Once upon a time, when dreams are supposed to be bliss, my thoughts swam with terrible visions of desire, passion, temptation, and “fire...“! I could chalk it up to academic stress, family obligations, and religious limitations, but I knew better than that. A dream is just that after all...it’s just a dream a fantasy...right?
At first, I was restless. The anxiety had been building up over the last few weeks; preparing for exams is really ramping up the night sweats and strange dreams.
The strange dreams are a new thing. I would consider them lucid and don’t get me started on the sleep paralysis. This is why I loved my neighborhood. When my anxiety got too much to handle, I would go for early morning strolls.
The city is so quiet at 3am. The hustle and bustle is tamed; taming my internal demons as I walk; Enya playing through my earbuds.
Tonight’s events are no different. It’s a warm September evening, so I put on a white short sleeved tank top, black yoga pants and my purple converse. I liked feeling the breeze flow through my hair, so I let it loose; cascading past my shoulders.
I initially laid my head down around 8:30 PM, but what only felt like minutes was more like 2 hours according to the clock on my nightstand and I was still awake. From the knotted up blankets; I could tell I spent those two hours tossing and turning.
Fighting the restlessness was futile, that’s when I decided to watch television, when three hours of infomercials weren’t working, that’s when I decided an early morning walk would help.
I was so enthralled in the silence, so I went further than I anticipated; passing by a crowded bar with a line spilling out into the sidewalk. It felt familiar, but I knew I never had been there before.
At the time, I thought nothing of it and just carried on; headed back to my apartment. It was already 3am and laying back down into my twisted blankets, I turned to my nightstand where I had the prescription my doctor gave me a few weeks ago.
He said these little blue pills will help my body relax; helping me fall asleep. When I couldn’t take any more of the listlessness, I broke down and swallowed that tiny blue pill. Finally, clam, I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow.
That’s when it all began. I knew taking these pills could cause strange dreams, but what my subconscious was about to change my life forever.
There are times we dream about people who cannot possibly exist in real life, right?
Somehow, I knew his name was Dran Wilder. He was stunning to look at, and even more delicious to listen to – tall and well-built, with long black wavy hair, tanned skin, and a five-o’clock shadow but what stood out more were his eyes!
They were an oddly-hued shade of amber-green as if they glowed. The orbs drew me closer to him, hypnotizing me.
I remember being in my bed, deep in slumber, but quickly, my surroundings changed. I was now standing in the middle of a crowded dance floor. The atmosphere was dark and moody, smoke hung heavy in the air, the distinct scent of cigarettes, weed, and a mist machine. The lighting was near magical; dark plum, purple, and various shades of blue.
The music wasn’t anything I heard before; the audience was dressed in black, adorned with chains and buckles.“Did I step into a cult or something?” I wondered. My next thought was even more ludicrous. “Oh no, the occult! Does this mean I won’t go to heaven?” Then I slapped some sense into myself. “It’s just a dream. God can’t punish you for fantasizing ...can he?”
All at once, the crowd became apart of the shadows in the dark room, there was just the two of us, gazing at one another. I feel as though I am getting warmer, the sweat drenching me. He smiles and stands – oh my, he’s tall – towering at least 6 feet tall, toned and chiseled like a roman god, and he was here with me, sharing my dream! He begins to speak. “Do you have your ticket for the show?” Then, he vanishes. I felt slighted, so I searched for him.
I’m not sure how he knew I was shadowing him, but as soon as he was gone, he abruptly stopped appeared before me again, and like a flash, he pulls me into a heated embrace. His mouth was inches apart from mine, I could easily taste minty breath as it tickled and caressed my lips. Filled with a mix of dread and anticipation, I want more.
In his guttural, husky growl of a voice, deep and intimidating, yet sexy as hell, he whispered, “How would you like to take a walk on the wild side”? I could feel every inch of my body burning as he stared painfully into my eyes. “I’d walk anywhere with you,” I muttered.
Then, with bated breath, I woke up.
After a long, exhausting night, I started closing up the bar. Lo and behold, I was stuck cleaning up by myself. How the fuck does that happen? I had a full staff here tonight, but they all scampered off, leaving me to fend for myself. It’s a good thing I live above the bar, especially after how much I had to avoid Juniper, tonight. I swear that woman can’t take no for an answer, no means no!
In away I didn’t mind being cleaning crew tonight. It’s a good way to fight off the sense of restlessness I was battling. We had a packed house; a local bar was headlining and it was my job to keep the band happy. I felt wasted, but I don’t drink on nights like this.
But now, I could use one. Pouring my favorite whiskey, I pulled my wavy mane up in a man bun, took off the sweaty shirt that was plastered to my chest, and began to count tonight’s receipts.
I can’t concentrate, if I could bay at the moon, I would. The numbers are just not adding up and the more whiskey I consume, the more I am seeing triple. The receipts will have to wait until tomorrow. Locking up the bar, I climb the stairs to my loft apartment. Stripping down to nothing, I head into the luxury steam room after I showered.
Any other night, I would call Juniper over to “tuck” me in, but tonight I wanted my solitude. After working my ass off, I happily crawled into bed and fell asleep. As I drift off into the peaceful abyss, I feel like my body is floating and deeper I drown into REM sleep, the stranger and lighter I began to feel.
I was in my bar, which is odd because I just closed up and here I was opening it again. Could I be sleepwalking? It’s not like I never did that before. It felt like I was floating; hovering above the sea of people looking that began to gather on the dance floor.
Then, the ocean of bodies part and I see a creature that captivates me; perhaps a siren? Who was she? What was this sweet, young girl doing in my bar? A name jumped out at me, Delores. I’m siting on the stage, guitar in hand, I’m strumming, but no singing voice comes out, but I feel my mouth moving.
She was tiny, compared to my 6′4" frame. As I approach, I can tell I intimidate her; she’s so tiny compared to my massive frame.“My sweet Raven. Dolores Raven. How do I know her middle name?”How did I know that? Delores Raven! Her long brown waves feel cascaded down to the middle of her back. Her full, pouty red candied lips begged to be bitten and kissed. But I have to control my desires.
After all, this is just a dream. How could this goddess exist in the real world? Her deep brown eyes killed me. It was painful to continue staring. I needed to break the silence. “Do you have your ticket to see the show?” I barked, a little gruffer than intended. She handed me something.
Then, poof, I was gone. I always prided myself on knowing how to behave with a woman, some even accused me of being the typical“alpha”male, I needed to be in control. I got off on them being my submissive. I got pleasure out of pleasing them. I could tell she was going to be different. With her, I choked.
As I stumbled down the long corridor making my way to my office, I sensed that she was tailing me. So, shoot me for being a little turned on by her desire for my attention. I abruptly halted my movement and shifted my body to face her. I began to tease her.
So without claiming her mouth with mine, my breath caressed hers. She twitched and her breath hitched as I leaned in closer, pinning her up against the wall with my chest against hers ...“No where to run now, my little Raven”, I purred in her ear. I liked how her chest rose and fell. I gently nestled my head in her neck, softly kissing her throat.
My tone turned to a guttural, I whispered, “how would you like to take a walk on the wild side?" I could feel every inch of my body burning as she stared painfully into my eyes. “I’d walk anywhere with you,” she muttered.
Then, I woke up.