I am nervous. I have to fight not to chew on my finger nails. I know what i am doing. I know I want this. After tonight being with Sebastian. The way he and his family believe that I am already allied with them. I will be there queen and Sebastian my king. It had made me feel physically sick. My heart had ached at the idea. The truth hurts and I know that truth is something I have to face.
Just not today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Whilst I am here with my Italian prince. I want to be here. To be present in the moment and live each one. Happy, carefree almost.
"Bella." Matteo whispers as he climbs through my window. Over the bay seat. His damp hair falling over his forehead until he stands up tall. His eyes find mine in the dim light. The brown of his are almost black.
I take a deep breath. Rising up onto my knees I let the sheet fall from my hands. I have to fight the urge to cover myself. Instead I let my hands fall to my sides as the sheet pools to the bed around my knees. I'm breathing quickly and heavy. A mixture of nerves and desire. Matteo cannot stop the rain that is going to fall on me. He cannot change the life that my father has put in place for me, but this, he can give me this.
He doesn't speak. Doesn't move other than the twitch of his jaw. His eyes roaming over my naked body. I bite my lip nervous and keep myself still. So tempted to cover myself with the sheet again. To hide my body and ask if I did something wrong. But not today. I see the fire in his eyes. I feel it run through my body. Things have moved so quickly. Feelings are something I am not used to. Other than with Finn. I care for all of my people but i cannot say i even love my father. Not in the unconditional way I should. His news of cancer had been given to me over dinner one evening. He had said it so matter of factly. He hadn't flinched nor stopped eating. Neither had i. I nodded politely and apologised as though I had done something. I will not apologise even if Matteo was to walk away now. Because even if he does I will be alone. Just as I always have been.
"Bella. I need you to tell me what you want." Finally he speaks. His voice hoarser than normal, his accent thick. Moving slowly round to the edge of my bed. His hand reaches out and stops just above my shoulder. "Tell me exactly what it is you want."
"I want you. All of you." I say quietly but assertively. He makes everything real. He makes me feel alive and I want to burn under his touch. I want to come alive in his arms. I want to live. Even if I can only for a moment.
His hand slides around the back of my neck. His head dipping low so his mouth is so close to mine. The firm pressure of his hand at my nape has me gasping.
"Are you sure? You say things are hard on us already. One moment you want to live whilst here. The next you want to turn away because you are afraid of what you are feeling."
"I am not afraid. I don't want to hurt people. Especially when it is avoidable, if i could stop being so selfish. But I can't. I want to live whilst i am here." I lift up on my knees putting my hands to his shoulders. "I want to feel. I want to live and be happy. I want to be just Bella and Matteo. I still promise nothing. We both know I cannot make promises. We both know this is going to be something we could quite well regret later." I know I won't. Every moment with him and his family will be what I strive to achieve. When I birth prince's or princess's with a man I don't love. A man who's touch doesn't set me on fire. Who doesn't make me feel unique and cherished. "I still want to. If you do."
"I want you. Dio i want you. But you will not regret it. Ever. You can promise me that." His eyes flare. His hot breath feathering my face. His hand tightening at my nape possessively.
"I can promise you I won't regret doing this." I whisper looking into his eyes. They are full of so much more than possession. So many emotions swirling like a tornado.
Then he kisses me. Finally. I breathe into his mouth as we open them and welcome one anothers tongues. His free hand moving down my bare back. Slowly forming a trail of goosebumps. Grasping at my ass and pulling me flush against him. I sigh heavily and pull at the hem of his top with trembling fingers. Not from nerves anymore. They seem to have floated away like a butterfly in the wind. Now I tremble with need. With excitement and anticipation. Wanting to rush him. Our lips part as he leans back helping me pull his top free, before crashing back together again. Throwing his top across the room without a care where it may land. My hands moved across his smooth silky tanned skin. Feeling the soft hair on his chest and digging my nails into his pecks. He groans into my mouth.
Sliding my hands into his damp hair putting my bare chest against his. Finally so close to him. I do something so daring I barely recognise myself. But really do I recognise the woman who had sat waiting for a man to climb through her window, naked in bed. So I pull at the strands of his hair. His head went back with the force. I gently kiss his lips and then bite down on his lower lip. He growls almost predatory and I feel myself get even more turned on. If that had been possible. Kissing his stubbled jaw down his neck and biting down as I make contact with his collarbone.
"You vixen." He grinds out. The tenting of his shorts have me so tempted to touch him, soon I promise myself.
"You don't like it?" I say looking up at him as I flick my tongue across his nipple. As his almost black eyes now watch me. I love the way his already stern jaw looks even more defined. His cheekbones locked in place. His eyes burning with desire, because of me. Because of the effect I have on him.
I let go of his hair and slide my hands down his chest. Moving below the waistband of his shorts. Quickly enough to shock him. I take his thick, smooth and scolding hot cock in my hand firmly. My other hand gently cupped at his balls. He had obviously not expected my bold move because he bends over and groans loudly.
"Jesus. I thought you had no experience?" He breathes out heavily as his chest begins to heave.
"I don't but I read smut and watch porn. I'm not pulling out the porn positions, because some of that is just crazy."
"I need to know whatever you've been reading."
I smile and slowly move my hand up and down his length. Watching his toned stomach tighten and show his defined muscles. His thick chest rising and falling. His fists clenched tightly and large juicy veins popping out along the back of his hand, and up his forearms. Everything about him is so manly. So raw and exposed.
"Enough." He demands pulling my hands away from him.
In the next moment I am flat on my back across my bed. Hair tumbled around my head. He pulls condoms from his short pocket throwing them to the bed before pushing his shorts off. His rod stands long, thick and proud. Almost intimidating with a large vein pulsing across the side.
"Stop staring at it like that." He says climbing over me. He holds himself up with one hand and then the other begins to explore.
He slowly moves over my chest, finding each nipple. Pressing and curling it between his thumb and finger. I wiggle and gasp each time. Lifting my hips and trying to move against him but he is that bit too far away. A temptation so close you can almost taste it. He is teasing me. Priming me to be ready for him. His hand moves down my stomach, missing where I want him most. Moving down the outer side of my thigh. Finally coming back up the inside. So slowly I can barely breath. His eyes watching me. A smug grin on his face. Knowing that he has me ready to snap. An orgasm so ready to happen from the slightest of touch.
Finally he touches me. A finger circling at my wet entrance whilst his thumb finds the needy nub of my clit. I cry out loudly and he covers my mouth with his. Thank god for his quick thinking. Just as his tongue enters my mouth his finger moves inside of my slick folds. If his lips hadn't been covering mine I would have moaned loudly once more.
His movements are precise. He knows exactly how to pleasure a woman. Slowly encouraging me to the brink before withdrawing back slightly. He enters me with a second finger stretching me out further to him. Teasing me with being so full. Nothing compared to what i will be. I can only thank every lover he has had before. Because by god the man is great at what he does. I lay practically limp within ten minutes and I haven't even come yet.
"You are ready. Are you sure?" He says moving his mouth from mine and withdrawing his fingers. Immediately I missed the fullness of it. The way it had stretched me but I'd accomodated.
"Yes. God yes."
He smiles and I want to slap him before dragging his mouth to mine again. He leans away tearing open the condom packet. Watching him slide it onto himself is nothing short of the most erotic thing i've ever seen. He gives himself a few measured strokes and I move my hand ready to touch myself.
"No." He pushes my hand away before I can reach my goal. "Your mine to bring that pleasure to now."
Slowly he begins to move forwards. The head nudging through my folds first with its thickness. I take a deep breath and feel myself tensing. Matteo leans on one elbow. A hand stroking the hair stuck to my face away.
"Relax Bella. My Bella." I look into his eyes as he speaks. Barely noticing as he moves that bit further. "It's just you and me right?" I can only nod as he speaks so softly. His body trembling with his own urges and desires. "We fit together perfectly. It may hurt but what is pleasure without that twinge of pain?"
"I … Yes." I don't even know why I am even saying yes. Just knowing he is at a point that it feels like I am being stretched. Maybe uncomfortably so. but nothing painful. "I need you. I need more."
So he does. Still so slowly i want to grab him but he finally is fully inside of me. Kissing my face and neck with soft damp kisses. He whispers sweet nothings into my ear in Italian. Finally as he begins to move in and out I put my hands to his back. Nails biting into his skin. We find a rhythm as I meet his every thrust with a small shallow one of my own. His pelvis coming forwards and rubbing against me. I can feel the build of my own release. It's so close. His body is everywhere. Covering me everywhere and completing me. I don't know where he starts and I finish. I know though that this is the closest i have ever felt to someone, and it has nothing to do with the sex.
"I need too …" I gasp.
"Come for me my Bella. Take me over the edge with you." He speaks into my ear.
The idea of dragging his orgasm from him has me falling apart. Squeezing and shattering into a thousand pieces. Muffling my moan in the crook of his neck. I feel him pulsing and throbbing. Seemingly growing in size for a split second with each pulse. His breathing is heavy.
After we lay holding each other. No talking. The heavy breathing long passed. Neither of us are ready to let go. To leave the moment we just shared. Will I ever be ready to let go of him though? But I am indebted. I push the thought from my mind and snuggle further into Matteo. There hadn't been pain, maybe a sting. The rest had been so much more than I'd expected the mind blowing orgasm but feeling so connected to him in every way. I think I've already fallen way to deep.