I WISH I COULD fall asleep and never wake up...
I wish I could just fall asleep for one second without those fucking pictures of blood everywhere flashing through my mind.
I haven't got any sleep for the past 5 days and I'm starting to see things that aren't there's
I Feel like I'm just stuck in a loop that I can't get out Of.
Am I even real?
Am I really here?
I was thinking too much that I didn't even realize the sunlight poking my fucking eyeballs out.
I groaned as I rolled myself off the bed.
"Fuck." I cursed out loud going to the bathroom.
The reflection in the mirror was absolutely horrifying
I was met with bloodshot eyes and dark circles under my eyes the second I turned the lights On.
I brushed my teeth and washed my face hoping for them to go away.
I was just standing there looking at myself in the mirror
I could literally tell I was zoning out but I was too lazy to zone back in but a loud knock on my bedroom door startled the fuck out of me.
It was my older sister Alexa obviously wanted to wake me up for my first day of school.
Thank god she doesn't know about my sleeping problems or else she would drag my ass to therapy or some shit.
I literally wanted to drop out of school because it's a waste of fucking time and energy.
I couldn't really bring myself to get out of bed for the past 3 months of summer.
Summer is supposed to be fun right?
Well not for me, it was a literal disaster.
I wasn't depressed or anything maybe I was and still am but I mean I have been getting drunk every fucking night because reality is just too much and the fact that I have zero close friends to hang out with doesn't help either.
I know it sounds cheesy because I just simply hate people.
Don't get me wrong I hate partying and all I just get fucking drunk in my room and smoke with my door closed Headsets on, music blasting in my ears and it feels so good to just forget about all of it you know?
Another loud fucking knock.
"Alec I swear to god if you don't come out of the room right know I will knock the door down."
"Jesus, Alexa I'm getting dressed do u want me to go naked for the whole school to see my beautiful and sexy abs?"
I said sarcastically while getting in my closet to pick out clothes.
"Ew shut up or I won't give you my car keys u got that u dumb fuck?" She yelled through the door.
I could really picture how red her face looks from anger right now.
"Okay sis I'm coming" I said while putting on some black dress pants and a black t-shirt with black leather jacket cause it's fucking freezing out this early in the morning.
I put my black boots on at the end getting my phone I get a last look in the mirror all I can see is a fucked up face.
my hair is getting too
long it's almost coming in front my eyes I run my hands through them can't help but notice my tattooed hands ugh... I'm getting sick of them too.
what the fuck is wrong with me?
Honestly I'm too tired to care right now.
I get my backpack on my shoulder and ready to get out of my safe haven.
I make my way downstairs to the kitchen and am instantly met with my sister dressed up in a blazer and a pencil skirt ready for work.
I don't even get
how the fuck she can manage to look so good this early in the morning with make up done and ready to get out there and posses the fuck out of the whole world.
she's a total badass not gonna lie.
"Made u coffee dickhead" she says while handing me the cup.
"Well good morning to you too sunshine" I say sarcastically with a smirk while sitting down behind the kitchen counter.
"Harrison will be picking me up today cause you are taking my car today" she informs me while sipping on her coffee.
"Bullshit don't whine about that, you're head over heels for Harrison I'm sure mom and dad won't be so happy hearing about you banging their chauffeur now will they?" I say with a light chuckle Sipping on my own black coffee.
"How did you?... ughhh how did you even know about that?" She said groaning.
"Well I didn't, but now I just made sure of it thanks to you sissy" I say with a wink.
Get the fuck out of here and don't say a single word to them or I'll murder you."
She says pointing her finger at me.
She doesn't know she'll be doing me a fucking favor but I can't say that to her now can I?
"I won't sis" I say while getting up and going over to her on the opposite of the counter and kissing her on the cheek
She passes me her car keys with an angry glare.
"Don't be mad now... you know I love you." I say while backing away from her going towards the door.
I Love u more fuck fa-"
I cut her annoying voice out by closing the door and heading towards her black Mercedes.
God, I miss my motorcycle if I hadn't gotten into the fucking accident with it on my way to-
Wait I don't wanna think about that shit right now...
well my bike is not here I think she's in good hands I gave it to one of the boys at school that I trusted, saying his dad has a mechanic shop and she will be as good as a new one in 2 weeks or so.
So that's good right?
Eh not really it's just stupid motorcycle.
I get into the car putting my backpack in the passenger seat next to me grabbing my phone and connect my Phone
to the car cause I really need some good music to block the fuck out of my loud thoughts.
I put on "cry baby" from my favorite band the neighborhood on and start the car and get out of our driveway.
The music plays loudly through the car but my thoughts are obviously fucking louder
I can't help but thinking about the night that my life turned into a living hell.
Pictures flash through my mind her lifeless body on the floor
Her wrists cut open by the razor, Blood surrounding her arms and body.
But she wasn't there anymore...
I can't help but get pissed off about it I wanted to cry but I couldn't, I wanted to scream her name I wanted to somehow be the one lying on the floor instead of her, but all I felt was
I was struggling to feel but I felt numb...
All I could do was holding her pale body in my arms watching as paramedics filled the room holding me back saying it's time for me to let her go.
And I don't think I can ever LET HER GO...
hope u guys enjoyed the very FIRST CHAPTER of my book
I kinda liked my first one
I mean could've gone worst right?:(
Vote and comment if u liked it
Tell me what you think:)