Esperanza: When the Blue meets the Hazel

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Chapter 2


Since I was a child I have always liked being in front of the sea. My mom and Grandpa used to take me there in the afternoon. We spent about one hour. I remember my mother reading a novel beneath the sunshade while my grandfather and I were occupied building up a sand castle. When we came back home, my grandma was waiting for us. She always finished her job at about four o’clock in the afternoon. Then came the turn of my grandfather to go back to the bakery for his nightly shift.

I was raised with my mother. I’ve never known my father. I thought he passed away a few months before my birth. I’ve known about his existence only a couple of years later when I became a teen. At that time, I remember that my mother wanted to tell me some truth which she thought was so important for me to know. I knew little information about my father. All I could know at that time was that he was wealthy. He belonged to the upper-class. He lived in the same state, the state of California.

I couldn’t know the details of what happened between him and my mother. How they met. How they became parents. How they got separated. I was so innocent at that time. It was only a few years later that I knew who was my real father, who was that man with whom my mother got pregnant. I needed to know the truth about his identity. I needed to meet him in person. I needed it. My mother, Mona , was a brave woman. She used to be a nurse. Then after many years of service, she wanted to carry on her studies to become a doctor. A job that has always fascinated her. She comes from a middle-class family. Her parents owned a bakery downtown. She was a lone child. So was I.

I’ve never had brothers or sisters. So I didn’t know the meaning of brotherhood and sisterhood. I liked to be alone at school. I haven’t had friends until I moved to high school. There I started to socialize with people of my age and had a few friends.I started dating boys. I started enjoying that period of my life. I liked studies a lot. I was good at math and physics. I liked those subjects. I found them fascinating. I liked numbers. For me it was like finding out solutions to enigmas and searching for clues to solve out the mysteries of equations.

When my mom became finally a doctor, she left for another hospital in another area. She moved to Phoenix, Arizona. She came to see us twice a month. I had to spend the whole time without her. I liked being with my grand-parents, but I wanted to live my life as well. I wanted to go out, breathe fresh air, go on summer camps, go abroad and visit a scientific center. I wanted to take my distance and experience the world by myself. I know I couldn’t. I was seventeen at that time. Too young to be left alone in this world. Alone, without protection.

When I turned nineteen and started my first year at university. I was informed that she was about to get married. My mother got engaged to a doctor and was preparing her wedding. I was very happy for her. I wanted her to be happy. This is what she deserved.It’s been more than six months that I haven’t seen her. My grandparents were happy for her, too. She was forty-two years-old. She was still beautiful and attractive. My mother was my opposite. She had dark hair and light-colored eyes. Her eyes were blue. I guess I got my blond hair and my eyes from my father.

We drove all along to her place. We met her fiancé. He seemed to be a nice guy. We spent three days there. The ceremony was great. We had a lot of fun. Later that day, we spent the night in a hotel.I needed to check up on some friends of mine. We didn’t chat for more than two days. For me it was essential to know whether my friends were fine or not. I texted them via messenger. I got a message from all of them, except Lisa. I was worried because she didn’t reply to any of the messages I have sent her.

Lisa Richardson was my roommate at university. She studies finance. We became soon friends. I like being with her. She often tells me about the way they live in that district of California. A place I’ve never had the chance to visit. She comes from an upper-class family. Her father is a famous business man. He owns many companies in that district. Her mother is a fashion designer.

Lisa and I shared fragments of our lives. She’s always told me how lonely she feels when she’s home. She misses her parents and doesn’t see them all the time. Her elder brother lives outside home because he studies far from their place. George, her younger brother, is the only person she sees all the time. She tries to spend the majority of her free time with him.

Each time I ask her how come you cannot spend time with them, she tells me they are all the time busy with work.

I tried my best to understand the way she felt because I merely experienced the same thing with my mother. Hopefully there were my grandparents to lift me up in time of need and sorrow. Otherwise, I could have never been strong enough to face my problems.

Two months after my mother’s wedding, my grandfather passed away. He had health problems. It was a terrible time for my family and myself. He was the paternal figure I’ve always wanted to have. He taught me a lot of things and it was my duty not to forget them. I was a young woman now, able to fly by herself.My grandmother tried her best to move on with the death of her beloved, but she couldn’t handle it. I tried to help her in the bakery. After just three months, she left us. She left me. Alone, in this world. I was lost to know that she, as well, passed away.She was married to my grandfather for about fifty years. I guess. Such lovely lovebirds.My mother had to sell her parents’ bakery. She asked me to move out to Phoenix with her during summer. She didn’t want me to spend my summer nights alone.I couldn’t refuse that. I needed my mother next to me. I needed her love and support. It was an occasion for me to spend more time with her since I come back to studies next fall.I missed hanging out with all my friends. I said to myself it was just summer. I will see them soon; and it was a nice occasion for me to get to know more my step-father. All I wanted was to know that my mother was happy with him.

The first two weeks I spent in my mother’s house were fine. I was all the time alone at home. I could read scientific magazines, make some researches on the net, chat with my friends, listen to music loudly, watch T.V, go out whenever I want without asking permission all the time. I could spend hours and hours on the phone with my friends talking and talking without being bothered or supervised.I liked my freedom. I liked the way I spent my free time, but I missed my grandpa and grandma. It felt weird not to have them around.

I spent my nights listening to music or watching concerts. My room was situated at the end of the corridor. I liked being left alone. My mother wanted me to be around her when she gets home though. I tried my best to prepare meals for both of them when they get home. I always had that strange feeling. I felt as if my step dad was jealous of me. He wanted me out of his house and my mother’s. I felt as if I was about to steal her from him.

After all it was not the case. I was her daughter and only child. She cared about me and wanted to spend some time with me, especially after the loss of her parents.

One night, I couldn’t sleep. My eyes were open, staring at the ceiling. I tried to put on some instrumental music to calm myself down. Nothing. I tried to sleep from the other side of the bed. Nothing. I tried to watch some videos and manage to sleep. Nothing.Nothing really worked. It didn’t help me sleep. It sucked. I was awake the whole night. I heard some noise coming from the other side of the house. At the beginning I thought just some voices whispering, but later I recognized the sounds. There were love sounds of people having sex. I was embarrassed. It never happened to me to witness such thing. My own mother having sex with her husband. I was so embarrassed that I tried to hide my face underneath the pillow, but unfortunately the sounds were rising up. I heard him screaming her name, and she was moaning out of pleasure.

I was bashfully confused. I didn’t know what to do. Hopefully, I brought with me my headphones. So I jumped out of my bed and searched for them somewhere in my room. Yes, here they were. I grabbed them, came back to my bed with my laptop and put some music.

I needed to listen to some music.

I had only two weeks left before coming back to university. I missed my friends, especially Lisa. I missed the sea. I missed the waves. I missed the breeze in my fair hair.For now I could just listen to music and stare at the ceiling. And then I started imagining myself flying in the sky. I wanted to touch the stars. I was so light, so free floating in the air. Then I fell asleep.The next morning, I wake up on the light in my room. I opened my eyes lazily and I just found my mother talking in a language I couldn’t decode.

It was, of course, the headphones on my ears which prevented me from listening to what she was saying. I mumbled some words out of my mouth as to say good morning, then I put off the headphones. She was smiling at me. I know this smile. She was happy. It was a smile of a woman in love. A fulfilled woman. I said to myself, I know the origin of such a beautiful smile. The thought of it made me immediately blush a little and I smiled.

- “Good morning, Amy !”

- “Good morning Mom !”

- ” Got to go to work now. Catch you up later. We will go have dinner in a restaurant today. Later evening with the Morrison.”

What ? Who are the Morrison? I couldn’t understand anything. So I replied, confused.

- “Who are the Morrison?”

- “Ah yes I forgot to tell you. These are friends of Jim.”

Jim Carlson was my step-father. He was a doctor at the hospital where my mother worked. I didn’t know him much till I came to spend those weeks here, in Phoenix, in the state of Arizona. I started appreciating him. He seemed to be a nice guy, easy going and fascinatingly charismatic.

Yet I felt that he was somehow jealous of me. I didn’t know the reason.

As I was a loner person who doesn’t want to socialize a lot with him, I preferred not going more in touch with him. I felt at ease keeping my distance.She left my room. I stood up and went to the bathroom. I had to shower. I had some plans for that day. I wanted to buy a new dress. I wanted to go for a walk in the park. I needed to breathe some fresh air. I enjoyed spending my day outside. I came home with pre-made food. I heat it up in the microwave and sat in front of the T.V to watch some programs. I started eating when Lisa called me. We chatted for some time. After lunch, I couldn’t resist waiting more to try on my new dress. I tried it in the store and I wanted to try it another time. So I went to my room, put my shopping bags on the bed. I dressed off and put on the new dress. It was a short greenish dress. I stepped in front of the mirror and looked at my face.

I liked the way I was looking in the mirror. I was really beautiful. I got slimmer though. I thought immediately about what we’ve been through, my mother and I. The color of the dress behooved my natural complexion. I was contemplating my reflexion in the mirror which was situated opposite to the door, when I saw Jim, my step-father by the door, gazing at me.

I was embarrassed and at the same time surprised to find him there. I haven’t heard anybody coming back home. No keys unlocking the door. No footsteps walking all over the corridor. Nothing.

- “Jim ? You’re back?”

- “Sorry I didn’t intend to frighten you! You look so gorgeous in that dress ! Is it a new dress?”

- “Euuh ... yes, I’ve just bought it. I am sorry, but you could have knocked on my door !”

- “The door was already open !” I grabbed my neck as in a movement of embarrassment, I ducked my head. It was clear that I was very embarrassed. I didn’t know if he came when I got dressed or before. The thought of it made me feel more and more uncomfortable.

- “Sorry again Amy ! I didn’t want to bother. I just came to check up on you. I finished my shift earlier. I am going to my room to have a nap. Do you need anything?”

- “No, it’s O.K. Thank you for asking.”

I waited for him to leave so I could immediately head towards the door and lock it afterwards. I don’t know what has happened to me. I got angry and started dressing off myself. I put on a T-shirt and jeans. Then I laid on the bed. I felt the need to read something.

While I was searching for something to read, I got a text message from my friend Lisa. I couldn’t believe what I read. She was here in town for two days and wanted me to join her for a coffee. I called her. I was really happy to hear her voice again. I jumped out of my bed, grabbed my handbag, my sunglasses, put on my sandals, unlocked my door and went out.I didn’t want to call Jim over to tell him I was going out so I left home.

We spent the evening together. She talked a lot about how she spent her vacation in Florida and spoke about her new boyfriend. I was glad she had fun. I wanted her to stay the night at my mom’s house, but she told me she came with her brother Jason and his girlfriend Zoe, so she had to stay with them. They came here to see Zoe. She was from Phoenix.I remembered then that there was the dinner with the Morrison. I called my mother to check with her the address.I told Lisa that I had to go home to change my clothes and go to the restaurant. We agreed we would meet tomorrow morning for a coffee before she heads back to Santa Barbara, California. Her hometown. She’s often insisted many times on me coming to her house to spend some days with her.I was from the state of California, too. I was living in Summerland with my grand-parents. I’ve been some times to Santa Barbara, but I’ve never visited all parts of it.

My biological father was from Santa Barbara, too. This is all I could get from my mother. I went back home. I found both my mother and her husband at home. I prepared myself in a hurry. I wanted to show my mom another new dress I bought. It was a blue mini dress bought from the same store. I did some make up, finished dressing, then I wore my black heels and carried a little bag. I was ready to go and meet these famous Morrison.

As I entered in the living room, my mother’s eyes were widely opened when she saw me in that blue dress. She hugged me telling me how much I was stunning. My step-father was looking in his turn in my direction. He remained silent without saying a word. I felt he was looking at me in an inappropriate way. All he said was ” Ladies are you ready to go out ?“.

My mother replied enthusiastically “Yes darling ! Let’s go!“.

The restaurant was luxurious, with a nice view on the town. The ceiling was made of marble. There were many tables, well-dressed in a fine tablecloth, with a little vase in the center of each one. We were accompanied by a waiter to our seats. The Morrison haven’t arrived yet. I was pretty sure it was going to be another boring adult gathering where we had to sit correctly, watch them talk about Politics and environment, and reply back in an appropriate way when asked to.

Jim informed the waiter about their coming. We didn’t wait for so long. They were already here. I could see the expressions on the faces of both my mother and her husband when they saw them heading to our table. The Morrison: a happy family as it may seem. There was a man in his late forties, a woman my mother’s age, a girl holding her mother’s hand. She must be twelve years-old and ... a gentleman. A young man. Alluring. Handsome. I guess he is their son. We greeted one another. My mother introduced me to her friends. I couldn’t not look at this young man sitting in front of me. He was looking back, too. He was nearly my age. Probably older than me. Brownish hair, brown eyes, nice face, cute smile and irresistibly hot body.

I couldn’t dream more.

I guess my mother noticed how much I was attracted to him and vice versa. The Morrison were their friends. The man was a co-worker of Jim’s and my mother’s friend. His wife was a tailor who works for a big fashion model company. Their son, Tyler was a Law student, and the little Layla, was a school pupil. I was really attracted to Tyler that we couldn’t not exchange our phone numbers at the end of the dinner. He promised to take me to the cinema the following day. And he did so. We went to the cinema, watched a good movie then we went to have dinner. We flirted all night, which ended up in a passionate kiss in his car, in front of the house. I desired this boy. He desired me, too. I’ve never had sex with a boy before.I was nineteen. My mother wanted me to preserve myself till marriage. I didn’t like this idea. I wanted to experience sex with a boy I really like.I thought it was the best time to go through this. I had only two weeks before going back to university. We met every day even though my step father didn’t agree with my mother on going out with Tyler every day. My mother wanted me to have fun and she asked me to be cautious.

We were dating for less than a week and then one night, I think it was during the fourth date, I felt he wanted to go further than a simple make out. He parked his car in a place far from town. My heart was beating so much. I wanted this boy. I desired him so much. We started kissing, then it became so intense that I found myself on him. The driving wheel was behind me. With his mouth, he let my shoulder strap fall on my arm. I was wearing another dress. His arms were on my breasts. He unzipped my bra and dropped it next to us on the driving seat. He started sucking intensively my nipples. I felt them harden and harden each time he sucked them then licked them with the tip of his tongue. He grabbed with his left hand the other breast and kept sucking my nipple, and he let his other hand slide over the bottom of my stomach. He placed then his very hand beneath the dress and then another time under my panties and started caressing softly the lower part of my body, which made me moan more and more. I started to move on him as if I was moving on a horse’s back. Up and down.

I unbuttoned his shirt and placed my hands on his chest. Then with a subtle move, he guided me with his hand to place mine on his belt. I understood that he wanted me to unbuckle it. This was what I did. He then placed my right hand on the lower part of his body. It was the first time in my life that I saw a masculine genital organ. I’ve seen it before in some porn movies, but never in reality. It was becoming harder and harder the more we kissed and made out.He then asked me if I wanted to go further and I said yes. I wanted this boy and I wanted him to make love to me.He proceeded with touches all over my body until we became totally naked in the car. He was looking at me, contemplating my body, all the parts of it. He liked what he saw. As for me, too. He then suggested that we move to the back seat where we could sit more comfortably and I agreed. This is what we did and then he came on the top of me kissing my mouth, my neck, going through my breasts, then my belly.I was getting hotter and hotter and I didn’t realize what was happening to me. He then spread my legs and placed his face in between. I couldn’t understand what he was willing to do until I felt his tongue all over this lower part of my body, moving up and down quickly then slowly and so on.My body was hypnotized by all the emotions I could feel at this instant. I was screaming out of pleasure. It was so intense. He was doing that for a moment, then I felt a finger between the lips of this lower part, then two fingers. He was using them to penetrate me. I was moaning and groaning as a powerless pray. I could feel his fingers onto me easily than the first time. My eyes were closed. I was dazed. He was mumbling sweet words and came on top of me kissing me and spreading my legs more to prepare himself for entering my world. I was ready. I was thirsty of pleasure. I wanted him inside of me. The sooner the better. I couldn’t wait longer. And here he was inside of me. I cried when he was onto me. He started to go really slowly following the sway of my body. I was moving beneath him in a sensual dance ... a seducing dance to penetrate me more and more. And this is what he did. He started easily, slowly, then he got moderately quickly.The faster he went on me, the further I was launched into the sky. I was like a rocket traveling through time and space. I was traveling through his touches and his kisses. He was navigating through my body as a sailor in the deep blue.I was the happiest girl on earth at that moment. I thought it would last forever. That I was the only girl he would love and cherish. I thought so. I was mistaken. Thoroughly mistaken.

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