My heart sank instantly the second I interpreted his words. She was the Patria Luna, the now confirmed dead- Patria Luna.
I felt like my world had somehow been trampled, like I had lost a part of me that I never knew I was missing. Truth be told; I don’t understand it, this overwhelming feeling of loss for a person I have never even met. And by the sounds of it she may be dead for an exceptionally long time, long before I was even born. It reminded me of how I had felt earlier when I had discovered my birth mother who was also now confirmed dead.
That is two people gone before I had a chance to know them, and I feel so insignificant and unworthy to be the one to carry the mark that has been bestowed upon me through blood. The descendent of the most significant line of Werewolves and I am but a failure, so weak I cannot even protect myself. So weak I have been deemed unworthy of the markings not only by the Paramount who clearly has ulterior motives but also but Atreus- my newly realized mate.
I can not even blame him for this decision. I agreed.
I had been overwhelmed by the power and I just wanted to be free of it. Returned to the below average wolf that I was. Now though, I have become more and more attached to it. It is mine by right! By blood and the lineage of my family.
I won’t let her take it. Not now or ever!
Who does the Paramount think she is to take it from me? it was given by blood passed down through my ancestors and even though I am weak I do not see how Angelina is more worthy than me. If she had been or was would she not have the markings herself?
I had to walk away, I had to come hide just like the weak Omega I apparently am.
I turned away from the two strong men, wishing to find a little escape in the bathroom. Splashing my face with the cold running water I look at my refection briefly, I cannot bear it! The person looking back at me, I can’t bear to even look at myself. It is there on my skin for all to see, it’s there in my reflection so I myself cannot hide from it.
So much has happened over the past weeks, I feel like such a failure and that person staring back at me in the mirror is just a reminder of how much - I can hate myself.
Flipping my head back looking to the ceiling holding back the tears that were never going to come. I had already cried too much and there was nothing left in me to weep anymore. Clenching my jaws and my fists, directing my anger at myself now. My watery eyes are just another reminder of how weak I am, the Omega in me ever present.
My self-hate and anger growing. The ugly side of me escaping its cage.
Even Oriel has almost abandoned me. I can still feel her pain and I know she feels pity for me and us, but she isn’t willing to come out of her hidey hole and face me or the future, she’s happy to let me face it all alone.
This mere fact has made a deep cut in the fabric of our bond.
I honestly think if Atreus had not come into my life, I wouldn’t be able to survive this. I would have crumbled away, and I am eternally grateful to him and everything he has given to me in the bond that we share. I can only fight on and try harder for him and us, otherwise I would be disgracing myself even more and shaming the bond that he so willingly made with me.
How is it… that some wolves can increase their strength, through hard work and dedication. Though no matter how I try I cannot seem to grow stronger. Even after years of daily training I stayed the same, while I watched and witness women and men who started out as weak as me grow in strength and power. Some even going on to become pack warriors, their rank and power increasing tenfold.
So much anger is building within me, and I hate it so much.
I spent so much of my youth fighting back that innate anger that came from being an orphan and the feelings of abandonment. Even though I had been told that my parents were most likely killed by other rouges. That information never brought me any solace, no!
I only felt anger and resentment to the fate I had been delt. How I wished that I could have grown up in a normal family with parents and just been average. I never lusted for power or money. I only ever wanted to be loved and made feel welcome.
Lazarus, Quinn’s father had saved me from my anger and guided me through it. His true Alpha abilities were amazing, not just in physical strength but his ability to connect with every member of the pack.
From the strongest to the weakest, no one was left behind and nothing was too insignificant to bring to him. Its why his pack flourished amazingly, and all members were given equal placement within the pack. Without him and that security I would never have become the woman I am today.
The fear that the anger I had held would have consumed me in more ways than one was a recurring anxiety of mine. It was one of the biggest concerns I had growing up.
That I would eventually give in to that base instinct and allow my anger to overtake my normal thinking. That I would lose all sense of myself in that anger and I would eventually go rouge, just like… my parents.
So, I fought against it and won but now it has creeped back into me, little by little over the past weeks. I have ignored it or pushed it aside hoping that it would leave. That it would dissipate just like it had when I was younger. Though now I am sure that is not possible, and I need to face my anger head on and deal with it.
My mental health has struggled so much with being abused and hurt by my ex-mate. With the markings on my body only adding to the turmoil that has built within me.
I feel so fragile, and I resent that feeling!
My hands clasp the edge of the countertop and I force myself to face my own reflection. Stray wispy hairs escape the tie that held back my wavey hair and fall into my eyes. I brush them back, removing the tie and restyling my hair so it’s pulled back from my face in a messy bun.
I force myself to face the truth saying it out loud so I can accept it and move on…
“I am an Omega.
I am a descendant of Gaizka.
I am Vegus Luna
I am A-Atreus’ mate.
I-I am the L-Luna to the Dark Orb of Knight
I-I am weak.
I-I a-am unworthy.
I-I a-am a-a f-f- failure- “I said each fact as I tried to admit to myself who I am. The second came out a little more strained than the first and tears once again covered my cheeks by the last l was full out balling sniffling and struggling to get the sentence finished. My vision had blurred, and I lowered my head in shame…
“You are strong…
You are beautiful…
You are my Luna…
You are worthy…
And most importantly you are mine.” Atreus voice startled me; a little yelp left my lips, but I instantly felt soothed when he wrapped his arms around me embracing me from behind. One arm stays round my waist, and the other hand grabs my chin tightly and forces me to look into the mirror.
Our reflections capturing my eyes.
“Don’t let him win. I can feel the doubt rise within you love. Do not let him or them crush you from the inside out. I felt how strong you are from the moment I met you. You have an inner strength that has an unknown potential. Don’t let the words of a man who would only use you for his own gain ruin what beauty you hold inside. Come with me…”
He fervently says and pulls me to the huge glass walled shower that sits in the corner. Fully clothed he in pulled me inside and joined me shutting the glass door behind us. Those huge biceps held me in his sweet embrace, and he turned on the warm water that began to rain over our heads.
“Let the water wash it all away. You are a new woman, My woman! He is no more part of your life and the people who wish to take what is yours, What is MINE, I won’t let them!” He said and kissed me on the head wrapping me in a tighter hug.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered into my ear as the water tumbled over us, showering us in its warmth.
“For what?” I asked through sniffling breaths.
“For agreeing to the Paramount’s wishes. I regret it love.” He passionately answered.
“You are my everything and I feel your pain and I know you believe that I think you should have the mark removed. I am sorry for that… I was wrong and regret ever believing it was true. I only ever wanted your safety and health; I never would have agreed if I had known the truth from the beginning.
From what you told me, and what I now know of you- those are your markings and no one person, or people will ever take them from you. Do you understand?” He asks while holding my face between his strong hands.
The warm water doused our bodies trickling down our joined skin down the drain and with it I let the darkness that was festering within me free to wash away.
“You are strong - your strength lies in your kindness, in your honesty and integrity and I know when the time comes your inner strength will manifest into something greater. So do not let your status as a wolf destroy the person you are.” His words were like a sweet embrace holding my heart and securing it and bolstering it with the confidence that I now knew he had in me. My body relaxed even more so, going weak in his arms.
“Yes, you have a lot on your shoulders, but you have me. Quinn has your back and I pity the man or wolf that lays his hands on you and she is around to witness because that girl will tear the world down for you as will I.” He says capturing my gaze with his own wide beautiful deep blue eyes. A little smirk growing on his face when I respond positively to his words the corners of my mouth beginning to rise.
“I am right, and you know it!” he says and laughs. “And I can tell the same applies for any of your other friends. All the new people that have met you since I first did have fallen in love with you just as much as me. Well… I may have fallen a little deeper than the rest.” He says with a genuine smile that span his face showing off his dazzling white smile that was rather self-satisfactory.
“But you need to move past this. Let me help you, let us all help you and you will grow stronger. Not just physically but emotionally and spiritually too. We are one babe. One unit. You, me and we have our pack and our friends to back us up. Are you with me?” he continued and questioned.
“Yes I am.” I replied pulling him down and capturing his lips in my own in a soft chaste kiss.
He was right, I had let that man creep into my inner psyche allowing it to fester and I had to push it away. It’s not easy especially when my wolfen half was still lost in grief for that man, but I let out all my insecurities to Atreus and felt like a weight had lifted off of my shoulders.
Atreus hands grazed my shoulders pulling down the straps of my top, freeing me from the burden of my clothes.
It didn’t take me long to follow suit and I pulled furiously at the belt around his waist stripping him of the now saturated trousers and throwing them free. His shirt had been flung over his head and his strong body stood before me, the most appetizing thing on the menu…
Atreus kneeled while removing my trousers, slowly opening the buttons. His hands went inside the opening and spread wide on my stomach.
Ever slowly he moved them across while slipping his fingers into the hem of my underwear and slowly moved them across my abdomen while lowering the garments bit by bit in the most sensual and erotic way.
His hands moved by my hips and then in one clean movement he shed the trousers and my panties in a clean sweep of his hands while I happily stepped out of the now soaked garments.
When we stood there free of any restriction, naked as the day we came into this world I have never felt freer or more empowered than that moment. Our eyes never left each other; we were enraptured by the bond that was growing ever stronger.