What is this feeling? How do I get rid of it? It’s like a mix of regret, guilt, and heartbreak. Do other people experience this feeling or is it just me?
The bell rang, waking me out of my thoughts. I grabbed my books, pencils, and my bag and left the English classroom. I walked down the stairs, turning the corner until I bumped into something that felt too familiar.
I looked up, looking into the eyes of my ex, Luke Peterson. Those were the eyes that I was once in love with, the eyes I would stare into every day. We stood there just looking at each other for what felt like years until his new girlfriend, Amber Rose, walked up to him, giving him a soft kiss, before dragging him away to their next class. Those were the types of kisses that I used to give him.
I still remember the day I lost him, the day my life was turned upside down.
My best friend, Lina Monroe, and I decided we would go to the park to celebrate our Friendiversary. This had been our tradition since middle school when we first met. After walking around the park, we decided to go to the mall to get some food before finishing our tradition off by going on a shopping spree.
Lina and I had just gotten our ice cream after going to Noodles and Company. We were walking towards our favorite store, Forever 21 when I saw them at a jewelry vendor. Luke was with Amber, holding her hand as she picked out a necklace that she wanted.
Lina tried to stop me as I stomped over to where they were, “Ash!” she screamed. But it was too late. I walked up to Luke and using all the strength I had, I slapped him.
“How could you do this to me?!” I wanted to break down and cry on the spot, but I knew I couldn’t, so I held it in. People had already begun looking at us in confusion, but I didn’t care. I was too hurt to care.
“Sorry Ash, but Luke was getting a little bored, so he had to find someone to spice it up.” Amber Rose shrugged with a mischievous smile. I looked at Luke to see if he would say anything, but he could barely maintain eye contact with me.
I was about to punch the daylight out of Amber, but Lina grabbed my hand and pulled me away before we could cause more of a scene. We rushed to the car and as soon as the door was shut, I broke down.
How could he do this to me?! What did I do to deserve this? How could I have been so stupid to fall for him in the first place?
Lina was there, rubbing my back, saying words of encouragement like any good best friend would. But I couldn’t focus on anything she was saying because I was too busy blaming myself for him cheating on me.
Lina grabbed me, knocking me back into reality, and dragged me away to her Toyota. When we were in the car, she looked at me one good time and saw all the hurt flood back into my eyes.
“Hey,” Her voice was soothing and reassuring. “You’ve got to let him go, Ash. It’s been two months,”
I’m trying! I wanted to scream. Why couldn’t she see that I was trying? But you can’t heal from a breakup like that. Not when you knew the person like you’ve known them your entire life. Not when every happy moment you have is with them. I need more than two months to get over this heartbreak and I wanted so badly for it to be over it but nothing I tried would work.
“I know,” I looked up at her and she smiled at me. She dropped me off at home and promised she would call me later. I told her thanks and headed towards my house.
As I walked into the house, I was greeted by my dog, Charlie. He was a German Shepard and retriever mix with golden fur. He has been with me through all my highs, lows, ups, and downs. He always seemed to know when I was hurting or sad.
“Hey boy! How’s my favorite doggie doing,” I said, reaching down to scratch him behind the ears. He licked my face and ran like a maniac towards the kitchen.
In the kitchen, I find my mom and dad arguing as usual.
“Hi,” I said to my parents. They paused their argument to speak to me.
“Hey pumpkin,” my dad says. “How was your day at school,”
“Same as usual. I ran into Luke today though,” My heart pounded as I said his name.
“Aww babes, I know that must’ve hurt. Are you okay?” My mom asked. She looked so concerned and I wanted to break down again, but I didn’t.
“Yeah, I’m fine mom,” I lied.
“Ok sweetie, dinner will be ready soon,”
I walked up the stairs and was barely at the top step before they started arguing again. I went to my room, closed the door, and put my headphones in, drowning out the yelling and screaming coming from downstairs.
After about 20 minutes, Lina called me.
“Hey, how is everything at home?” Lina knew about my parents and their fighting. I used to beg my parents to let me stay the night at her house sometimes just to escape.
“The usual arguing and screaming but I’m fine. What’s up with you?”
“I got a job at Target.”
“Omg, I’m so happy for you!”
“Thanks, and I saw this cute boy. Ash, he looked amazing. He had curly hair; brown eyes and his biceps were huggee!! Girl, his jawbone was so sharp that thang could cut cheese!” She screamed into the phone.
I laughed a little. “Did you talk to him?”
“Haha, have you met me? You know I don’t talk to boys.”
I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me through the phone. “Well does he work with you?”
“Nah, I think he was just a customer, but I really hope I see him again.” She sighed into the phone and I could picture her romanticizing about him like she usually does over boys. I just wish she was bold enough to go and talk to one of them.
“Yeah, me too. I can’t wait until you finally date someone.”
“I’m sorry I can’t be as bold as you, ” Sarcasm was creeping into her voice. “I can’t just run up to someone and say ‘I think you’re hot' the way you can.”
I could picture her rolling her eyes over the phone.
I scoffed. “I do not do that,”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Ash.” she chuckles.
“Anyway, wanna go out tomorrow. I don’t think I can spend the day listening to my parents argue,”
“Sure, there’s this new store I wanna try anyway. So, I’ll see you at 2?” she replies.
“Yup, see ya then.”
“Kay, bye.” And she hangs up.
Before I get a chance to put my phone on the charger, an Instagram notification pops up from someone I never thought I would hear from again.