Don't Leave Me
What had I just done? I was at home trying to get Phoenix to eat something that wasn’t covered in salt or sugar, meanwhile Storm had taken a new liking to being as loud as humanely possible. And all I could think about was never going back to school ever again.
There was no way I could sit in Mr Owens class now. When I had basically sexually assaulted him. What had I done? That was the kind of thing Mum would have done, I couldn’t be like her.
“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.” Storm shouted banging a metal spoon repeatedly on the floor.
“Daddy, make her stop.” Phoenix groaned covering his ears.
I rolled my eyes, he had been worse when he was a baby. At least then I had Mum, she wasn’t so great at helping out, but at least when she was there I didn’t have to worry about bills and stuff.
“Storm, you want to watch Frozen?” I asked over the noise.
She immediately stopped trying to summon the devil and looked up at me. I picked her up gently and carried her to the living room aware this wasn’t great parenting. What happened when she got older? What happened when I couldn’t just put on a movie and get her to stop doing whatever it was she was doing?
What about Phoenix? When he was older? I was supposed to be his Dad now, but I honestly didn’t have a clue what I was doing. Mum had known barely anything about me, I didn’t want that same relationship with Phoenix and Storm.
Just as I started Frozen in the screen ahead, there was a loud crash noise from the kitchen.
“I didn’t do anything.” Phoenix shouted.
Adoption was still an option right?
Phoenix was standing in the middle of the kitchen with cutlery spilling all over the floor. A broken drawer handle was in his right hand and a jar of Nutella in the other.
“Explain yourself.” I said crossing my arms.
Phoenix stood up a little straighter before defiantly speaking.
“I don’t want carrots. I want Nutella.”
Well this was new. I really thought I’d have more time before the rebellious teenager years.
“You’re not having Nutella.” I said firmly.
This would usually be when he backed down and said sorry. But not today.
“No, I want Nutella.”
I was not dealing with this right now.
“You have to finish dinner first.”
“No I don’t.”
“Go to your room, you can go to bed early today.”
“No way. It’s only 6.”
“I’m going to count to three Phoenix Aristotle Nightshade, and by the time I get to one if you are not in your room, you will regret it.”
I had no idea what I was going to do if Phoenix didn’t listen. I had never made it to one, he was usually pretty well behaved.
Mum would have just slapped me, but I didn’t want to actually hurt Phoenix. He wasn’t doing drugs or skipping school, he was being a kid.
His eyes were narrowed and lip curled up a little in a snarl. Mum had pictures of me doing that same snarl when I was little. Even Chase had mentioned it a few times.
At that moment I realised I actually had to do something. I picked Phoenix up wrenching the jar of Nutella from his hand and walking from the kitchen.
“Let me go!” He shouted kicking me and scratching at my face.
“Phoenix, stop.” I said trying to sound as strict as possible when in reality I was scared. Scared because I had no clue how to deal with any of this.
I carried him upstairs to his room and placed him firmly on his bed, he was crying and screaming as though I was murdering him. The fact that he was crying so much made me think this was about more than Nutella.
“Hey, hey, Phoenix, stop crying.” I said gently stroking the top of his head, “What’s wrong?”
He hugged me tightly still crying, when he spoke, his words were only half audible through the sobs.
“Don’t leave us.” He cried, “Don’t leave us like Mum did.”
Leave him? Where had Phoenix gotten that idea from? I was never going to leave him, ever.
“I’m not going to leave you.”
“Mum did, she got a new husband and left us.”
This was about Taylor. Phoenix was worried I was going to run away with him because Mum had done the exact same thing. But Taylor meant nothing to me compared to my siblings.
“I’m not going to leave you Phoenix.”
And that was the only thing I was sure of. I was usually pretty good at keeping promises, the only one I’d broken was the one I’d made to Chase, about not telling anyone about his father. Yesterday night, I had been thinking about it and told Storm, she was half-asleep and didn’t hear much, but I’d still felt guilty anyways.
“Be good, okay?” I said the next morning as I dropped Phoenix off at school.
“I’m always good.” He said running off.
Of course he was.
“Hey Baby.” Taylor said running up to me as I was walking to school.
“Hey.” I said absent minded.
I did not want to go to school today after what happened with Mr Owens.
I could hardly tell my boyfriend I had offered to give my teacher a blow job, he’d freak out. I told Wild last night and she told me to come over today after school so we could talk properly. Not that there was much to talk about, Mr Owens thought I was a slut now, that was it.
“Just school stuff.” I shrugged.
“Screw school.” Taylor said.
Softly, he ran his hand along my face and tilted my head up to kiss him.
“Let’s go somewhere private.” He said pulling my hand.
An alleyway? Okay, it wasn’t a proper alleyway, with alcoholics and spider webs, but it was still an alleyway.
“Very romantic Taylor.”
It was not edgy, But I didn’t really care. Taylor pushed his lips to mine, one hand behind my head the other on my waist slowly pushing me against the wall.
“You’re so fucking hot right now.” Taylor murmured.
“Wait, we’re just kissing, right? I have to go to school, you know.”
With Taylor, I was never sure where he was going with stuff like this.
“Yeah, yeah.” He said kissing me again.
He pressed the front of his jeans against me and kissed the side of my neck pulling at the back of my thigh. He moved his other hand away from my head and I heard the faint clink of metal as he undid the buttons on his trousers.
“Taylor, what…” I started.
“I love you Blaze.” He murmured cutting me off.
He took my hand and guided it to the bulge at his crotch, I couldn’t flinch back because he had me pressed up against the wall.
“I already said I didn’t want to do this now.” I said firmly.
“Come on Blaze.” He said voice rising.
“No stop.” I said trying to push him away.
“Blaze, just stay still for fuck’s sake.” Taylor said, he held me by the waist against the wall, hard, his fingers digging into me.
“Get off me.” I half-shouted.
“Hey, what the fuck are you doing?” A voice, I’m pretty sure I recognised shouted.
Taylor let go of me, zipping his jeans back up quickly. I looked to see who it was and saw a head of blonde hair and piercing blue/green eyes.
“Blaze, are you alright?” Ryder asked.
“I’m his boyfriend, so why don’t you back the fuck off?” Taylor snarled.
Ryder looked at me for a second before taking my arm and pulling me away from Taylor.
“I’m giving you ten seconds before I call the cops.” Ryder said.
“Ryder, it’s okay.” I said about to move away.
“Ryder June?” Taylor asked.
“Yeah, you should know my father, right?”
Ryder’s father was one of the top police officers in the city, as much as Taylor was a little aggressive sometimes he wasn’t a criminal.
“Whatever, I’ll see you later Blaze.” He said walking away.
“You alright?” Ryder asked.
“Yeah, we were just messing around.”
“So, you wouldn’t mind if I told Wild?”
Like hell I wouldn’t.
“Wild doesn’t actually know I have a boyfriend, yet, so maybe don’t tell her?”
“Or Chase, he’s just going to tease me about it.”
Well Chase knew I had a boyfriend, but I didn’t need Chase to know Taylor was pushy for sex. He already seemed to hate him and I was beyond the point of pretending I didn’t care what Chase thought.
I wondered what Chase would be like, as a boyfriend. Not like Taylor, definitely, he was kind, and sweet and thoughtful and probably super romantic. And also super straight.
As I walked into class later that day, expecting to see him, there was an empty chair. That was weird, Chase never missed school.
“Mr Lopez’s father said Chase has the flu, he called this morning.” Miss Poppy said noticing my confusion.
I had seen Chase come to school after breaking his arm on the way, he had refused to go to the hospital until after last period. There was no way he was gone because of a flu.