“Hey.” A girly voice that wasn’t like Nikki’s at all made my head snap up.
I was sitting at the kitchen table, downing my misery in a bottle of whiskey.
I hated Nikki.
As soon as I got anywhere closed to her, she drove me away and pushed at me until I snapped, always feeling like an asshole whenever her face faltered or a tear slipped down her cheek.
She wanted to be a tough bitch? I could treat her like one.
But why was it driving me to drink and making me miserable?
I could get laid whenever, so why hadn’t I?
Nikki was the bane of my existence at the moment.
The girl talking to me was the new one who had been eyeball fucking me since the minute I walked in the room. I could feel Michelle’s green eyes staring at me from across the kitchen and I tried my best to ignore her.
“You’re the newbie, right?”
“Yeah...” She twirled her blonde hair around her finger nervously. “My name’s Kayla.”
I had to give her credit though, she had balls coming up to an OG and making conversation when I all but had a brawl with my ex not even an hour ago. Nikki wasn’t technically my ex girlfriend, but given our history I considered her an ex all the same.
“Shane.” I nodded at her.
“I know who you are. It’s kind of hard not to when almost every guy idolizes you.”
I smirked and she sat down next to me, purposely brushing her leg against my thigh and I took a second to really look at her. Her eyes were plain brown. I didn’t feel anything when Kayla kept trying to rub against me, no blood rushing to my dick whatsoever. They weren’t electric blue, seeing through my soul or anything, I should be fucking stoked that she looked nothing like Nikki. Her body wasn’t covered in ink, she was everything that Nikki wasn’t.
“What’s a guy like you doing alone? Shouldn’t you have a girl with you or something?”
I should, but she was pouting in my room being an ungrateful brat about me offering to do her fucking job for her so she could take some time off.
“Nah, I don’t need one.”
“I’m free, if you want me.” She tried to sound sexy, but that voice of hers was too high pitched; sounding too easy and desperate.
It was when she flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder that I came to the disgusting realization that she resembled Kristen.
I should’ve been happy to have a girl throw herself at me and actually made it clear that she wanted me. Instead, I was still caught up on thinking about a girl who wanted me around her just as much as the plague.
I could feel my words slurring the more I chugged my whiskey.
“Thanks doll, but I got somewhere I need to be.”
I pushed away from the table to stand up and stumbled.
Holy shit, definitely way more drunk than I thought.
I took off down the hallway, opening the door to my room; where Satan was supposed to be sleeping. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing softly. In the moonlight coming in from the window, I could appreciate how pretty she was without her yelling at me to stop looking at her.
If you asked me, I liked her much better when she was asleep.
Slipping out of my shirt, I tossed it on the floor in the darkness and accidentally hit my dresser. I swore under my breath as I heard her shift on the bed.
“Did I wake you up?” I turned around to ask.
We slept in the same bed for space reasons at first, but now as she’s just waking up, there’s something about her bleary eyes and mussed hair that had me gawking at her like an idiot. She looked sleepy and slightly confused, the crease in her forehead as she tried to squint to see me.
Her crazy black hair fell like a curtain all around her, the natural curl coming back to it as she clung to the sheet topless.
She shook her head and in that raspy voice of hers said, “Just pass me my shirt and I’ll go sleep on the couch.”
“This is your room.” She said as if it should have been obvious. “And it’s not like you care where I go anyway.”
I shook my head. “You’re not going to go sleep on the couch. Christ, Nikki. You think I’m that much of a douchebag?”
She shrugged her shoulders, refusing to look at me.
“Tyler let Mark crash on the couch so I don’t think you wanna go out there anyway.”
“I’d rather sleep with you. In here, I mean.” Her eyes went wide when she realized what she said, as I smirked. “You know what I mean. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Quit moving around, you’re gonna tear your stitches.” I snapped when she tried sitting up. She was forever fighting against us.
“What does it matter? You don’t give a fuck anyways, yet you let me lie in your bed like it’s nothing, like I’m still the pathetic little girl you feel sorry for. ”
“Don’t say that, Nick. I said I was sorry.”
She laughed. “You’re sorry? Sorry isn’t even enough to cover what you did to me!”
She turned away from me and I could tell she was trying not to cry by the way her voice broke.
With one arm, I grabbed her to face me.
“Look at me.”
“Please, just look at me.”
“Just leave it, Shane. Forget it. You’re drunk, sleep it off. I’m only good for getting fucked like a whore, right?” She threw my words back at me and it made me flinch.
“No I’m not going to leave this time. You seem to want to hate me but I see the way you look at me and what you feel, even if nobody else does. I didn’t mean that. I was pissed and kind of jealous.”
“You want to know what I feel every fucking time I look at you? I feel betrayed, alone. You were all I had and you left me. You killed all the good that was left in me.”
“I had to do what I had to do.” I shrugged, almost apologetically.
How the hell was I supposed to breakdown and apologize to her? About the abortion, about leaving her, it would take me a lifetime to try and even make it up to her.
“Really? Really! You had to do what the fuck you had to do? That’s your answer? I don’t even give a fuck any more. You might as well just go away from good now because I never want to see you again.”
Nikki made no effort to move from where she was.
“Why are you still in my bed, then?” I asked, sliding in next to her; half hoping she would be pissed enough to take her frustrations out on me.
“Don’t start with me. Just forget it.” She muttered, turning away from me.
I sighed, rolling back onto my side and into sleep.
I was having a decent sleep before Nikki woke me up; her cold body pressing against mine. She slung an arm over my stomach. Woah.
“Nikki, what’re you doin’? Fuck you’re freezing.”
“You’re warm.” She murmured, snuggling right into my chest.
“Come here then.” My arm snaked out around her, pulling her closer into my side.
“I said that I couldn’t be with you. That didn’t mean I stopped loving you. I blame myself for what happened to you because I should have been there. It should’ve been me looking out for you.” I whispered, my hands running through her hair; tilting her face up to look at me.
Before I could stop myself, I brushed my lips softly against hers as she parted her mouth slightly; moving my lips against hers in return as her arm tightened around my waist.
It was one kiss, yet the instant we collided I knew things were never going to be the same again. Her lips were soft and still had the faint taste of weed on her tongue. We fell back asleep in each others arms for the first time in years.
This was how it should have been.
All of those times I said I didn’t need anyone-she was the exception.