BEHIND THE LIGHTS

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Chapter 49

March 4th, 2017
Munich, Germany
Fade in/Fade out - Nothing more

As a soft light showered his face, Søren squinted—annoyed—but his mood instantly changed the moment he rolled on the bed. With his face buried in a mass of chestnut chocolate waves that smelled like summer, he snapped out of it almost instantly.

He inhaled and then brushed it away, letting it fall over the pillow as he nuzzled the back of her neck, wrapping his arm around her waist.

Her soft skin ignited his body the moment he touched her. Maybe they couldn’t be together as much as they wanted, but those moments made all the wait worth it.

“Morning...” Leah mumbled with a groggy voice, pulling him out of his head.

“Morning.” He kissed her nape. “Sorry, didn’t want to wake you up.”

“I was already half awake.”

“What do you want to do today?” he asked, trailing his fingers over the curve of her hip.

He had traveled to Germany with the sole purpose of taking a break and resting for a few days before flying to South America. But there was one thing he was sure of, he would stick to her like a limpet to a rock.

“Spend the day in bed?” She pressed her ass against his cock.

He hissed, closing his eyes. “Thought you might need some rest.”

“You’re going to be crawling to the airport instead of walking.” She smirked, turning her face to him.

“You sure you’re gonna be able to keep that promise?” He taunted as he cupped one of her breasts.

“Try me.” She licked his lips, lighting him like a fucking match.

His hand roamed south, caressing her ribcage, abdomen, feeling the anticipation rushing through her as she sucked in a deep breath. He had barely touched her, but when he reached between her legs, she was already wet.

“Hmm...” she moaned, tightening the grip on the back of his neck, spreading her legs as he parted her folds with two fingers to rub a third one between them.

“You like this, huh?” he said in a hoarse voice before nibbling her earlobe.

“Yes...” she whimpered.

“Love it when you’re so horny.” He chuckled.

“Shut up... and just fucking do me.”

Søren quirked an eyebrow and penetrated her with two fingers, stroking her clit with the mound of his hand at the same time.

“That... Yes!” Leah slightly trembled, tightening the grip on the back of his neck.

He had woken up turned on like a fucking teenager, as if the sleep they had was just a break in a soccer game they were playing. Maybe it was the time they had been apart, or the fact that they were way more comfortable around each other. Whatever it was, he never had enough of her and he loved that she was the same.

In a swift movement, he slipped his other arm under her and embraced her, squeezing one of her tits as he kept pounding into her. Her breath caught in her throat, but she didn’t stop rocking back and forth, asking for more.

He churned his fingers inside of her as he licked and bit her neck. She was warm and soft and wet... Fuck, he loved how she felt under his palms.

“Oh, God” Her hips bucked backward. Pushing harder against him, hand fisting and pulling his hair slightly, her rhythmic movements turned uneven. She breathed heavily, eyes squeezing shut and thighs clamping together as she climbed towards the edge.

Withdrawing from her, he reached for a condom and ripped the foil open, sheathing himself as he watched Leah glaring at him.

“Why do you always have to taunt me like that?” she asked, reclining on her elbows.

“Because I love the desperate mess you turn into when I fuck you at this point,” he replied, flipping her onto her stomach, making her giggle.

As he gripped her hips, forcefully bringing her to her knees and spreading her legs with his, she tilted her ass up, begging him to do all sorts of indecent things to her.

“You better fuck me rough then.” She bit her lip, glancing at him over her shoulder.

“As you wish,” he growled, pushing his hips forward, entering her in a quick thrust.

“Oh, God!” Leah screamed, clenching hard around him, trying to adjust to his presence.

He then pulled out, tip barely touching her dripping pussy, only to thrust hard into her again. “Like that?”

“Yes!” She moaned.

Firmly grabbing the back of her neck as he clutched her hip with the other hand, he ruthlessly slammed inside of her.

Her ass bouncing, matching his movements, as she completely let herself at his mercy, uncaged the primal beast inside of him.

Placing a palm between her shoulder blades, he motioned her to get down, pinning her chest to the mattress. With her breasts and cheek pressed on the bed, and her round, perfect ass upwards, the curve of her lower back looked more beautiful and erotic than ever.

As he kept drilling deep into her, watching the dragon on her back spring back to life as she shuddered, feeling the tension building in his balls, he reached down and rubbed her clit to intensify everything.

“Harder,” she pleaded.

He was surprised that she begged like that as he was being fairly rough. But if she wanted it rougher, she would have it.

Taking it as a challenge, he propped on a foot while keeping the other knee on the bed, and gripping her by the waist, he rammed even harder into her.

“Fuck!” Leah cried, clutching the edge of the mattress above her head with both hands, knuckles turning white.

“Gonna.Fucking.Ruin.You,” he grunted in time with his thrusts.

“Oh, God! Yes!” she whined as she rubbed her clit.

She was a fucking mess, louder than usual. A combination of moans and squeals rolling off her tongue as he reached the deepest spot inside of her at a punishing pace.

The headboard hit the wall and the bed creaked under them, joining the wet smacking sounds flooding the room, mixing in the air with their sharp breaths and groans.

Suddenly, a loud thud thundered in his ears, shaking them, but he didn’t stop as all he could hear at that moment was Leah’s cries.

Clenching his jaw with nostrils flaring and brows creased together as he tried to control the need to release, he kept diving into her ruthlessly.

He was about to lose it when her hips snapped several times. All the muscles in her body tensed and she melted, crying, forcing the knot at the root of his cock to explode as he came.

With their bodies still shivering from the strong orgasms, he eased in and out of her a few more times, caressing her back and ass—such a beautiful sight. She was incredibly tight, and he loved feeling every inch of her throbbing around him.

Their erratic breaths were the only thing reverberating among the four walls of that room when all the obscene sounds they were making just a moment before ceased.

Wait.

Sounds.

The loud thud.

He felt Leah shaking with a silent laughter as he withdrew from her, until she couldn’t contain it anymore and cracked up, letting herself fall on the bed. That was when he noticed the disaster they had caused.

“I guess we have a plan now,” Søren said as he took the condom off and laid beside her, laughing.

“Yes!” Leah chuckled, rolling over her side and into his arms, cuddling with him on the mattress, at ground level, over a broken bedframe.


After having an amazing lunch in the Hofbräuhaus, they went to the mall to look for a new bed for Leah. Double sized, with a lift up storage thing to keep shit in which would also make it stronger than the last because they hadn’t been that rough to break it. Or maybe they were.

It was past eight when they made it to his hotel. Chris was bringing a friend home and Leah said she’d rather stay there because otherwise they would be drawn by her screams. Could a person really be that loud?

“Where are the guys?” she asked, turning on the lights of the entrance, the common area in complete silence.

“Oh, yeah, they’re meeting with some American friends.”

“Dude, you should have told me, we could have gone—I mean, you, you could have gone. No need to stick to my ass all day.”

As she stammered over her words, Søren smirked, eyebrow quirking.

“What?” She narrowed her eyes at him as she took off her boots. She was aware of why he was looking at her like that—making plans together was one thing, talking about us was another.

“Nothing...” He grinned. “And it’s alright, I’d rather be with you,” he said, staring at her as he hung his bomber jacket on the coat rack.

He wasn’t lying, but he wasn’t telling the whole truth either. Taylor, the bassist from that band, was one of his regular hook-ups whenever they met during a tour. And she was also the woman he had cheated on Nadia with.

The reason for him to avoid that situation wasn’t because he would jump on her. She was dirty as fuck, yeah, but after the first time—when after five months without seeing the model because she was working abroad, he was charmed by her her provocative grunge style—it was more out of a need of a release than anything else.

All the tickling and explosive sensations he had before didn’t exist anymore. Maybe it was the guilt, or that he was like a kid and after playing with a toy a few times he wanted a new one—Astrid was right when she called him a spoiled brat for not being able to commit to anyone. But what could he do? Not a single person made him feel those fluttering sparks that made the headache of a relationship worth. Except, maybe, one.

The thing was that he didn’t want to go see them, that woman wasn’t exactly subtle and the last thing he wanted was Leah feeling uncomfortable. Besides, he had only a week before going to South America and wanted to spend as much time as he could with the hazel-eyed beauty—even if that meant staring at her like a creep while she worked.

“The fuck, Wolff?”

“Huh?”

“You’re so cheesy...” She mischievously grinned.

“Shut up! I’m not.” He smacked her ass. “Want anything to drink?”

“Water, please,” she said, walking towards the living room.

“Coming right up!” He opened the fridge and got two bottles of water. “So, you were saying you’re going to visit your father next week?”

“Yeah, haven’t been there since before the weekend we played in the UK. Chris is coming too, his mom and sister eager to see him...”

“Nice.”

“But... we’re really going now because it’s a tradition.”

“What for?” He handed her the water as he sat beside her on the couch, letting out a soft sigh as he rested his head on her shoulder. He wasn’t used to going shopping and was dead tired. How the fuck did women survive that shit?

“My mom’s birthday.” Her voice broke at the end. “Instead of going to the cemetery on the anniversary of her death, which sadly is really close to her birthday, we go there to celebrate her life.”

“That’s a nice tradition...” he said in a low voice as he raised his head.

She had turned her face towards the window. With time he had realized that whenever they talked about something that made her feel sad or uneasy, she would do that.

“Her birthday was actually the twenty-fifth of March,” Leah continued. “But we’re playing every weekend of this month, so we won’t be able to go another time...” She sniffed. “Ugh! I still get so emotional!”

“It’s alright...”

“It’s just... It’s been eleven years and I still miss her as if she had died two months ago...” Leah leaned back on the couch, legs bent, arms resting on her knees as she looked at the ceiling. “I’m so fucking lame.”

“You’re not. That kind of loss takes a while to sink in, and when it does it cripples you. No matter how much time passes, you’ll always miss her.”

“Still...” she mumbled, a bittersweet emotion twisting her mouth in a weird smile when she looked at him.

“Some people think loving like that prevents you from being logical, that it gives you something others can use to hurt you, and while it might be true, it also gives you something to fight for. Don’t be ashamed of it.”

“I guess you’re right...”

The room was only illuminated by the entrance light and the streetlamps, but he could see her chin slightly trembling as she looked down and grazed the lotus flower tattooed on her right forearm.

“I got this last year...” She started. “And my father, who had always been against getting ink on your body because it damages your skin and blah blah blah”—she softly laughed—“got a matching one. His is all black and white though. It represents her...”

“Even growing roots into the dirtiest waters and hardest conditions, the lotus produces the most beautiful flowers,” Søren recited in a low voice. His mother wasn’t only a genius in terms of history, literature, and philosophy, but she was also well-educated about flowers, and he had learned a lot from her and her constant rambling.

“Yeah... She had to stop singing, and that almost killed her faster than the fucking cancer... But she kept fighting, acting as if she was alright, never caring about the hair loss, the skin irritation she got, or the pain. Every time she was with me in the living room, her playing piano and I singing, she shone differently, like she was full of life again... She would still wake up before me to make breakfast, clean the house, and stuff like that.” Leah shook her head, a faint smile on her face.

“No wonder why you’re the way you are.”

“Stubborn as fuck you mean?” She arched an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her knees.

“I didn’t say it.” He grinned.

She chuckled, staring at his finger drawing lazy lines on the back of her hand. “You’re right though”—she smiled—“she was so hard-headed... But after a while, she accepted she needed help. The chemo and radiotherapy had weakened her so much she could barely get up from the bed alone. And then... She slowly vanished in front of my eyes...”

Sadness filled his body as she spoke, the suffering she had been through so palpable in her words, it hurt.

“I’m so sorry... But I’m glad you had such an amazing woman beside you. Having a loving and caring family is important.”

Leah nodded, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and turning her face towards the window again, letting silence wrap around them as their fingers entwined.

Søren glanced at her. Her jaw was clenched, wavy hair cascading down her breasts, the silvery hoop earring and the four piercings adorning her left ear shining under the soft light.

She was very talkative and blunt, always curious about the shit he told her—why did she even listen to him? However, she used to avoid emotional stuff.

He knew she’d had two serious relationships, the last ending because it was toxic and the dude was a douche that cheated on her.

He knew her relationship with her father wasn’t good when she was younger, that she would talk back to him without thinking twice, but they were really close now. She had told him about her childhood, growing up with Chris as if they truly were brother and sister, about their first band, their fights, and stupid challenges.

But whenever something sad was brought up, she quickly changed the topic as if she had said too much, hiding her true feelings under sarcasm and jokes—they were so alike in that sense it was annoying.

He couldn’t blame her though. He could see it in the way she talked, the way she cared, the way she behaved. It was reflected in her eyes. She’d had her heart broken more than once, and like a wounded animal, she was trying to heal while learning how to trust someone new again.

Watching her at that moment, opening up like that, was like admiring a moonflower blooming under a blue moon night. It was so rare and beautiful he couldn’t stop staring at her.

“Do you miss it?” she asked out of the blue.

“What?”

“Your family.” Concern covered her gorgeous features when she looked at him.

Søren’s guts twisted. “Not really.”

“How... I mean—”

“My mother is the only blood-related person I can call family.” He cut her, his voice harsher than he intended.

“But... You have a brother, right?... Don’t you miss him?” She bit the inside of her cheek. “I know you haven’t talked to him since almost two decades ago, and I’m guessing you don’t have a good relationship with your father either since you’ve never mentioned him, but still... If you think family is so important, what happened for you not to talk to them anymore?”

Søren stayed pensive for a few seconds. Only the guys, Astrid and Mikael knew about that in detail—and well, Nadia and his first girlfriend—but maybe it was time to confide.

Taking a deep breath in, letting it out through his nose, he opened up to her. “My father was an alcoholic, an aggressive bastard that treated the three of us poorly.”

Leah slightly shuddered.

“That’s why you use her last name?” Her voice quivered.

She had probably read that somewhere on the internet because he had never mentioned it to her. “Yeah...”

She turned her body to him, bending a leg and resting her side on the back of the couch, hand tightening around his. Something in her attitude and her watery eyes made him writhe, but he couldn’t put the finger on it.

“He was an asshole with a horrible temper, always yelling at us for everything and coming home stinking as if he had been swimming in a fucking distillery. It was disgusting...” he scoffed, focusing his gaze ahead of him in the dark. “I don’t even know how I ended up drinking myself... The best decision my mother’s ever made was leaving him.”

“And... your brother?”

“When he turned eighteen, he left.” He drank a sip of water as his throat turned dry. “He gave me an old cell phone and promised to keep in contact every day. He said he’d take me with him when he found a good job, that he’d help my mother to dump him too...”

Leah made a sound as if she was going to say something, but she didn’t, so he kept going, “I know he couldn’t have done all that even if he tried, but what hurt me was that, after some time of checking on me every day, the calls decreased to one every two or three days, then a week, then two.” He sighed. “I’d come from school, or after wandering out for hours so I wouldn’t see my father, and lock myself in my bedroom, anxious, waiting for his call. I told myself he was busy, that he was working hard to be able to keep his promise. Until, after a year, I stopped hearing from him.” He shifted on the couch, an uncomfortable sensation invading him.

“But, maybe something happened...”

“That’s what I thought, and it broke me in so many ways, but two years later, when I was already living in Oslo, I saw this poster of a band announcing their concert in the music shop I spent most of the time with friends. And there he was. One of the musicians of that band was my brother, the one I thought was injured or even dead.” His mouth twisted in a scowl.

The heartache he went through thinking he had lost the only male figure he could rely on when he was a child could be dead wasn’t comparable to the pain of that betrayal still weighing heavy on him. He had abandoned him, leaving him in the hands of that violent monster they both used to call dad. Erasing him from his life.

“I’m so sorry,” Leah breathed out. “I didn’t mean to touch such a sore spot... But I’m glad you shared that with me.”

His heart skipped a beat when he looked at her. She wasn’t pitying him, just trying to understand him to be part of his world, all of it, the dark and the light. He wasn’t used to that.

“I’ve never talked about this in interviews because those have a professional purpose. I don’t care about what others do, but the entire world doesn’t need to know the fucked up life I’ve had. I don’t want any of our younger fans doing the shit I did, using excuses such as having a rough childhood or whatever to get high, drunk, and so on...”

“At least now I know why you were hiding all that,” Leah muttered, focused on their hands.

Søren stared at her in silence for a second and turned his body to her. “I never meant to hide it from you.” He touched his index finger under her chin and lifted her head. “I just don’t like talking about it... Recalling all that brings back too many bad memories.”

“I get what you mean...” she whispered, leaning her forehead against his.

As his mind dove into her sorrowful gaze, taking in every little detail of the beauty in them, something told him she really knew what he meant.

And then, it clicked.

The scar on her back, her flinching at abrupt movements, the way she snapped like a cornered animal when she felt threatened, her difficulty to trust people and her tendency to keep everyone away. He knew what that was. She was living in a constant survival mode.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

She shook her head no, avoiding his look.

“Come here.” He pulled her over his lap, her legs straddling him. “You know... I used to have these horrible nightmares that kept me awake almost every night, still have them from time to time, but when I’m with you... I’ve never had such a comfortable rest before in my life,” he rasped as he brushed her hair behind her ear. “You make me feel safe. And I want you to feel the same. I want you to trust me, whenever you’re ready.” He grabbed her hand and kissed the healing wound she had on the mound of her thumb, staring deep into her eyes as the boundaries between them blurred.

“Kiss me,” she whispered.

His fingers entangled in her hair as his hand moved to her nape, pulling her down. Their lips touched in a soft, warm kiss that soon became sensual and intense.

Leah grabbed his neck and pressed her body further into him as his hands traveled down to her waist. And, as if she needed him to breathe, she angled her head and deepened the kiss.

Nibbling and sucking on her bottom lip, feeling his own ablaze, he pulled away, losing himself in the unspoken emotions glowing in her eyes.

He got up with her in his arms, creating a soft breeze as her hair swept around.

“Where are you going?” She giggled.

“To my room.”

He needed to feel her, to look into the abyss of her soul as she unraveled under his touch.

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