I can't take my eyes off him. He's...beautiful.
I smile, stroking his face gently. My son...part of me always regretted leaving him. But, I knew I couldn't take care of him.
Maybe I should've tried. I can't help but smile. He looks so peaceful.
I remember a song my mom used to sing to me.
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.
I should sleep. But I can't stop looking at him. He's beautiful.
I stand, stretching. I pause. I'll see him tomorrow.
I walk out his room running into Benjamin. His eyes dart away from mine.
"You can take the bed," he whispers.
I sigh. "I'm hungry. Show me the kitchen,"
He nodded, walking ahead of me.
"I don't know what you're hungry for," he explains, sitting at the bar as I start on a bowl of cereal.
"It's fine," I pour the cereal and the milk. "Spoons?"
He gets up, opening a drawer.
I take a spoon, walking past him.
He smiled watched me with a small smile. I roll my eyes. "What?" I shovel cereal into my mouth.
He shrugs. "I just can't believe that after all this time, you still eat cereal at odd hours."
I say nothing. I don't get why he's so insistent on dredging up old memories.
I sigh. "Don't look at me like that, Benjamin."
"Like what?" He asks.
Snorting, I look in his eyes. "What do you want Benji? You want to sleep with me?"
I push my cereal away, stepping toward him. "Is that you want?"
He narrows his eyes, obviously debating his answer. "I always want you, Jessica."
I raise my brows, chuckling. "Is that so?"
Standing in front of him, I put my hands on his shoulders.
"But Benjamin...I don't think you should have the privilege of playing with me anymore."
"You knew who I was, you were fine with it then," he rests his hands in my hips.
"Why did I do that?" I ask. "What did you say to me? When you took my virginity, and then left me? Why did you say you did that again."
He puts his tongue in his cheek.
"Come on," I goad him, stroking his cheek. "Sayit with me."
"I was bored," he intoned.
I can't help but chuckle.
"I was 16," he explained.
"I was there. I know how old you were. But if you can drive, you can drink. Back I mean. You were old enough to know better."
"I can't deny that."
I nod. "Even if you did, it wouldn't matter. Eventually though, I'll let it go. What you did. All of it. But when that happens...that's when you'll really be dead to me, Benjamin."
He sighs. "And what does that mean?"
I shrug. "You speak to me? It'll be like you're on mute. I won't think of you, or wonder about you. You just won't even exist to me. It's just...you hurt me. So badly, I can't let go yet."
I smile, patting his chest. "But that's my immaturity. I accept that."
He pulls me closer. "You and I are going to be bound forever, Jessie. Even if, god forbid Harry leaves this world before us, we will always be tied together."
Maybe he's right. But I'm just stubborn enough to pull it off.
"I have a question. It's just something I always wondered," I whispered.
He nods. "What?"
"That morning, when she was on her knees, were you thinking of me?"
He looks away. "I—"
"Don't say you don't remember, I know you do," I smile.
He sighs. "Yes."
"Wow. You're just a piece of shit aren't you."
"I'd like to think I'm a better person now."
I shrug. "I'm sure you would like to think that. Most people would like to think their better than they actually are."
I pull away. "Good night, Benjamin."
He takes my hand. "Jessica?"
I frown looking up at him. "You know there's a saying: if you give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
He frowns. "Uh..."
"You wanna test that theory?"
He gets the message, letting me go. "Good night, Jessica."
I chuckle. "Now if you actually liked crazy girls you would've said yes."
He shakes his head, a smile breaking through.
"Right," he grins.