A small buzzing noise awoke me from slumber, and I realized Rea’s phone vibrated in her purse with an unanswered call. I was tempted to go and shut it off as she looked so peaceful sleeping beside me. Before climbing out of bed it stopped, and she slept right through it without so much as stirring.
Lying beside me with the fading light coming in through the shears made her skin look luminous as well as showed the dark black of her hair. She laid on her side facing me and I just wanted to stay right there, so I could stare at her beauty for an eternity. A peaceful look played on her face and I only hoped I was at least slightly responsible for putting it there.
Moving as lightly as possible I went to sit up in bed. As I leaned on the headboard I feared waking her up and ruminated over the ramifications of what we just did. What would she think? The whole purpose of bedding her one last time was to fuck her out of my system, and evidently, I even screwed that up. Just seeing her here with me brought all the old feelings flooding back. Who was I kidding? There would be no way to get her out from under my skin and now that I had her again beside me, I didn’t want to.
Things got a little rough. She wanted to slow down after the second orgasm but the need to prove to her I could fuck her like a pro kept me from holding back. The old Logan was docile and weak and the new one was the dominant, alpha type, bound and determined to show her he could take control and give her what she craved. No more Mr. Nice Guy. No, this guy took what he wanted. The kind of guy women couldn’t say no to.
If I had proved as much, why did I feel like I failed her?
A small muffled sound replaced by a groan stirred beside me as she slid around to lay on her back and stretch out her body like a cat. She smiled and it tugged at my heart.
Suddenly a look of terror replaced the smile as she sat up searching the hotel room frantically. “Oh my God. What time is it?” Taking in the low light of the window she looked harried. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.” Jumping out of bed she ran naked over to the door where her purse lay on the floor.
"Fuck! We fell asleep.” Rummaging in her purse she picked out her cell phone and examined it closely. “Oh fuck. I have two messages.”
“What’s the big deal? You told them that you would be gone for a while.” She looked at me as if I said the most absurd thing on the planet.
“The big deal is that I should have been back hours ago. I never leave Lena alone for this long.”
“Alone? Lena is with family.” Ignoring my thoughts, she ran into the bathroom with a slam to the door.
“Lena is my responsibility though. Mine. Ohshit. I need to get back,” she yelled through the door. Hearing the muffled sound of a toilet flush, she returned to the main room and retrieved her sundress where it laid on the floor. Throwing the dress over her head she flattened it down halfway before realizing it was inside out. In a huff, she worked frantically to turn it around as I got up out of the bed. My pants were still safely on, protecting her view of my prosthetic. Even Rea made me nervous to show her thinking me less of a man because of my malformation.
“Rea will you slow down. Lena is in good hands.” Not wanting her to leave before we figured our situation out, I tried to appease her.
We desperately needed to talk. My intentions of hurting her slipped away with every second. Wasn’t this revenge sex? Wasn’t I supposed to throw her out? Instead, I urgently wanted to meet her again but was afraid to ask.
“I’ll calm down when I get back to Brandt’s house. Shit, what kind of mother does this make me? Coming to a hotel room with some guy for sex.” That one hurt. Did she think of me as ‘some guy’ even after all this time?
She reached down where I had flung her underwear. When she grabbed for it she realized it was useless when she put her leg through what used to be the leg hole. She flung it annoyed in the garbage can and muttered, “Aw shit.” Giving up on underclothes, she searched instead for her shoes only finding one.
“Where the fuck is my other shoe?” She was so harried I started to come unnerved. Was she really frantic to get back to her daughter or was it more so to avoid me? More importantly, why did I care if she was just here out of spite?
“Under the bed.” I pointed to the area of the sheets barely covering the right shoe.
“Thanks. Ah... I guess I should say thanks for everything.”
“And what do you mean by that?” Afraid to ask, I heard the finality in her voice.
“I needed this. I needed to find out.” She grabbed the shoe and did that little hop thing women did to put it on without sitting down.
“Find out what?” Closing the distance all I wanted to do was run my fingers down her spine to calm her. She ran around, talking vaguely and it drove me nuts.
“It is just that... well... you. Well you and me.” I’m not even sure she knew she didn’t make sense.
“Christ, when I saw you earlier this week it brought back all these feelings. I mean there was so much I just haven’t dealt with since... I mean I was so...” She looked a little hesitant, deliberating on whether to tell me about the thoughts racing around in her head. Picking up her purse and heading to the door she must have decided to disclose it to me anyway. “...infatuated with you.”
Just her saying those words brought hope to this situation. “You thought about me?”
Walking over to the mirror, she rubbed the smudges around her eyes trying hard to erase them and look presentable. Once she wiped them away, she patted down her well-fucked bed head that I was more than proud to have given her. “Thinking about us. What we had. What we shared. It was just...” She didn’t finish and started walking to the door. I followed her not wanting to let her leave before she said her peace.
“It was what?” Rea opened the door and stood half in and half out of the room.
“It was just such a relief knowing what we had in the past is gone.” Her words struck me numb. What I had tried to do by fucking her out of my system, by creating the orgasm of her dreams to prove her a lesson, only showed her the infatuation had dissolved.
“What do you mean?” If she was going to stab me in the heart again, I needed to hear the words from her. Maybe her cruel statement would end the torture of not being enough.
Offering me a small futile smile, thinking my ego was bruised and not even seeing the pain I hid in the back too proud still to let it show, she answered, “No. Please. The sex was great. I mean fantastic. Better than ever had before.”
“So, what is the problem?” I gave her my all. I felt her orgasm on three separate occasions. Wasn’t it enough? Or did she want a full man, one with two legs? Anger played at the surface of my being, clouding my thoughts.
“It was just sex.” The answer stopped me cold as I tried to decipher the meaning. Opening the door, she turned around again and hesitated before looking me straight in the eye.
“Sex I can live without. Shit, I haven’t had sex in the last seven years, and although I already went through two vibrators, it hasn’t killed me. No, I can do without sex, what I can’t live without is the fantasy.” She had a sad, almost nostalgic look on her face, as she admitted, “I played you up so much in my head all I could think about this last week was how you would make love to me. How much each touch of yours felt as if you cherished me. All the tender moments we shared and it hurt so much knowing I gave it all up.”
Rea turned to leave, and stupid me still watched as if a bystander, “That is what I didn’t want to live without, and at least now I know. This wasn’t making love Logan...” She shrugged her shoulders, “...it was just sex.” Without waiting for a reply, she closed the door leaving me to my thoughts.
Confusion weighed down on me as I tried to figure out what just happened. Did she turn me down not liking the man I had become? The one who knew how to satisfy a woman. The man I had been thinking she wanted all along? Did she really like the man of my past? The one that let people walk all over him. The lackey who drove people around and made sure they had their laundered shirts? What was so likable about him?
It made me realize the talk we should have had earlier was long overdue. Grabbing my shirt, I wasn’t going to let her go this time until I got my answers.