Sweet Like Honey

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32

I sigh. This fucking sucks.

"They're gonna think I'm kidnapping you, if you look so glum," he whispers.

I march toward my death.

Marriage. Heh. What a joke.

This sham of a ceremony. Tying myself to him. All to get what I deserve.

And I deserve it.

"Just walk," I hiss.

He pauses. "Maybe there's another way. I don't want to...make you do this. I can't stand to see the disgust on your face."

"And here I thought I disguised it," I sneer.

"You were never much for hiding. Or so I thought." He scoffed. "But you hid so much from me. It's like...the life I thought we lived together, and the life we had...were two different ones."

"Well, it seems the fate we both accepted is real. We will be married," I whispered.

"This isn't the fate we imagined," he sighed. "We imagined castles that we'd fill with love. Not this bittersweet tragedy."

I shrug. "Sign the papers. Now."

He looks up at me. In a white dress. Not a wedding dress. Just something from my closet. In front of the magistrate.

We're walking alright. Moving in line.

He sighed again. "Oh Jessica. How could things turn out so...twisted?"

He likes to go over the past. It seems he's stuck to it. Stuck, that little boy who held my hand, and said he wished we could be snow.

But those children don't exist.

"Things are different," he says. "I know they are. God I know it. But can we...can we try?"

I glance at him. "I don't plan on being married to you for long."

He clenched his jaw. "You look beautiful. And the debt I owe you cannot be repaid so," he signed his name, stepping away from me. "There. I'll be in the car."

I smile. Now he's getting it. I sign my name.

"You don't want a picture?"

I chuckled. "God no. Remember this day? I'd rather not."

I grab the license and head to the car. He looks ahead.

"Where to?" He asks dully.

"Home."

We drive toward my apartment.

"I love you, Jessica," he whispered. "And I think I'll let that be last time I burden you with those words."

I glance over at him. He looks ahead.

The sun peeks through the window, hearing my skin. I close my eyes in reflex.

Don't you wanna be like that?
Like what? He takes my hand.
Like snow. We could be snow, don't you think, Jess?
I guess. If you want to.

Hey, isn't that a penny?
So?
So, he kissed it, make a wish.
I wish we could be together forever, I whisper.
Of course we will. Wish for something else, that's gonna come true anyway.

Your eyes are a pretty brown, Jess
You think?
Uh-huh. Like honey. Think I'll call you that from now on.

I love you, Jessica."
"I love you, Jess."
"I love you, Honey."

I open my eyes. "Why didn't you wake me?"

He shrugs. "You seemed like you were happy."

I sigh. "It was just a silly dream. A silly, silly dream," I glance out the window.

He says nothing and neither do I. Something in my chest aches dully, but not enough for me to investigate.

If he's given up on me, it'll only make my life easier. Right?

"Hey," I elbow him.

He glances over at me, putting on his smile. It's his mask.

"What?"

"You remember what your mother used to call me?"

He smiled. "Snow. Snow White. And I was Prince Charming." His smile fell a bit. "Too bad fairytales don't exist huh?"

I swallow. "Don't...don't look so down. We may not have worked out, but we have Harry."

He nods. "I know. I'm glad...I'm glad our love did something other than just...destroy you."

I open my mouth. I am by no means destroyed.

He puts the car in park. "We're here," he steps out.

I grab him by his shirt, pulling him back into the car.

"You're giving up on me?" I whisper.

He sighs sadly. "Don't you want me to?"

Yes. I do.

But I pull him closer, putting my lips on his. He cups my face, pulling me closer, pulling me into his kiss.

Maybe it's just because I'm used to it all. He's the last thing of the old me I have. Maybe...maybe this kiss is as close to familiar as I get.

All my good memories, every one of them. They're with him.

He's always been my prince, and I his Princess. It isn't like that anymore, no. But...this makes me feel like it is. For a second.

The sun sets behind us, as we kiss inside the car in front of my apartment where our son waits with his nanny.

It reminds me of the old days. When I felt. When true loves kiss made things better.

It's a silly dream. But isn't better? The silly dreams we hold on to?

Isn't it?

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