Dear Harrison, I know I haven't been the best mother but I—
I clear my throat, scrunching up the paper throwing it away. I start again, putting the pen to my tongue, and then to the paper.
My dearest son,
Fuck me, right?
Hm. Starting off with vulgar language?
I know leaving you was a cunt move, but I do have a cunt, and thus, I elect that you forgive me.
I sigh. Well.
I was never that good at writing. Or apologizing sincerely. Or spelling sincerely.
My phone runs. I answer. "He's safe? No one saw his face did they?"
"I'm swinging back around. I got rid of the press, and now I'm bringing our son back to his mother —"
"He thinks this is all his fault. He made you sick again."
I pull hair gently. "Bring him to me."
"Didn't I tell you! I'm on the way."
"Momma!" He runs to me.
I pick him up. I kiss his head, looking him over. "Oh. I'm so sorry. This is my fault my baby. I'm so sorry—"
"I didn't mean to make you sick Mama,"
I pull back, looking him in the eyes. "Hey. You are not at fault. Not for anything. You didn't make me sick."
He smiled, wiping his tears away. "I'm so glad you're alright mama."
Benjamin, takes me into his arms. I glare up at him. "What the hell?"
"God, Honey. What happened?"
I push him away. "You tell me."
He scoffed. "You think I did this?"
I put my son behind my back. "Who else would. You don't even exist me. Maybe you didn't like being a ghost."
He steps toward. "Honey, I...I won't deny that I don't enjoy being...banished from existence, but I would never—"
"I thought you would never do a lot of things," I sneer, "And you disappointed me every time."
He frowns deeply. "I really...Honey please. Believe me. I wouldn't hurt you."
"Again, you've disappointed me far too much on that front. Leave."
He glanced at the door and then at Harrison.
"Honey...." he whispers. "Honey please. Don't tell me you really think me capable of this?"
I look away, focusing on Harrison. "Why don't you go take a bath. We'll watch a movie and you can have some candy. You'll see, Harry everything will alright."
He runs toward the bath, and I smile after him.
"Honey," he whispered. "Honey, look at me. You are angry. Rightfully so. But please. Tell me you don't actually think I called the paparazzi to sworn your home?"
I scoff, getting up. I go to the kitchen, washing my hands, and starting dinner.
"What do you think I'm evil or something? Honey! Answer me!"
"I told you, all you have ever done is disappoint and hurt me. I don't care if you didn't do this. It doesn't change anything. You are dead to me, Benjamin. And you will never resurrect."
"And say..." he whispers. "And day your father were to disappear."
"Would that bring me back to life?" He asks, stepping toward me.
I swallow. "Disappear?"
I feel his smile. I shiver.
"What if his crimes were brought to light, and he...couldn't bear to live with himself?" He stepped toward me, putting his hands on my shoulder. "That would give a new life, wouldn't it?"
I swallow. "You could never—"
He tucks my hair behind my ear. "You're the only woman I've ever loved, Jessica. I have known you my entire life. I don't think you will ever see me again, if I don't do something...life changing."
I lock my lips, shaking my head. "I don't believe you—"
"You don't have to. I will get to the bottom of this. The paparazzi. And I will make your father disappear. Forever. And in return...Honey. You and I will start again."
I scoff. "Start what again? You do realize the multitude of your sins cannot be undone. No matter what you do. Or who you kill?"
He just smiles. "I think you say that...because he isn't dead yet. You may have stood up to him, but fear of him will always run your life. It's why won't you return home. It's why you ran away from our son."
"He's the personification of the devil to you. I think...slaying the devil will bring me well into your good graces."
He stood, kissing my head. "What is that you say? I don't even exist to you? You won't be able to deny my existence for much longer, Honey. I'll make sure of it."
He opens the front door, pausing. "Tell Harrison, that I'll be back. And Honey? Keep an eye on the news."