I sigh. I want to go home now.
Benjamin lays next to me. I glance over at him. I expect him to bring up old memories. He says nothing at all. Eventually he turns over.
Something about that unsettled me.
"You're awfully quiet," I prod.
"I figured...it was bad enough, you being married to me. So..."
"Bad enough?" I repeat.
He shrugs. "For you. Besides, you like it better when I don't bring up the past, right?"
He silently stares at the wall.
"Wow. I've honestly never heard you so quiet," I joke. "You must be dying say something."
Heh. So he wants to play games then.
"Of course you are—"
"I'm not doing this with you," he snaps. "This back and forth. If you say something stick to it. You said not to bring up the past? Then I won't. Good night."
I quirk a brow.
"Benjamin? Do you think...you're in a position to be so indignant?"
I put my hand on his back. "The debts you owe me...can never be repaid. We agree on that much don't we?"
He swallows. "Jessica...if a debt cannot not be repaid then it cannot be repaid. No matter what pain you put me through."
If I am going to be damaged...
"Look at me," I whisper.
He turns around, our eyes locking. I hold his face.
"I won't divorce you. You will be stuck to me for life."
"You and I...partners in misery. I won't let you have your happy ending."
He frowns with a sigh. "So be it. Let it be done."
I brush his hair away from his eyes examining his face. So pretty. Even now he shows more emotion then I feel.
What's that like?
"Yes," I whisper, sealing our agreement with a kiss. "Let it be done."
He holds me against him softly. He never stays visibly angry at me for long. I wonder if it's bubbling under his skin? Does he hate me?
He kisses my forehead tenderly.
I hate him. He smiles softly at me. "Rest well, lets show Harrison all the places we used to go tomorrow okay?"
I clench my jaw. Bastard.
• • •
I'm last person in the house to wake up. Maybe I'm stressed.
I get ready for the day, coming downstairs to a very interesting conversation.
"So if someone is rude or mean to you, what do you say?" Benjamin asked.
Harrison clears his throat. "Don't be rude."
"Okay. Okay that's good. And if someone is rude to me, what do you say."
"You shouldn't be rude," Harrison says.
Benjamin nods. "Okay. Not bad. Not feeling the love, but not bad. And what if someone's rude to your mom? What do you say then?"
"I think the fuck not you trick ass bitch." Harrison's says angrily.
I force down my laughter.
Benjamin blinks but shrugs. "That seems acceptable to me—"
"No," his mother smacks his head. "You don't use foul language. And unbecoming and you're too young."
Harrison frowns look away. "I think the fuck not you trick ass...hoe?"
"No! Where did you learn that!"
He shrugs. I think I know where. I see his play dates have been very educational.
I decide to walk in before he spills the beans. I love her, but Benjamin's mother still scares me to this day.
"Morning, Mama!" Harrison jumps up to greet me. I kiss him on the cheek.
"Good morning Harry."
I smile at Teresa, Benjamin's mother.
"Good morning, Aunt Teresa. Thanks again for letting us stay."
"Nonsense. This is your home. Besides you brought me a grandchild! You can stay here forever. In fact—"
Benjamin cuts his mother off. "Good morning,"
I smile. "Good morning," he pulls me into a kiss.
I allow it. Harrison is notably confused. I'll explain it to him later.
His hands rest on my waist. "Are you hungry?" He asks.
I shake my head. "I don't have much of an appetite. Maybe I'll catch lunch."
He nods, looking at me gently. He grabs my chin gingerly. I hate his eyes when he looks at me. I wish he didn't look at me like that.
It makes me feel like...he's loving someone else. Because the person that look belongs to...isn't me anymore.
He bumps my nose with his. He always used to do that. It means...are you okay?
He lets me go. I want to leave here. I don't like these feelings that keep trying to invade.
"Mama?" Harrison calls me dubiously.
I smile at him brightly. "We're going to have fun today. Just you wait!"
He pauses but nods with smile. "Yeah!"