That evening after I made vanilla love to her, she fell asleep in my arms for few hours. I felt myself so lucky because I lay beside her on the bed, contemplating her beautiful thin body and I could keep her in my arms for long hours if I could.
That evening I felt she was trying her best to satisfy me while wearing that green dress I've bought her. I couldn't understand why she didn't feel very comfortable when she wore it at first, adjusting it along her slim body, and later on she kept looking at herself in the mirror while I was undressing her to, finally make love to her.
In fact, she kept asking me if she was beautiful in that dress, if I wanted her as much as the other times, if I felt the desire to make love to her in that green lace dress.
Eventually, I told her that I've always desired her, always longed for her to be in my arms.
Back then, I was not aware why she kept asking me all those weird questions; I was preoccupied with undressing her and kissing every inch of her body. I didn't wonder why Amy was so obsessed with knowing the truth about the look of her body in that dress.
It was the very first time she cared a lot about knowing exactly how I may perceive her in a dress. She used to do that every time we made love, but this time was particularly different. She didn't feel completely at ease wearing that dress even though she told me that she liked it a lot.
I could feel it through the look of her eyes, through her discomfort concealed behind a smile ... I could feel her unease even though her hazel eyes kept lying to me.
I felt myself powerless, though. I didn't know why she felt thoughtful that evening even though she kept telling me that she was feeling undeniably happy in my arms.
I was caressing a strand of her sandy hair when her eyes started to open up. I smiled at her and kissed gently her forehead,
" You're beautiful Amy ... you're an angel, my angel "
She smiled back at me, leaned towards me, then kissed me on my lips. I kissed her back before we quickly made love again.
We must have spent about one hour when we got interrupted by my cellphone going off.
I didn't want to check who the caller was, but she insisted on me picking up the phone. It may be an urgent call she said. I stepped back from her and grabbed the cellphone.
Carla was calling me.
- "It's Carla ! I get to take that call" I said nervously. She looked at me without saying a word as I stood on my feet, naked, walking a few steps ahead, then picked up.
- "Hello Carla !" I said clearing my throat.
- "Hey Marvin! How are you doing?" Her voice seemed less tired than last time.
- "Fine and you?"
- "I am fine, too. I have some free time so I decided to call you and check up on you. Where are you now?"
- "I am in my car going back home."
- "Did you finish work late tonight?"
- "No, the usual time. But I wanted to go for a walk on the beach, the weather is warmer today. What about you? What did you do today?"
All the time I was speaking with Carla on the phone, Amy was looking at me, her eyes so lost in the void. I knew she didn't like what was happening, but I couldn't help it. I had to take this call.
- "I see. How is he? ... I missed George too. It is good that you could manage to see him. Is he enjoying himself ? Great ... okay, yes sure. Take care ... bye"
I hung up and came back to lay down next to her after I put the cellphone somewhere on the bed. She looked at me, still thoroughly lost in her thoughts, then said, trying to pull herself together
- "Did she miss you?" Her tone full of concern.
- "What? Why are you asking me that?" I tried to avoid answering her question.
- "It was just a simple question Marvin!" She defended herself.
- "I don't want to talk about Carla, Amy. It is useless and you know that, don't you?" I tried to get myself clear.
- "It's not useless for me. I need to know. Did she miss you?" She repeated as her tone turned more serious now.
- "I don't know ... I guess yes. How would that change anything?"
- "Did you miss her, too?" I knew she would ask me that, but I had already prepared myself to answer her question.
- "No. I didn't miss her if this is what you'd like to know."
And it was genuinely true.
She looked at me suspiciously for a short while without saying anything.
- "Amy, look I know the situation is not easy at all for both of us. I know that. Believe me when I tell you that I don't think of her. It's you that I want."
- " I believe you Marvin, I just needed to know if you missed her or not." She nervously tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.
- "She told me that she met George in Paris. I really miss him very much you know."
I confessed, and tried to change the subject.
She was still listening to me, but seemed, still thoughtful.
- "Baby, is everything alright?" I asked.
- "Yes ..." she nodded.
She didn't seem to be convinced by what she was saying and neither was I.
- "Amy, tell me the truth ... is it because Carla called me?" I tried to push her to speak to me. She remained silent, then cleared her throat before saying,
- "Marvin ... I don't know how to say that ... I think that we cannot keep seeing each other...anymore. I know that I shouldn't tell you this, but it's getting dangerous for both of us "
She stood up to sit on the edge of the bed, arms crossed. I wasn't ready to face reality despite the fact that she was right. I refused to believe that I could lose her, in any possible way.
- "Hey! Look at me, babe. Don't say that. We will find a solution ... okay?" I sat next to her, and put my arm around her shoulder, pressing her towards me.
- "I really mean it, Marvin ! It's so wrong what we're doing, cheating on other people! So wrong! "
- " I know it's wrong what we're doing, Amy. You don't have to remind me of that. But I want you to keep this in mind whatever happens to us"
I touched her chin and turned her face to look at me, before adding,
" I chose to cheat on Carla, that is a fact. I chose to cheat on my wife, because I fell in love with another woman, and I felt the need to be with her. I feel the need to be with you, because I miss you and I love you, Amy. I really do, so I don't give a shit of what others may think of me, of us. I know what we're doing is so fucking wrong; you think I don't know that, but thinking that I can lose you is harder to bear."
She remained silent, her eyes full of tears after what I have confessed to her, before she wrapped her arms towards my torso and pulled me closer to her in a passionate embrace. I pulled her back to my chest and whispered in her ear.
- "I fucking love you, Amy! We will find a solution. I promise you, baby".
She kissed me softly on my collarbone, let a long exhale then said in a low voice.
- "It is so hard for me to know that what we're sharing is something forbidden, in the first place. Like something wrong, something we shouldn't have done. I can't stop blaming myself for that, and at the same time I can't stop loving you, Marvin. I just can't because you mean a lot to me."
- "I know baby, I know. You won't lose me, Amy because I'm not going anywhere. And in case we are to lose each other one day, we will find a solution to always get a way to come back to each other...we have to"
- "Please, don't say that. Don't remind me that this may happen someday. I can't stand that! No, I can't."
I knew perfectly how difficult the situation was for both of us, but I couldn't figure out what we were going to do at the moment because I didn't know what to do in the first place.
All I knew was that I no longer loved my wife, which was very selfish of me, but I couldn't help it. It did happen to me, and now that it becomes a truth, I had to deal with what was going to come next, which means Carla.
Yeah, definitely. I had to deal with Carla.
All I could feel towards her was tenderness and affection. No more love. I realized that each time I thought of the word love, I had the image of Amy in my head, instead of Carla's.
Amy was the woman I loved while Carla was the woman I used to love. Now, she is just my wife, the mother of my children and no longer the woman to whom I had strong feelings. No more of that.
I felt myself so miserable, though. It was so hard for me to admit what I was feeling for Amy.
- "Never ... you listen to me ... Never will I forget about you, Amy ....no matter what would happen ... never ..." I said caressing her warm cheeks.
- "I cannot stand it anymore ... I am so sorry Marvin ..."
She started to sob as her embrace became more intense on my shoulders.
- "Amy, I am not going to leave you! I won't unless you ask me to" I said pulling her closer to my torso.
- "I know ... I know ... I don't know why I am crying though, so silly of me, Marvin"
She said attempting to pull herself together as she started to wipe away the tears from her red cheeks.
"Take me back home, Marvin !" She demanded.
- "We're going home Amy. I won't leave you, is that what you want to hear?" I tried to comfort her again.
- "You promise that?" Her hazel eyes lost in the blue of my eyes, searching for reassurance.
- "I promise, I promise ... I ...
I love you Amy. Believe me."
- "Don't lie to me Marvin! Don't lie to me..." She begged.
- "I'm not lying to you, Amy. I am not. I truly love you. Forget about Carla, for now at least! Okay? " I tried to remain as calm as possible, it wasn't something easy to deal with.
- "No, I can't. I can't Marvin. It's stronger than me ... Should I remind you that the woman we're talking about is your wife, the woman with whom you have to be now, not me !" She slightly raised her voice.
- "Amy, calm down. Just calm down, I beg you. I understand your anger and worry. You're totally right, but you have to trust me on this "
I reached out for her hands and put them into mine.
- "Why should I trust you, Marvin !? Just give me one damn good reason?" Her eyes softened, still looking at me to respond.
I looked at her, speechless. I couldn't blame her for not trusting me at all, because she was feeling shattered, and this was because of me, because of Carla. I was feeling bad, too. I wished I had never married Carla. I wished I were a single man. I wished so many things, back then.
I hated myself so much for causing her a lot of pain. I know, for sure, that we loved each other, even though it was forbidden, now that each one of us confessed his true feelings towards the other, and I know, for sure, that I was not prepared to let her go.
All I know was that I couldn't lose her. No, I couldn't. She was the only light within the darkness I was trapped in, and I was so miserably enslaved by the light she provided me.
I loved her. I needed her. I needed to gaze at those hazel eyes that bewitched me, starting from the first day my eyes met hers.
- "... because you love me Amy. You cannot deny that, can you?" I needed her to tell me again that I was as much important to her as she was for me.
She kept looking at me, still lost into the blue of my eyes, lost into the intensity of the moment we've shared so far, and lost into her clouded thoughts. And I wouldn't blame her for that. No, I wouldn't. Never.
- "Tell me you love me Amy Morgan and that you would never leave me!" I asked her again, more insistently.
- "Marvin .... don't complicate things for me, please !" She replied weeping, turning her eyes off of me.
- "Look at me, Amy. Look at my eyes. Say it ! Just say it ! I need to hear you say it"
I touched gently her chin, and made her face turn to look at my eyes.
- "Say what?" Desperation in her weak voice was audible.
- "Say that you will never leave me, Amy. Because I know you won't !" I begged.
- "Marvin ..." Her voice still weak.
- "Please ... I need to hear it" I insisted.
I didn't recognize myself as I've never done that before, begging a woman not to leave me and told me that she loved me.
Am I so weak?
Why am I feeling lost without her?
Why am I feeling this way after all?
I could not know ... but maybe I could after all ... because what we've been sharing was passion.
I was smitten with her.
" I love you Marvin, and I can't bear the thought of leaving you ... never "
She finally confessed to me as she threw herself into my arms, still weeping and hid her face into my chest.
We didn't say much for a while. Nonethless, the thought was still present in my mind and I couldn't get rid of it.
Still, what would happen if we were ever obligated to split ?
On our way back home, Amy was quiet and didn't talk much. I was focused on the road the whole time I was driving. After a while, I couldn't stand that she was still quiet, so I decided to break the silence.
- "Is everything alright baby?" I reached for her left hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
- "Yes ... I guess." She said in a low voice, turning her face to look at me.
- "Are you still thinking about what happened earlier?"
- "I don't feel like talking now, Marvin."
I didn't reply and kept driving. She seemed preoccupied with her own thoughts so I decided to keep on driving all along my house. We did as usual: she went first into the house before I joined in.
It must be eleven. All the lights were off. Lisa hasn't come back home yet, I presumed. So I decided to call her in order to check up on her while Amy headed to her room.
Lisa told me she was on her way back home, before I decided to go upstairs to take a shower and change my outfit.
After about half an hour, I went to check up on Lisa and I found her in her room preparing herself to go to bed. She hugged me and asked me if I saw Amy. I told her that Amy came back earlier, that she was in her room.
She told me if she could bring Eric with her to the party tomorrow. I told her I didn't mind and that he was already invited by Philip himself. She smiled then kissed me before wishing me good night when she got a call from her boyfriend, I presume. She didn't respond when I asked who the caller was before leaving her room, but from the blush on her face, it was so obvious.
I left Lisa's room and was about to head towards my room when I felt the need to check up on Amy.
I decided to go tiptoeing in case Lisa changed her mind and wanted to see Amy before going to bed. I needed to check if she was feeling better than earlier. When I reached the guest room, the light of her room was off. I presumed she was sleeping. I knocked quietly two times on the door, but she didn't respond.
So I went back upstairs to my bedroom and I thought of calling her instead.
I needed to hear her voice.
After a few rings, she didn't respond to my call.
AsI lay down I started to daydream about what happened that day: what we did on the "so restricted area" floor, making love to her, to be later on caught by Philip in front of the elevator, then meeting in Esperanza early evening, confessing about our fears, about never thinking of never leaving each other.
So many emotions to handle at once. I don't want to fool her up, because what we've been feeling for each other was so damn real, and I couldn't imagine the idea of losing her.
I had to find a solution to that situation we were in as soon as I could. It was becoming unbearable to go through it.
Nonsensical it may seem to anybody, but I didn't fucking care. This girl was so special to me that the very thought of losing her was unimaginable to bear.
Next Saturday, my wife would be here and everything will be more complicated.
I had to find a solution.
Oh Amy ... if you could just know how much you mean to me. I was so absorbed by these obsessive thoughts when I heard my dog Max barking four times before he stopped right away.
Max always barks whenever a member of our family leaves the house toward the beach at night.
I jumped out of my bed, wearing just my black boxers before heading to the balcony in order to check what was going on outside.
I could recognize her sandy hair in spite of the fact that the light was dim.
It was Amy.
What was she doing at a late hour?
Was she planning to go to the beach?
Amy was caressing Max's head, before carrying on her way towards the beach when I called over her. She turned back toward the balcony and saw me standing watching her, puzzled.
- "Amy ! What are you doing?" I asked, my voice full of worry.
- "Going to the beach ! Isn't it obvious! " she said carelessly.
- "Are you crazy !? It's midnight ! Come back here Amy ! Don't go to the beach at a late hour, do you hear me? " I scolded.
- "You heard what I've just said Marvin ! I'm going to the beach whether you like it or not!"
Once she finished her sentence, she turned back and carried on her way to the beach.
- "Amy! Come back home! Don't go to the beach! It's dark up there for God's sake!"
It was useless to keep on calling over her name and standing there totally powerless. Not to forget that I couldn't yell, let alone shout, because Lisa was at home and she may notice that something was up outside, and would surely come to check.
What was she doing? What was going on with her?
She was out of her mind.
So stubborn, Amy!
She was getting on my nerves, and I had to think fast, so I ordered Max to follow her to the beach.
Meanwhile, I picked up my flashlight on top of my closet, grabbing the first t-shirt and pants near me, dressing myself in a hurry before putting my sneakers on and running outside my house, trying not to make as much noise as possible.
It was quite frisky outside as I was heading towards the beach, calling over her. She didn't respond, so instead, I thought that I should be calling Max when he barked not far away from where I was walking.
The light got dimmer as I approached the beach following the direction of my dog's barks. Hopefully, I was well-equipped when I thought of bringing my flashlight with me.
When I got closer to the sea, I started to look around, and kept calling Max to come over until he did what he was told to.
Good boy, Max.
I, then, asked him to lead me towards Amy. He started to walk back from where he came while I was following him carefully through the dimness of the night, my flashlight in hand to lead the way when my eyes met her visible silhouette.
She was sitting on the sand watching the waves while I was really mad at her. I had to know why she did that, why she disobeyed me and insisted on going to the beach by herself, alone at night.
- "Are you crazy Amy, coming here in the middle of the night alone !" My voice full of anger and tension.
- " Leave me alone Marvin !" she waved her hand back to me, as a gesture to keep my distance.
- " Look at me Amy, I am talking to you ! You could have lost your way coming to the beach at a late hour, or worse scenario, someone could have hurt you ! I don't really get it! Why are you so stubborn!? I told you not to go to the beach, why didn't you listen to me ?" I yelled at her when she turned back to look at me.
- "I don't care what you think Marvin! No I don't! I am free to do whatever I want! Don't treat me as a child because I'm not."
She yelled back while getting up, before adding
" I just needed to come here, that's all! and now you're ruining it Marvin ! Just go! Leave me alone. I need to stay alone "
-" No ! I said NO! I am not leaving you all alone here! I am really worried about you Amy, don't you get it!? "
I was still yelling at her, without realizing that my voice was still high, when Max barked one time. I caressed his head to let him know that everything is fine. No need to worry, buddy.
Everything will be alright, right?
- " What's going on Amy? I need you to speak to me"
My tone became softer as I attempted to get a step forward to approach her. I tried to calm myself down.
- " Oh really ! Isn't it so obvious Marvin! I know that once your wife will come back home, once I leave Santa Barbara to come back to college, everything will be over. All your promises will be broken. I know that you won't love me anymore. No, you won't because ... you're married Marvin. Don't you get it!? You can't have me as much as I can't have you. All this is a big lie, all what we've been sharing now will be just ov--"
I cut her off, not willing to listen further to what she implied.
Amy started to get really on my nerves now.
Just stop it Amy. Stop what you're doing right now.
I took a step forward attempting to wrap her up to my chest when she stepped back, still resisting me, her hands barely shaking.
- " Stay away from me Marvin! I mean it!" She threatened me.
- " Don't do that to me Amy! Don't reject me! " I took a step forward again, ignoring her before I could touch her. At last.
- "Let go of me ! Let go of my arm ! I don't want to believe you anymore. All of this is a lie. A lie!" She stepped back and started to sob.
- " No, it's not a lie, Amy. It's NOT. I really care about you. I love you Amy, don't you get it! Let me proove it to you, it's just a matter of time till I find a solution to -- " She cut me off to say.
- "To what !? To Mrs. Richardson?! Can you just tell me what you are willing to tell her, huh? That you fucked Amy, that you did it just for fun because she's young and beautiful, and now that she's back from Paris, you're willing to fix things together, because after all you're married to this woman Marvin and girls like me...well, they are there just to be fu--"
- " STOP! " I reached out for her and put the palm of my hand over her mouth to cut her off.
- "Don't touch me ! Stay away from me !" She let the words come so harsh against the palm of my hand, before she shoved me as I stepped back from her, still holding threat in her hazel eyes.
- " You won't believe me, will you? Just tell me what to do to make you believe that I really want you in my life. That I've got good intentions. Just tell me anything Amy, talk to me...please" I said insistently hoping she will get my message.
She stood there, looking at me for a short moment before the words came out of her chest again.
- " I can't do this anymore. You have to choose Marvin. It's either ME or...her" Her voice just broke at the end.
Yeah, I knew we were coming to this. I knew she would ask me to choose between Carla and her.
I hated myself at the moment because, on the one hand it was not a question of choice, that I would be torn between both of them, of course I would choose Amy over Carla.
I know deep down myself, that it would be nonsensical and insane to think that, but I didn't give a damn shit. I was in love with Amy. No more of Carla. I know that I am acting childish, or even careless and above all so selfish.
I wouldn't risk anything to lose Amy. No I don't want to lose her, which was the truth actually.
On the other hand, Carla was important to me because, even if I don't love her the same way as I used to do before, she was still my friend. She was my life partner and mother of my three children. We've shared so much together to end up, finally feeling this.
Yeah, I was a jerk. I mentally slapped myself for being this fucked up.
But right now, I had to react, to say something to her. Anything.
I came closer and held her face between my hands, not leaving her gaze as she didn't push me back when I finally spoke up.
- " It's you who I want, Amy. It's only you, but it's not easy. " I confessed.
- " Who said it was easy ?! I knew from the begining that we were in trouble the moment we started to get closer. I knew that it would be hard for us to accept what was hapening to us, Marvin. But we cannot keep lying to the people we love...anymore. You cannot keep Mrs. Richardson in this big lie, you have to tell her the truth as I have to tell the truth to Lisa. "
I released both hands from her face to rub my neck with the palm of my hand.
- " You think I haven't thought about it, Amy. I've been thinking about it all, since the day I knew I had real feelings for you. But it is not easy. Not at all. I need some time to figure out how I would tell her that I've been seeing someone. And concerning Lisa, I forbid you to tell her anything. Do you hear me!? " I tucked my fingers in my hair, letting a long sigh out of my chest.
I don't want to hurt Carla.
I don't want to hurt Carla.
But I've already done that the moment I kissed Amy, the moment I fucked Amy.
I went beyond the limits, I already fucked up my mariage, by breaking my vows.
So now, no time to step back Marvin. I thought out loud.
She threw her arms around my neck, pulling me towards her to finally wrap me up in a tight embrace, then started to weep on my chest. I knew already why she was crying, and I couldn't do anything to change that.
She has realized that we would be paying the price of this love affair we've had. A lot of people will be affected, and we are ready to lose a lot.
Me more than her, that's for sure. But I can't help it, she was the woman I have been falling for, and I wasn't planning to let her go even if I have to blow up my life.
I would do it for her despite everything.
- "I can't think of losing you Marvin! I just can't " she said hitting my chest with both hands.
- "Oh ... baby, I'm already yours. I'm yours. Believe me ..." I said holding her arms in mine, trying to calm her down.
- "How can you say that ! You've got a wife. A wife, damn it !"
- "Stop it Amy ! Don't make things harder for me, please !"
- "It's the truth Marvin! Are you listening to me!? You can't just choose me over her, I mean I know I asked you that, but we need to be realistic. I...I don't know what to think right now! I am so lost! "
- " So am I! But what would you like me to tell you? Yes .. I have a wife, a wife that I don't love anymore ... A wife with whom I no longer have sex ... a wife that I consider just like my friend ... only a friend ! Is that what you needed to hear Amy? Because, believe me, all I am telling you now is the truth ! Just believe this time when I ask you to just give some time to tell her about my intentions. Just some time, baby, that's all what I am asking... "
We stood there for a while wrapped into each other underneath a dark starry sky, before going back home accompanied by my loving dog Max.
It must be about one in the morning when we reached her room, before she turned to me and said "would you sleep with me tonight?"
I didn't expect her to suggest that and I liked her idea...very much because after all, it was doable. With some restrictions, though.
Mrs. Douglas and Mr. Lopez always come early morning around six. So I had to wake up before they arrive.
We came into her room and locked it in order not to be disturbed. Before we lay down, she put off her vest while I put my sneakers off, then my flashlight on the table near the closet, to finally welcome her warm body through a tight embrace.
She smiled at me warmly after we kissed, her eyes half shut. I set the alarm on my cellphone before dozing off.
That night, I slept for three hours only as I kept looking at her, all the time she was sleeping in my arms. She seemed to be peaceful.
At about five o'clock in the morning, I had to go on upstairs, so I left her room tiptoeing and headed toward mine. I decided to sleep for another two hours. I thought I would sleep until seven, but I woke up late, around nine in the morning.
I took a speedy shower, put on a black suit, before going downstairs to find Mrs. Douglas in the kitchen washing up the dishes.
- "Morning Mrs. Douglas !"
- "Morning sir !"
- "Is there something to eat? I got to be going to work !"
- "Yes, sir. Let me put you some pancakes in a lunch box. Would you like to have a coffee?"
- "Yes, please." I said consulting my emails on my cellphone, then added after a while "did the girls go to work?"
- "Yes, sir." she said handing me the cup of coffee.
- "Good. Thank you very much."
I thought of Amy while I was drinking my coffee and hoped that she was feeling better this morning, then decided to email my assistants Maria and Jonathan.
After that, I took the lunch box and headed to work. That day was very tiring: I had to deal with new clients, organize a few meetings with my team, then worked on some files in the afternoon.
When I came back home in the evening, I found Lisa and Amy in Lisa's room getting prepared for Philip's party.
- " Dad ! Here you are ! When are we going to go to Mr. Johnson's?" Lisa asked with enthusiasm.
- "We've got to be there at 9."
- "Great, still have more than an hour to prepare ourselves then. Okay, thanks dad, now if you please leave the room, we're on a mission to be the prettiest ladies of the party !" Both of Lisa and Amy giggled while I just stood there, smiling at them.
- "No need to do a lot of makeup. Okay, okay I am leaving!"
I winked at them before leaving the room. I couldn't talk to Amy that day because I hadn't time for myself.
I couldn't call her. She seemed to be better than yesterday. I decided to go to the kitchen, grab something to eat before going to shower and get myself prepared to leave.
When we met later in the living room, I couldn't stop looking at Amy. She was elegant and gorgeous in that green lace dress.
I then remembered that Lisa was with us so I had to take my gazes away from Amy. Otherwise, I would be in trouble. Real trouble. My daughter Lisa was gorgeous, too. She was wearing a black dress. Lisa's got light black hair and greenish eyes. She was a pretty brunette. I was proud of my daughter because she was growing up and becoming an alluring lady. It is no longer that little girl I used to know.
So I engaged a funny conversation with the girls.
All the way we were driving to Philip's, I was looking at Amy through the mirror. I felt excitement pouring through my veins. She looked amazing that night. I didn't know how I would behave "normally" if she had to stay next to me all night long. I couldn't restrain myself any longer.
I don't think I can. But I must.
The last time I kissed her, touched her, made love to her was yesterday evening on Esperanza. And that would explain why I was feeling this way, so hungry.
I missed her. Already missed her.
She was so hot and beautiful that I almost blamed myself for buying such a sexy dress for her.
It was a torture because I felt a kind of rush to go into her. I wanted to be inside of her and to feel her inside of me.
I almost slapped myself, this time not mentally. I had to stop thinking this way.
Definitely stop thinking this way.
That night, Philip was celebrating his marriage anniversary along with the partnership we've settled with a new foreign company, so I was going to be introduced to other important business people and partners and talk business for quite some time, so I had to get my head down and focus only on that.
I had to stay focused. And not get her be under my skin, at least for tonight.