was, how sexy her legs were, how majestic her back was, and how small yet exciting her bottom was. I would have eaten, or should I say devour, all parts of it all night long ... during countless times. Yes, I would have done that without hesitation. But time was running out and we should enjoy every single moment before leaving the boat. She didn’t stop kissing gently my slightly hairy chest, rising a mixture of excitement and eagerness to take her forcefully into my arms and show her how much I really wanted her. We were lying on the bed, naked. She was lying on her stomach, looking shyly at me and I was on my right side, contemplating that beauty which was driving my soul ... my senses ... and myself crazy. I was somehow nervous because it was the first time I was going to fuck another woman other than my wife. I didn’t feel any kind of remorse, though. I wasn’t even thinking of Carla the time I was with Amy. I was only and thoroughly thinking of her. Of Amy.
I was nervous because we were about to love each other in every possible way. We were so excited and thirsty of each other. I could feel that in her way of looking at my eyes ... my lips ... my face ... my chest .... my legs ... all my body. I was feeling the same, too. I had to make sure that everything was going to be perfect. It had to. I know that this is not her first time and I had to prove her that I was the best man she’s ever slept with. I had to because I was the oldest of all of them. I don’t know how many men she was with before me. Not that I cared.
Now what really mattered was that tonight, she was mine.
Wholly and entirely mine. She belonged to me. I felt a glimmer of pride in the way her hazel eyes looked at me ... it made me raise up slightly and turned her toward me.
- “Don’t hide your body ... you’re very beautiful Amy. You’re driving me crazy. You are just perfect.”
She blushed and turned around as I gently asked her to. Now she was lying on her back. I decided to start kissing her from the top of her neck till I reached that intimate part of hers, which I liked the most.
The whole time I was exploring her body from side to side I couldn’t stop myself from caressing her delicate and smooth skin which made her moan louder and louder while her body was oscillating slowly under the pressure of my hands over her. What I liked the most about exploring her body was that I was enjoying every inch of it, kissing it, holding it, biting it, licking it, and smelling it. Her eyes were half-open looking at my direction watching me taking care of her. Her hands were holding carefully my straight hair. Sometimes she would hold it off; other times she would grab it as a way to say that I was driving her crazy, too. She didn’t have to say that. I knew it already. She surrendered herself to me. Her body invited me to come along. I couldn’t decline such an invitation. I was onto her ... kissing her. She tied her hands around my back tighter as the excitement and lust got higher.
For a short time we were swaying our bodies as softly as the sound of water outside. We were like the waves of the sea, going up and down in a soft and gentle movement dancing under the moonlight and tasting the eroticism and lust that were overwhelming our bodies ... becoming one after I thrusted myself into her. I was onto and into her. Magically, caught by the splendor of the moment. I wouldn’t have dreamed of a better moment than this one I was sharing with Amy.
She was into me and I was into her. We were both exploring meadows of pleasure barely discovered by other people.
I was penetrating her body harder and harder to feel it mine. To make her feel that, from that moment, she belonged to me. I was penetrating her body to make it my territory. My own and not another’s one.
From that moment, she became mine. I was surprised at myself by the way I was touching her. It wasn’t the same way I touched my own wife. Since I knew Amy, I have always desired her. I have always thought that I wanted to fuck her. Just fuck her. I didn’t consider that one day I would be making love to her. I didn’t think of that. Not a single moment. It was lust, desire and merely obsession with her body. Tonight, however, was very different from what I expected. I realized that I was making love to her because I wanted so. It wasn’t something that I planned to do. It came naturally. I was onto and into her. We were transcending time and space, floating into a lusty music and overwhelmed by the magic of that instant when I felt that she wanted to stop right away. I couldn’t understand why. I stopped once she asked to. I was a bit confused. I couldn’t understand why she told me to stop. She was having a nice time, a few minutes earlier, when we just started.
What happened to her? What did I do wrong? What was going on with her?
She got paler and paler. She stood up and started to dress up.
- “Is everything okay, baby?” I asked worried.
She didn’t reply at first. She was dressing up in a mechanic way. I decided to make her speak and explain herself. I decided to try again.
- “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” I asked again in a worried tone. I was lost.
I couldn’t understand why she stood up suddenly and left the bed. I felt that she was having fun and enjoying herself with me.
- “I need some fresh air, Marvin !” she finally said, nervously.
Her words made me feel tenser and more worried.
- “Yes, sure !” I said climbing off the bed and grapping my clothes. I started dressing up as faster as I could. Amy opened up the door and left. I left as soon as she left the room and joined her outside. She went outside to the bridge.
- “Amy ! Wait for me! What is going on? You’re worrying me! ”
I said putting on my t-shirt as I was heading toward the bridge of my boat.
- “I am sorry Marvin ! I didn’t want to stop, but it was stronger than me. I had to. You understand, don’t you?!” she said shivering.
- “It’s okay, it’s okay. I am here.”
I wrapped my arms around her chest, and pulled her towards me, trying to calm her as possible as I could.
She seemed anxious and baffled. I couldn’t understand why.
No, I really don’t get it.
- “Did I hurt you?” She looked blankly at my eyes. She shed some tears and said “No, it wasn’t you the problem. It’s me. You didn’t do anything wrong. On the contrary, I liked what we shared tonight. But ...”
- “Amy, talk to me. Say what comes to your mind. I need to understand why you stopped suddenly!”
She didn’t reply. She seemed very sad. She turned her eyes to the other side as a way to avoid my glances. I held her chin and turned it back softy toward my eyes, to look at me.
- “Don’t be ashamed of telling me the truth. I won’t judge you. I just want to understand that’s all, baby.”
- “I cannot do that. I am sorry Marvin.” She shrugged.
- “Why? Don’t you trust me?”
- “It is not a question of trust ! I cannot that’s all. Please do not insist.” She started to sob.
- “Amy ! Okay, okay, calm down. I was just trying to understand that is all. I am confused, too. I thought maybe you didn’t like my way of doing things and I ...”
- “No, it’s not that Marvin. But I cannot tell you the truth. It’s so hard for me. I beg you don’t try to insist another time. I cannot.”
- “Okay, okay. I got it.” I said holding her tight toward my chest and caressing her hair, in an attempt to calm her down.
I was getting more worried as she tried to wipe her tears away from eyes, pulling herself together. She seemed to be not well at all. As if something bad happened to her a long time ago, and came to the surface that very night when she was in my arms. What could it be? How could I know it? She didn’t want me to know the truth. What truth was she talking about? The truth about “what” ? What happened to her that made her feel in such a way?
I felt myself powerless. I couldn’t do anything to know why she interrupted that intimate moment between us, why she felt so confused and terrified. I didn’t mean to hurt her. Her head was on my chest while I was caressing her straight hair. We were looking at the dark water when I let the words I have been meaning to tell her out of my chest
“Amy, you will always be safe with me, in my arms no matter what could have happened to you before, I won’t let anyone hurt you again... baby.”
She raised suddenly her head toward my direction and examined my face as if I said something that I shouldn’t have said.
What was she hiding from me?
- “I am very serious, Amy. I really care about you. I like you more than I should. I really do despite the situation, I want you for myself.”
Those words came out of my heart, so spontaneous and truthful. I couldn’t resist from not telling them to her. She should know what was going on inside me. I was burning. She held me tighter “I feel the same way, too, Marvin. What have we done?”
- “Please don’t think about it. Stop. We did that because we couldn’t resist. We wanted to make ... I wanted to make love to you Amy, tonight I wanted to feel you closer to me, to my body and soul. I know that we shouldn’t be doing that. Now things are different and we have to deal with this new situation.”
- “How is that possible ?”
- “I don’t know how, but all I know is that the idea of leaving you and not having you around is unbearable to think of it for a second. Don’t be far from me Amy. I want you to stay here, in Santa Barbara.”
- “Marvin! Have you thought about your wife ! I don’t want her to know about us. And Lisa? It is too risky. I got to go back to university ...”
- “I won’t let you leave me ... I mean leave Santa Barbara, do you understand me? We will find a solution. As for Carla, I don’t want to talk about her tonight.”
She was silent for a moment, then said “Marvin, we’ve done something wrong tonight even though we cannot admit it because of this attraction we’re having for each other!”
- “Are you trying to say that you regret what we’ve just done tonight? Is that what you are trying to tell me?”
- ” I don’t regret it Marvin! I am just saying that if your wife knew ...”
- “She won’t ! I don’t care !” I raised my voice a little at her.
- “I care ! I care Marvin, after all she was nice to me. I feel bad about it! Don’t you feel the same way?” She raised her voice a bit too, feeling hurt.
- “I don’t know, maybe. What matters for me now is you, Amy. It’s us. It’s this night, this moment. This is what matters for me.” I tried to pull myself together softening my voice.
She listened to me without saying a word. I bent over her to kiss her. She kissed me back and hugged me tighter.
- “Amy, you don’t imagine how much this situation is hard for me, too. We’re both adults, but I am the oldest. I shouldn’t be doing that. I shouldn’t be putting you through that. I had a family. But since I knew you, I want you in my life. I don’t care about how they feel about us if they get to know, I know I am acting selfish right now, but I care about you, about us.”
- “But it is hard for me, Marvin, to steal someone else’s husband. You’re her man, not mine. And tonight ...”
She was about to finish her idea when I put my index on her lips to stop her from finishing her idea. I knew exactly what she was about to tell me.
- “I don’t love her anymore, Amy! She’s my wife on the papers, that’s all !” I confessed to her.
- “What ! How could you say that!”
- “Because I know it. I’ve known it those days. And tonight, it became an evidence.”
- “What do you mean by “it became an evidence” ?”
- “ It is you that I want, Amy. Not her. I don’t want her anymore. Why is this very difficult for you to get it?”
- “I want to go home ! Can you drive me home, please?”
- “Don’t try to end up this conversation like you did the other time ! I am serious Amy. You are going to listen to me this time”
- “And if I refuse, what will you do to me?” she said getting herself farther from where I was standing, and crossed both arms as to protect herself.
- “You really want to know?”
- “Yes, I want to ! You’re behaving in a crazy manner, you know that ?!”
- “It’s you who are driving me crazy !” I grabbed her from her waist and put her on my shoulder.
“let me down ! I am serious. Where are you taking me Marvin? ” She shrieked, then started to chuckle a bit at the way I behaved.
Now, she knows that I got her under my skin.
- “Don’t yell ! You're staying with me, Amy ” I teased her and headed towards the cabin inside.