The Playboy is My Soulmate

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three

My locker was slammed shut and I barely moved my face before it was caught in there. “What the hell, Kayleigh?” I yelled as I faced her.

She crossed her arms, clearly upset with me about something. “You didn’t meet me at lunch.”

“I had to stay in class and do homework. I wasn’t just allowed to leave unless I wanted to fail. I don’t want to fail.” I rolled my eyes as I opened my locker again to finish getting what I needed.

She frowned as she looked at someone coming our way.

“Hello, hello,” Ezra’s voice echoed in my space.

I was back to my regular hoodie and jeans. “You have got to be shitting me,” I mumbled to myself.

“Uh, you may need a bathroom if you’re shitting your pants.” Ezra pointed to the nearest bathroom.

I shut my locker and grumbled.

“Whoa there, who took a dump in your cheerios?” Ezra asked.

Narrowing my eyes, I looked up at his tall frame. “You’re the last person I want to see right now.” I pushed past him, walking towards my next class. I was not going to let him ruin my day.

“Don’t you walk away when I’m talking to you.” He followed me.

I stopped and turned to face him. “Why do you give a shit? I told you no. I’m not going to be your playboy model. I’m not that kind of woman. I want to build my career in something I enjoy. Leave me alone. There are plenty of women who will take your offer.” My eyes darted towards Kayleigh. She was practically begging for him to ask her.

Ezra chuckled and glanced at my friend. “I can’t really say it but I will leave you with this.” He grabbed my phone and messed with it before giving it back. “Thank you for your number.” He left me in the hallway, and Kayleigh’s frown was hard to miss.

She was mad at me for not getting her a job there.

As I entered my room after school ended, I heard a ping on my phone. “Oh hell no!”

I heard a knock on my door. “Amelia, watch your language.”

“Sorry, Mom,” I said. I sat on my bed, staring at the text on my screen.

Unknown: Hey there Mel. Miss me?

I knew who this came from. I was not going to respond. I was not going to respond. This butthole didn’t deserve a response. He took my number without my permission.

And yet, somehow, I felt a pull to reply back.

Me: What do you want from me?

Buttface: Why so rude? Dont you know im human to?

Me: You’ve got it all wrong. It goes ‘why you gotta be so rude?’ Also, your grammar is shit.

Buttface: Ouch Mel. Your a meanie.

I didn’t respond to his message this time. I didn’t want to see his face anymore and yet, I did. What the hell was wrong with me?

I screamed and dropped my phone when Buttface flashed on the screen. He was calling me. Hell no. Hell to the no.

It kept ringing and my thumb did the evil thing by pressing the answer button. “What do you want now?”

He chuckled on the other end. “Mel, you sound so upset. Did my grammar turn you against me?”

Was he for real? His grammar had nothing to do with this. He was the one who put my body before my mind and that didn’t sit well with me. Rapists did that. I was not going to converse with a rapist.

“Now you’re not talking to me. Why did you bother to answer the phone then?” he asked.

I slapped my forehead. “I want you to leave me alone. What is so special about me? You can have any girl and you want the weirdo who lives inside her hoodies.”

“What does this have to do with anything? Am I not allowed to talk to someone I find interesting? Come on, Mel. You turned me down and I can respect your confidence.” I heard a strange noise on his end.

I narrowed my eyes, despite the fact he couldn’t see me. “You really love the chase, don’t you?”

He laughed. “You caught me. You figured me out just like that.” Someone yelled something at him and he yelled back in another language, one I could guess as Spanish, “Ma, en un ratito.”

Of course, the boy could speak Spanish. What couldn’t he do?

“Sorry, that was my ma. She wants me to do the dishes,” he said.

I laughed and shook my head. “Your mom? Does she know what you do?”

“Well, I would think so. You don’t know what my ma has done to keep a roof over our heads.”

“Would you care to tell me?” I sat up against my headboard.

He let out a small laugh. “Not a chance.”

It was worth a try but I hated this guy and he knew it. He was not going to tell me his personal life just to win me over, or whatever it was that he was doing.

“Alright. Fair enough.” With that, I hung up on him. I turned off my phone as I went downstairs to visit the family that I was apart of since conception.

I made a face at my older sister as I walked down the stairs. She rolled her eyes, cleaning the counters. “You are so immature.”

“Thanks. I would like to be a child for as long as I can be. So, since you’re the adult of us, how’s your job going?” I smiled at her, knowing she had no job.

She finished and threw the rag in the sink. “That’s none of your business.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Okay.” I went to the kitchen and grabbed myself a snack. I took a bite and waited for the question.

“How was school?” Breanna asked.

I turned my gaze on her and leaned against the counter. “That’s none of your business.”

Mom walked into the kitchen and shook her head. “Be nice to each other. Family is forever.”

“That is so lame.” I finished my snack and looked through the fridge.

“How was school?” Mom asked.

“It was normal. This one guy is annoying as shit.” I turned to face her.

“Amelia, language,” she warned.

I drank some Gatorade. “He’s just horrible. I let Kayleigh do me up all nice because it was a favor since she had been so good to me. This guy noticed. He told me I had a job at the Playboy Mansion if I wanted it.”

Mom choked on air. “He did what now? I will talk to this boy myself.”

“Mom, no please.” I shook my head. “That’s embarrassing. Let me handle my own problems.”

“Tell him you’re gay,” Breanna said.

I furrowed my eyebrows. “What? Isn’t that lying?”

She laughed and sat on a stool. “What’s a little lie to get him off your back? Come on. You’ve never even dated a boy so he wouldn’t be able to prove you wrong. If he wants to argue with you about it, send him to me. I’ll take care of him real quick.”

I shivered, pulling up a picture of him on social media. He was easy to find through mutual friends like Kayleigh. “I’ll be telling this guy I’m into women.” I showed her the picture.

Breanna widened her eyes and looked at me once again. “Oh hell, you are screwed. Just tell him you’re gay and send him my way regardless.”

Mom dropped her jaw. “Breanna, excuse me.”

“Oh come on. Look at this guy and tell me you wouldn’t want a piece of that.” She told our mother.

I showed mom his picture and she lifted her eyebrows in surprise. “Damn, that is one fine-looking man.”

“You guys are impossible. Oh my gosh.” I threw my arms up and went back upstairs. I was not going to deal with those women today.

Ezra was a sexy man and I couldn’t deny that. He had the body made for him. He was perfect, somehow, and any woman could want that. He could turn gay women straight and straight men gay if he really tried.

His brown hair was also swept into a style that suited his build. He worked out and it showed. His skin was the perfect shade, one that showed he got outside in the sunshine. I didn’t know how he did it but he was a playboy dream.

There was just one small problem that made me hate him. He was a complete ass. He could pretend he was this amazing guy but I saw through it. He just wanted to get me on the cover of Playboy and I was refusing it.

Despite how much I hated his guts, I couldn’t help the silly pull I had towards him. I wanted to see him gone from my life and yet, I didn’t want him to go. It was strange that I could be around such a man but I found his smile to be contagious. That was my problem. I wanted to steal his smile. That had to be it.

I turned my phone back on to see several missed calls and messages from this buttface.

He wouldn’t quit.

I went to my call log and called back. He picked up after the second ring. “There’s my favorite person. I was wondering why you were ignoring me. My heart was broken, Mel.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.” I kept a straight face but it didn’t matter whether I smiled or not. He couldn’t see me.

“Why not?”

Was he serious?

“Has it ever occurred to you that a woman hates when a man tells her she would be better off selling her body than her brains? I don’t want to sell my body. I want to sell my brains. Is that so hard to understand?” I sighed to myself.

I didn’t hear a response from him for a few minutes. I would have guessed he hung up had he not said, “I was out of line. I shouldn’t have told you that your body was great.”

“Good, and I won’t tell you that yours is either.” I slapped my forehead after I finished my sentence. Why the hell did I tell him that?

“Aw, Mel, I’m flattered that you’ve been thinking about me like that.” He chuckled. “Do you dream of my body?”

“I met you like two days ago. No, I am not dreaming of Ezra or any part of Ezra. Get over yourself.” I looked outside my window. “What the hell?” I narrowed my eyes, looking at my phone. “What are you doing in my front yard?”

“You weren’t answering my calls! Your friend Kayleigh is very easy to convince to do things for me.” He looked at me and waved with a big smile on his face.

I groaned. “I hate you so much. I can’t believe you came to my house. You’re a creeper!”

“A creeper with a hot body.” He winked at me.

“Oh my gosh, what are you doing?” I watched him remove his shirt.

“I’m giving you a show. I’m being a gentleman.”

I quickly closed my curtains. “I don’t know you. I swear I don’t know you.”

“Amelia, is that the boy you showed us who’s on our front lawn? I’m letting him inside.” Mom left my door.

“Shit,” I mumbled.

“Thank you, Mrs...” Ezra told my mom.

“Oh please, call me Janet,” I could hear her voice coming through the phone.

“I swear I’m going to kill you, Ezra. I am going to murder you so you better watch out. You are d-” The line cut off. “That buttface hung up on me.” I stared at my phone as if it were some kind of alien.

“Hey there,” I heard a male voice from behind me. He was in my room, oh shit, he was in my room.

I turned around, my hair spinning around me. “It’s you.”

“You didn’t miss me?” He put on a puppy dog face.

I sighed to myself, rubbing my eyes in case I was asleep. “You are absolutely the most obnoxious human I have ever met.”

He smiled and ignored my insult as he scanned my room. “It’s so basic. Do you have some personality to express?” He turned towards me again.

I was angry at him for showing up but more angry at my mom for letting him into our house. The worst part was I was excited all at the same time that he was in my room. Ezra was in my bedroom.

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