It was another day, another new morning. The tired girl dragged her feet out the door, looking at the fresh dew droplets from the still moist grass. The faint scent of rain lingered in the air, calmly. The sun had not yet rose into the sky, the faintest rays of light shining into the dark sky. She hefted her bag onto her right shoulder, blinking her dull black eyes exhaustingly. Oh, how she wished she could curl back under her nice, warm and soft covers. Her shoes tapped softly against concrete as she made her way to the bus stop...
April 1st, Year Unknown
I talked to my crush today; we bumped into each other on the way to the bus stop. I like him so much, it hurts my heart every time I see him laughing besides someone else. I’m petty, I’m selfish, I’m greedy, I know. But oh- how I desire to be that one person sitting next to him, the one who talks to him, hangs out with him, laughs beside him. I miss the times where we would just hang out and play. I’m angry at myself- I had the chance to be that person, to hang out besides him, but I blew it. I was the one who stepped away, I was the one who was afraid. And that chance will never come back. I hate it. I wish time could unravel.
April 29, Year Unknown
I saw him again today. I hate him. I hate him for making me feel this way, for spending pointless hours thinking of the things that could’ve changed. It’s never going to happen, that fact I’m quite aware of. But I just can’t stop thinking. Even when I’m sitting at the front, and he at the back with his group of friends, I know. And I’m aware. I listen, but I’m never able to join. I’m right there, but we’ll never talk. It’s tearing me apart. And to this day, I still wonder, if only I said “yes” a year ago, then where would I be now?
October 6, Year Unknown
It’s been quite a while since I last bumped into him. We said hello to each other, and that was it. I guess it’s true. Things are changing. I’m changing. He’s changing. But my feelings are only getting stronger. And it’s getting colder, the days are getting shorter. Our time together is drawing to a closure, I know that I may never see him again. Looking on from afar, his smiling image is burned in my mind.
October 18, Year Unknown
I’m so happy today! We actually talked. I didn’t expect to see him today, there was no school. And even if there was, his first period was a free so I honestly never saw him. I was standing by the bus stop, and he spoke to me. He said, with that irresistible grin, “Hey, what’s up? It’s been pretty long, hasn’t it?” And while I’m crying inside, my emotions whirling like a tornado, I reply, “yeah. How are you?” Only a few words were exchanged, but it filled me up with joy.
October 23, Year Unknown
There he was, by the bus stop again. He waved to me, I did the same. “So how’s your school?” I asked him. “Eh, we’re all gonna graduate soon. I’ll miss these times.” He said back to me. “Well, what’re you planning to do?” I continued. And he answered me, “I think I might move away.” It broke my heart. Never again will these times occur. The past seems just like a distant memory now. I regret it so much.
October 30, Year Unknown
“Tomorrow’s Halloween, ya plannin’ to do anything?” He was there again, waiting for me. “Nu-uh.” I told him. The times where I went trick or treating was over. My friends were far away, all in distant schools. We were older. We were out of place. It was scary, and lonely. I would never dress up again as a witch, or a ghost or anything. I felt sick to my stomach.
December 1st, Year Unknown
The first petals of snow drifted down upon me that day, the once grassy rich green grass now non-existent, covered by a blanket of soft white feathers. It was beautiful. It was fleeting. And when I took step upon it, it reminded me of that day a year ago. Exactly a year ago, on this very day.
December 2nd, Year Unknown
When I arrived at the bus stop, he was already there, with a grin and an arm behind his back. Before I knew it, I was covered by a fistful of the cold white snow. “Why you!” I yelled, ducking and grabbing a handful of snow. “Get over here!” “Ha, you’re too slow, slowpoke.” And we chased each other again, round and round the pole, just like the old times. He laughed, and I was there besides him. I wish that that time could go on forever, but when we stepped onto that bus, it was over as soon as it had began.
December 19, Year Unknown
For the past few weeks, he was always there besides me whenever we rode the bus. His friends weren’t there, I never questioned it or asked him. I was afraid. Again. We laughed, we bantered, we talked. It always filled me with such happiness, and made me even more terrified. Terrified that I would just lose this all, again.
December 24, Year Unknown
He was weird today. Quiet. He’s never so quiet, or detached. He never used to be, except right before we first stopped talking. He’s bored. I’m afraid of that.
December 25, Year Unknown
He wasn’t here today.
December 26, Year Unknown
December 27, Year Unknown
He appeared, and he said goodbye.
To be honest, I am terrified that he found out what I did a year ago. I was jealous and rash.
December 29, Year Unknown
December 31, Year Unknown
I hate it. I didn’t want to wait any longer. I didn’t want to question myself. So today, I went up to him on the bus, I ignored his group of friends. “Tell me, why?” I demanded as his friends looked on in confusion. “Why’d you come, and stop without explaining anything? What happened?” And he stared at me blankly, with eyes like that of a stranger, someone who couldn’t care less about me. “What are you talking about?” And I continued, “Why did you say goodbye to me at the bus stop?” “What? But I never saw you at the bus stop, we never talked.” His friend besides me added on, “we were on vacation upstate for two weeks, there’s no way you guys could’ve met.” And they looked at me like I was crazy. But I’m not. I know what I saw.
January 3, Year Unknown
He was there again today. With a smile and an apology. “I felt sick,” He said. I accepted it, but I asked him, “why did you say that we didn’t meet on the bus?” “I did?” He asked me. “Oh, I guess I was half asleep.” He laughed, “Sorry.” But I know that he wasn’t sleepy then. Something’s wrong. Something just feels… off. So I took a picture of him in secret today. He doesn’t know.
January 10, Year Unknown
He was finally on the bus, going to school. I marched right up to him and opened my phone, flipping to gallery. Tapping on the picture without a second glance, I shoved it in his face. “Don’t you dare tell me that you didn’t talk to me when I have proof.” I snarled. “There’s nothing on your phone,” He told me, confused. I looked at it, and sure enough, it was the right picture. Background. Footprint. Everything. Except… he wasn’t in the picture. And I was sure that I took it. There was no doubt.
February 27, Year Unknown
It’s been a long time, again. He’s never on the bus. He doesn’t need to go to first period, after all. But i saw him today. I didn’t speak. I kept to the front, he to the back.February 28, Year Unknown
I hate this. If only I said yes a year ago. If only I wasn't so afraid. If only I didn't push her into the streets. If only that car wasn't there. My best friend... I killed her. Nobody knows. Nobody can ever know. Because if they do, I don't know what I might do.
February 30, Year Unknown
As I was walking today, I saw him across the street. I swore he smiled to me, and waved, but then, he was just gone. When I turned around to face my path, there was a blurry image of a smiling pale white face stretched across the air. But it was gone immediately. I stumbled back, terrified. But nothing was there then.
March 4, Year Unknown
Am I going crazy? I keep on seeing him there, smiling, but the next moment, he’s gone. And from afar, I know I see a blurry pale figure. It’s not my imagination, is it? I’m afraid. Something’s wrong. I need to see him. I need to talk to him.
March 6, Year Unknown
I killed a puppy today. It was just resting there by the sidewalk, looking all pitiful and waiting for someone to adopt it. But nobody can help you, you must save yourself. They'll just hurt you and use you. Like me. I used her. And I killed her. So I might as well have put it out of its misery. But even that's starting to scare me. That thrill when I stabbed it... This can't continue.
March 11, Year Unknown
He was there on the bus. I lept onto the safety of the bus the moment it came driving over. It felt wrong by that bus stop, for some reason. And I asked him where he was a day ago. He told me that he stayed overnight at his cousin’s house a hour drive away and that he never left. Then what is it that I keep seeing? I’m almost certain that it’s him, but… It doesn’t match up.
March 18, Year Unknown
I can feel it. The blurry images at the corner of my eye are starting to come closer, but when I look, nothing’s there. I’m terrified. Am I just hallucinating? I am, right? I don’t even know anymore. A person has been going around killing little girls. That's scary. Terrifying.
March 19, Year Unknown
I want to go away.
March 23, Year Unknown
It’s wrong. I saw him at the bus stop. He acted like nothing happened. I asked him, “when’s your birthday?” He said, “July 3rd.” I know. I know that it’s not July 3rd. It’s the second. He has no reason to lie. It’s not him. Who is he?
March 26, Year Unknown
March 27, Year Unknown
What should I do? I think I'm going crazy.March 28, Year Unknown
He was there again. Why? I don’t want to see him. I should’ve stayed home today. But I’m haunted at home. We spoke, but I didn’t really. And we got onto the bus together. Through the reflection of my phone, I tilted it towards him. But instead of his reflection, that white shadowy face reflected. Terrified, I muffled a scream and almost dropped my phone, but the next moment, it was gone. But then when I looked over at the back of the bus, he was sitting there. But he’s supposed to be right besides me. Right now. And he is sitting right there, listening to music through his earbuds. I looked towards the back again, with the reflection from my phone’s screen. He was there. That didn’t make sense. But when I turned to the seat besides me he was gone. I looked wildly over the bus, but he wasn’t anywhere. My heart’s beating so loudly, out of my chest. And then I see him by the bus’s stairs. And the him that’s sitting is looking right there, but his eyes don’t quite see him. He looks past him, as if the other he is not even there. I couldn’t take it, I ran off the bus.
March 29, Year Unknown
March 30, Year Unknown
March 31, Year Unknown
April 1st, Year Unknown
April showers, April showers. Coldly shimmers, softly whispers. It’ll wash away all your sins, it'll bring you the ultimate ble-
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