I got ready for bed that night feeling more emotions than I thought humanly possible.
Most of those emotions revolved around my god-like body guard and not the attempt on my life.
What was so important about his identity that he couldn't just tell me? Was he worried I'd be scared? I had already seen him brutally murder four men. I wasn't sure he could get worse than that. And yet I couldn't shake the way I felt about him. He was alluring, comforting, and distant all at the same time.
Most of my emotions stemmed from the massive guilt I was feeling. I had a mate somewhere out in the world, and here I was teasing and pursuing my deadly body guard.
I couldn't help it though. The minute I chose to tease Viktor, it had been like jumping on a roller coaster at full speed. It was dangerous and I may not survive it, but I couldn't get off the ride no matter how much I wanted to.
My attraction towards Viktor was intoxicating, but I felt like I was cheating on my future mate.
"Who knows what our future mate has done. We like Viktor." Aela frowned, feeling the same torment as I.
As a wolf, Aela is bound to her mate much tighter than I am. In theory, I could sleep with whomever I wanted. Aela would hate the betrayal, but she wouldn't be able to stop me.
It was strange, how my attraction towards Viktor even stemmed to Aela. It had to be some kind of fluke. Maybe Viktor truly was that intoxicating that I couldn't help but be attracted to him.
By the time I climbed into bed, my mind felt like a jumbled mess. If I wasn't thinking about my mixed feelings towards Viktor, the faces of the four dead men were flashing through me.
Before my head hit the pillow, I knew it would be a rough night.
The moment my head hit the pillow, I was out cold. Fearing for your life seemed to drain the energy right out of you.
The typical scene of my Mom's death replayed itself in my dream. Over time, I wished I could become desensitized to the horror of that day. Each time the dream returned, it was as if I was seeing it for the first time.
This dream was slightly different. Instead of watching my Mom bleed out, I was watching four other men along side of her. Each one struggled as they took their last garbled breath.
I woke up to someone pressing on me gently. My first thought was; Who the hell is screaming?
My eyes snapped open and I shot up from the bed. The scream was coming from my own mouth, garbled as I began to wake up.
My eyes flickered to the window, and I grimaced at how dark it was outside. It was midnight when I finally went to bed, and it couldn't be any later than 5 a.m.
Viktor stood at the side of my bed, a curious gleam flickering in his obsidian eyes. The moonlight streamed through the curtains and landed on Viktor, making him look like an avenging God.
His mask was in place as were his gloves, though it looked like he threw then on in a hurry.
I sat in bed, my eyes locked on Viktor's, as I tried to control my erratic heartbeat. Even a year later, the nightmares of my Mom plagued me at least twice a week. It was disheartening to know the nightmares would be back with a vengeance.
"Sorry." I breathed, my eyes flickering down to the glass of amber liquid that sat in his cup. Viktor remained silent, but kept his gaze trained on my face.
I pursed my lips, thinking for a moment. "Can I have some of that? It takes me forever to go back to sleep once the nightmares start." I shook my head.
Viktor raised his eyebrow, and I rolled my eyes. I wasn't sure why, but I had the feeling he thought I couldn't handle it.
"Oh come on. You know my Dad let's me drink, and I'm stuck here with you. It's not like I'm going to get drunk and run away." I looked at him with an exasperated expression.
Viktor shrugged and handed me the glass in his hand. Against my control, I felt my cheeks heat up at the thought of placing my lips against his glass. A childish thought, but I couldn't help it.
I lifted the glass to my lips and let the amber liquid run down my throat. The alcohol part tasted horrible, and burned my throat as though I had swallowed a lit match. Once I got past that initial taste, it was actually pleasant. Notes of maple, teak, and honey were prominent.
I downed the rest of the cup and met his unwavering gaze. His eyebrow lifted again, as if he were asking me what I thought. While I wasn't sure what he was asking, I felt the need to say something.
"It's good." I nodded, licking the last bit from my lips. "Do you have any more?"
Viktor's mask twitched and I could've sworn he was smirking. He turned his back to me and walked over to the door that connected our bedrooms. My breath caught in my throat when he gestured for me to follow, his eyes looked as though he were daring me.
"You better follow him." Aela scolded me, "I can't really threaten you, but I'll be super pissed if you don't."
I rolled my eyes at my pushy wolf and stood from the bed.
I resisted the urge to look down at what I was wearing. Minus a bra, I had a tank-top and a pair of cheeky underwear. Viktor's eyes flickered down to my bare legs for a split second, and I watched as he forced them away.
"Can't resist anymore, can you?" I smirked at him, walking into his bedroom.
He was silent, of course.
"Don't worry. I can't either." I looked at him innocently, my insides fluttering when he raised his eyebrow at my comment.
While my room was a cacophony of pastels and white, his was the complete opposite. His room was tinged in dark colors, bold shades of blue were scattered about. I wondered if Dad had this room altered for him before his arrival.
I plopped down on the black sofa that sat on the other side of the wall.
Viktor grabbed a tall bottle from one of the tables and brought it over to me, sitting in the arm chair beside the couch.
He poured some more of the amber liquid into the glass, keeping his dark eyes on my face.
I held the glass gingerly, and took a couple sips. While my Dad let me drink wine, he had never introduced me to any kind of liquor.
I looked down at the bottle and read the fancy label.
"Whiskey. Do you like this brand?" I tilted my head and asked Viktor.
He sat on the armchair in silence and I took the opportunity to let my eyes roam his body. Again, he was wearing a black tank top and some loose shorts. My eyes followed the curves and dips of his biceps all the way down to his fingertips. The veins in his arms stood out, and I found them oddly alluring. His dark hair was messy, yet it gave him that sexy bed head look.
Viktor nodded, answering my question in the only way he allowed.
I let out a tired sigh and took a gulp, my mind wandering back to my new and improved nightmare.
"Talk." Viktor's gruff voice filled the silence between us.
I frowned at him. It wasn't very fair that he wanted me to talk when he wasn't willing to.
"Maybe he has his reasons." Aela shrugged, searching for any reason for us to stay in his room.
I grimaced, "I'll find out those reasons soon enough. If everyone wants to keep me in the dark, they better be prepared for me to figure shit out."
Despite my mixed feelings towards Viktor, the whiskey had me feeling warm and relaxed, so I began to talk.
"Do you ever get used to watching people die?" I frowned at Viktor.
While I wanted to judge him, I couldn't. He did his job, and he did it well.
Viktor paused for a moment, but then nodded 'No'.
I found myself contemplating his response. He seemed quite used to watching people die, almost as if he enjoyed it. Maybe he had just become numb to it.
"I suppose you just become numb to it then." I spoke more to myself and was surprised when Viktor actually responded.
"Yes." Viktor gave me a short nod as his dark eyes watched the emotions cross my face.
"I don't know if I want to become numb to it." I frowned, taking another sip.
Viktor gave me a look that was different from the others I had received from him. It was like he was beginning to understand me, even though I knew nothing about him.
"The blood isn't what sticks with me though." I shook my head. I'm a girl, dealing with blood is a big part of our life. Blood is blood.
I was feeling much warmer now, and my problems didn't feel so big. I had only ever been drunk once, but I didn't enjoy it. I was far from drunk, but I was treading it's waters with uncoordinated accuracy.
Viktor tilted his head at my statement, and the first true emotion I saw crossed his eyes.
"Are you surprised?" I chuckled, memorizing the way he looked when he allowed his emotion to show. It made him look much different.
"Yes." Viktor nodded, his accent sounded a little more prominent and I tried to memorize it so I could identify it later on. A shiver went down my spine at the sound of his voice.
Mistaking my shiver, Viktor rose from his seat and grabbed a spare blanket. I went to grab the blanket for him and was surprised when he opened it and draped it over my shoulders.
"Thanks." I sounded confused yet speechless. Every action he made just continued confusing me.
Viktor nodded and sat back down in the chair, "Continue." His rough voice caressed my ears and I tried to resist the shiver that tickled my skin.
"It's the look in their eyes when they realize their going to die. It's like you can see every emotion their feeling all at once." I shook my head, the face of my Mom seared into my mind.
Viktor gave a slow nod, obviously not expecting my answer. He raised his eyebrow, but let me continue. I could feel the words spew from me. Even though I knew I should stop drinking, I took another sip.
The memory of my Mom dying was ever so clear in my mind. I could see the fear in her eyes, but also the furious determination and the overwhelming love. Even as she laid dying, she held love in her eyes.
"I don't like seeing that light leave their eyes." I shook my head. "And I swear you can feel it when their gone."
That curious light continued to burn in Viktor's gaze as he sat quietly.
"It's obvious you've killed before. So, I'll ask this anyway." I gave him a gentle smirk. "Have you ever seen the emotions in someone's eyes as their dying?"
Viktor sat quietly for a minute, and I waited patiently. I could feel my eyes growing heavy, the urge to sleep was fogging my mind.
"No." Viktor finally responded. "Only fear." I could feel my lips turn up in a small smile as he actually spoke. Maybe he felt like he could trust me more. Doubtful, but it was a nice thought.
I was feeling much too warm under the blanket, and it only added to the exhaustion that was beginning to set in.
"Look harder next time." The words left my lips and a small yawn followed.
While I hoped there wouldn't be a next time, I somewhat understood the kind of man Viktor was. He was in touch with the most basic animalistic side of being a Lycan, all while retaining the ability to function in society. Killing wasn't just something he was good at, it was something he absolutely excelled at. I had a feeling he enjoyed the control.
I wasn't able to see Viktor's response. My eyes had already fluttered closed.