Sweet Like Honey

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30

"I thought I would be happy," I whisper.

"You can be. With Harrison. But revenge is never a happy ending, Honey. It's only a sad beginning."

I sigh. "Then why did you do it?"

"Because...I thought it would unburden you. I thought you would be able to truly be happy. To feel again."

"For you?"

"For anyone. But I can't deny, I did it so that I could have another chance with you. Maybe one day I'll accept that's never going to happen," he chuckles sadly.

He kisses my head.

Harrison comes into the room, pausing.

I freeze.

He blinks. "Are you okay, Mama?"

I nod. He looks at his father. "Did he make you cry?"

I shake my head. "My dad died. So I was sad."

Harrison gasps. He runs over to the bed, climbing over his father and hugging me. "I'm sorry your dad died, Mama."

I smile. "Thank you. I feel better already."

Harrison wipes away my tears clumsily, kissing my cheek.

"I love you, Mama."
"I love you too, Harrison."

Harrison looks at his dad. Benjamin cocks his head.

"You're angry at me," he states.

Harrison looks away. "It doesn't matter. Mama's sad."

I nudge Harrison. "Why are you mad at him?"

"Mama, I—"

"Come on," I urge him. "What's wrong?"

"You make my mom sad," Harry said. "And mad. And you leave all the time. You don't even care about me,"

Benjamin sighs. "I'm sorry. I do make your mom sad sometimes. And she gets angry at me. And I know that I leave home for long time. But...I do care about you, Harrison. I love you. You're my son."

Harrison frowns. "That's not what they said." He murmured.

Benjamin sits up. "Who's they?"

"Your friends. They always say the only reason I'm here is cause..."

Benjamin frowns. "Cause what?"

"Cause my mama is a whore."

I scoff.

Benjamin stands. "When did they they say that? Which one of them?"

"Every time the come over they say mean things about me. And my momma. That I'm a bastard and a retard."

Benjamin grabs his face. "Hey. They will never ever come around here again. And those things aren't true. Do you hear me? I'm going to make sure they don't say bad things to anyone. Ever again."

Harrison sniffles. "You promise?"

Benjamin smiles, stroking his hair. "Oh, I promise." He kisses his head. "No one matters to me more than you, Harrison. So if someone makes you sad, or hurt tell me. Even if I like them. They can leave. You are more important."

At the very least, he cares about Harrison. I'm relieved.

I hug Harrison. "My baby. I'm sorry they said those words to you. None of them are true."

Harrison smile.

• • •

Later that night...

He gets up late at night. Early in the morning. I sighs

"Where do you think you're going?" I ask.

He glances back at me. "Where do you think?"

"Benjamin—"

"When I said they said bad things about our son...it was partially true. They said it like it was a joke. The fact they said those awful things to him. To my child. It is unforgivable. And they need to pay for it."

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'll figure it out when I get there."

"Benjamin, don't do anything else. Anything worse than you've done—"

"Worse? They broke up my marriage. They called the paparazzi. They hurt my child. The three of them? They deserve whatever I give them. I don't know how I didn't see it before. They're evil. Hateful."

He comes toward me, putting his hands on either side of my face. "What I did to you...they influenced me but I let them. My son? I didn't give them any rights any permission to treat him that way."

I swallow. Am I upset or enthused?

"Did you see the hurt in his eyes, Jessica?"

I gasp. Tears. He's crying.

"How didn't I see that? Why didn't I see it, Jessie? I thought I'd grown up, but that look...is the same one you gave that night. I broke his heart, Honey. I'm sorry," he lays his face on my shoulder.

He sobs. I purse my lips, patting his back awkwardly.

"There, there," I clear my throat.

"Why? Why am I so stupid? Why can't I do anything right?" He asks.

And if I knew, I'd tell him. But I don't. Maybe his soul is just made of low quality material or something? I don't know.

I sigh. "Okay, if you stop crying, I'll look the other way, about this whole ordeal. They hurt my baby, so it's not like I care about them."

He looks up at me. "It won't fix it. But it'll make me feel a hell of a lot better. Would you like to come? His old nanny could babysit. They hurt you too after all?"

Vengeance? I always thought...my soul was too dark for anything like that. I haven't never been able to feel. But it doesn't matter. Vengeance appealed to me.

But I thought if I pursued I'd go from a blank slate to pure evil.

"I'm fine."

"Honey," he swallows. "I broke your heart a long time ago. And maybe you'll never forgive me. But I think...I can make it up to him. Do you think I can? Do you think—"

"Don't think. Do. And..."

What's best for Harrison is what I want. What's best for Harrison is having a father and mother who love him.

"And if you can heal the pain you inflicted on him...then I'll give you, your chance. A real chance," I whisper, I look in his eyes.

He smiles. "I...I'm going to right by him. I'm going to."

I smile. "Then...I'll be happy."

He slips out and into the night presumably to commit murder. Now, I haven't caught up on Criminal Minds, so I should finish that episode.

7 seasons...it's a lot.

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