He smiles with an eloquence that no one else has the privilege to witness. Seldom does the man ever smile but only quite a few individuals are worthy of it. She doesn't know it but his heart beats like the heavy beating of a drum and stops when his eyes find her. He still feels an uncomfortable flutter in his stomach when she reddens in embarrassment. She doesn't know it but he thinks every night of what he can do the next time he sees her.
She doesn't know it because she doesn't understand the painstaking efforts of hiding the very feelings that betrayed him. He has loved and has perhaps loved like no other, but he'd rather not anyone know.
He'd rather not have her know.
"Cautious" is what he's comfortable describing. Masculinity forbids him from calling it anything else, not guarded, not broken, nor wary. Just...cautious.
He closes his eyes after gazing at the blank ceiling above him, a thick white linen duvet draped over his body save for his neck up and his arms. He remembers his abandoned life. The abandoned life that involved her, with her pretty long, blonde hair and icy blue eyes that used to look up at him with so much love. Her small hands he held firmly while they walked ice glazed pavements. And the smile she bore when he came home.
It used to be a smile.
He remembers the last day he would see her, unknowing of the letter she had devised that would shatter his heart; He remembers the note upon coming home one day, a white blank sheet that only had one line:
"I don't want to see you ever again."
He swallows a lump of saliva, deprived of peaceful sleep and rotates his body to the left.
He refuses to let anyone see his anger. His loathe. His sadness. Maybe it was a good thing, but he knows better than that. He knows love will never be easy. He knows life gives too much heartbreak and yet we still are able to stand tall and move past what hurt us in the past. Because it is our will to survive. So he decides to try.
Try to look at the sweet, innocent, brown eyes, kiss the soft, long black hair; hold the small, soft hand that begs to be held firmly and return the indescribable smile that forces his stomach to knot. He finally sees a glimpse of light through a seemingly never-ending tunnel; he feels happiness.
He listens to his steady, silent breathing, the rise and fall of his chest, as his eyes finally grew weary. He felt his body slowly relaxing and before shutting himself to sleep.