“Hey Baby.” Taylor said walking in and hanging his jacket up, “Where are Phoenix and Storm?”
Phoenix and Storm were my younger brother and sister. Phoenix was four and Storm was only a year old. It was just the three of us. I never knew my Dad, and they never knew theirs either. All three of us were accidents.
Mum had left when Storm was only 3-weeks-old, since then I’d looked after them. I had a kind of job that was enough to pay the bills and send Phoenix to Ravenswood Primary, so we were doing alright.
“Wild’s parents are babysitting.” I replied searching for the lid of Storm’s sippy-cup.
Wild’s parents knew I was basically Phoenix and Storm’s parent, but they promised not to tell anyone. They babysat whenever they could and were constantly buying them things despite my telling them not to.
“So we have the house to ourselves?” Taylor murmured, wrapping his hands around my waist.
“Technically yes, but I have to study.” I said, grabbing his wrists playfully.
“Come on, let’s have some fun.”
I turned around rolling my eyes at my boyfriend. He was 20, 21 in a few weeks. Four, nearly five years older than me and at least five inches taller, which made me feel small even though I wasn’t.
“We could go to the movies.” I said, looping my arms around his neck.
Taylor scoffed, moving a loose strand of hair from my face, fingers trailing along my jaw and to my mouth. Should I bite him? Just for fun? Just to see his reaction? Of course not, why would I even think that?
“What movie do you want to watch?” He asked, amused.
“Frozen 2, obviously.” I said seriously. It was Storm’s favourite, not that she understood the plot, but every time I played ‘Into the Unknown’ she started going crazy.
“I have a better idea.” Taylor mumbled.
He kissed me, stepping forwards a bit so my back hit the wall. His hands drifted lower to the back of my thighs and he pulled a little. Realising what he was trying to do, I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist.
He pulled away from my mouth and kissed the side of my neck, still pressing me into the wall.
“You can study later.” He growled his voice sending shivers down my spine.
I fumbled at the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head as he did the same with mine. Taylor laughed darkly trailing deep passionate kisses up my neck and back to my lips.
“Wait,” I said, pulling away, “are we going too fast?”
Taylor stopped for a second. He moved loose black strands of hair from my face, a touch so much more delicate than a few seconds ago.
“We’ve been going out for two months, let’s just have some fun, you know. The kind that doesn’t involve songs about snow.” He murmured, lightly kissing me.
It was true. We’d been going out for a while, but despite the rumour, I hadn’t done anything like this before. Like sex, making out. None of it. Taylor was my first boyfriend. Not that I’d ever had a girlfriend either.
“Come on, Baby, you’ll like it, I promise.”
But I wasn’t so sure.
Taylor pressed his mouth to mine. I could taste the coffee on his tongue. He pulled me away from the wall, walking to the sofa. I could feel every ridge of muscle in his abdomen and every inch of skin taut over his chest.
His arms were bracketing my waist, his lips refusing to leave mine for even a second. I felt his hand lightly take my wrist and guide it to the front of his trousers.
“Phoenix’s inhaler.” I said suddenly.
I knew I had packed it, I always did, but for some reason, I needed an excuse to stop. I wasn’t sure why so I didn’t want to tell Taylor.
“Baby, you packed it, you never forget.” Taylor said, sounding just a little annoyed.
“But what if I didn’t.”
Taylor rolled his eyes.
“What’s going on?” He asked, climbing off me.
“Nothing, I just need to call Wild and ask…” I started reaching for the phone before Taylor snatched it from me.
“Blaze, I know what you’re afraid of.” He said gently.
A wave of relief rushed through me. He knew. I had literally the best boyfriend in the world.
“You’re worried you won’t be good at it.” Taylor said.
What? No. I wasn’t worried about that. I think I would be okay at the whole sex thing at least.
“I get it, I’m experienced, you’re not. But there’s nothing to be embarrassed or afraid of. You’ll learn.”
What the fuck? This is not what I was hinting at at all.
“I’ll show you.” He said kissing me.
“Stop it Taylor.” I snapped, standing up, “I just don’t want to have sex yet. I’m 16.”
“Blaze, I’ll be gentle...” Taylor started, but I was not having this right now.
“Just go.” I said strongly, “I have work to do.”
“Come on Baby, don’t be like that.” Taylor said, standing up as I dragged him to the door.
I was not losing my virginity on the sofa at 5 pm in the afternoon on a random Saturday. I didn’t want to do it at the fucking Plaza, but not here like this.
“Call me when you get a grip.” I said, about to walk upstairs to my room.
Taylor ran after me, pushing me into the wall and kissing me.
“Taylor, no.” I said against his mouth.
He tried picking me up but this time I shoved him hard.
“Alright, I’m sorry.” He said, putting his palms up, “We don’t have to have sex.”
I wasn’t even in the mood to kiss him right now.
“I have so much homework Taylor.” I sighed.
“Please Baby, why don't we just mess around? No sex, we don’t even have to get naked.” Taylor said, taking my hands.
I didn’t want to, not now. Now it didn’t feel romantic, now it felt like nothing.
“Taylor, no…” I started, before he cut me off kissing me.
It was weird. He must have kissed me the same way as before, but it felt different. Whatever, if I made out with him for a bit, then he’d stop asking.
That night, once Phoenix and Storm were finally asleep and I was locking all the windows, I couldn’t help but think about earlier today. Should I have just had sex with Taylor? It shouldn’t be that big a deal, it was just sex.
But maybe it was because I had watched my mother just casually have sex with strangers. Creepy old male strangers. I didn’t want to be like her. I wanted it to be special.
I checked my phone just as I was getting into bed, a couple texts in all caps lock from Wild. I would deal with that in the morning, I only ever worried if she didn’t use all capitals.
And a text from Chase. Asking how I was coping with the grief from Dildo’s death. And for some weird reason, as I replied, I realised I was smiling.