~ 12 ~
Ashley tells me the man who saved me is about to leave and I have the biggest urge to find him before it’s too late.
I walk in the direction of the retreating man and call out to him “Excuse me?”
He turns and my whole world spins. My vision blurs and I have to stop walking. It’s him. Miles is the man who saved me.
That means he knows I’m Bee.
I feel my chin begin to quiver and hot tears line my eyelids. There’s probably 10 metres between us and I can’t make out the expression on Miles’ face. Shit.
I don’t know what to do. We stand there on the now almost empty street metres apart just staring at each other. Thoughts are racing through my head and moments between us are replaying in my mind and the more I let in, the more embarrassed I begin to feel.
I can’t even begin to think what he is feeling. He now knows that I knew it was him and I didn’t say anything, I didn’t stop him when he kissed me, I didn’t stop him when his expert touch combined with my grinding movements brought me to intense orgasm.
I swallow, unsure of what my next movements will be. After what feels like an eternity, I decide to leave. I don’t want to see his disapproving, angry face. Or answer his questions. Not tonight. I walk away with heavy steps, but I don’t get far.
“Beth, wait.” His gentle voice stops me in my tracks. His arm reaches out and spins me so that we are face to face. Staring into the depths of his blue eyes, I don’t see any anger. Instead confusion takes over his face. I shake my head, unable to tell him what he wants to know.
“I just want to go home.” I say.
“Let me take you.”
I nod my head in response and place my hand in his outstretched one as we walk towards my car. I hand him my keys and quietly enter the passenger seat of my car.
The short drive is completely silent, neither one of us knowing quite what to say. The radio in the car remains off as he navigates the streets to my apartment. I’m not sure if he sneaks glances at me as my eyes are firmly glued to the window, though I’m not really paying much attention to the outside. I feel numb. I know I’ve been through a big ordeal and I know that Miles knows who I am but I don’t think I have actually processed it yet. The trees, cars and buildings go past my vision in a blur and I don’t know we arrive at home until Miles speaks.
“Where should I park?”
“Um, over there, number 7.” I say barely audible.
Once he has turned off the engine, he comes around to my side of the car and opens my door. I look at him and he offers me a small smile as I hop out. The ride up to the seventh floor is quick and before I know it we are standing at my apartment door.
Miles hands me back my keys and as I take them from him, the enormity of what happened tonight comes rushing back. Tears begin pouring out of my eyes and I drop to the soft carpet below me. Miles squats down next to me and begins talking to me but I have no idea what he is saying. He removes the keys from my tight, vice like grip and unlocks the door. Bending down, he scoops me up into his muscular arms and carries me inside. He places me on the soft sofa and sits down next to me. I cry into his shoulder for what feels like hours. He soothingly rubs my back and supports me while I break down. I have sore puffy eyes, there is a huge wet patch on his blue shirt signaling a mixture of my snot and tears. I am grateful he doesn’t acknowledge the mess I’ve made. When my sobbing turns to hiccups I sit up and try to reach for a tissue.
“The box is empty. I already looked. Just use my shirt.” He tells me as he takes off his already ruined shirt and hands it to me.
I look at him to make sure he is certain he wants me to blow my nose on it and he nods his head with a smile. I blow my nose in the most un-lady like fashion and use the corner of his shirt to dry my eyes.
“It’s just a shirt, don’t sweat it. I have many others at home.” He tries to make me laugh with his lame joke.
“I mean thanks for saving me tonight, thanks for being here with me now.”
“Yeah, I really think you should talk to someone about that. Do you want me to call your mum?”
I shake my head. “Not yet. I’m not ready.”
“Ok. But promise me you will be ready. Don’t keep this shit bottled up, it makes it worse.”
“I promise. I’ll call her tomorrow.”
He nods his head but still doesn’t look convinced.
“If you weren’t there, Miles. He…. he…. he was so strong….” The tears pool in my eyes again, though I’m not sure how I still have any tears left.
“Shhh, it’s ok. You’re safe now. He is in jail and not coming near you ever again.”
“I know.” I sniff. “I just never want to feel vulnerable like that again. I know how to defend myself but it’s like my whole body froze and I couldn’t do anything.”
“You were in a scary position. It’s understandable that you froze. Look I’ve got a mate who runs self-defence classes, I could put you in touch with him, if you want?”
“Yes” I nod my head. “I want that.”
We sit together for a few more minutes, me pressed against Miles’ hard chest. I feel safe here with his arms around me.
“Look Bethany, I know that now is not a good time but I think we should talk about Ashely’s.”
Shit. I’d somehow forgotten about that part. The scary assault attempt keeping my mind off that part.
“Of course, I’m not going to tell anyone about it. I just want to make sure you are okay, that you didn’t do anything you regret.” He speaks again.
“I’m feeling quite embarrassed about all of that Miles.”
“There’s no need. It was me who came back the second time.”
“But I knew it was you. And I still…. well jesus, you know what I did.”
“So you do regret it.” He states.
“No, I don’t.” I say quietly with my eyes closed.
Miles leans forward and places a chaste kiss on my forehead, leaving his lips on my skin for a few seconds. My heartbeat quickens at his gesture.
Pulling away he adds “I should go. Do you want me to call someone to stay with you?”
“Can you stay, just until I fall asleep? Please?”
“Alright.” He nods.
“I’ll just have a quick shower. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen.”
In the shower, with the warm jets of water pelting down on my skin, I replay the scene with Miles in the private room at Ashely’s. I want to know what he thinks, but I am too embarrassed to ask. I was telling the truth when I said I didn’t regret it. He is my Dad’s best friend and I have feelings for him. I know that he will most likely want to avoid me. His best friends’ daughter. It’s not like we could ever become anything more. My dad would go ballistic if he ever found out. I regretfully turn off the taps and step out of the shower, enveloping my body in my huge fluffy towel. Opening the ensuite door, I see Miles sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Thanks for being here.” I say as I cross my bedroom into my walk in robe to retrieve my pajamas. As I drop my towel, I hear Miles blow out a breath. I turn my head and realise he has moved from my bed to the doorway and can now see my naked form from the back.
“Sorry, I ah… fuck.” I see him run his hands through his light brown hair.
“It’s ok.” I step into my silkie bottoms and slide the top over my head. Once I am dressed, I walk past him towards my bed only to have him reach out and grab my arm gently. I look into his eyes and can see the battle he is fighting. I don’t move, letting him decide what happens next. I don’t have to wait long before his lips are on mine. I place my hands around his neck and deepen the kiss. Again, kissing Miles feels so good. Like its meant to be that way. But he pulls away before I’ve had enough and rests his forehead on mine.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. You should get some sleep.” He says.
“Yeah, it’s been a big day.” I joke. I walk away from him, with my heart beating so fast and a slight desire in the pit of my stomach.